Sorry don't really have a lot of people to rant to, can't go to facebook, due to the fact involved parties are on facebook and I do not want a war waged at school.

So a little back story:   My daughter has always been high strung, very imaginative, lacks attention.   All things that we have easily been able to deal with, last year in kindergarten we addressed these issues, at which point we were told she would out grow a lot of it ( which she has).

I try not to be a helicopter mom and hover and let he figure out her own way on most things, so when she complained earlier in the year some of the kids were mean to her, i told her to ignore them and she didn't have to be friends with anyone she didn't like or who was mean),

I should mention we pay over $7000.00 a year for her to go to a private Christian school.

Just before Thanksgiving she came home from school and told me she got in trouble for hitting another child, I asked her what happened, why she hit them, etc....She told me they were on the playground and the child had a hold of her arm and would not let go and she could not get away from them, she said she asked the child three times to let go but they wouldn't, she swung around to try and get her arm away and accidentally hit the other child in the mouth.

When we get home from school I had a nasty email from the school as well as a phone message.   I talked to my daughter about not hitting, and being more careful to not accidental hit, she was grounded the rest of her Thanksgiving break from her electronics ( even though I personally understod where my daughter was coming from).    I called the other childs parent made sure the child was okay and appologized for my daughter and let her know tht no only was the school issuing punishment but she was being punished t home.  The mom was super nice about, understood, said her kid was fine not busted lip or anything and kids will be kids.

Well about this same time I get progress report showing my daughter has a D in spelling ( which is news ot me), and also a little boy is realli giving my dughter a hard time, won't keep his hands off her, grabbing her face, kicking, etc.   So email the teacher about my concerns with the spelling grade, as I know for a fact she knows her spelling words, we work on them every night and by the time test dy comes around she can write nd spell aloud nd lso mention that there is a student physically bullying my daughter.

The teachers response was to meet after Christmas break.   We set a date and when that day comes, my husband cannot go so i go alone, when i show up i am surprised that not only was I literally cornered ( sat in a chair against a wall with three others around me) by the teacher, principal and education resource teacher but that they proceed to tell me that my daughter is a problem.

They said she doesn't pay attention, or interact with the other kids properly ( which i told them what i had told her about not talking to kids that are mean to her), they harped on how she hit a nother child, even though she has never nor since been physical to another child, they said she needed an iq test, autism test, add/adhd wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise.   When I finally was able to bring up some of the actions towards my daughter form other children theri response was that they don't see it.

They proceeded to tell me if I did not take her and have her tested they would not allow her to go to the 2nd grade next year ( even though she is not tecnically failing), they talked about her  reading not being where it should be , this is true, she is in vision therapy for a tracking issue that affects her reading and vision and writing but the school will not make any accomodations for this, even though we have notes from the dr.

The place they recommended turns out after we went to get a peds. referal has a 9-14 months waiting list, my mom is good friends with the medical director of the hospital, and they recommmended a private practice lady over their facility, so I have an appointment coming up next week to have all the testing for my daughter done.  Even though initial evalutaions point to maybe slight ADD, but no other spectrum disorders as of now.

Anyways, week before last my daughter came home with brusies all over her chin, i asked her what happened and she said the same little boy in her class grabbed her chin and was pinching it and making her turn her head , she said she tried to tell her teacher but she wouldn't listen and told her they have a no tattling rule.  I went in and talked to the teacher who said she had mnay complaints on the same little boy and that something was being done about it.   Yesterday my daughter came home and said he kept kicking her during math time, after i made a very specific request he be kept away from my daughter.

My daughter is truly distraught she starts crying at bedtime begging to not have to go to school the next day because he is physically abusive and other kids tease her and pick on her ( she does easliy get upset, she is a people pleaser, wants everyone to be her bff)  She cries in the mornings and gets stomach aches on the car ride to school.

I sent an email to the teacher last night but have not heard back.   There are tons of other things, and i know my duaghter is not perfect, but there is a disconnect between home and school and her other activites, because the things the teacher said about her just are not seen by others, i have talked to her vision therapist other teachers that work with her.

