How Much Knowledge Is Enough?

Lounge By paperlace1 Updated 13 Jan 2014 , 11:17pm by carmijok

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jason_kraft Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 5:56am
post #31 of 129

A

Original message sent by Annabakescakes

I suppose I am abusing my children for telling them to say please and thank you?

That's an excellent illustration of my point. Teaching etiquette to a child you have responsibility for is appropriate and to be expected. Attempting to publicly teach etiquette to another adult is usually interpreted as condescending at best, often leading to resentment and a counterproductive result.

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howsweet Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 4:22pm
post #32 of 129

A

Original message sent by jason_kraft

We're talking about calling people out for not saying "thank you". If that's not etiquette, what is it? "Don't be a jerk" is pretty much the informal laconic definition of etiquette.

No its not unless we have different definitions of "jerk". Etiquette is about knowing the correct thing to do. Not being a jerk is about avoiding being unkind. If you use the wrong fork, you haven't be unkind.

I am less concerned about a person's manners than I am about how they treat people. Sure, if you have excellent manners, you're probably treating people ok. But you can still be kind and not have good etiquette.

While I'd rather be thanked out of real appreciation (nothing to do with etiquette), if a person is a jerk and doesn't give a damn about my efforts, I still expect a thank you (etiquette). His good manners in this case would have covered his lack of good will.

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Stitches Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 4:31pm
post #33 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by howsweet 

 The point is don't be a jerk to the person who just helped you.

That was the essence of my posts on this thread.

 

Treat people as you want to be treated....and sometimes when I do something really stupid (which everyone does) I do want someone to tell me how stupid that was. I can take criticism and being poked at, if it's not mean spirited :)

 
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jason_kraft Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 4:47pm
post #34 of 129

A

Original message sent by howsweet

No its not unless we have different definitions of "jerk". Etiquette is about knowing the correct thing to do. Not being a jerk is about avoiding being unkind. If you use the wrong fork, you haven't be unkind.

It is true that there is more to etiquette than please and thank you, but my point was that saying please and thank you (and not publicly calling out people who don't) are considered part of good etiquette in this context. If you want to call it "not being unkind" that's cool too, it's just semantics.

While I'd rather be thanked out of real appreciation (nothing to do with etiquette), if a person is a jerk and doesn't give a damn about my efforts, I still expect a thank you (etiquette). His good manners in this case would have covered his lack of good will.

To me, thanking someone who has done something for you is the polite thing to do, regardless of whether or not there is sincere appreciation. If someone is a jerk and doesn't thank you, calling them out in public is more likely to start a flame war than cause a positive behavior change.

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Stitches Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 5:34pm
post #35 of 129

Quote:

Originally Posted by jason_kraft 

 If someone is a jerk and doesn't thank you, calling them out in public is more likely to start a flame war than cause a positive behavior change.


I don't recall any threads here where someone was called out for not saying thank-you.

 

That isn't the complete point Jason and I think you do understand the issues .... and are just nit picking words for words.....which seems to be your natural nature and we all smile when you do that....... newbies/strangers might not understand this.....but we stick up for you when they don't.....because we know you have good intentions!
 

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jason_kraft Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 5:55pm
post #36 of 129

A

Original message sent by Stitches

I don't recall any threads here where someone was called out for not saying thank-you.

My replies here are in response to your mention on the previous page about someone who hadn't replied to answers given in a specific thread. You are correct that it was not called out in that thread, it was called out here.

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Stitches Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 6:24pm
post #37 of 129

Quote:

Originally Posted by jason_kraft 


My replies here are in response to your mention on the previous page about someone who hadn't replied to answers given in a specific thread. You are correct that it was not called out in that thread, it was called out here.


It's part of the explanation I gave to the OP so they might understand the 'why' behind other peoples reactions/behavior on other threads. If it was something I wanted to "call out" I would have started my own thread on the topic.

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howsweet Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 6:28pm
post #38 of 129

A

Original message sent by jason_kraft

It is true that there is more to etiquette than please and thank you, but my point was that saying please and thank you (and not publicly calling out people who don't) are considered part of good etiquette in this context. If you want to call it "not being unkind" that's cool too, it's just semantics. To me, thanking someone who has done something for you is the polite thing to do, regardless of whether or not there is sincere appreciation. If someone is a jerk and doesn't thank you, calling them out in public is more likely to start a flame war than cause a positive behavior change.

No, it's not just semantics. We are talking about 3 different things:

1) etiquette 2) kindness 3) gratitude

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jason_kraft Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 6:34pm
post #39 of 129

A

Original message sent by howsweet

No, it's not just semantics. We are talking about 3 different things:

1) etiquette 2) kindness 3) gratitude

For the purposes of this conversation I'm not sure the distinction really matters.

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Stitches Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 6:53pm
post #40 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by jason_kraft 


For the purposes of this conversation I'm not sure the distinction really matters.


But as I recall you were the person to make those distinctions............... labeling what I described as a lack of gratitude as 'poor etiquette'..........the rest of us were basically talking about a lack of gratitude and response.

