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Original message sent by Jess155
Homeschooling is also an option. Bullying is one of many, many reasons people homeschool.
There's nothing wrong with homeschooling if you want to provide an education that is not available elsewhere, but it seems a little extreme to use it to avoid bullying, unless there are also other issues (such as an uncooperative administration with no alternative schools available).
I wonder what the outcome of all of this was. Am hoping the OP will come back and let us know if everything is ok. There apparently were definite problems at the school that needed to be worked out. Just hope her daughter is ok...
I'm not sure I understand that rationale...bullying does not cease to exist after you complete K-12, so eventually kids will need to learn how to deal with it.
There's nothing wrong with homeschooling if you want to provide an education that is not available elsewhere, but it seems a little extreme to use it to avoid bullying, unless there are also other issues (such as an uncooperative administration with no alternative schools available).
They learn to deal with it in a controlled environment where they have a voice and their parents know what is going on. As the OP is learning, teachers and administrators do not always know or care. Nor do they handle it well when they do know.
My kids get picked on sometimes. There are 4 of them, they have to learn to get along even when someone is doing something you don't like. They are also in many activities with other children. Contrary to what you may think, we do not lock them in a room and shove food and books under the door. They do have contact with the outside world - a lot of it!
Our kids do not have the "school" mindset that older kids are cooler and younger kids are babies. They get along with all age groups and can look an adult in the eye and have an intelligent conversation. When they do get picked on, they are equipped with the tools to handle it. They are not thrown in a classroom where no one cares. As they grow older, they are more and more prepared to handle it.
Why do you think the suicide rate is so high among youth? They are told to handle something that they are too young to handle and thrown to the wolves. Yes, I protect my child. If I don't, no one will. But I equip them with the skills, and small manageable doses of problems, so that they learn how to handle it.
Jason, I am so tired of you picking fights. I don't care if you don't agree with homeschooling. Have you been bullied so much that you have become a bully? I wrote bullying is ONE of MANY reasons to homeschool. NOT THE ONLY REASON. It certainly wasn't on my radar when we started homeschooling.
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Original message sent by Jess155
They learn to deal with it in a controlled environment where they have a voice and their parents know what is going on. As the OP is learning, teachers and administrators do not always know or care. Nor do they handle it well when they do know.
I'm aware of what homeschooling entails, and my wife and I are planning to supplement our daughter's education with homeschool style activities. Expanding peer groups beyond kids of the same age is one goal, and like you said on that particular issue we may be working against the current. Our goal is to find a good magnet school for our daughter (my wife and I both went to magnet schools and we both got a lot out of it) so hopefully that will mean less of the "factory" style culture.
I really appreciate your followup post, it helped me understand where you were coming from. :)
Our goal is to find a good magnet school for our daughter (my wife and I both went to magnet schools and we both got a lot out of it) so hopefully that will mean less of the "factory" style culture.
I attended a magnet school and I loved it. There was no bullying, and the curriculum was much more advanced than the normal public schools in my area. I live in an area where schools are not at minimum performance level, and have high rates of teen pregnancy and bullying. Sure, magnet doesn't mean no bullying in all schools, but it was the norm for the magnet schools in my area.
Sorry if I misspeak as I read your posts but not the one's following and I'm not sure what state you reside in...However, I would agree on placing her in public school. You can request evaluations by the Committee on Special Education if you suspect an educationally related handicapping condition. While school staff can not medically diagnose your child with ADHD or an Autism Spectrum Disorder, they can offer medical professionals that you consult with a plethora of information of her academic and social functioning in the school setting. These school based evaluations are at no cost to you. You should also be able to request these evaluations from her private school and the District of Location (where your private school is located) would be responsible for handling the evaluations if there are no staff to do it at the private school and run her through their CSE. A licensed psychologist, social worker or even a pediatrician or neurologist can make a diagnosis and rule out ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders....without a whole lot of evaluations or any evaluations for that matter, based upon clinical interview and observation as well as speaking with people who see your daughter in different settings (school/home). Find out how your school handles Committee on Special Education referrals.
AI have a grandson with special needs. He had many problems a few years back - many from the school. And the school's thinking process was very one-sided and non-bending. I hired an Education Advocate on behalf of my grandson. I used the same one when we had problems with my nephew, who was also a special needs child. The school believes that they are right and I knew both times that they were not. With the help of the Advocate, I got what I wanted and what my nephew and my grandson needed. Perhaps they have Education Advocates in your area. It was worth the money I spent.
