Cake For Family Expected Time After Time!
Business By puddles_gal Updated 16 Jun 2014 , 2:26am by puddles_gal
ASo you have already, on more than one occasion expressed your displeasure with the situations they put you in? Time to get tough. Tell them no, in no uncertain terms, that you will be making anything for them again without proper compensation. That is absolutely ridiculous, and if they want to be slimy little jerks and uninvite you to parties and whatnot, let them! You just got out of buying gifts, and wasting an afternoon spending time with ungrateful, petty, self absorbed a holes.
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There's an easy solution. Go to a bakery and buy them a cake. You paid for it so it's your gift!
Brilliant!
To the OP, family and friends are the worst clients. We've most of us been down this road, it's really hard to have to start charging but once you reach a certain level of expertise and professionalism you have to otherwise the only clients you have will be the non paying ones.
Sometimes people just don't value your time (scratch that - people NEVER value your time).....
Just ask for the equivalent in what they do/sell/produce - yes I'll do that cake for you (in your head it's worth $300 or whatever) - could you please detail my car three times - or babysit my kids to that value - or operate on my child (!) - whatever it takes to show them you are as valuable as their time and skills, which they obviously value above all others!
It's hard, we often start out taking freebies to events to test out recipes, techniques, etc. but when you start to sell, it should be your choice what to make if they are not paying market value, if you are displacing another money-making cake or if you don't outright offer to make the cake.
If you CAN'T stand up to them: I think giving the "shopping" list with an incredibly detailed, difficult set of requirements (and make sure they ARE running all over town) to make that precise cake is a great idea. Yes it smacks of revenge, but yes they deserve to volunteer a little of their own time and cash to make their child's cake - especially if they expect you to contribute the labour and give up normal working time. And if they complain - "why can't YOU do the shopping - why should I have to do it?" - you can ask them, I thought you wanted to give your child this beautiful cake....a little reverse blackmail.......otherwise they can have nothing or plain old simple vanilla with a candle on top!
Sorry.....yes....I have a little repressed anger myself.....nothing that spending the rest of my life in therapy can't solve!
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My family is really starting to drive me nuts when it comes to cake! It's become an expectation now that I bake all the birthday cakes in my family, free of charge. When I put my foot down last year and said that I would donate my time but they can pay for the ingredients, they did in fact pay for the ingredients, but still were hesitant in handing over the money, even though I offered to provide them with a detailed list of all my ingredients and the cost of each.
Last year, my brother had a combined birthday party for both my nephews, and I had to make 2 separate themed cakes so they would each have their "own" cake- there was enough cake to feed 24 people, and only about 10 people at the party! However, I didn't say anything because any time I do, I receive backlash ( I was "dis-invited" to a party one year b/c I said I couldn't make the cake b/c of time constraints). These cakes are very detailed, with handmade figurines and everything, so they aren't simple in the least. :-(My brother did not offer to pay for the ingredients, so my mom did, but not without making it known that I should be making these cakes for nothing because they are my only nephews.
So it's that same time of year, and he is having yet another combined birthday party for my nephews. I am at the point where I am trying to come up with excuses not to go just so I don't have to make the cakes! I love my nephews, but my family does not seem to understand that their expectations are quite unrealistic- they want extremely detailed cakes that take hours to create, want me to pay for it out of my own pocket in ADDITION to bringing gifts, and don't understand that I have to turn down other PAYING clients in order to make their free cake! I've already had my 9 year old nephew request what he wants for his cake, and I blame my family for letting him have the expectation that I am going to make it. How can I turn this situation around and not look like the bad guy all the time?
How about this:
You: I'm not making any more cakes, you people don't appreciate them or respect my time and effort. The free ride is over.
Family members: You are uninvited from my special party!
You: Well, then, you just proved my point.
Nobody can take advantage of you if you say the magic word "NO." Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they get a free pass to treat you like the hired help. Or unhired help, as the case may be.
And of course you can stand up to them. Just do it. Say no. Why do people think that if someone is a family member yuo have to do everything they want just so they won't be "offended?" No no no no no.