 

So what are we all fighting for the last words or what?...........isn't this all silly.......

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scrumdiddlycakes Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 8:35pm
post #41 of 129

AQuick, somebody reference Emily Post!

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shanter Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 9:32pm
post #42 of 129
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jason_kraft Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 9:41pm
post #43 of 129

A[quote name="shanter" url="/t/766846/how-much-knowledge-is-enough/30#post_7474049"]As you wish: [URL=http://www.emilypost.com/]http://www.emilypost.com/[/URL][/quote]

Going forward, a handwritten thank you note will be required when someone answers your question on CC. Please make sure your mailing address is in your profile before replying.

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DeliciousDesserts Posted 8 Jan 2014 , 11:42pm
post #44 of 129

*watches it all jump the track and land in the ditch

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paperlace1 Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 12:15am
post #45 of 129

AI don't think I have ever seen a thread on any forum so successfully hijacked. With the change of subject so subtle

:-?

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-K8memphis Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 12:26am
post #46 of 129

happens all the time, p.l.1-- not that it's good or bad in this case -- i don't know --just saying--

 

emily post was very cool but i like miss manners better more contemporary (duh) obviously--she had a really cool way of not being snarky but being pointed in a well rounded way -- wow i did not know e.p. had a blog and a fb page et al--very interesting

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JWinslow Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 12:26am
post #47 of 129

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeliciousDesserts 
 

*watches it all jump the track and land in the ditch


Hahaha!

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Stitches Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 1:01am
post #48 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by paperlace1 

I don't think I have ever seen a thread on any forum so successfully hijacked. With the change of subject so subtle

icon_confused.gif


Really........you've got to hang out here more. This is totally normal (I guess we're all a little under stimulated mentally working for ourselves). You just haven't seen all the threads that get deleted and disappear because they get hijacked far worse than this....

 

You just have to get to know us better to find all the humor in our babbling.......we don't send out formal invites though!! Just jump in....as you've already done... wait I think you're already hooked.

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Annabakescakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 1:40am
post #49 of 129

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeliciousDesserts 
 

*watches it all jump the track and land in the ditch


LOL!!! It's a disaster, right? I saw this it do that earlier and was going to reference this in "a private group" but now I don't think I have to ;-)

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scrumdiddlycakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 1:49am
post #50 of 129

AWait, we're supposed to stick to the posted topic? Since when????

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MimiFix Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 2:23am
post #51 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by paperlace1 

I don't think I have ever seen a thread on any forum so successfully hijacked. With the change of subject so subtle

Yes, quite a refreshing change. Ditch and all.

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sixinarow Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:11am
post #52 of 129

AKids are sticky... [@][@]scrumdiddlycakes[/@][/@]

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mcaulir Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:12am
post #53 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by paperlace1 

I don't think I have ever seen a thread on any forum so successfully hijacked. With the change of subject so subtle

icon_confused.gif

 

Well, here's a good example of your issue. You're up to what, 83 posts?

 

New people in absolutely any social situation generally observe, absorb the culture, and decide whether they like the environment. Then they join in with discussions pleasantly, share their knowledge when they can, and gradually gain the respect of the group.

 

Wasn't there another thread that you started a while ago criticizing the forum? I can't quite remember the topic, but it seems to me that it was similar to this one.

 

May I suggest that criticizing the forum and the behaviour of its members as a new member won't endear you to either of them?

 

I also suspect that the vast majority of members here wouldn't consider any of the other members as 'friends' in the old-fashioned sense of the word, and those who would say they had made friends here, did it over years and hundreds, or even thousands, of posts, rather than weeks or months and less than 100 posts.

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MimiFix Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:20am
post #54 of 129

Thank you mcaulir.

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scrumdiddlycakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:21am
post #55 of 129

A

Original message sent by sixinarow

Kids are sticky... [@][@]scrumdiddlycakes[/@][/@]

whatwho????

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sixinarow Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:26am
post #56 of 129

A

Original message sent by scrumdiddlycakes

whatwho????

Haha! It was supposed to tag Annabakescakes too. [@]Annabakescakes[/@]

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jason_kraft Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:26am
post #57 of 129

AConsidering the original topic of this thread was both broad and meta I don't really see how this thread has been "hijacked". If you think it has been, a more productive response would have been to guide the discussion back to whatever you thought the original topic was.

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Annabakescakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 3:28am
post #58 of 129

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixinarow 

Kids are sticky...
<a href="/u/893108/scrumdiddlycakes" data-huddler-embed="href" data-huddler-embed-layout="inline">@scrumdiddlycakes</a>


Why, yes they are! Huh, @IAmPamCakes?

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scrumdiddlycakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 4:03am
post #59 of 129

ADo you barf when you get migraines, @Annabakescakes ?

sorry, sticky kids started it... And the thread was already derailed :)

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IAmPamCakes Posted 9 Jan 2014 , 6:43am
post #60 of 129

AYes. Kids are sticky [@]annabakescakes[/@]

Quote by @%username% on %date%

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