Wow, just had to put my 2cents worth in. Have just looked at the photos and have to say - you are a very talented and obviously caring person, your cousin however is an IDIOT!!

Dear Idiot (or insert her name, up to you) (and CC all the other family idiots in)

I just wanted to send a wee note to say thanks so much for a lovely wedding day. It really gave me great pleasure to see so many people admiring the gift that we gave you and posing for photos in front of the cupcake tower. Nice to know all my hard work and expense was appreciated and that it contributed to such a lovely day.

I am sure that once you saw the cake/cupcakes you were glad that we had agreed on this as our gift (value $400 in materials) to you both and that you didn't end up with another set of tea-towels instead!

I have cc'd ...... in as it would appear that not everyone was aware that the cake had been gifted to you by our family.

END

Yep, totally laced with sarcasm but don't let everyone know how much they have hurt you - be the bigger person but get your point across!

IDIOTS!!

Wow, your cupcake wedding tower is totally awesome! I love it! There are alot of mean and nasty people out there and I'm sorry you had to deal with such rude relatives! They can be the worst. I would not put off letting all of them know how much you spent on this. Some people just do NOT have a clue!

I still say, don't bother. They won't get it and it will just give them more reason to talk about you. As I said before, a pig is a pig is a pig. Leave the drama for the other barnyard types. Forgive them their stupidity because it will only eat at you if you don't, and move on. They don't care and won't care and there's nothing you can do about that. Don't waste any more of your time or talent on them. If the other relatives are so shallow as to believe their badmouthing, you don't need them either.

Sweettooth has the perfect reply. There is nothing there to give any ammunition they can use against you.

No fun!!!! I did a cake for 50% off for a friend, and I did get her a small gift for a bridal shower, but no gift for her wedding, because I felt the discount was enough of a gift (the cakes fed like 150).

I'm so glad she was not ungrateful enough to complain (or if she did, I never heard about it. haha.)

omg!!!! I just saw th pics and tht was an amazing job, I'm so sorry that your cousin didn't apreciate what you did..

It was her wedding, which is a pretty big life-event...if it were me then yes, I would have bought her something: ...a card. (A card and nothing but a card, and NO I do not mean a gift card!)

Wow, you really went all out for her! I can't believe you hand cut all those cupcake wrappers - those alone look like as much work as making the cupcakes!

It's hard to stop ourselves going all-out on cakes for family, we want every cake to look amazing. But sometimes I think we need to pick and choose which family members we go all out for! She sounds like an ungrateful little spoiled brat.

I read on CC somewhere where someone (can't remember who it was) said they make free cakes for family members ONLY AFTER the bride has had their design quoted by three other cake decorators, which gives them an idea of what the cake would have cost them elsewhere. Sounds like a good policy!

I am so sorry u put all that hard work into a gift and they cant see how much dedication, hours and money it takes. Sometimes family expects more from people just because u are family, which isnt right. my sister is getting married this summer, also a destination wedding, im also in the bridal party so i have the costs of the dress and travel/hotel. I offered to do her wedding cake for her, as long as she covers the costs I will give her my time and skills to make the cake as my gift to them. Luckily for me, she knows what it takes/costs to make those big custom cakes so she is more than appreciative. She knows that I when i am licensed I dont want to be known as the "cheap cake lady" that everyone seems to be looking for lol. U r a great artist, dont let it get u down, and yes i would definitly write a letter with an itemized list of the costs, plus a breakdown of the hour it takes to do everything. when people ask me how long it takes to do this cake or that cake, theyre blown away and have a new respect of why those shops can charge so much!

I can relate to this. I made a wedding cake for my friend, and we had talked about pricing, and I hate charging people I know and I am no experienced cake maker, I do everything out of a small kitchen with few supplies. However I needed to do it at the site she had for her wedding, they had a kitchen but I had to haul all my stuff to that place and was out of me element. I worked for 2 days making a new cake style for me, never done weddings, 140 cupcakes, and only got paid for the cost of all the supplies which for even the small cake I did was $100. I couldn't imagine all the time you put into yours, and all the money. I was even upset after I made that cake. Took me at least 5-6 months to want to make another cake. I wont make cakes for friends or family unless I bring it up and offer as a gift, but if they want one, I charge supplies and time and energy involved. If they don't want it, its nothing personal. The can buy a cake box themselves and make one. But I wont be used again. I enjoy making cakes and I want to keep it that way.

