I'm gonna go against the majority here, I'm afraid, and say that I DO think you're over-reacting.

She didn't ask for a cake. She didn't ask you for a cake. She was happy with her dessert buffet.

Maybe wedding cake just isn't something that matters to her - it doesn't matter to a lot of brides, myself included (I didn't have a wedding cake at all).

So, you offered a cake. I'm sure she said thank you at some point or you would have commented sooner. She sent you some ideas, and what you made for her wasn't what had been planned.

Doesn't mean that you didn't do a good job, but you've said it wasn't what you planned.

So...given that she hadn't wanted a cake, hadn't asked for a cake, and then when you said you wanted to do it, in spite of all the challenges a distance wedding would bring, you agreed on a particular style, which wasn't what you brought, which you acknowledge.

and for this you think she should have thanked you effusively and repeatedly???

nope - I do think you're over-reacting...you have a lot more invested in this than she does, and that means your expectations are higher than her response would be right from the start. I suspect even if you'd produced exactly what was anticipated you'd still be disappointed.

Did she gush over all the toasters and juicers and other gifts she received???

Effusely and repeatedly? Maybe not.

At all, or at least even once? Definitely.

I don't think you're over-reacting.

She was fishing for free cake from the start.

But I would just let it pass, never offer again and slightly distance myself from her, not deliberately cause a rift. But that's just me.

i completely understand how you feel. unfortunately...some people just don't realize just how much work goes into making a cake. i wouldn't take it to heart. it was a gift, and if she didn't appreciate it, well...just move on. maybe she didn't realize she hurt your feelings.

I think your friend should have thanked you, but maybe she was rattled by the day. I hope she thanks you later. The cake is very pretty and nicely done for what she picked.

I'm in the minority on this one. I think you are overreacting a bit. It was her wedding day. Like others have said, it's a crazy day! The cake was very important to YOU, but not so much to her. She didn't want a cake. You made her one anyway. I don't think her reaction has anything to do with the way it looks, she just wasn't excited about a cake she didn't want.

Even on crazy days, she had time to thank other people she should of atleast thanked her for her effort which I believe Becky said she didnt even do that. Whether she was fishing for the cake or not its just bad manners. She didnt have any quams about picking out a design and asking the cake to feed 125. Becky should talk to her and tell her how she feels. And I know that some people might think it was overreacting but she should of atleast thanked her for coming to the wedding. And I think its etiquette for the bride and groom to go to table to table at the reception and greet their guests and thank them for coming. I think people these days have forgotten what manners are. My opinion here!

wow...so much to read...ok...so the whole thing...ive known her for about 10years...we have worked together...gone thru boyfriends...friends...planned parties...just everything a friend/sister would do...i am one of those people that will go way out for my friends..even if it turns out to be a bad expirence, i don't let that get me down...because everyone is different...so just because i got burned doesn't mean it will happen all the time!!! the thing with this is...not even a "thanks" or a nod of thanks...there was plenty of times for her to do that in private...(in the bathroom...on the dance floor...when she came to our table(and the cake was directly behind us) ) but she didn't...she knows how much work goes into planning a party/wedding etc...she knows how much time and effort go into making a cake...and then she knows my situation...i struggle to make ends meet...i really made a mircle happen to go to the wedding and get this cake for her...but i choose to be in that situation because i love her and wanted her to have a cake to cut into at least...i know she was disappointed in the cake (thinking it over) but in the end she got a free cake and it matched her theme and i guess it just amazes me because like i said she didn't even whisper in my ear thank you...and average mom/CanadianChick
you might be right the cake was important to me...cause i wanted it for her...but if it wasn't important...then why have me make it at all...i had a long talk with her..it wasn't going to offend me if she didn't want one or want me to make it...because if she really didn't want one why go out of your way to tell me you weren't having one??? she didn't confide in me on all the other goings ons with her wedding??? she could have said becky i am getting married, save the date...but she is the one who brought it up...and i am that type of person that can't keep my mouth shut...so of couse i am going to offer!!she is a close friend/sister!! so again...she could have just kept quiet about it...i was not asking to be announced or thanked on the P.A. and i understand not everyone is like me...thanking endlessly...but not so much as evan a whisper in my ear while hugging me?? yea that hurts...and then to find out you ordered cupcakes too...and then when my cousin when to pick up the cake board...and the catering staff was trying to give her a big ass box of cake back...and found out they threw out more than half...well shit...yea it does hurt...i could have spent that money on clothes for my kids...or paid a fricken bill...in any party that i have gone to when they have left over cake they give it away to everyone...they just don't toss it without permission...so i am sure she said to toss it!!! she could have said let the staff take it....(i just found this out) she knows how to say thank you...and again even if you didn't like it...you can say thank you...short and simple....sorry so long! you know if something is free for you...that doesn't mean it was free for someone else...

