super cool SK8, cant wait to hear how the response to family goes, good luck

So I am not a big email person(feelings can't be expressed or come out wrongly) so I called Sally(cousin) and MIL(separately).

Sally said she was misunderstood and ofcourse she and her hubby appreciated the lovely GIFT we had given them(the wedding photographer apparently told her she was very fortunate to have a family member like me, because she is getting married in June and is paying over $1400 for a cupcake tower and sheet cake and not nearly as decorated. She told her she tried to hire me, but I didn't want to travel that far again.

So I think she was educated(sortof). reality is, she is the type of person that says one thing to your face and something different when your back is turned. She apologized if my hubby or I were hurt or offended, she was sure it was some silly little comment that set it of. I mentioned I could forward the email and she said "it was probably taken out of context" This is a dead horse with her, no point beating it.

The MIL is a horse of a different color. Still feels we (more me than her son somehow) showed poor manners not buying a present that we wrapped and placed on the cousins present table or a card with a small gift card or token amount of money. I mentioned the cost to us, and she said well it's family dear of-course you spend that to help but that isn't a gift.

So for future reference, if you make a cake for a family member as a present for their wedding(wrap the freakin thing (tightly)and place it on the gift table) and give them a card with a chuck e cheese token!



Another dead horse. I learned a lesson. I still am the type of person I am, and offer to help when I can. This will make me think twice in the future about these types of things and consider if the deed in and of itself is worth it. I know what I gave them and contributed even if they never get it. In the end, i can hold my head up to my children and say that sometimes you do things for people and don't get the reactions you would expect. That's okay, if you feel it was the right thing to do. Off my rant...it's nice outside and it's the weekend. So happy caking all, i look forward to browsing your lovely creations for inspiration and stories for a smile.

Well I am happy that you were able to get it out in the open, even though the out come wasn't what you anticapate with the MIL , But in the long run, lessons learned the hard way. You displayed a beautiful piece and to hell with the MIL and her comments. =) You created something wonder and it just adds to your portfolo of lessons learned and not to do it again (Offer your free service to family). Have a great weekend.

I'm glad you were able to have the conversations but I'd still a) follow up with an email to everyone who was on that email thread where you got slammed and copy the bride so she knows you've done it, including what she and you discussed, so she can't say you guys didn't talk.

I would also send your hubby to enlighten your MIL and tell her to back off and accept that this is how it's done. I agree a small gift if their cake was a small 3 tiered "simple" cake (you know what I mean ) but a gift to the level that you gave is more than sufficient, and maybe he needs to tell her this.

I think it does help, the cousin who has been raised one way by her mom got to see another perspective on a subject. It might not change how she acts in the future, but maybe it does. The fact that she was back peddling leads me to believe she has some insight as to why your feelings were hurt, she might think twice in the future

The MIL, ugh what a piece, cant teach an old dog new tricks I guess.

At least you stood up for yourself; its their loss in the end, no baby shower cake for them!

What an awesome display!

I admire your restraint, I really do. Cousin would have gotten an earful from me, and that relative who called you a cheap SOB would get the same.

Seriously, a $6000 budget for a 250-guest wedding? Isn't there a rule of thumb where guests usually give a present equal to the per head cost at the reception? If it were the case, even if they spend the full $6000 on food, you should have just given them a gift worth $24. Charge them the full amount of your display, and then give them a discount of free half dozen cupcakes since that's all they deserve.

For those kinds of MILs out there, I suggest giving a card to the couple with a coupon in side (made on your computer, of course!) that says "Coupon redeemable for $1400 worth of wedding cake with Cousin Me for wedding cake that has already been delivered and enjoyed at your wedding! Congratulations!"

You gave a card.
You gave a gift certificate ("token") worth $1400.

Tell MIL to match it ... or shove it!!

wait a minute! wait a minute!

YOU didn't give the gift and YOU are the "ungrateful" one?????

So you should be "grateful" to be able to give a gift worth hundreds of dollars to someone who doesn't appreciate it?

This woman watches Jerry Springer and can't figure out WHY those people are ridiculed .... right?

When I first started out I did free cakes to my family members for their birthdays...As the years went on they wanted bigger cakes for free. I told them that I was going to charge them and they would say forget it then. This year my sister asked me how much would I charge her to make her a cake for her birthday. I gave her a price but told her that if she didn't want to pay that I could give her a list of all the materials and she would just have to pay for my time. She went with buying the supplies herself. After she bought all the supplies she told my whole family how much she had spent (over $100). Now, they all appreciate me when I make them a cake and say that that's my present to them. If they don't like the price they can go somewhere else and pay more.

I was blown away by the incredible wedding display and then your skate cake. You have some amazing talent!!!! I dream of having 1/10th of your talent. You can join my family any time and I assure you we would be ever so grateful for any gift. I remember when my daughter was little and having to teach her that you don't say anything when opening a gift if you already have it, don't like it or whatever.. we were taught to have class and manners, guess MIL missed that boat. Have a wonderful weekend!

oh my god this thread is too much. Some people just are odd. I don't know what type of common sense/ thankful gene got damaged. Ughhh it makes me sick. I am glad that you were able to talk to them and set things straight. Your mil is so old school and set in her ways she will never change, and u know how they are especially if its a chick married to their son.

OK ok ok ok, I just made it through it all.

I realize that as far as the OP is concerned, the drama is over. However, I just want to say that the idea of speaking to family with respect just because they're "family" is ridiculous. If a family member every treated me that way, they lose ALL respect from me. Then again, my family is full of people who speak their minds anyway.

The #1 my mother always taught us (and sometimes smacked into our heads) growing up were manners and courtesy. I once, at the age of 13, cried over a Christmas present from my uncle. I was 13, loved jeans and flannel (oh, the height of the "grunge" movement) and he bought me a crocheted sweater with stirrup stretch pants. My mom then made me try it on (she admitted it wasn't her wisest moment). I cried and cried because I HATED how I looked due to body-image issues and those stretch pants, well, really didn't help.

WHat happened? I was dragged into my bedroom, yelled at for being rude to my uncle, who had taken the time to pick out the outfit himself, and was told to straighten up, and apologize and that I better mean it.

And I did.

My mom said one of the moments she was most proud of me was at my bridal shower and the way I handled monetary gifts. I didn't announce that I received money or gift cards, just read the card, slid the item to the side, look the giver in the eye and thanked them so much for their generosity. Of course if I received an item, I did announce that. No need to announce that Aunt Sally gave us $20 but Aunt Bertie gave us $100, ya know?

And you know what? My mother made sure we learned all those things while working full time, and my dad worked shifts. No excuses for rudeness.

I guess I'm saying all of this because manners start with the parents, at a young age. If children are allowed to act like brats as children, they'll act like brats as adults. And women who act as if they know all about etiquette but who snipe and gossip behind backs, well, they don't deserve any respect from me.

Wow- I can't even begin to express my thoughts on this thread, but so many of you have already so well.
When we got married , one of my MIL's friends mailed us a card with $10 in it. It was so touching. I've never even met them but suspect it was a lot for money for them. It was one of my favorite gifts.
Your husband sounds wonderful - I wonder how he was able to crawl away from that mess of a woman with proper vaules in tact.
I am in awe of your talent- the cupcakes were beautiful.
How old is your cousin anyway?