I'll tell on myself, (and hubby)
I was in my kitchen and I picked up the phone and dialed my friends phone number and just as I got the answering machine, my husband picks up our phone in the bedroom...he says hello (because there is no dial tone) and I think it is my friends husband. We had a very bizarre conversation, because neither one of us realized who we were talking to...
Best of all, it was recorded on my friends answering machine...she saved it on there for a long time, and told me she would listen to it everytime she needed a good laugh.
that would not be good...i would have saved it too...
I've got a couple about my mom, she's so funny. When she got her first cell phone, she went out to run errands one day and decided to call my dad. She picked up her phone and realized that it was the TV remote. I guess they must have been sitting near each other at home and she grabbed the remote and carried it with her. I wonder how dad planned on flipping channels with the phone? LOL
Another time, we were all at the dinner table at my parents house and my mom had her glasses off for some reason. My brother was talking to her and she said "Hold on, I can't hear you", put her glasses back on then said, "Ok, now what did you say." ROFL!!! She's never lived that one down. She often has a hard time hearing people these days and someone always asks her "Do you have your glasses on?" LOL LOL
ronflamo!!!! thats tooo funny... my baby is looking at me crazy 4 laughing so much
I'll tell on myself, (and hubby)
I was in my kitchen and I picked up the phone and dialed my friends phone number and just as I got the answering machine, my husband picks up our phone in the bedroom...he says hello (because there is no dial tone) and I think it is my friends husband. We had a very bizarre conversation, because neither one of us realized who we were talking to...
Best of all, it was recorded on my friends answering machine...she saved it on there for a long time, and told me she would listen to it everytime she needed a good laugh.
Oh my goodness!!! You have me on the floor!!! 
PieceofCakeAZ wrote:
Seriously, one time we were at her house and before she left for the grocery store she asked if I needed anything, I replied " pick me up a bag of crack and a bottle of Robitussin". I got a call on my cell phone 30 minutes later and she said she could only find the Robitussin.
Holy Cow!!! That one had me busting out laughing! I've been sick all weekend and this is the first time I've been on CC since Thurs....I can't tell you all how much I've enjoyed reading this thread! 
Here's a fun one! Next time your computer tech is making rounds checking on or updating your computers - take a print screen of your desktop and save it - then load it as your desktop picture. See how long it takes them to figure out why the icons aren't working! Just don't forget that you did it!
Debbie
mkerton...ain't that ironic...u didn't wanna take the home ec class...but the shop class...now u bake cakes...don't worry i'm the same...but i was also into AFJROTC and my dream school was West Point...
What is really ironic is I also would love to learn how to sew (to make my own decorative pillows, window treatments ect)........if only I had listened to my Mom............ 
my mom pushed me to be a tomboy...so i guess she's not to happy that i'm a girly girl now...haha...
This is hilarious!!!!! My husband just called me a "cake geek" because I've been sitting here reading forever and CRACKING UP! Anyways, I work at a retail store and boy do I get some doozies over the phone!!!
1. Caller: "Yes, can I speak to so and so? Me: "I'm sorry, they are on the other line with another customer right now." Caller: "Well how long are they gonna be?" .........Seriously...let me tap in to my psychic abilities....
2. I just love it when I answer the phone "Good afternoon. Thank you for calling (my company's name here) ...(Now just for your info I work for a lumber company) ...and they say "Yes I would like to make an appointment to get my teeth cleaned." Ok. People think they are calling the dentist or there doctor, etc. Did they not hear me say my company's name???
Oh...1 more!!! Just because our phone number has the last 4 digits 8484, people always call and are just shocked to find out that we are not 84 Lumber (another local lumber company by me). WOW!
omg, i am dying here. my dh thinks i'm nuts!
i love stupid people!
Hey, jescapades! I noticed one of your sons is "jonathon patrick". My daughter is due in May and she was going to name him John Patrick .... (until the Indpls Colts won the Superbowl, so now my grandson will be "John Peyton")!
aww, that's cute! i love peyton, he's a cutie! congrats to you and your family!
I have some more....
I also love when you say "Hello, this is St. Mary's, fourangelsmommie speaking. How may I help you?" Then they say "WHO IS THIS?". So I repeat it. They say "WHO?" I just want to scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT?@@!"
Our nurses and social workers will call family members of our patients who have passed away to do bereavement visits with them, and many times they will leave a message on an answering machine if they can.
I can't tell you how many calls I get EVERY SINGLE DAY of people calling and saying this: "Did you call me?".....umm, no, I didn't. "Oh, must have been (nurse or social worker)." Yes, can I tell them anything for you?
No, just tell them I called", and they hang up before they tell me their name or the patient's name.