The educational resource teacher, said she thinks by daughter has a below average iq, my daughter is 7 and can speak mandarin ( no one in my family is chinese) she has taken lessons for two years and learns very quickly, at home and other places she can read books above her level, she knows over 50 sea animals with their classifications and can tell you the difference between whales,the different rays, tell you what they eat.

Yes she learns easier when it is something she wants to learn and she can be stubborn sometimes but i feel like the school is singling her out for some reason ( i don't want to be that parent-they' re out for her) but I really feel that way right now,  I am mad she is distraught, I am having her tested like they wanted.  My family donates a large amount of money to the school on top of her tuition and i put in at least 60 hours a month of volunteer wirk at the school, not to mention a regular sub on the high school side.  So I am just mad and needed to vent, Sorry it was so long!

AIf you can't escalate this issue beyond the principal it sounds like it's time for a new school.

sorry just noticed lots of spelling errors, mad and computer keys hanging...

I'm so sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this. It's so scary to have a child in a situation where she is not being taken into account and terrible things are happening to her. I agree with jason_kraft: this is clearly not the school for her and, if there is no other recourse for the rest of the year, I would find myself a lawyer very quickly who can advise you on possible courses of action, as well as looking for another school for the fall. This goes way beyond a simple "she says-they say" thing. Why did your get an e-mail AND a phone call when your child hit another one, but no one seems concerned that she's coming home bruised from being repeatedly abused by a little bully?

Don't give up! You are your daughter's only advocate. Try and work with the school but also do your homework. Or if you have a friend that is an educator talk to them to get advice on how to handle this. I have 4 teenagers now and each child was very different with very different needs.
 

there were years that the teacher 'got him' <whew>

but most years it was sort of ok

and some years were hell  esp when he had to change classes to dif teachers

anyhow it sure happens and i'm glad your little girl has you

yeah you don't get the choice to the 'that' kind of mom or not--they made the choice for you

game on

Oh boy do I have a LOT to say.

I should preface all my comments by saying that 1. I get that I am only hearing one side of the story & there are always at least 2 sides 2. My sister is a teacher at a very exclusive private school & I called her to discuss my thoughts with her.  3.  I generally try to err on the side of authorities because some parents can be irrationally protective.

I will be addressing my thoughts in the order of your op so hang in there with me.  I'm really on your side but it may not look like it at first.

You are absolutely right.  Your daughter should not be forced to play with or interact with anyone she doesn't like.  She should try to get along but not e forced to pretend she doesn't like someone.

Paying $7000 a year tuition does not entitle you to anything more than what is outlined in your contract.  If your child is good or bad or whatever, you should get the same treatment as any other parent.  I assume the tuition is the same for all students.  I also might add that $7000 is fairly inexpensive in my area ($15-20,000 yes for K).

IF the events happened as your daughter described, I absolutely would NOT have apologized.  I would NOT have punished her.  And,I would have cried foul to the administration.  IMO,You should be encouraging your daughter to defend herself.  If someone else puts their hands on her, she has a right to defend herself including hauling off and punching them right in the face!

Did she get a D on one test or for a quarter/semester?  If it was one test, ok.  If it was for an extended period of time, you should have known.  Don't you get a weekly grade or see the test scores?  If no, you should be.  

Considering everything you said, there appears to be a big problem.  If it is true that the admin is refusing to protect your child especially from this "problem" child, take it seriously.  I know that it shouldn't happen, but sometimes a teacher doesn't like a student.  Once that happens, it's really hard to recover.  I would absolutely move my daughter to another school.

If you have cause for concern regarding ADD, etc. please do have your child evaluated.  Given everything you said, it is possible she is displaying situational behavior.

FIND ANOTHER SCHOOL.  As a parent, it is your job to protect your child while you mold her to be a productive member of society.

Wow, I am sorry to hear about the all trouble you and your daughter especially, are having. Who is above the school principal? This school sounds like it doesn't care about your daughter or her needs at all. You may want to contact an attorney to see what your options are. There is no reason for a child to come home bruised, and then not hear from the school. Especially if this isn't the first time that boy grabs your daughter. I am so angry for you and I hope this is resolved in your favor.

