I just thought of another one:

Me and my MIL were up late one night watching Food Network. She loves Rachel Ray and it just so happens that she was on. My mother in law says, "I can't believe Rachel is up this late eating all that food. I'll bet she has bad heartburn!" I just sat there with my mouth open.

I guess that's understandable from someone who like Rachel Ray.......

This thread is great!!! It shows that whoever said "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits" really knew what they were talking about! I have to include my own story:

One year my DH, the kids & I were driving from Illinois to my in-laws home in Florida. We left home very early in the morning, after having been up late doing the final packing the night before, and had to listen to the kids complain all day, so by the time we got to the hotel we were totally exhausted. My DH called the office and asked for a 6:00 a.m. wake up call for the next morning, and even though it was only 8:30 p.m., we all fell into bed. All of a sudden my DH is waking me up and telling me that we didn't get our 6 a.m. wake-up call. He said he has already showered, so now it's my turn. I force myself up and out of bed, get into the shower half asleep, and am halfway done when I hear a sheepish voice from the other side of the door:

Knock, Knock
ME: Who is it?
DH: Uh, Hon?
ME: Yes....?
DH: Um, I made a mistake...we didn't miss our wake-up call. I looked
at my watch upside down. It's really only 12:30.
ME (in a not so nice voice): You..looked..at..your..watch..upside..down?
DH: Yeah, sorry
So I get out of the shower, dry off, leave my hair wet, and get back into bed so I can get more than 4 hrs. sleep.

Oh yeah, the phone rang at 6:00 a.m. sharp.

UGH!!!

Me next!!

I was visiting my best friend in the whole world one Sunday afternoon shortly after she got married to her DH, Bill, and out of the blue she asked me, "What does IHOP stand for?"
I said, "International House of Pancakes. Why?"
She said to me "Bill took me there for breakfast once when we first started dating and I made the comment that I never knew what IHOP stood for."
I asked, "Well, what did you think it stood for?"
No joke she says to me, "I hop up for breakfast."

At least he still married her.

OH geesh, another IHOP story here!

Hubby and I went to breakfast on one of those rare weekend days that we had to ourself. He ordered an omelet and it came with pancakes. As he was eating the meal, he said he should have also ordered bacon. "Why doesn't bacon come with this? Why pancakes? Why would they serve pancakes with eggs?"

I turned the napkin holder toward him and pointed out the words "International House of PANCAKES"!!!!!!!!!!

Indydebi, I think I understand now.

Diane

OK, here's mine. When I was in high school I worked at a copy store. Next to us in the shopping strip was a bank. One day this man comes in and says,
"I need you to show me how to use your after hours copy machine."

"Sir, we don't have an after hours copy machine."

"Of course you do-it's right outside your door."

"No, Sir, we don't."

This goes back and forth for a bit until we finally figure out that he is referring to the ATM for the bank next door.

I was just cleaning out the fridge and saw some jambalya the DH made and it reminded me of this story.
I am very allergic to shrimp, as in tongue and mouth go numb, throat closes, no more breathing kind of allergic. Needless to say, I don't eat shrimp! I don't peel them, touch them or basically get anywhere near them.
Anyway, we were invited to a Christmas party thrown by the hubby's boss. Nice folks....sit down dinner. What's on the menu? Shrimp! So, I don't take any, eat the sides, don't make a peep. The bosses wife zeros in on the fact that I didn't take any shrimp and announces down the table "JODIE.....you're not eating my shrimp!". Everyone at the table looks at me. I said they looked delicious, but I was allergic. She then announced that I was hurting her feelings and she insisted I at least try one! *lol* My DH was speechless. Again, I said I was sure the dish was wondeful, but I simply couldn't have any and that being allergic is very different from not caring for the taste of something. Instead of backing down, she comes over to me and puts a shrimp on my plate! I smiled (THAT was hard to do) and pointed out that having to call an ambulance because I was on the floor not breathing might put a damper on her party. She took my plate to the kitchen at that point!
Well, I didn't eat the shrimp, and I'm guessing we won't be invited back!