Oh my God! That is a gorgeous display of cc's and grooms cake! The snowflake is breath-taking! It's obvious this took you a long time and a lot of $ to make.
OH MY GOD AT THE BRIDE AND FAMILY! All I can say is shame on them and a whole lot of other things that have already been said.
How I wish I were lucky enough to have a family member such as yourself who would do something so gracious and generous.
I would totally be at your beck and call for a very long time. (even if it were a gift I would feel indebted to you for something this generous and beautiful)
I too would send an invoice with copies of each reciept and cost of labor to all being rude, and put it in one of those money holding cards.
What a kick in the teeth that is. I'm so sorry you went through this, hopefully you never do again.

more proof that a good deed never goes unpunished.

it's typically a no-win situation when a family member can offer a professional service and you need their help. some people think family should do it for free, others think throw them a couple of bucks (while they're ignoring full-paying customers in the meantime), others feel you should pay in full as anyone else. problem is everyone is going to have a varying opinion, and heaven for fend if you attempt to avoid the issue by getting someone else. it typically doesn't even matter if you them them have an agreed upon price, if any, as there's always some worrywart/family gossipper that for some reason is going to be offended once they hear about it.

sorry it happened to ya, but let that serve as a warning for everyone, i reckon: some people just don't get it and never will. even if you and the bride were on the same page, *someone* would have a negative opinion about it borne from complete and utter ignorance.

this is actually a serious concern of mine, because once i convert into a bakery from a convenience store, i know i'll never please friends and family. to be honest, i think everyone who's on the cusp of doing cakes professionally needs to give it some attention.

but, it's like the song goes, 'you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself.'

OMG... I have anxiety and blood boiling for you! Seriously EVERYONE involved with bad mouthing you needs to be included in the reply. That BS needs to be shut down hard! I would totally give how much time you spent, supply costs and then RETAIL of what it would have cost them..... AND THEN I would totally include a link to this FORUM POST for them ALL to read what reasonable, considerate and people that have half a brain (no offense to US ) think about them.

Sorry to be snarky, but I think I would have an aneurysm if this happened to me... Just wrong, Wrong, WRONG! GRRRRRRRRR

Again thanks everyone. You have all been so generous and said many of the things I wish I could/would/should and might in some way shape or form say to her in the future. I am a bit to close to it at the moment.

They had 250 guests and only had $6000 to spend on everything, so I thought this was an area that I could help give her more of the wedding she wanted. She couldn't afford her centerpieces so she went way cheaper with small candles. her mom couldn't afford plane tickets and therefore didn't come. Her dad didn't want to pay for a tux so she had to or he wouldn't be in the wedding.

I felt bad for her- she was even going to re-use some heels she had because she couldn't afford new ones so my bridal shower gift was the shoes she had been drooling over.

I was there for her this whole past year...and this was the thanks I got. I did include a wedding card with my family and my best wishes and hopes that the cake gave her some part of the wedding she always wanted without compromising.

Thanks so much again everyone.

WOW! The cupcakes, display and blown sugar art work you did are STUNNING!!! It makes me sick to think about how those ungrateful people are treating you. There are times to 'let it go' and there are times to confront an issue. In view of the email slander, it's high time to let them ALL know exactly how much work and $$ you put into this! All that you did makes the rest of those small time appliance giving clods look like the cheapskates! Then you need to go find some nicer relatives. Sheesh! People like that are horrible!

She is a spoilt brat and a bully, the only way to make her see reason is to tell her, and all others, that she is just that. Make her see, that your gift was the largest anyone had given, she has the photos to prove it, in fact, send some photos of your cake and setup to 2 or 3 other decorators and ask them to price it out for you and send her the quotes. Maybe she will then realise, how large your gift really was, after all you are "just" family. Anyone here want to do it?
Your cake is worth a hell of a lot more than 400 $

I CANNOT BELIEVE THE "NERVE" OF SOME PEOPLE. MY FOREHEAD IS IN FIRE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I'M SO IRRITATED AT YOUR BLOG. IS YOUR COUSIN NUTS? THAT'S WHY I NEVER DO FAMILY FREE CAKE UNLESS IT A FOUNDATION DONATION. I TOO HAVE HAD SOME UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE SAY THINGS AND I OF COURSE POLITELY (IF THAT WHAT YOU WANNA CALL IT) IN MY OWN WAY REMIND THEM THAT I COULD'VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN SPENDING DAYS UPON DAYS ON THIER CAKE. I EVEN HAD ONE PERSON SAY TO ME "WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO". I'M A MARRIED MOM! WHATE DID SHE MEAN I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO? UGH!

EVEN THOUGH YOU SAY YOU MAY'VE SPENT $400 DOLLARS...YOU SPENT WAY MORE WITH JUST YOUR TIME ALONE. I ABSOLUTELY IN NO WAY AGREE WITH YOUR MIL. SHE MUST NOT BAKE AND DECORATE CAKES BECAUSE IF SHE DID SHE'D UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH WORK AND DEDICATION GOES INTO THESE CAKES. UGH!!!

LET ME GO VENT THIS TO MY HUBBY. HE ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE ME LAUGH AFTER I HEAR STORIES LIKE THIS. BLESS YOU SWEETIE... YOUR WORK IS AMAZING!!!! MAYBE I SHOULD COME STUDY SUGAR CRAFT WITH YOU. I LOVE IT!