Thanks for the support, the D was for a semester, at the first 9 weeks she had a B, I had not received any of her tests back or weekly reports ( the shool really fails in this area) when i asked the teacher about the tests that made her semester average a D she said she had the test in a file for parent teacher conferences ( which doesn't happen until Feb 7th). We are currently looking into a University Model School for her for next year, and realize paying the tuition and all the extra does not entitle us to extra treatment, but it does entiltle them to hold up their agreement to educate and protect my daughter, which they are not doing.

My daughter had asked if she could hit the little boy which i told her no, i then told the teacher that Natalie has had enough and very well may retaliate, she told me they make no distinguishmnet between first hit and self defense, which is upsetting since nothing seems to be being done about the other child, as he continues to terrorize my daughter.

We have an appointment to do a full battery of testing, as I would not be surprised at all if she were to have add/adhd however due to observations made by other people, teachers that work with her I feel a lot of her problems may be enviromental.    And I am sure there are other sides of the story, but I cannot get the teacher to effectively communicate with me, to get them.  Everytime I try to talk to her she gets on the defensive and starts pointing the finger back at my daughter and her'lack of focus and attention"   I even asked if she was a distraction to the other children and she said no.

Right now I am just taking it a step at a time, it is just frustrating because I feel like they are letting this child physically bully my daughter, they have had other parents complain about the same kid and nothing is being done, where in their handbook it states three strikes your out on hitting, kicking, etc, and they were very clear on that policy when my child got in trouble for hitting another child ( which both children have said my daughter did not intentionally hit her, it happened, and my daughter was very appologetic the moment it happend).   

So right now I am trying to hold out until after out testing  which is next week) so I can go to the school armed with better information, and I am looking at all the other available options in our area for school.

Oh and $7000.00  a year is very high for our area, i think that there may be 3 or 4 schools in our state that are more expensive but they are in larger areas. But the tuition goes up with every grade set ( and has an annual incease)  I think most of the high school parents pay around $10000 for 11-12 grade.

So sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this!!  It's clearly a very difficult and complicated situation, but I would say a new school is in order.  In the meantime, if your daughter comes home with any more visible injuries, bruises, scratches, etc., that were intentionally inflicted by someone else, photograph them, document date, time, circumstances, and file a police report.  No child should have to suffer with physical abuse at school!

I have not had to deal with anything like this, but I did have to complain to the school about a lack of supervision at recess when my 7 yo daughter came home with horrible red welts all over her torso from the boys grabbing her during some way too rough game.  I always take pictures of anything like that...I may be paranoid, but you never know when you might need to document a pattern, or prove that she came home that way and YOU didn't do it.

For the love of cakes....GET HER OUT OF THERE!!!  You are her mother and you know her best.  Better than the teachers.  Remember that always.

 My niece accidentally hit another child on the bus too.  It happens.  She was blocking another child from hitting her and someone else was knocked over.  It was an accident but it made my niece look bad.    My sister did what you did, called the mothers and teachers.  All is okay now.

I suggest you put her in public school, unless you are in an area with horrific schools.  Are you?   With the extra $7000 you will have, you can put her in tutoring and enrichment classes after school.  (My daughter is in K and we take her for a 1.5 hour math class every week...she loves it!)  Also, your daughter is only in the first grade, I am surprised they are giving letter grades out at that level.  If I had ever gotten a D in a subject area that young it would have made me hate school.  As for the bruises, you need to document those and possibly take legal action.  

Keep us updated.  I am a former teacher.  

AI would pull her out. Bullying should not be allowed. It seems as if the admin is just as bad for the way the cornered you. Take it public. If they have someone higher than a principle go there, go to the paper. If its happening to your child more than likely its happening to other kids. I have 2- ages 6 and 9. Hope this gets resolved quickly for you and your daughter.

AIf public schools are not a viable option, you may want to look for magnet and charter schools in the area as well.

A[COLOR=blue]So sorry for all the trauma for your daughter. I have spent 10+ years fighting school districts on behalf of our special needs nephew and special needs grandson. The schools never seemed to get things right yet they always believed they were right. The best thing that I did for my nephew and my grandson was to hire an Education Advocate. When one is so involved or close to the child and the outcome it is difficult to stay focused and keep the emotions out of the equation. And Education Advocate should know the rights of the child and what can or should be done. My grandson's worst year was kindergarten. He did not want to return to school the next year. After years of fighting the district, the school finally understands my grandson's needs. The higher ups had to re-train the school staff in their thinking and how to handle my grandson.

