Oh, PS, the cake isn't even for her kid. It's for a friend's baby shower, and she wants the mommy to be to have an individual cake made by moi.
vicmic,
I'm sure she didnt mean it in a super rude way.... I wouldn't be offended....
You dont want to know my opinion on the fact that I work a full time job and pay ALOT in taxes to find out that they can buy a cake w/ stamps that they should be using for milk and bread.
Well, sure hope you never lose that full time job and are ever in need of assistance and have your child have their heart set on a cake for their bday....i guess you can just tell them that you will make them a nice peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk.
Sorry, I've never been on assistance before , but it cracks me up when people think they can decide what other people can and cannot buy.
Actually, since you are bringing it up, I have been there done that. I"m young (just turned 26) And was a single mom at 20 with a crappy job and no money... crying to my mom that I needed help at least once a week, but I dont ever remember buying crap I didnt need. I feel sorry for people in that position, dont get me wrong, (would help anyone in need) but I worked hard to get where I'm at and didnt take advantage of good people that paid there taxes. I'm meancat for a reason 
Sorry, I've never been on assistance before , but it cracks me up when people think they can decide what other people can and cannot buy.
Well I DID grow up on it and believe me, kids would rather have a meal every night than a bakery cake on one day.
And other people are NOT deciding what they can and cannot buy. Their budget is deciding what they can and cannot buy. Whether you spend cash or food stamps, if your child needs 'real' food and you are buying a luxury like cake, then the parent is wrong. Because cake is not a 'right' or a 'necessity' .... but basic food is.
I get passionate on this because of growing up poorer than dirt. We had perfect attendance at school becuase that's where the food was. There were too many days (in a row!) where dinner was gravy bread .... bread covered with gravy that was made with water, shortening and flour. And there were days that we considered ourselves lucky to have that much.
I do not begrudge the way I grew up ... I believe it made me the person I am .... determined to work hard so my kids never have to know what REAL hunger is and never having to live an entire winter with no heat. (Any heat in our house was generated by turning on the oven and leaving the oven door open.) People who never had to live like that have no idea what REAL poverty is like ..... and I don't believe they can really appreciate their good fortunate and the results of their hard work like I can.
So when I see a parent spending miss-spending their money, be it in the form of cash or food stamps, then I get really pi$$ed because it reminds me of the days when my parents would mismanage their funds which meant the kids would suffer for it by not having ANY food in the house. (And I'm not exaggerating ..... ZERO edible food items in the house at all!)
SO true. I live in a reservation area and there are lots of kids who get themselves up and to school because that's the only way they'll get a meal that day. That's what upsets me about the grocery carts I see, these people aren't going to have food to last the month and they have little kids who will be hungry. I've heard stories of kindergarteners getting themselves and a preschooler sibling ready because mom won't bother and they are trying to make sure that little brother/sister doesn't go hungry.
My father was military so we didn't have alot of money but my mother budgeted so there was always food in the house, she NEVER bought us grocery store cakes because she wouldn't have enough to feed us for the month if she did.
Food stamps are so people don't go hungry, not so they can have cake, pop and chips.
I feel that food stamps are a good idea but they should be limited some to help insure that children aren't going hungry.
I'm sorry but I see too many people not budgeting what they're given and the kids suffering.
Oh, PS, the cake isn't even for her kid. It's for a friend's baby shower, and she wants the mommy to be to have an individual cake made by moi.
Sorry - got off topic 
I'm in your area, and so I know there isnt alot of money around there, but there is no way I would do that. I think your time is worth a tad bit more.
I agree with kelleym, and I say she needs to go to the local store because how she think a stranger can do a cake for nothing. I did a cake for nothing one time, was a friend, a very good friend, but she did give me all ingredients for a cake, but my labor was free. But sometimes people abuse us and want more for less money, and that's not correct.
One day a person told me, "I want a cake, but I think I don't have to much money for pay it".
Ok, I say, " I can do it within your budget".
And she says "I want a 3 tiered cake, with fondant on it, and ligth blue roses, with filling, and a photo in acetate of her son in front, because was for her son's graduation"
She have 80 people to feed, and she only want to pay $25 for the cake. She told me that is all I have fr a cake.