Jodie - THAT LADY WAS A PSYCHO! WHAT NERVE!

Rachel

Well, I don't think she was a psycho, but she sure didn't get it! *lol* Here I was, trying NOT to make a fuss and she turned me into the focus of her dinner party! Not to mention that she made herself look really, really stupid!

ok, well a couple years ago my 6 year old daughter started complaining that she was seeing spots....I was concerned and scheduled and appt. for the doctor. When I took her in, the doctor tested her eyes and asked her if she was seeing spots right then...she said 'No, hold on" and turned around to stare at the lightbulb - then she turned back to the doctor and said "ok, they're back'. I kid you not........

Turns out she just really, really wanted a pair of glasses so the receptionist gave me my co-pay back and told me to take her to Wal-Mart for a 'play' pair...... they still crack up every time we come in and she is 10 now.

my friends husband buys a new t shirt he REALLY likes...

he decides to wash it himself since he wants to wear it the next day...

hollering from the laundry room..."honey, what water temp. should i wash my new shirt in?"

she answering back" well, what does the shirt say?"

him" dallas cowboys"

It shows that whoever said "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits" really knew what they were talking about!

I think that was Albert Einstein!

Oh! These IHOP posts reminded me of another good one.....

I took my boys to IHOP one night for a "breakfast" dinner.

There were 2 women & 3 kids sitting at the table across from us (they were very loud). The waitress brought them their ticket. One kid tells the Mom that HE wants to pay the bill. She tells him that it's $50. He says, "Wow, I didn't know it would be THAT much." To which the mom replies.....

"DUH, food doesn't grow on trees you know."

We all hear the whole conversation & my youngest whispers to me, "Mom, should we tell her that those apples she got on her french toast came from a tree?"

my friend tells a story about her mother-in-law. She says she called her about an article about her son in the sports section. The article says that it looks like John Smith has gotten over his case of fumble-itis that he had last year. She says Mary why didn't you tell me John was sick?

And my own... I had quite a good time at my friends wedding. I took off my shoes early in the night and danced and dance and drank and drank. When it came time to go, I sat down and tried to put my shoes on. I turned to Mrs. Johns my friends mom (known me since elem. school) and I say Mrs. Johns I had such a good time at this wedding and I danced so much my shoes don't fit. With a straight face she looks at me and says,"sweety they're on the wrong feet" Lucky for me someone snapped a picture with all of us laughing at my stupidity.

I used to fall asleep some days after school (back in 11th grade...) on the couch, waiting for my mom to get home from work. Well, I'd sleep a couple hours and then wake up to the vcr reading 6:45....I'd freak out that I was gonna be late for school and get up and race around the house....until I would look outside and realize it was 6:45 PM!

So there's this lady who KEEPS calling me....I recently looked in my cell's received list (it stores 60 calls) - she's called 5 times in the last month...well, this particular number comes from Flint, MI (where DH and I used to live)....anyway, every time I answer her call, I have to say hello about 5 times before she starts asking, "Who is this???" I then have asked her, "Well, who is this? YOU called ME!" Never have gotten an answer out of her - I told her today that she calls me all the time and always asks who she's talking to blah blah and what does she say? "I think you have the wrong person." WTF??? It's really aggravating. Don't recognize the number and it sounds like a woman in her 60s or 70s......ugh.

This thread is tooooo funny though!

LOL These are great!!!

I work for John Hancock Life Insurance company in the annuities department so we send out monthly payments to our clients. The way that the system figured out one of our clients checks, it is a penny short every month. So he calls every single month and asks for his penny. I want so badly to tell him, I will mail you a quarter if you promise not to call back here for the next two years.

Then we had another woman who wanted to some changes on her account which weren't allowed by her contract. She was yelling and getting angry and telling us we were no help and finally she just got fed up and said, "I want to speak to John Hancock!" Hello?!

Lastly is just something of mine that I find myself doing all the time. You have no idea how many times I have been talking on my cell phone and frantically searching for it at the same time until the person on the other line realizes what Im doing and helps me out, lol.