This doesn't mean that you have the same problems we encountered. I just know how frustrating the whole ordeal was and we/I never gave up.

Best of luck to you. [/COLOR]

We have looked into the public schools, we have excellent public schools here, my only concern is all the schools are planning expansions because all the classes are capped out at state maximum number of students for elementary ( 30 or 32-cannot remember).   We had a meeting with a University Model school ( 2 days in classroom, 3 days home with prepared lessons) and have a date set for her to sit in on the classes.

The superintendant for the public school said he would make the same arrangement for the elementary school to see how she feels about it (my husbands family is very close witht he superintendant and school board officals of the public school system here).   

For now my duaghter's school participates in the watch dog program and we have my husband, brother, both grandfathers, and two of my husbands uncles ( that have kids at the school too) signed up to alternate days, so we have eyes on campus everyday for the next few weeks.    I have also resolved that I will just go to chapel every morning with her and be sure to be there for lunch too.    

So far I have not been able to get a meeting with the principal ( his secretary said she would call me today) so I just went to the high school principal this morning ( the elementary and high school are in the same building just seperated by the walk through auditorium on one side and the cafeteria on the other), and he said he would try and catch the elem. principal and talk to him, and he is also going to assign one of the office workers each period to just go over to the elementary side and volunteer in her class as a teachers aide to try and keep an eye on things. 

The high school is the main reason we chose the school, it is very difficult to get admission to the high school if you have not been a student in the elementary.   I sub for the high school regularly and have an excellent relationship with the staff there.

I know there are bullies in every school, our state does have an anti bully law, and as soon as I get my meeting with the principal (if i don't hear from the today, I am just going to catch him in the morning before chapel because i know he will be in the auditorium then) I am going to tell him they make sure to put an end to it or the next time that kid lays his hands on my daughter i will be at the school with my lawyer.

My daughter does not like change so i am trying to avoid disrupting her routine by pulling her out but if it come down to it I will, right now I am making sure to have someone looking out for her at all times and go from there.    

wow

great plan--very well orchestrated--bet that feels good

and

~~csue, i never heard of an advocate just for school--

one of my son's principal's once recommended that i become an child advocate for legal cases because of all the work i did for my son

but what a great idea--wish i had known of that for the school issues which were legionly legional and repeat like a ground hogs day nightmare yearly--it's perfectly exhausting

but Louanne, wow you have a wonderful hands on support system!!!

and watch out for 'the system', the school to press you like a tortilla in hot oil to put her on drugs/medication

do it if it's your family's private decison if course--i'd also say to not put too much weight on your doctor's advice--until after you decide then you need him to help you with the choices

i encourage you to research this pro and con--lots of kids have come through now that have been on the meds and i'd recommend getting their perspectives on it too--there were not any studies done on those meds when we were making our decisons and that fact alone is chilling

my deciding factor was--he does not need this medication in any other situation therefore he doesn't need meds to attend school

it's everybody's individual private decision

school's prefer the zombie effect rather than the tom cruise in c.ocktail effect

when my son got involved in sports and could pound out the energy--expend it--deplete it--he could study like einstein

recess is a miracle 'drug' too

and we did an elimination diet to isolate certain foods and additives that he was much better off without

those are some observations from 12 years of what you're going through --just to put them out there in case they might be of any help

but at the least and the most too--i understand what you are going through

he was not learning disabled--the schools were teaching disabled

no disrespect to teachers past present or future, most of you are angels

If the teacher and the principal are really that bad at communicating, then you need to get your daughter outta there ASAP.  Like TODAY.  That private school is skilled at CYA but they don't apepar to understand children at all. WHY are you persisting at paying through the nose when you are also looking at private tutors, treatment etc.???

DO NOT judge the public schools by class size alone.  Judge by the feeling your daughter gets after a meeting with the prospective teachers. You can best deal with the issues by getting an IEP into place, that would provide support as assessed.

But I seriously think that your daughter does not feel safe right now and you need to get her out of that kind of classroom NOW.  Even if you home school for the rest of the school year,.  Because feeling theatened will cause exactly the behaviours that are being reported.  Acting out is nonverbal language for "I'm not safe".  And kids have to see positive action before they feel safe enough to stop the acting out.