I think ok. she have 80 people, she need food for 80 people, plates, drinks for 80 people, and she only want to spend 25 dollar for a cake. For my is crazy.... I don't think she says the same to the local store, " I only have 25 dollar for all the food for 80 people"... She needs to go with money and pay for the food... If she doesn't have money why is giving a big party... why not only 10 people.... or within her bugget....
She never did call back, though. She was like "I am so going to hire you for my son's birthday too! I'll totally call you back tonight about the shower!" And the only noise I heard was crickets chirping. mMy husband said it wasn't worth the time I would put into it, so I guess it is a good thing.
I've been up and I've been down. I've been a single mom so I do know what it's all about.
It's not about expecting others to do what you WANT for you. When my kids and I had the worst of times, I turned them into the best times I could. I made the personal decision not to get gov't assistance. I did not want to get comfortable with the idea it was there. It was a personal decision to pull the plug on cable TV, the internet and many other things we could live without. I could not afford good food for the kids AND pop and other things that really didn't matter.
Christmas that year was lean but memorable. They still smile and talk about how 'creative' mom got. The pop they wanted was purchased on sale, wrapped up and put under the tree. We had a good homemade Christmas and it taught us all a lot.
My daughter is married and a nurse, my son is nearly grown. They are both very resorceful people I am extremly proud of.
I believe we (as a society) have done our poor NO favor whatsoever by enabling this kind of attitude.
The pride of pulling up your pants and making your own way is huge. I'm sorry so many people are cheated out of it by the system.
there is a scripture in Proverbs: " 'It's good for nothing' cries the buyer, and then, when he goes his way, he boasts." In other words, MANY people, going to buy cars, houses, boats or cakes(!) will try to talk the price down by making the seller feel bad. Then, when a deal in their favor is reached, they go their way, bragging about the "deal" they made.
Your time is worth a LOT!! Your talent is worth A LOT!!!
I think also, the best response would be, "I can do xyz for $15, or else take your $15 to the supermarket." Not being rude, just being honest.
Your husband is right, it's not worth your time or effort.
I also spent 10 years as a single mom...
There's nothing wrong with the fact that she's trying to make the best baby shower she can for her friend. She obviously cares for this friend a great deal. If it were me, I would be uncomfortable with the fact that she used her current financial state as a bargaining chip and the fact that she was getting a cake from a store makes her request that much more bizarre. It lends plausbility to the fact that she was trying to get some for next-to-nothing.
In defense of meancat, I too have needed assistance and it is probably because of this reason (or perhaps because I used it wisely and temporarily) that my patience for those who misuse the help is minimal. I for one can appreciate the candor, even if lacking the proper delivery. Tact has it's place, but is also for those who lack whit and sarcasm.
When I worked with our Saturday Morning "Sunday School" many years ago I saw first hand the lack of priorities when it came to food for the kids.
My son and I were invited to a precious little boy's "birthday party" one Saturday Afternoon. We went to "the projects" to his apartment and he was sooo happy to see us! His mom had a small cake from the grocery store and Kool Aid to drink. When she saw US she said "Oh! Let me send to the store for a Coke. I know you would rather have that!" Do you think I let her do that? UH...NO! I told her that I LOVED Kool Aid but it was so nice of her to offer. This was the same family that the little boy would ask at snack time "Can I take some home for my little brother and my mommy?" BROKE MY HEART!!!
I think it is totally a priority issue. SOME, not all, of these folks have computers, big screen TVs, etc and their kids have no food. Others, work hard and budget and try very hard to provide for their children.
But, you know we ALL want nice things, don't we? This young lady probably just wanted something extra special for her friend and didn't really have a clue. I don't think she was trying to take advantage of you.
Beth in KY
bethola, you are a very kind person. It sounds like you have a great heart towards those with less than you.
Well, sure hope you never lose that full time job and are ever in need of assistance and have your child have their heart set on a cake for their bday....i guess you can just tell them that you will make them a nice peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk.
Sorry, I've never been on assistance before , but it cracks me up when people think they can decide what other people can and cannot buy.
Why are the only options a peanut butter sandwich and a extravagant cake? What about a cake made at home from scratch? Even a 99 cent mix with eggs and oil would be cheaper than going out and getting the 2 pound bags of granulated sugar, flour and powdered sugar. That is a lot more reasonable than the $39.99 cake at my grocery's bakery I was referring to earlier.