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So you have already, on more than one occasion expressed your displeasure with the situations they put you in? Time to get tough. Tell them no, in no uncertain terms, that you will be making anything for them again without proper compensation. That is absolutely ridiculous, and if they want to be slimy little jerks and uninvite you to parties and whatnot, let them! You just got out of buying gifts, and wasting an afternoon spending time with ungrateful, petty, self absorbed a holes.
Hahahaha! This is true.
Uh, family dynamics! Only you know your family but here are my suggestions:
1) Keep making the cakes for free but don't bring a gift, especially and expensive one - the cake is the gift.
2) Keep making the cakes for free, but tell them they can pick the flavor, but you are going to make the cake that you want. That way you can practice new techniques that you can then use in your business. Make sure to take pictures of those cakes, they belong in your portfolio like any other you make. At least your time is not wasted and you are doing something for your business.
3) Let them pick the cake they want, except it can't be anything that you have to outlay money for new equipment that you may not use in your business.
4) Send them e-mails for other bakeries showing them how much cakes such as yours actually cost and then tell them beforehand how much of a discount you are giving them.
5) Keep making the cakes for free, but only make the simplest cakes you can, no more detail work that takes hours of your time. Make them a nice delicious but simply decorated cake.
6) Don't make the cake at all - sorry, I've got paying orders!
7) Make sure that everyone knows exactly how much you would charge a paying customer for the cakes you are making for your family. Maybe they don't appreciate what they are getting because they don't know the market value of it.
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Uh, family dynamics! Only you know your family but here are my suggestions:
1) Keep making the cakes for free but don't bring a gift, especially and expensive one - the cake is the gift.
2) Keep making the cakes for free, but tell them they can pick the flavor, but you are going to make the cake that you want. That way you can practice new techniques that you can then use in your business. Make sure to take pictures of those cakes, they belong in your portfolio like any other you make. At least your time is not wasted and you are doing something for your business.
3) Let them pick the cake they want, except it can't be anything that you have to outlay money for new equipment that you may not use in your business.
4) Send them e-mails for other bakeries showing them how much cakes such as yours actually cost and then tell them beforehand how much of a discount you are giving them.
5) Keep making the cakes for free, but only make the simplest cakes you can, no more detail work that takes hours of your time. Make them a nice delicious but simply decorated cake.
6) Don't make the cake at all - sorry, I've got paying orders!
7) Make sure that everyone knows exactly how much you would charge a paying customer for the cakes you are making for your family. Maybe they don't appreciate what they are getting because they don't know the market value of it.
I choose option 6.
My family used to do the same thing. I started charging them and making them sign a contract this year. My cousin (who had gotten at least 5 FREE cakes from me in the past) asked me why I was being so mean to everyone about cake... This was my response:
I make everything from scratch. I measure, I sift, I grease pans I mix and I bake. I make my own frosting and I spend the time to decorate it. I try my best to make it pleasing to look at and taste wonderful. I'm not being mean to everyone by asking them to pay. I think it's mean and rude to expect not to since we're related. This is the way that I make money. No one asks you to do your job for free, please don't ask me to do mine for free.
It's become a peeve of mine. I know everyone is looking for a great deal (or free) but it takes hard work, money, practice, time you'll never get back, and talent to do what we do. That is not free.
Time is money- Benjamin Franklin
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Original message sent by SSJen
My family used to do the same thing. I started charging them and making them sign a contract this year. My cousin (who had gotten at least 5 FREE cakes from me in the past) asked me why I was being so mean to everyone about cake... This was my response: I make everything from scratch. I measure, I sift, I grease pans I mix and I bake. I make my own frosting and I spend the time to decorate it. I try my best to make it pleasing to look at and taste wonderful. I'm not being mean to everyone by asking them to pay. I think it's mean and rude to expect not to since we're related. This is the way that I make money. No one asks you to do your job for free, please don't ask me to do mine for free.
It's become a peeve of mine. I know everyone is looking for a great deal (or free) but it takes hard work, money, practice, [B]time you'll never get back[/B], and talent to do what we do. That is not free.
Time is money- Benjamin Franklin
Very well put! I'll have to quote you when I talk to my mom about her coworkers birthday coming up!