And this has what to do with cakes?    I was waiting for the punchline.   

AIn the short term if you are planning to have a family member chaperone your kid at school every day you might be better off just homeschooling until you can find a more permanent alternative.

A

all the kids are affected by the situations

one random adult inadvertently protects all the children and they will not only thank you for it they will encourage you to keep coming

Sorry to hear about the problems.  I'm sure a lot of it is environmental.  Can you change her class to another teacher?

Have you ever thought that maybe your daughter is gifted? My daughter has Turrets, with symptoms of OCD and ADD and several other items on that long list of spectrum's.  I would like to say that she tested gifted and has been in a more challenging class since the second grade.  She is a Freshman in High School now and 2 years ahead of where she is supposed to be.  She deals with the Turrets as best as she can and the other 2 symptoms mentioned appear more at home not at school  as she seems to always be engaged in learning in her advanced classes.  I should also mention she goes to public school. Since they always push for good scores on the standardized test, they always have great computer programs the kids must accomplish every week to improve their reading comprehension and  speed of reading (by having the eye move across the sentence at a certain pace).  It's called Reading Plus.  The school funds all these different types of services that may help your daughter.  I know in Florida you can take advantage of these programs even if you go to a private school.  

I have a son in 5th grade, and I always tell him, that it's not ok to hit anyone ( start the fight), but it's always ok to defend yourself, even if that means hitting back if he's not able to get out of the situation by talking first.

Just a thought.

I hate to say this but perhaps this is one situation where a public school would be better equipped than a private school.  Public schools have a school board you can complain to, and if all else fails, you have the option of transferring to a different school in the district that might be a better fit.  I would not send my child back to that school and I would report to the governing body of the school the treatment you've received.

With regards to the boy bullying your daughter, have you talked to his parents? or other parents in your daughter's class? My son was bullied a couple of months ago. He was hit, pushed, kicked by this boy in his class. I talked to his teacher not about 'My son is being bullied, what are you going to do about it', but 'why is this other boy acting out". When i found out that he just got transfer from another school because he just got into foster care, i understand why. Right now, my son and this other boy are peacefully still in the same class, thanks to their teacher (public school). So my point is, if you can't make the school to take action about your daughter's bully, maybe try and communicate with the parent. Maybe this boy is also having a difficult time with his family, school etc. Or talk to other parents in your daughter's class about your dissatisfaction with the school/principal. If you don't have a Parents group in your school, maybe you should organize one. There is power in numbers. Also, file a complaint to whoever owns the school. All the best of luck to you and your daughter.

This is the lounge, so it doesn't have to be cake-related.  I like the lounge.  

A

I started teaching 40 years ago.  I have taught a lot of kids and can say no matter how great a teacher or school is, it can not be the best for every single child because in all my years of teaching I never met two children who were alike.

I am an advocate for public education.  There are usually, because of all the mandates, offering the widest and most varied support for students.  They must provide all the special, modified education for all students, from guidance, speech, gifted and talented classes to basic skills and support.  They must provide aides for students that need extra adult help. (it sounds like your daughter's little classmate needs this)  It is sad to say that even with this some public schools are not as good as others.  I work in a great district and my DD has to remind me not all districts are like mine.  So, if your public school does not meet her needs, search for another private school.  I think you should visit and observe in the public school first, please don't go by what other parents say.  Remember they are not in the class and often base their opinion on what their little kids tell them.

I suggest you look for a school that supports and uses a program called Responsive Classroom.  It creates a warm and caring environment in the classroom and creates a learning community for the students and teachers . You can google it if you are interested.. I would also ask about how the teachers differentiate their instruction.  It sounds like you understand your little girls strengths and weaknesses.  Share that insight with the new school, most will do their best in matching your daughter with a teacher who is known to be best with your daughter.

It seems, by your post, that you and your family has a strong connection with this school.  It might be hard for you to leave that school, but perhaps your daughter needs to be in a different school until she gets a basic foundation, social skills and confidence and then may be able to return to the Christian school and have a positive experience.

Good luck.
 

Homeschooling is also an option.  Bullying is one of many, many reasons people homeschool.