I think part of the issue is that the student is in a private school...however there are child find laws which rest on the district in which the private school is located. While I agree that an advocate can be helpful in certain situations, I would first speak with someone about the district's responsibility in evaluating this child. A good school psychologist can walk you through the process....if you still feel that you need an advocate then consult one.
ABullying is torture fir kids (and adults) get her out of there and quick. Your her bedt friend and it doednt sound like anyone at school is supporting her. Her learning is clearly being effected, she sounds like a bright little thing. Has she told you she wants out of the school or wants to stay? Life is short there is enough time to be stressed when you older, this time in her life should be stresdfree and fun and the school is not doi g their job orotecting your most prescious thing while ur not there, I would be going flippin nutsxxi wish you all the bedt my kids (6 and 3) go to comp schools in the uk and I would be going mental at them you are paying for her education and they gave a duty of care to sort this for yiu. Look up their anti bullying policy and then go to the school board.
AOkay sorry been gone for a while. First thanks for the support. An update. We had testing done as the school requested. Her iq is 119, so above average. The evaluator said she had never seen a kid of her age with as high of a perceptual reasoning , she was more on the level of a child in high school than first grade. They ruled out autism, they believe her poor peer interactions is directly linked to bullying. She is ADHD as we were expecting. She also has mild dyslexia having to do with her phonemic awareness, which is why she struggles with reading and spelling. After going head to head with the school because they wanted her to be medicated for ADHD , and I am adamantly against it, we are finishing out the school year ( my daughters choice- there are some school activities she didn't want to miss out on) then going to a university model school next year. I quit fighting with the school and went straight to the child's parents who had been physically bullying her and just plainly told them they needed to make sure their son stopped, if he touched her again I would be calling the cops and gave them a long print out of children who had been charged for physical bullying to show that I was serious and it could be done. Unfortunately there is always going to be bullies but the physical side is absolutely unacceptable. I was able to talk to the high school side and have a substituting position there for the rest of the school year since a teacher just had a baby and has vacation/maternity leave the rest of the year, so I am not far and can check in often and have lunch with her everyday. I am tutoring her in the Barton system to give her the tools to overcome her dyslexia. The superinten
Astupid iPad cut me off...... Superintendent does not want us leaving the school and has made tried to convince us to stay but I do not feel it is the best place in the long run. So because my daughter wants to and the university model does not have any spots until next year we are making it work but keeping on top of everything to make sure everything is okay. I wanted to pull her out sooner but she begged to stay because she has a part in the fairy tale ball and doesn't want to miss it, so I told her we would finish out the year.
You are a wonderful mother. You've looked out for what's best for your child and are following through with a good plan. I don't blame you for not staying there. I can't believe the Superintendent is pushing you to stay when they did nothing to protect your daughter from the boy who was constantly bullying her. Lot of nerve if you ask me! Maybe if they were more proactive in caring for their students and taking care of the real problems, you'd be willing to stay. But your daughter comes first and in my opinion, you've made the right choice. Including your daughter in the decision was also very wise. It makes her feel like her opinion counts, but at the same time she knows you're looking out for her best interests. I applaud you for sticking to your guns!
AOh and we landed on the university model decision because the school does not want to cooperate and work with us since we are going the non medicated route. O have met with the Ums teachers and directors about accommodations and tools thatbhelpmher and they are willing to do it. Ums have class two days a week and homeschool three days with teacher prepared lesson plans. We are hiring a private tutor to do the math with her though because especially as she gets older I really stink with math. We may put her back in at high school just because I love the high school and I will continue with involvement at the high school because we have an exchange student in 9 th grade that will actually be living with us ( with the exception of summers) until she graduates high school.
good for you
never ending battle--i don't need to tell you that ;)
she tests out very much like my son--so interesting
who could willingly miss the fairy tale ball! so cool
best of the best to you
Louanne,
You have done amazingly. I too had the fight of my life with my son. We started when he was 3 years old and he threaten to shoot his teacher. (unfortunately Columbine had just happened and that was all he was hearing) But we had him tested and he was diagnosised with ADHD,Bipolar, and ODD... We chose to meidcate him and he ended up sleeping through most of his elementary school years. He came to me when he was in the 5th grade and asked to come off the medication because it made him sleepy and dizzy and he did not like that feeling. While he was medicated the school did not want to put him on a program for his learning disablilites and that was a year long fight. We had to pull him out of public and put him in a christian private school with a small class room ... workwise he was exceeding but the religion was not something that he understood or would understand so he was pulled from there. We then tried homeschool and that was not something that he enjoyed because he liked having his friends too much. But he is now in the tenth grade and has a lot of the symptoms under control and the school knows not to mess with me.
