How Do You Handle Jealous People??
Business By CakeDiva70 Updated 17 Feb 2009 , 9:34am by Curtsmin24
Don't let others' unhappiness keep you from being happy.
If your co-worker is jealous and petty, those are HER issues, not yours and it has nothing to do with you.
Oh, I forgot to add an important fact. Just that morning I was talking to another co-worker, and she was saying she did not enter this year. She said she won the last 2 years, and the women were giving her grief about it. They told her it wasnt fair for her to keep winning. She is not considered a professional at all. I told her that she still should have entered, because this is what a competition is. You compete for the award. With that being said, these are women who dont like to lose. To me, they just want to win and dont care that they obviously dont measure up to the BEST!!!
Oh my gosh, Political Correctness has infiltrated! "it's not FA-A-A-A-I-R that one person wins all the time! whine! whine! whine!" So the answer is to lower the bar, dumb down america, instead of being inspired to work harder.
I used to be on a scholarship award committee and there was one kid who was excelling at everything. One person in the group suggested that we not give him this one scholarship because "...then he's pretty much taking all of them." I said, "That's the reward you get for working hard and achieving. That's the standard we need to set for everyone else." I wouldn't give in. (imagine that, huh?)
This is a big issue in the dance industry right now. Dance comps took, IMHO, a big downfall when they adopted the "adjudicated" process for awards. Basically the dancers compete against a scoreing system and NOT against each other. They give out medal standings such as Platinum, gold, silver, bronze - Now days you almost NEVER see a bronze even if the dancer(s) deserved that low of a score, and every now and again maybe a silver, but most are all awarded golds and the upper crust (those within 3 points of a perfect 100 score from each judge - typically 3 judges) receives a platinum. Many of us "old schoolers" remember the good old days of when our students had to bust their butts to achieve that next ranking on the placement ladder.
What this PC type of scoring has done is just what Indydebi said it has "dumbed down" the work ethics of the dancers, there is next to nothing in commitment and attendance. They know they can still get that gold fairly easily as there is a 30 point spread to obtain that medal standing. I have seen many studio owners pitch a fit if their dancer(s) receive anything less than a gold, and then threaten to not return to that competition. My thing is WHY COMPETE IF ALL YOU EVER WANT IS A GOLD AND DON'T DO THE WORK NECESSARY TO ACTUALLY DESERVE ONE!
You see to the lay person who is reading the paper, a studio owner can send out a press release stating her comp team won all golds at "such & such" dance competition...now as a John Q. Public reader you are going to think - Hey this studio is really good they won first place in all their routines, maybe I will enroll my kids there! (input annoying buzzer sound here) WRONG! More than likely if you actually compared their scores they might have actually come in dead last! How is that a competition?
Okay, stepping off soap box now.
Clutch your chest with your right hand, place the back of your left hand against your forehead and say very dramatically: "I've failed! My sole purpose for being here was to make you happy and I've failed. I might as well disappear from the face of the earth!" Wail and moan as needed for added emphasis.
I LOOOOVE Jealous people!!
I was just talking to my husband about this topic last Sunday! We were getting ready to have some old friends over for dinner and he's really good friends with the guy (he actually calls him his mentor), but the wife is always giving me grief over every little thing. We hadn't seen them in about 4 years so we were prepping for their visit and my DH asked me, "So how do you think this visit is going to go?" When I asked what he meant DH replied, "Well, you know she's jealous of you". It was funny that a man could recognize that, I guess her attitude towards me was more obvious than I thought.
I asked him why some women respond to me that way and he said plainly (as only a man could), "They want what you have and they want to be who you are so they get mad when they know that can't be. They don't stop to think that who you are came as a result of what you been through in life and if they did, they sure wouldn't want to grow through it to get what you have or be who you are." Wha-wha? How insightful...
