okay, maybe you all can shed some light on this for me...
why, oh why do parents let their 4 year olds choose specifically everything that is to go on their birthday cake without any discretion?!!!

i understand that it is the child's special day but seriously if the parent just narrowed it down to a few choices instead of 'whatever you want honey' things would be a lot easier... in my world anyway.

i just had to vent because i have an extremely irritating cake to do for next week and there is no getting out of it because it is a friend. DH is telling me to up the price because the cake is going to be a PITA but i just can't. she's a good friend.

well...as far as your friend's cake is concerned...sounds like you just have to grin and bear it...
that's ok...that's life sometimes....

as far as the "whatever you want" kid is concerned....

just make them pay for "whatever the kid wants"....don't let them frustrate you...people just don't understand what goes into making a cake!

Make sure you give her an invoice of what the cake should have cost (take into consideration the PITA stuff) and then show a friend discount or label it as a gift if you don't want to keep giving her a discount. Then show her the total she owes you. Maybe she will at least appreciate it then.

Adven68 has the right idea! Everytime the kid starts a sentence with "And I want ...... ", then you respond to the mom with "I can do that for only $xx.xx more". Four or five of your responses that start racking up an extra $40-50 bucks (OR MORE!) will put a stop to that "anything you want, honey" crap!

I agree with Adven68....and as far as the "whatever you want, honey"....I have NO freak'n idea what's wrong with parents these days! To let them have a hand in what cake they want is one thing, but to let a 4 year old make all the choices is ridiculous to me. I say this because I'm dealing with a SIL that lets her children do the same.....they have more CHOICES than any children I know and it really grinds me! They have loved their birthday cakes every year and my SIL has learned to backoff. I think the real problem is not that the children really want to design and make all the choices about their cakes, but the MOMMIES of the new age want their kids to have a BETTER or THE BEST cake amongst all their friends. Frankly, I'm tired of it....or maybe I'm just tired of my SIL! Sorry to vent, but it drives me freakn' batty!

i'm learning to tack on extra cost when something is a PITA. its the only thing that gets me through doing a cake that i despise.
but, i am really stuck between a rock and a hard place in this situation. my friend knows my cake prices so there is only so much a can tack on without her thinking i'm getting out of hand.
she's a family friend so i don't want to cause animosity if i can help it.

i think everyone is right and i'm going to have to just grin and bear it.
she's turned a cake i was looking forward to into one i'm dreading.

oh well.

thanks for letting me vent.

Sorry, I am one of those parents. But it is either me or their Uncle (who owns 3 bakeries) making it so I don't feel too bad.

On children ruling the roost.. cakecrumb is right to ask where discretion has gone

slightly off topic but on UK tv recently.

A couple , I'm guessing 2 older reissued singles with precocious (and 'precious') child - hanging on to its every word and probably still marvelling at how clever they were to produce such a clever little poppet, were making a decision on which house to buy based on the child's preferences.

Then on another programme again another couple had been going to let their child have the last word on whether they stayed in Cyprus or moved back to the UK... the presenter put them right on that occasion.

I do understand that all children are precious but not all parents understand who should be in charge, do they.

Ok I have to change my post. When I said that I am one of those parent's I meant one that lets them pick their cake & design it. I have 4 kids, there is no way I let them "rule the roost". My house would not be standing if I did. But when it comes to their special day I give them the cake that they want. Any other day I am the boss (or so I try to tell myself).


Val (aka Mahal Kita)

Hello Cookiemums - just worried in case you think I was suggesting that letting achild choose and design their own cake was the same as letting them rule the roost. Letting your kids choose their cake design is a great thing to do.

Maybe when it turns into an 'I want this and I want that and 'grows like Topsy' then there's a difference but most parents know where to draw the line...

I was going off topic and talking about situations where it was not appropriate for a young child to be the key decision maker - such has having the last say in where a family will live. Those are situations where I'd say children appear to rule the roost.

some moms give their kids anything to keep the happie, insted of making boundries

I feel for you! I had a cake exactly like that. The mother was crazy and let her 10 year old send me drawings of her dream cake - well, it was hideous! I did the best I could with it, charged a fair amount more than I normally would (cos I really didn't want to do this cake), and it has never appeared on my website (I took a seperate picture of the dog part, because I thought that turned out very cute). They were delighted when it was delivered, but to me, it was an embarrasment! To each their own I suppose.

  http://www.cakecentral.com/cake-photo_690333.html

Hmmm...I guess I'm one of those moms...good thing I make their cakes, huh?! I don't let my kids have everything they want in life, but when it comes to things that are for them it's their say. Just this past Dec my 4 year old daughter had a purple and black witch party and I made a cake covered in spiders and web. It's their day and it makes it special to them when they get to decide what they want. I do the same when they are taking treats to school..it's what they want.

Birthdays and treats aren't the only thing they get to decide on. When we did my son's bedroom I let him pick out the paint colors and theme. He chose red, purple, and green (a lighter green). I thought it would be awful, but it actually turned out cute. It's a superhero theme. Each wall is a different color (two purple walls) and all accents and ceiling white. I also painted a white strip across the top of the wall and stenciled the names of superhero's. Added a few posters and a couple shelves with superhero figures and it's really cute. Now we're working on the 4 years old room..thankfully she didn't go with witches for the room...she's have a pink and purple princess room. Dad's got the painting done and I'm working on stenciling and sewing. Her room is going to be cute, too, and she chose everything from paint colors, carpet, stencils, and fabric. I love it.