And last but not least, a new hire who claims to be an IT specialist couldn't figure out why her computer wouldn't work........the surge protector was plugged into itself, not into the wall. She actually said "But I plugged it in and the switch is turned to on". We are paying her BIG $ for THiS????
oh, that just reminded me of something. i used to work for subway world headquarters and when i was in the publications dept, i would answer the phone, 'good morning (or afternoon), publications, jesica speaking.' and inevitably, a person on the other end would ask, 'is this alicia (or mike, or someone else)?' ummm, hello!?
here's your sign.
I'll tell on myself, (and hubby)
I was in my kitchen and I picked up the phone and dialed my friends phone number and just as I got the answering machine, my husband picks up our phone in the bedroom...he says hello (because there is no dial tone) and I think it is my friends husband. We had a very bizarre conversation, because neither one of us realized who we were talking to...
Best of all, it was recorded on my friends answering machine...she saved it on there for a long time, and told me she would listen to it everytime she needed a good laugh.
I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing at this one... I was still laughing at this one as I was reading through the rest on the page. Thanks for this laugh.
I know I have some to tell but atm can only think of one, as I think of more I will add them.
My BF's sister was told to plug her nose (i honestly don't even remember the reason anymore) so she plugged her nose and then says "Now with my nose plugged I can't breath" she still hasn't lived it down after 4 + years. But oh is she a good sport about it b/c she hears about it often.
hey plug ur ears...can u still hear??? haha...
Here's another funny one from my job. I work in a factory and one of our departments works under yellow lights. I heard a story about a prank that they would play on new associates. They would warn the newbie that if they had to pass gas to leave the department because it would show up green in the lights and everyone would know. They found that the trainees would go missing several times a night and inevitably would find them in the hallway with the normal lighting. I guess we hired some particularly gassy folks.
Oh, and another one. My department works with furnaces that run at temperatures up to 1000C (~1800F), but the room temp is kept as a constant 69F or so. We had another new hire that was being told about the department before she ever set foot in the factory and was told about the furnaces. She actually asked "What should I wear up there if it's going to be that hot?" Gee, I dunno, maybe some serious sunscreen, cause that could be a doozy of a burn! DUH!!!
wrap a fire blanket around you...that should keep well your torso safe...haha...
Oh I have more. And these are ME
When my youngest was in 1st grade, her teacher was our neighbor, who had also been her K teacher, so we know each other...
Little one gets chicken pox on Sunday, so I quickly call the neighbor/teacher to tell her we won't be in tomorrow (Monday) for school, or probably all week, so should I pick up work or whatever for her... There's this pause on the other end and she says,
......
"Well, that's OK. It's Spring Break this week. Didn't you get the note?"
ROFL
I ALSO woke up late one day, rolled the kids out of bed, "hurry! hurry! we're late!", rushed through breakfast, rushed to the car, and raced to school, only to find the parking lot empty. The one lady I found walking in from the single car said, "Oh, dear. Today is parent/teacher conferences. Sorry." We packed lunches and everything! LOL
Also got dressed up and went in to town for a school play that took place the night before AND at another location.
duh...Here's my sign...
that reminds me...this was when i was back in hs...i had unplugged my alarm clock and plugged it back in w/o reseting it...so i got up...freaked out cuz my clock said 9...i proceded to get dressed...(it was JROTC that day...so i had to get my uniform clean...)i didn't even bother looking outside...my dad comes into my room...asks me what i was doing...told him i was late for school...he's like Rose look out the window...it was dark...and 4am...boy was my dad mad...haha...
other time...i was waiting for my best friend Jordy (guy...and nickname...)...we had to be at a dinner for seniors...next thing i know i couldn't find my back pack...i started yelling at my brother...who i thought had hid it...making a huge scene...when Jordy walked behind me and tugged...i feel on my butt...he pulled on my bag which was on my back the entire time...i was so embarrassed...
Ok this is just too good to keep to my self
I was walking with my friends along the river the other day. We walked past these two houses that were seperated by a feeding stream and we made some comments on it. About 3 minutes later we ended up leaving the river and walking past the same stream but obviously at a different area. my friend Abi made a comment about how it leads to the river. I then proceed to tell about how my friends and I the the properities that were seperated by the stream as if it didnt happened 3 minutes ago!! Gosh i felt stupid when I finally realized why my friends were looking at me funny. Good laughs over that one.
One morning when I was working in the bakery my co-workers very kindly handed this lady off to me. (the store had just opened) She was inquiring if we had any fresh baked bread for her dinner party that night. I went back and got her a loaf that had just come out of the oven about a half hour previous so it was still warm. She hands it back saying that it was too fresh and was wondering if she could come pick it up later that day. I very kindly explained that there would be no difference if she left it here or if she took it home and let it sit on the counter. Her response: "oh no that would be too much of a hassle for me if i had to let it sit all day at home. I have so much to do so I would rather come back later". I tasted blood i was trying so hard not to laugh.
