I just had a party for my son at a Kid's Zone type of place. $15 per kid. My son was allowed to invite his whole class. I always do this, because I never get more than half to show up and that works within my budget and none of the kids get their feelings hurt because they weren't invited. I had one parent call and ask me if the other sibling in another class could come if she paid me the $15. No problem, I said. She did exactly what she said. Such a wonderful mom. Well, after the party, I was charged for three uninvited kids who had come along with siblings who were invited. The Kid's Zone kept track of how many wrist band they had passed out. I told them of the discrepancy and they were gracious enough to take the extra 3 kids off of my bill. I feel bad because it wasn't fair that some rude parents actually got to bring extra kids for free. I feel bad for the mom who did pay for her extra kid. When one of my kids is invited to a party, I never assume that I can just show up with the other one. How do I avoid this in the future? Is it rude to put something on the invitation that the invitation is only good for one child?
How incredibly rude this is! I had a parent bring an uninvited sibling once, but it was a home party, so not such a big deal. Still, though, it is bad manners to not call ahead and ask.
I'm sorry, I can't think of a gracious way to handle this because I just can't fathom such behavior!! I hope someone has some ideas for you.
IMO, next time, you could write that's good for the invited child, and if they want the siblings to go, they're welcome but on their expenses. If I received an invitation like this, I'd like it. To see that my other kids can have fun there too, I'll pay for them, that's for sure.
HTH
But you can't please everybody, no matter how you try.... but I'd be pleased like this 
Unfortunately "stupid is as stupid does" and some people think they have to pay for good manners, so they skip that Blue Light Special.
It's the same reason brides have such a problem figuring out how many people will be at their wedding .... because folks are either too rude or too stupid to figure out WHY they need to return an RSVP.
yeah, that's pretty rude. My eldest went to a pool party last spring and so I brought just him, much to the dismay of my middle child who really wanted to go. I didn't take him because I thought it would be rude to bring siblings! Well, the mom of the birthday boy said, "oh, you should have brought the other ones!" when I was talking about the kids during regular conversation. I just replied saying that it was good to get away from the younger kids for once. I still will leave them home the next time. When in doubt...
LaSombra, I always find it JUST as amazing when people assume everyone ELSE will do the improper thing!
Went to a bridal shower for a cousin. Bride's grandmother (my aunt) asked me why didnt' I bring my pre-teen daughter? I said, "Because her name wasn't on the invitation ..... she wasn't invited." She said that I should have KNOWN the invite meant to bring her, too! I said, "Just because YOU don't know how to do things properly, doesn't mean that I don't. If you wanted her to come, you should have invited her."
She started a short (friendly) rant about how silly I was being! OMG, I am the one doing it the proper, polite and correct way and she's trying to make ME out to be the idiot?????? 
Amazing.
Thankyou for asking this question I struggle with this every year and with my DS B-day just a few weeks away I was wondering how I could possiable word the invite to mean one child only. The parents who bring siblings are usually the ones who did not RSVP in the first place so you are not expecting the one child much less the extras. its even more irratating when they bring children that are no where near the age group of the birthday child so you really dont have anything planned for the younger/older child. I really do just prefer the parent to drop off the one kid and come back in a couple hours it just makes my life easier. This year we are having a party at pizza hut and i'm wondering how do I say im suppling pizza, cake, drinks, for only the children ivited not other kids not the adults?? or should I be responsable for feeding adults to I dont think so.
LaSombra, I always find it JUST as amazing when people assume everyone ELSE will do the improper thing!
Went to a bridal shower for a cousin. Bride's grandmother (my aunt) asked me why didnt' I bring my pre-teen daughter? I said, "Because her name wasn't on the invitation ..... she wasn't invited." She said that I should have KNOWN the invite meant to bring her, too! I said, "Just because YOU don't know how to do things properly, doesn't mean that I don't. If you wanted her to come, you should have invited her."