Sorry to go on so long but I just had to put in my thoughts as a mom who lets her children decide. It gives them a sense of pride to be able to say this is mine and I chose it on my own. Jodie

I'm guilty of the 'whatever you want on your cake' but since I'm the one making them, there's a huge difference!! I know I will never ever duplicate my son's last birthday cake because no one would EVER pay what I would charge for it.
BUT this is a totally different situation. Even at a young age, kids need to learn that you can't have everything you want in life for free. If you're really not comfortable upping the price, definitely go with Leily's idea of giving her an invoice showing a discount off what you wanted to charge her. Maybe you will at least make a point. It's good to let kids make decisions but you have to give them limits, especially at four years old!

I also let my children decide what they want for their birthday cake, but I am the one making it so I guess that makes a difference. I don't mind the extra work, it's all worth it when they see their cake and smile and say mommy it's perfect! For my 3 year olds birthday she wanted a purple castle cake with lots of pink flowers and shiny roofs. She also wanted the cake inside to be purple. So that's what I did. You can see it in my photos if you like. And I thought it had too many flowers but she kept telling me to put more, so it is covered in them!

It is one thing to let your children run your household and decide everything. It is completely different to let them choose their cake and their party decor etc.. That is their special day and they should be able to choose what they want. And if I were paying for the cake I would not mind paying for the extras one bit! Maybe you should just be honest with your friend and say " you know this is becoming a really complicated cake, it is going to take me hours to do!" Maybe then she would want to pay you more or make up for the time somehow?

Just my 2 cents!

Next time do what my hubby does. He does clay classes and that includes birthdays. Whenever the parent says "I'll get little Suzy on the phone so she can tell you what she wants to create" my hubby has a firm policy against it.

He tells the parent that his time is limited and the next time they will be talking is to give directions to his studio. He let's them know the limits of what their child has requested. Ex: Harry Potter sitting on a broom is an emphatic NO for a bunch of 5 year olds.

I declined an order for a woman that wanted to have her son choose everything. She also wanted to do a tasting for a 20 kid party and wanted to pay only $25 for an elaborate cake. No, not a cake, a giant cookie. No wait. not a cake a...(fill in the constant changes)

I don't think the original poster was anti- letting the kid pick their theme. ("I want Dora!") I think the point was parents who indulge their child into thinking that the child can have anything and everything they want. ("I want Dora standing on her head - in 3D - with a wicker basket balanced on her foot - and braces on her teeth - made of gold - blah blah blah")

Yes, the child can be involved in selecting the "theme" for the party. But I would not indulge my child or my grandchild with allowing them to design the cake. If they know how to design the cake, then they can make it.

Sorry, mom, your kid is NOT the cutest and the brightest. I do not get paid enough to indulge your lack of parenting skills and to promote the concept of a self-centered universe that revolves around your child.

(besides ......MY kids are the cutest and the brightest! )

goodness....
two things come to mind in these discussions
#1-i'd be VERY hesitant to do a cake that i was ashamed of.....if no other reason than this: people are going to see Your cake as representative of you....some may even decide if they will (or won't!) use you based on that cake design....
#2-price it right, be VERY clear about what it would cost.....because heaven forbid someone want something similar....

you may want to set a maximum price that you WOULD go....even though i realize you are only charging a set price...make it clear what that cake would cost....so it doesn't get completely out of hand.

sadly, i believe this is one of those Live and Learn experiences,
sally

i would do what she asks...if the parent doesn't like the final product...well, that's on them. maybe they'll think twice before they do that again.

whats the problem with a child picking their cake...i dont get it?

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday....i asked her what kind of cake she wanted...i asked her if she wanted dora or backyardigans and she said backyardigans....i asked her 2 or 3 times to be sure...

whats wrong with that? they have opinions of their own too.

I really don't think letting your child choose what they want on there cake translates into glutton/sloth status. It's not like they have a cake everyday designed the way they want. My kids are far from spoiled. But a birthday is a special day in our home and for that day they get doted on a little bit more than normal, that does not make them rotten, it shows them that they are worth having a special day to celebrate them! And for that matter a special cake to go with it. And if my daughter wanted Dora standing on her head I would do my best to make it for her because it is her special day. But like I said before, I would not expect someone else to make it for her without charging me an arm and a leg for it!

I'm going to come off as the bad mom here. Oh well whats new to me?
My three daughters only have a party every other year. They always have a cake & dinner with just us 5 the years they don't have a party.
During party year: I ask them what kind of cake they want. I draw it out, we compramise. I have them help me plan everything. We start out with a budget, go from there. everything is taken out of that money as we go. what I do is this. If I have say for instance $300.00 budgeted for the party. I put that amount of money in an envelope. The b-day girl goes with me & we shop for everything we need first. Then if there is extra $$ leftover, we'll splurge it on something she wants but didn't seem to be in the budget in the begining. This has turned all 3 girls into coupon/bargain shopping queens. The $$ in the envelpoe doesn't include gifts.

It's not the kids who want the really cool cake that's in their little mids that bother me....it's their parents who want little Johnny to have this wonderful cake, and the ydon't want to pay what it's worth! I'll give my boys whatever cake they want....I'll admit it...I want them to have the coolest birthday cake of any of their friends! We will let them change their minds about the theme of the party until it's time to start buying things like plates, invitations, etc for the party. I've probably asked my youngest 100 times "are you sure?" in the last few weeks, and his birthday is August 2. I just want to make sure that he knows how much longer til he can't change his mind again, and that time has passed for this upcoming birthday!