Back to the original poster, Summernoelle said, "She told me that she had already gone to Kroger and ordered a cake, and was paying for it in food stamps, and wanted to order an additional one from me." And this cake was for a friend, not her own child. That is when I really get hacked off. The food stamps are to feed her (the customer's - not summernoelle's) children - not hosting parties!
Whether on public assistance or own finances, it is all about learning to live within our means, not our wishes.
edited 'cause I can't cook, and I can't type, either!
bethola, you are a very kind person. It sounds like you have a great heart towards those with less than you.
Well, thank you. God has always blessed my family so that we didn't go hungry. But, I DO remember when my coal miner husband was layed off work for a couple of months and we were living on MY paycheck. I came home from work one day and he was sitting in the chair crying because our son wanted to get a Happy Meal from MacDonald's ($1.88 at the time....YEARS ago! LOL) and he didn't have the money.
SO, I just think sometimes that as parents WE want to do more for our children and because of "guilt feelings" we sometimes make bad choices with our money.
My husband, by the way, since that time, has gone out of his way to see that children have things that they "just want". He's a softie!! and by the way ONE OF A KIND and NO ONE ELSE can have him!! HE'S ALL MINE!
Beth in KY
Wanted to make this comment.
Like someone else said on this thread. When I was growing up we always had food, but, not a lot of extras. A "store bought" cake was such a LUXURY!! I remember praying I would get a "store bought" cake from Sharp's Bakery (the only bakery in town!). Now, give me a HOME MADE CAKE anytime!
In fact, a little kid at my church ask his mom to make him Zuchinni (sp?) Bread with a candle in it for his birthday! LOL
Beth in KY
My goodness, this is quite a thread. I think Summernoelle should do what she feels is best, whether it's to work with the woman or not. That, however, doesn't seem to be the issue of discussion.
Does anyone think that all who have money feed their children properly? I assure you that you can find many families with adequate incomes who are feeding their children fast food, soft drinks, and other junk food everyday. I certainly don't hear any judgment or talk about putting restraints on them. Do most people know that the majority of people who receive food stamps have jobs? These are the people you hear referred to as the working poor. Thousands and thousands of lower ranking enlisted soldiers in our military receive food stamps...our American heroes, and we don't pay them enough to feed their families. Should we control what they spend their food stamp money on? The government decides what grocery store items food stamps can be used for. People may not make good decisions but they can spend the food stamps on any of those items. Should we put Food Stamp Police in the grocery stores?
I think with today's times and economic conditions some of us may have to resort to government help. Some people now on food stamps may have big tv's and other luxuries, but they probably had them before food stamps in some cases. It's unfortunate that so many people are out of work and have to go on public assistance for awhile, but they had a life style before that. Now that they have met with hard times, they don't just automatically give up their household furnishings or cars. There is not too much public money to be gotten except for food stamps.
We are still fortunate to be able to still live like we want, eat what we want, etc. Hard times can fall on any of us. We should try to prepare for that.
However, I don't think she should be using her food stamps for a cake for a friend, then again, maybe that's the only gift she can get.
I just try not to judge people and there circumstances, just try to keep on top of my own.
But I ain't doing no mo free cakes, now that hurts my circumstances.
I work in a grocery bakery. When we get an order for a full sheet cake with fresh strawberry filling and decorated with two kits....we can almost always bet that it will be paid for with food stamps. The regular customers can't afford it. A few years ago, I was having some rough times and made a cookbook on how a family of 3 could eat well on $25. a week. Maybe the kids do deserve more, like designer shoes and a computer. Or maybe they would get more out of life if their mom made them cupcakes and let them help spread the icing on. I always had a cake on my birthday, growing up. My mom made them and I loved her for it. I always made my children's birthday cakes....that is how I got into cake decorating. I think it would be better to teach our children to live on what they have than to try to give them what we can't afford. I have never been on food stamps. I am sure I would have qualified sometimes. I know I never felt I deserved more and I don't think my children were upset that I did things for them instead of trying to buy things I couldn't afford. I have always had the feeling that God would give us more financially if we were able to handle it wisely. In the mean time it was up to me to figure out how to do with what I had. I don't regret my poor times and don't wish I had more than I do now.
I am VERY willing to help a struggling family feed themselves and their children via my taxes. Part of our business philisophy is the practice of "giving back" at every opportunity. It is part of our Christmas tradition that we are not allowed to walk past a Salvation Army bucket without putting something in it.