I'll tell on myself, (and hubby)
I was in my kitchen and I picked up the phone and dialed my friends phone number and just as I got the answering machine, my husband picks up our phone in the bedroom...he says hello (because there is no dial tone) and I think it is my friends husband. We had a very bizarre conversation, because neither one of us realized who we were talking to...
Best of all, it was recorded on my friends answering machine...she saved it on there for a long time, and told me she would listen to it everytime she needed a good laugh.
Now THAT was really,really funny
One time,I was leaving the dentist & started searching frantically in my bag (as i was walking to the car) for my sunglasses - couldn't find them,so headed back to glass sliding door of dentist, looked up to see my reflection & saw I was wearing them, on my face !!! 
Haha oh man I can't stop laughing at some of these stories!
When I lived in Seattle I worked as a Barista, and one time someone came in and ordered a frappacino that normally does not come with coffee (she wanted it blackberry flavored). Then she adds she'd like two shots and whip with that. I think it's a little weird, but whatever, I mark down the order and it's made. About five minutes later she's back with this disgusted look on her face and angrily tells me, "This drink tastes a LOT like coffee." Well no crap Einstein, you put two shots of espresso in your fruit drink?! What did you think it would taste like?! 
I work part-time at Yankee Candle for a little extra money.. THE IDIOTS WE GET, it is so crazy. People walk in and ask, "What kind of candles do you have?" without even looking around at the neatly lined up shelves upon shelves of candle fragrances. The other thing we get that cracks me up is people saying, "I really hate this flavor of candle." I usually respond, "I wouldn't enjoy the flavor of any candle." Sometimes they get it and laugh, other times they look at me like I'm some sort of weirdo ("Who doesn't like ANY candle?!")
One time someone came in while we were burning a candle on the front counter and they grabbed the metal lid on it and asked at the same time, "Hey is this hot?" People will also look at the candle while it's burning and ask, "What kind of candle is this?" when the label with the scent clearly marked is facing outwards.
Finally, the one thing that annoys me the most is people will come in and ask, "What do you guys scent your store with?" To me it is pretty freaking obvious that it's just every scent from the candles mixed together.
We were sitting around talking one night and the subject of how the moon gets it's light came up. My BIL is a big science guy and said that it's the light reflecting from the sun. His wife looked shocked. I asked what was wrong and she said "You mean the moon doesn't glow in the dark???" WOW!!!!!
Then this past summer both of our husbands were deployed and we were watching TV. There s a Sunmaid raisin commercial that says "Nothing goes into our raisins but grapes and sunshine." She just sat there dumbfounded. I know her looks, so I asked her what now, and she told me that she didn't know that raisins came from grapes.
I love her, she is my best friend. She is always good for a laugh.
Haha oh man I can't stop laughing at some of these stories!
When I lived in Seattle I worked as a Barista, and one time someone came in and ordered a frappacino that normally does not come with coffee (she wanted it blackberry flavored). Then she adds she'd like two shots and whip with that. I think it's a little weird, but whatever, I mark down the order and it's made. About five minutes later she's back with this disgusted look on her face and angrily tells me, "This drink tastes a LOT like coffee." Well no crap Einstein, you put two shots of espresso in your fruit drink?! What did you think it would taste like?!
I work part-time at Yankee Candle for a little extra money.. THE IDIOTS WE GET, it is so crazy. People walk in and ask, "What kind of candles do you have?" without even looking around at the neatly lined up shelves upon shelves of candle fragrances. The other thing we get that cracks me up is people saying, "I really hate this flavor of candle." I usually respond, "I wouldn't enjoy the flavor of any candle." Sometimes they get it and laugh, other times they look at me like I'm some sort of weirdo ("Who doesn't like ANY candle?!")
One time someone came in while we were burning a candle on the front counter and they grabbed the metal lid on it and asked at the same time, "Hey is this hot?" People will also look at the candle while it's burning and ask, "What kind of candle is this?" when the label with the scent clearly marked is facing outwards.
Finally, the one thing that annoys me the most is people will come in and ask, "What do you guys scent your store with?" To me it is pretty freaking obvious that it's just every scent from the candles mixed together.
Well that settles it then, I won't be looking for a part time job at the Yankee Candle Company!! 
These are hilarious - and perfect timing! My ex-boyfriend got me into drag racing several years ago. Even though we broke up about three years ago, he still seems to think that I can't keep MY car running without his help. Well, over the winter my dad and I put a new camshaft in my car. My ex kept telling me how hard it would be and how he could do it for me. Well, I (politely) refused his help. Yesterday was the first day the race track opened. I drove my car to the track and had pulled up and was waiting my turn to race. Brilliant ex comes up to (while my car was running) and says "Did you get the motor all assembled?" Nope, I just drove it up here with half the motor - the other half is still sitting at home. DUH! Exactly why I didn't want his help with my car.
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