Think about why these women are jealous. You can do something they can't. If you were to graciously step down and be a judge, they'd be mad because you think you're better than them, you won't win because you can't win with jealous people. Resign yourself to knowing that somewhere in your life someone will always be jealous of you and realize that their opinion of you is not important.
Ok, I swear this just came up for me last week! I am a SAHM though... it was my husband's office. They sent out a notice about a dessert contest and there will be a prize... AND I WAS EXCLUDED BY NAME.
OMG, this HAPPENED TO ME at my husband's last job! They sent out an email announcing a dessert "contest", and at the bottom it said: "Jon Masters is automatically disqualified and may not enter." LOL. I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended, but I settled on flattered. It's pretty funny, actually.
I would be so MAD. And a little flattered.
While I am setting up my dessert display a coworker says that I should not be allowed to enter. Then there were other comments through out the day.
I would take it as a compliment - and tell her so. Next time she makes a comment say "Thanks for the compliment. I'm pretty damn good, aren't I?"
This should get her blood boiling to the point that her green eyed monster never rears its ugly face again. [<-- that is evil laugh, right?]
Careful what you post here. Since you have your business name in your profile, anyone can google you and find these posts. You don't want to cheese off your co-workers any more I'd think... 
Sure the Email asked for the best of the best but I can see why some of the other contestants maybe a bit upset. In their eyes you are out of their league. It seems you have a a business so to those people they will never have a chance against you. Put yourself in their shoes, it's like you being Usain Bolt and competing against an overweight 50 year old who has COPD, bad knees and 2 previous hip surgeries.
If it really bothers you that much what you could suggest at the office is:
1. Offer to be a judge for a few of the contest.
2. Suggest a few rule changes. For instance, if you (in general - applies to everyone) have won the previous contest you can't enter say the next 1 or 2 contest. This way it gives other people a chance to win.
3. Offer the people that are "jealous" of you a few pointers. Sit down with them and say look I know you think it's unfair that I win all the time. Are there any tips I can offer you to help level out the playing field?
These suggestions have nothing to do with dumbing down society. I personally think it shows great sportsmanship.
Ignore them or appreciate that someone's jealous of what you can do. If it was a decorating competition, then I'd agree that maybe you should've bowed out but it wasn't. It was a tasting and presentation: those are things a normal baker can conquer a pro at anyday. You deserved that win!
Here's the advice I gave to another member here, who went through this last year.
Be happy as Hell that they are jealous.
Here's a YouTube link to Katt Williams, The Pimp Chronicles - Haters
His language is rough, but to me, his philosophy is great. The more haters you have, the more you know you're doing better than they are.
I wish I would have seen this 10 years ago, when I had trouble with the bosses at work.
Theresa
IMHO - If these co-workers want to win by not being the best (i.e. having the talented people excluded) from whatever the competition, then this says something about their character. Plain & simple.
I have lived with a huge gree-eyed monster my entire life. I'll be 40 in a few short weeks and this woman continues to tell lies about me (she probably believes them) and cannot stand it when I get attention for my cakes.
Anyway, the only thing I can do is ignore her and feel sorry for HER. It must be miserable to be so unhappy your whole life, only wanting to be better than someone else.
I'm sure the rest of you are like me - I go out of my way to give a genuine compliment because I know how great it makes the other person feel, in turn making me feel good.
I don't understand how anyone can't be amazed at extraordinary talent - or even great genes - choosing to feel worse about their lack of those gifts instead, and talking badly to make themselves feel better.
I thought it was just me. I've been asking business people I know the same question. I've had family members and friends make snide remarks and even dessuade people they know from ordering from me. But I'm learning to deal with it. Pathetic really, if you ask me.
Careful what you post here. Since you have your business name in your profile, anyone can google you and find these posts. You don't want to cheese off your co-workers any more I'd think...
Yes, you are right.........
Are you stationed at MacDill? I love it in Tampa. My husband will be with your husband in Iraq. He leaves for a year in April.
Yes I am. I live very close to raymond james stadium.
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