I am NOT willing to help them finance throwing a party for a friend via my taxes.
If any of you had a friend who wanted to borrow money from you to feed their kids, but you found out they blew the money on a party for their neighbor, you'd be really ticked off over it! It's the same with tax dollars.
Thank you, Indydebbie, for another incisive, reasonable response!
I would never deny a child a birthday cake, but I'd much rather that our government reorganize how it spends those dollars so that what you can buy with foodstamps is limited to essentials, and that birthday child has basic, reasonable medical care.
When I was a teenage mother, I was "fortunate" enough to get my daughter on Medicaid, which isn't a choice for a lot of people who make too much money for that, but not enough for private insurance. I was assigned to a doctor who didn't speak English, and after sitting in "Clinica Hispanica" for two hours exposing my baby and I to every horrible, croupy cough and green mucous disease imaginable, he wrote me a prescription for an over-the-counter diaper rash cream.
Well, as I said earlier, my husband is currently out of a job, and we got our last paycheck Wednesday. I am a SAHM, so you can do the math on that. My daughter's 2nd birthday is Sept 9th, and to be honest, we might have to postpone her party until we know that he is employed. As much as my daughter deserves a party and a big big big fantastic Dora Castle Cake with a Dinosaur and Butterflies and Ice Cream (her specifications when I asked her), I just think that she and my son deserve good food in their tummies when they go to bed at night instead. Hopefully, God willing, this unemployment period will be short for us and she can get her little 2 year old party, but I just can't imagine ordering anything expenisive right now.
I totally feel for the woman, though. I don't think she had any malice in her heart, just good intentions.
I know that this subject brings up strong emotions, but let's face it, there really is something terribly wrong with an aid system that allows the purchase of elaborately decorated cakes with food stamps 
I have no doubt that the grocery stores instigated this scenario by petitioning the state to approve such silliness.
Who in their right mind can justify using a large portion of an aid allotment on such an unnecessary and frivolous thing?
I was a social worker in Baltimore back in the 1980's. No way back then could you buy a fancy cake at Giant with your foodstamps. Those stamps were for unprepared foods. If mom wanted to buy eggs, milk, flour, cake mix, etc. and whip up a cake--that was within the confines of the program.
My dad was a steelworker and was out on strike several times during my childhood. We qualified for aid, but no way would my mom accept it. We took the blocks of Velveeta and the coupon for a free pound of ground beef that were supplied by the union and we made do with it. That didn't make us any better than anyone else--it was just how we chose to get by at the time--BUT, she would no more have made fondue and had a party with that cheese and groundbeef than gone dancing naked in the street.
It's about priorities--and some people's are just plain screwed up! If you're on state aid, you just DON'T use the aid intended to feed YOUR FAMILY to buy a fancy cake for ANYONE!
That said, you don't splurge on lobster, crab legs, or filet mignon, either (and I've seen that done too many times to count 
).
JMHO
Rae
when i was a kid, we took poor to a whole new level, I remember many jelly sandwiches for school lunches ( our school did not offer free lunch) and but my mom always made our birthday cakes, and they were great. we may not have had great clothes and lots to eat, but we were clean ,brought up with manners and taught to work hard. But I have to tell you I can remember every single one of those cakes that my mom every made for me.
On Sunday I am making my mothers birthday cake, This is the first time I am making her a cake, i have to say i am nervous, sorry I got off the subject of the post.
I was on Food stamps when my son was a toddler , we got 99$ for the month, and i have to say, if was impossible to make it though the month and I have the greatest amount of respect for anyone who came make it though the month on what assistance is given.
From a previous post:
"I was assigned to a doctor who didn't speak English, and after sitting in "Clinica Hispanica" for two hours exposing my baby and I to every horrible, croupy cough and green mucous disease imaginable, he wrote me a prescription for an over-the-counter diaper rash cream."
What is "Clinica Hispanica"? What does that mean?
This thread is frustrating and uncomfortable to me...I'll not be reading more. I hope all in this discussion forever have a warm, safe home to shelter them and adequate food in their bodies. If you're not in agreement with what food stamp recipients are permitted to purchase, I enourage you to contact your congress person. As a social worker, I've seen all kinds of people in all kinds of situations...there are good and bad citizens in all walks of life and from every income strata; this feels very judgemental toward people with lower incomes.[/quote]
As my mother taught me....Don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.....it is good rule to live by.