Bottom line... Great job and keep fighting for your daughter.
We medicated our ADD daughter and the school left it at that, problem solved in their opinion. We just heard we are 1st on the waitlist for one of the top schools in the state for next year, and I cannot wait to tell the superintendent that 'good enough' will no longer be good enough for my daughter.
(Having said that, I urge you to at least consider investigating medication, it has really made such a huge difference in my daughter's life. She is on the absolute lowest dose possible and we have not had too many issues with side effects. Obviously it is 100% your choice, but don't discount it just because it's frowned upon nowadays).
AWe made the choice to go the non medicated route due to my background in children's mental health services. Also due to the fact none of the medications with the exception of Ritalin have been around long enough to understand the long term effects. My daughter is already predisposed genetically to many of the side effects the medications can cause, including depression, with this and the fact that I have seen first hand not only the positive but the very ugly downside for short and long term use of mind altering drugs we are absolutely adamantly against medicating our daughter. I have friends who rely on medication for their children and completely respect their decision but I absolutely feel based on our family histories placing her on a medication would be playing with fire which is something I am not willing to risk.
it's a gut wrenching tough deeply individual decision that the schools pressure pressure pressure lobby hard for
'let's give all the little kids that don't fit the mold the happy teacher pills'
it's really really really really hard
we went with the feingold method--because i tried it and it worked--there's a ton of great stuff on the web now about it--when i did it that long ago--it was all in books...but it made enough of a difference for us that he never* used the medication till he got into college and used it to his advantage for brief time frames
i have family that used it and i still don't know why (see first line of this post)
their kids were already A students--kinda slow with homework in 1st 2nd grade but who cares?(opposite of mine mine was hyper)
then the other child was neither hyper nor A student material--she was just inattentive, scatterbrained--yes sure medicate her out of herself--drug her into submission into fitting into this classrom with the others
not all of it--but a lot of it is flat wrong imo
*he took a few doses one week because i caved to the pressure but not more than two days--god it's hard!
like i said, he's happily married and successful career now ;)
I am glad you figured things out for your daughter. I hope you have a great year next year. Sometimes, many times actually, things change and kids grow and thrive!
HI,
I have been a teacher for 22 years. I started in a Catholic school and am now in a public school. There is a world of difference. I know that public schools get a beating, but most are excellent. The ones that bring the scores down are in very poor areas. What does that have to do with your girl? A lot.
Public schools must follow the laws. Catholic and Christian schools can make them up as they go along, especially if they are not accepting federal funding. Your daughter should be tested for learning disabilities, since she is having some trouble, and if she has them, they will have a Child Study Team (CST) create an IEP for your daughter (Individualzed Education Program) outlining exactly what accomodations she will receive. If she is ADD or ADHD, she may receive a 504 plan. This is all federally mandated, and if the school and/or teachers do not follow the IEP or 504 plan, there are serious legal consequences to the school. We can be sued personally and the school can lose federal funding for violation of an IEP. You can also get an advocate to help guide you through all of this for free.
If you don't have a good public school in your area, perhaps another private school would be able to cooperate more fully. And if a parent came to me with a problem about a bullying child at Thanksgiving, and I suggested we meet after Christmas, I would be in serious danger of losing my job, tenure or not. We are to address parent concerns immediately, or we are called on the carpet, as it should be.
Seriously, private schools get away with incredible stuff that public schools would never even consider. Why? We are responsible to the principal, the superintendent, and the Board of Education, who answer to the public. If a parent is not heard, he or she can go all the way to the Board, and create bad publicity for the district, which no one wants, so I have seen the schools I work in bend over backwards to help a parent fix a situation.
Best to you. It is so hard to see your child unhappy. Please be her advocate, since no one else is doing so in this situation.
Nancy
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