Im with you on this one Becky! Im the same way. Call it over reacting or whatever but if someone goes out of their way to do something for me I thank them. And it could be my own mom, that Im sure wouldnt care one way or the other but I go out of my way to thank her for things she does for me. Its not just common courtesy, but manners. And unfortunately, there are too many people in this world that have either not learned them or choose to ignore them. Like you said, even if I hated the the cake I still would of thanked you for your effort! Even if it wasnt in public, she should of atleast came up to you, thank you for not only coming and making the long journey, but for your gracious jesture.
But like I said, you should tell her how you feel and see what she says. Ten years is a long time to be friends. But if she cant give you the time of day about it then I will say move on, and lesson learned. I hope things goes well for you and Im sorry that this has happened. Hopefully you will find someone that you see more eye to eye on things and is a TRUE friend.

So sorry to hear that your friend did not even thank u. Ur cake came out very nice. Yes, people do not know how much work, time and money it takes to make cakes. Especially if u are living pay check to pay check, it really hurts. Just think that u did a good dead and u will be rewarded later on. I believe that doing something good will come back sometimes double. Does that make any sense? Good luck when u talk to her...
By the way my name is also Becky....

sorry indydebi and all you ladies...i tend to rattle on without punctuation or proper paragraphs!!! anyway the bride just put up some pics...definately no cake up there!!! hahahahahaha but there are pics of her other desserts and place settings...and center peices!!! so it is definately safe to say that she did not like the cake!!! omg hahahahaha i am dying!!!!!

Reba..where are you in So Cal?

Becky, i would have been totally GUTTED by your "friends" behaviour....what - is getting married an excuse to be rude and ignorant for the day? what about manners? i was brought up to thank and be grateful to anyone who did anything for me whether they were asked or not. just because a bride has a lot going on doesnt mean they can just be rude and ungrateful. a wedding cake is an intrinsic part of the day.

it sounds like she was fishing for a free cake but to go and order cupcakes and the buffet while asking you for a huge cake is mental! why on earth would she pay for a buffet and cupcakes if her wedding was on a budget? to me, she was wanting a huge extravaganza of a wedding with cupcakes, a 3 tier wedding cake and desert buffet and thought she'd chance her arm with you to get a free cake. surely if you went from offering a small cutting cake to doing enough for the whole wedding she would have thought "well isnt that kind, im getting a wedding cake as a gift so i can save money by cancelling the buffet and cupcakes as thats all il need", but no, she decides that she wants everything and then half your cake is wasted????? I would have been absolutly raging, and then for her not to even say thanks? thats not a friend, she was chancing her arm from the start with pleading poverty and then coming up with a three tier cake with gumpaste flowers, etc suddenly for you to do when it was free? at least you went for a simpler design and didnt waste so much time although its such a pity it cost you so much time and effort.

Once bitten twice shy

WOW!!!! It must be true then... No good deed goes unpunished. That just stinks!!! I got a similar reaction from family the last time I made a cake... no more cake for them-ever! I won't spend the money or waste my time.

She did not request the cake. You insisted because it was something you'd planned on earlier.

But plans and people change.

I would not have made a $300 cake if I could not afford a $300 cake. Would you have given her a $300 present if you couldn't afford it?

I understand your feelings being hurt, but in my opinion, you need to let go.

Perhaps secretly you were hoping for some of the praise and attention to go to the cake maker? Just wondering...and certainly not judging...I would've wanted some recognition for a wonderful cake as well.