WHY DID THEY JUST BLOCK THE WORDS "SUGAR" AND "CRAFTS"? LOL!

I would send her this...

Cost of ingredients for your wedding cake $450.00 (or whatever amt)
Labor cost $400.00 (or whatever amt)
Total cost of your cake to you $0.00
Because love is priceless.

I don't understand inviting 250 people with only $6,000. That right there says she was expecting more than she could afford to begin with.

Never feel sorry for someone's budget over a luxury item. The big wedding was more important to her than sharing her marriage vows with people she loves.

Think about it. For $6,000 she could have flown her mom out, had a nice intimate affair with 40-50 of her truly intimate relations/friends at a really nice restaurant and been just as married.

I'm sorry. I don't get it.

I am floored, truly floored when people behave like this. I am not shocked, I know there are animals out there who just do not know how to be respectful, honest and kind. I can not get over the creation that was put together, over hours and hours of hard work and money, to be talked about and ridiculed by family members over a wedding gift. This is a young lady who obviously had a wedding for all of the wrong reasons. tryingcake said it right, she could have had a very nice wedding on a much smaller scale. And I too do not get it. So sorry this happened to you. You did a fantastic job with everything, above and beyond! Your friends here on CC understand.

I repeat, just get some quotes from other cake decorators for the entire setup and email them to her, and all the relatives who are badmouthing you

Yeah- her family here in VA didn't knew she even knew 250 people. Alot were the grooms family and friends. They had it in a firehall and relied on the kindness of friends to "donate" their craft. My BIL was the videographer(they gushed over his generosity as did my MIL-he is her son after all). They hair stylist was a friend, the minister was not given a donation(didn't know she was supposed to do this).

One thing after another- this WAS a disaster waiting to happen. I just tried to do my part. I would have thought given financial constraints the event would have been a bit smaller.

Oh well. Night everyone- this has been a long day!

Wow I must be a cheap sod then, because all the cakes I've done for my friends (including weddings) ,I have collected the money for the ingriedients,I feel my labour,gas and transport is enough as their present.And they have always been grateful.
Well, then again they know I will walk out of their party with my cake in hand,if they didn't appreciate it,I might give their money back,but my joy will be............. making sure their party was CAKELESS . Muaaaahhhhhh.

Sorry this happened to you,I sure will be sending a very detailed,slightly exaggerated list of expenses and of course demanding my pay.

Ugh, this makes my head hurt so badly that my eyes are watering. Let me get this straight: she complained to someone and they passed the vile on to another person and so on and so on or she told several people and they all passed it on. Now several people have contacted you to spew this garbage into your lap?

Why the heck would they do that? What is their point? Do they want to hurt you? Pfft!! People with that much venom in them should be left to sit and twirl in their own disgusting stew. Nothing you do or say is going "fix" this because what needs fixed has not a darn thing to do with you and they sure as heck aren't going to take their own inventory.

This chick musta had a checklist or something. Otherwise, how the heck would she even notice there wasn't a traditional gift from you? Besides, she knew the cake was her gift. Gawd, I have no idea who did not attend my daughter's wedding five years ago. I wouldn't have known even the next day. No one that I know of checked off a list of attendees to see who did and did not arrive.

Should I even dare to mention that the proper etiquette says you have a year to send a gift so why, if these other people aren't aware that the cake was your gift, are they freaking contacting you now? Why are they allowing themselves to be her "muscle?"

It seems clear to me. These people rate other people. In their minds, she's higher on the totem pole than you, for whatever stupid reason. Let them worship at her feet until she turns on them (and she will!). You hold your head up, keep your mouth closed, don't answer the phone, don't return emails, and do not EVER attend another function that's with that side of the family where the lot of them will be there. Wash your hands of the mess. They've just showed you who they are- believe them.

CookiesbyMomME, you must know in your heart of hearts, your work is exquisite! And, all of us can appreciate what you did. My jaw was dropping, girlfriend when I saw that remarkable lighted, set up! I'm so so sorry that that happened to you. Nothing can fill that gap of being unappreciated by those you try to help and I understand that.

I'm doing a cake our friend's daughter for August. It's our wedding gift to them. I told her I can't do really fancy but I can make it with a lot of love. She (the daughter) gave me the sweetest reply. She said that she and her fiance weren't fancy people and that a cake made with love was just perfect for them! I can assure you I will put my heart and soul in it! Such a different feeling than past cakes for others who did have more money and didn't honor my time.

Your relatives need a spanking and I'm sure there are a few volunteers on this site to help give it!

I hope someday you can get some peace. I have found my way to peace for different situations by forgiveness but that came with time and not overnight.

HUGS to you!

OK, I'm sorry....she wanted a gift....what do you call that extraordinary display of cupcakes and art??? Do not loose sleep...your gift was given!!

Just beautiful.