I had another thought about this issue. What is your family culture about this? For example your relatives that fix cars, does home repair, accounting, hair stylist, day care, landscaper, etc. Do these people offer their skills to you for free? If they do, then I guess that would affect your making cakes for them for free also. But if these people all charge you full price, then you absolutely should put a stop to it. You can simply say to each person that tells you to make the cake for free that they don't do xyz for you for free and you won't be doing the cake for free.
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I've had another thought too, If you are giving it as a gift then surely the design & size should be what you can afford both in financial and time you give and not on what they want?
Absolutely, it should be, but it sounds like this situation has deteriorated into non-gift territory. The cakes aren't considered to be a gift anymore, they're considered to be something the family members "deserve" by virtue of being related. Which means that they're not appreciated.
This is upsetting you and making you resentful towards everyone in your family. As difficult as it will most assuredly be, you have to put your foot down and this means you will either be considered the most horrible witch in the family or you won't be included in any more family events at all. Believe me, neither one is necessarily a bad thing.
My DH and I have had upsetting situations with both sides of our family and finally decided we didn't have to make ourselves a target. Sometimes the reaction you receive from family members is difficult to handle, but you can't allow them to walk all over you and dictate how you conduct your life or your business, simply because they're too cheap to pay for a cake. If you're turning away paying customers to do "free" cakes for family members, you need to stop immediately. This is your livelihood. My brother the dentist doesn't give his services free to me or anyone else, so why should I give him free cake?
It won't be the end of the world if a few members of the family stop speaking to you - - I promise. And it might just give you a needed break from the stress they're causing you.
AWow! Thank you so much for all of your responses! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that has to deal with this issue. I think I am going to let everyone know that I am not going to be baking for family anymore unless they want to pay full price, or unless I offer to do so. They have completely taken the fun out of it and for some reason fail to acknowledge the time, money, and effort involved. I'm tired of feeling the pressure from my mom and my brother and I plan on telling them just that.
this happened to me as well.
I have 4 nieces, and their parentes started comparing the cakes..
"The cake you did for XXX niece was bigger than this one.." and everything was for free as my gift!
thanks God I moved in the other side of the world :D
AOk everyone, my brother texted me today asking about the cake, so this is what I texted back: "I've given this a lot of thought, and I have decided that I am not going to be baking for family members/ close friends anymore, unless I offer to do so. It's nothing personal at all against you or the boys or anyone- I used to get excited to make cakes for everyone, as it was a great way to practice new skills and learn new things as I went along, but now it just seems that it's become an expectation that takes time and money I do not have. No one ever even offers to pay for the ingredients, so I am often left spending a lot of money not only on the cake, but I have to bring gifts as well on top of that. I'm not sure if everyone realizes how many hours can be spent working on a cake, and I just feel my time and effort is not appreciated. I'm uncomfortable with the pressure to produce an extravagant cake for every birthday in the family, especially when I am sometimes booked with other orders or have to turn down paying clients in order to make family/friends a free cake. I would appreciate it if I could just be a guest at the party/special event and enjoy myself that way. Hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. "
AWell done! Let us know what your brother texts back!
Good for you, and now be prepared for everyone in your family who expected a free cake to tell you you're being selfish and unreasonable. Just remember that they're just having temper tantrums and will get over it.
Puddles, that was a really great message. It said in a very polite way all the reasons that this just can't go on, money, time, paying customers, lack of appreciation, lack of pleasure or joy for you, etc. Succinct yet detailed. Well done, I can't think how you could have said a word better. So regardless of how he and the rest of your family react, just know that this change you are making is not in the least unreasonable, unfair or unkind.
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Exactly, a temper tantrum and how do we deal with those...walk away and ignore it.
It will happen because selfish people are used to getting their own way, but well done you ,the line is drawn in the sand.
If you get calls or e-mails pushing back, just tell them that you have changed your policy and that's it. If they want to buy a cake from you, ask how much they want to spend on a cake. Then you can take the $35.00 and buy one from Walmart/Costco/Sam's Club/any grocery store.
AI heard back from my bro last night, and boy was I shocked! He was totally fine with it and said he understands, and no tantrum followed! Now I can only hope that everyone else in the family will follow suit! Lol. Thank you so much to everyone on here who offered your advice and suggestions- I greatly appreciated the feedback! :D
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