I guess we all have our moments but some of these are just unexcusable lol. Keep em coming!

A few years ago I'd gotten a new cell phone and didn't "understand" some of the new features. So I'm still at work at the office and no one else is there. I'm getting ready to leave and thought that I'd try to set an option for the phone to just vibrate instead of ring so it wouldn't go off during a meeting (believe it or not it wasn't set correctly when I got it and just setting it on vibrate, it would still ring). Anyway, I thought I'd set it and then check it by calling my cell phone from my desk phone. So I dialed my number and it surprised me when it rang and I actually answered it and said "hello?". Then I started laughing out loud at myself and was relieved that none of the security guards were walking around or they would have thought I was nuts.

okay so BF and I were talking about ghosts today...but we also have Jessica Alba filming down the street here...We had just got done talking about Alba and the fact that an entire street was blocked...This is the convo...
Me: So how do they get into the houses...
BF: Huh???
Me: How do the ppl get into their houses...
BF: Hmm...I didn't think ghosts could block ppl from entering the house...
Didn't I just get done sayin we had talked about Alba???
Men...

yesterday my bestest friend was visiting (bless her heart) and when my dh asked what she wanted for dinner, she said, 'i just want a blank salad'

lol, a what now?

ok, i'm totally new on the boards, just been lurking for awhile, so i know that y'all don't know me enough to know of my good intentions, but i promise to you the story that i'm about to tell you was not done with any malice!!!

my dh and i are on our way to his parents in southern georgia, so we decide to break up the trip halfway by staying the night at his friends house right outside of atlanta. we're waiting for him to get off work and just killing time, so we stop at a local mall. now keep in mind that i had given birth only a year or so before, so ya know how the mommy club works...every mommy feels a connection to other mommies.

anyway, we climb on the elevator to go up to the next floor. a pretty, young black woman, VERY PREGNANT, gets on with us also. i ask her how far along she is, she tells me, and then i ask her if she knows the sex yet of the baby. when she says "boy", my husband states that that the good thing about boys are the fact that she will have someone, in a few years, that can be a help to her, heavylifting, etc....i decide to add to the conversation by piping in "yeah, it'll be like having your very own slave!"

she looks kind of oddly at me, i didn't think anything about it cause i know what i meant. we get off the elevator, we walk a few feet away and my husband says through clenched teeth "do you realize what you just said? i'm very offended by this, so i defensively say "what, i was just making conversation"...he then says "you just told a black person she could have her very own slave"................................

i swear to god i sooooooo badly wanted to track her down and swear to god that's not how i meant it!!!!!!!!!! i still disolve in a puddle of embarassment, even now, when i think about that!

i usually have at least one doozy every year like that!

Starlataylor, that is what is known in my neck of the woods as "hoof in mouth disease". You know, like the only time you open your mouth is to change feet. I can only imagine how embarrassed you and your hubby were.

Diane

starlataylor...i'm sry that happened to u...
my g'ma had the same incident...this was back when my grandfather was in the navy...they were traveling from tn to nm...where he was stationed...well they had to fill up in this town on the outskirts of memphis (dont know what town)...but it was predominatly african american individuals...they had a lil black chihuhua named blackie...well somehow the lil one got out of the car...w/o thinking my g'ma went chasing down the dog...calling blackie...blackie...all over the place...my g'pa just stood there horrified...a sweet young gentleman (yes he was african american)...caught the dog...gave him to my g'ma...snickered and walked away...it didn't dawn on my g'ma what she had done...until later down the road when my g'pa explained it...BTW i'm a minority...Native American...Cherokee...and i am in no way racist...just thought i would tell a story...so starlataylor wouldn't feel so bad...

I thought of YET another one, guess I know a lot of "stoopid" people, lol:

I was in the grocery store when this lady kept playing with my little girl. After a minute, she asks, "How old is she?"

I said, "28 months."

She replied sweetly, "Really?? She's so tall, when will she be two?"

I sighed and said, "next month." I had to walk away to keep from cracking up.