It doesn't "mean" anything. That was quite literally the name of the clinic they assigned me to.
I don't think anyone here was meaning to offend anyone else, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with a spirited discussion about something that has (apparently) affected so many of us at some time in our lives. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.
Well, sure hope you never lose that full time job and are ever in need of assistance and have your child have their heart set on a cake for their bday....i guess you can just tell them that you will make them a nice peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk.
Sorry, I've never been on assistance before , but it cracks me up when people think they can decide what other people can and cannot buy.
Why are the only options a peanut butter sandwich and a extravagant cake? What about a cake made at home from scratch? Even a 99 cent mix with eggs and oil would be cheaper than going out and getting the 2 pound bags of granulated sugar, flour and powdered sugar. That is a lot more reasonable than the $39.99 cake at my grocery's bakery I was referring to earlier.
Back to the original poster, Summernoelle said, "She told me that she had already gone to Kroger and ordered a cake, and was paying for it in food stamps, and wanted to order an additional one from me." And this cake was for a friend, not her own child. That is when I really get hacked off. The food stamps are to feed her (the customer's - not summernoelle's) children - not hosting parties!
Whether on public assistance or own finances, it is all about learning to live within our means, not our wishes.
edited 'cause I can't cook, and I can't type, either!
I was thinking the same thing. Why does it have to be a custom cake or a peanut butter sandwich? It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. You can get DH cake mix from WM for 88 cents a box. Probably make a nice cake for less than five bucks with icing and sprinkles. I know she wants to do something special for her friend, but I'm also sure her friend knows her financial situation so she should understand. If not, she's not much of a friend. And if she's that poor, ask for help from other friends or the girl's family members. they can share hostessing the shower.
I'm not being judgemental about this woman. I just don't like it when people try to get something for nothing or almost nothing.
I respect everyone's opinion and I hope they respect mine. We don't all have to agree and I hope we don't all the time. That's what makes it interesting.
I'll shut up now. I just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.
As my mother taught me....Don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.....it is good rule to live by.
Actually, I think that is the point most of the posts on here were trying to say....they have been there and survived without crying to others about what they did not have. I think it is great that she saw that was not the kind of life she wanted and is moving forward from there.
Are we not allowed to look at people and say, "that is not the lifestyle I want for myself". It isn't meant as a put down to them, just saying, not for me....and then do something about it.
An employee that works under my husband asked him if I could make her a cake for her son's bday and pay me with groceries (foodstamps). He at the time didn't see any problem with it and agreed immediately. I was so upset but did the cake anyway because he had already said yes. I remember dropping the cake off at the party and hearing her tell some of her guests that she bought all the food with and even all the candy for the bags with foodstamps. I know she wanted to give him a great party but I just couldn't believe it. I can barely afford to make my kids these elaborate parties. Thank goodness I can make the cake.
She later asked again to pay with foodstamps for another cake but he quickly turned her down (after the wrath he suffered....hahaha). Besides it doesn't help that I'm the most paranoid person ever and sense the Foodstamp Police are watching. 
WOW! I don't know what to say about this thread. And honestly the only thing I can say is, I can't judge anyone. I can't but honestly we do, don't we. What do think a stereotype is...it's a judgement. We're associated by class then judged. We're associated by color and then judged. We're associated by our education and then judged. People are even associated by how they make a cake and then judged. No one is perfect. Life isn't perfect. I didn't grow up having much...and didn't know it until I got older. My immediate family wasn't on assistance but we had family members that were. I am a longggggggg way from the hood I grew up in. I've been blessed to be where I am now....BUT people STILL judge me. People do it whether right or wrong. Consciously or unknowingly...it's done. I try to help people, I try to work with people and honestly when I 1st read the original post, my instincts said RUN. It sent flashbacks to the baby shower incident I just dealt with that left me angry and hurt inside. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt...but you know when you can't. Everyone can say what they thought the intentions of the potential customer was, but no one really knows except for the person that actually talked with her. For whatever reason she is on public assistance, not for me to judge....as a business person trying NOT to be taken advantage of, stating she was on food stamps would have sent a red flag....just tell me you're on a budget or you don't have much. I don't know why that had to be stated. But then maybe I'm just ignorant.
Sometimes you just can't be right for being judged.
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