She started a short (friendly) rant about how silly I was being! OMG, I am the one doing it the proper, polite and correct way and she's trying to make ME out to be the idiot??????
Amazing.
yeah, that's pretty ridiculous. She was probably embarrassed so took it out on you?
Heather: I usually do stay with my kids at birthday parties...however, I don't expect to be fed as if I'm one of the kids. I just like to supervise what my kids are doing. They're still pretty young though. My eldest is just 7 and perhaps next year, I won't stay at parties. I dunno...
This year we are having a party at pizza hut and i'm wondering how do I say im suppling pizza, cake, drinks, for only the children ivited not other kids not the adults?? or should I be responsable for feeding adults to I dont think so.
Last year, I had my kids' party at Olga's. We had a clown/magician come in. We were in a private room so it was very easy to keep count of the uninvited. Actually, there were none. As far as the adults, I simply had the server announce that she would be taking individual orders from adults at their own expense.
La sombra I thought it was pretty wierd last year when parents whom I didnt even know dropped their kids off at myDS party but I loved it. it was his 7th that way I could focus on the kids. It took me awhile to let my own kid go unattended though 
I still get really paranoid about it. I guess its a double standard I want parents to drop thier kids off with me but I dont want to do the same. its my DH that makes me let our DS go on his own with one of our cell phones ofcourse and only once I have spoke to the parents.
Its a really good idea about having the server annouce that she/he will be takeing seperate orders for adults. also its a great idea to have a macgian come. I thought about that when I was going to have the party at home I will have to look into getting one to come to pizza hut.
I would ALWAYS call and ask-- and only if it's a close friend/family member-- or if it's a big neighborhood party. Our neighborhood does one for Halloween every year. It's not a huge neighborhood, so all the kids trick or treat together right after the party. I felt OK asking if my sister, her husband, and my niece (5 months younger than DS) could come, and no one seemed to mind. I was contributing food and it was much less formal.
As far as leaving mine, it will be a long time since he's only 4 and allergic to peanuts. However, I agree with the person who said that I do not expect to be fed as a guest either.
I find it really helps to put a date when you want the RSVPs by. That way people think they will miss out if they reply late, so they tend to reply in time. That way at least you know roughly how many to expect.
As for the shocking rudeness of bringing uninvited siblings, I have nothing to say. This has never happened to me - I'm not sure how I would deal with it if it did.
I guess since my children are still young, and all my friends have children of the same age range as mine, if I invite one child to a birthday party, I just expect them to all come. And I'm glad the parents stay (not just because we are all friends, but because there's no way I'd want to be responsible for every child there if there are more than just a couple--especially if we are at a venue somewhere.)
If we are having a pizza party, I completely expect to treat everyone. My friends are all the same way. Maybe it's our area?? On that same note, none of my friends would expect to eat 5 pieces of pizza for that either! I think that if you mean the party to be for the children only, and you know that siblings and parents will be attending with them, you should put a note on the invitation saying that you need $5 a person or something, so they aren't surprised when they get there and their little one reaches for a slice of pizza and you have to tell them no. Or just make it easier on everyone and say on the invitation something like "This is a limited invitation, and unfortunately we only have the means to treat (child's name)." And then give a place and time for drop-off/pick-up. That way they know that no one else is invited.
Went to a bridal shower for a cousin. Bride's grandmother (my aunt) asked me why didnt' I bring my pre-teen daughter? I said, "Because her name wasn't on the invitation ..... she wasn't invited." She said that I should have KNOWN the invite meant to bring her, too! I said, "Just because YOU don't know how to do things properly, doesn't mean that I don't. If you wanted her to come, you should have invited her.".
Something just the opposite is going to happen in December at my brother-in-law's wedding. Because, most people don't take it at face-value that if the name isn't listed, they aren't invited. Not everyone has as much good sense as you! hehe 
He and his fiancee are ADAMANT on NO CHILDREN being allowed to the wedding at all. They failed, however, to put this bit of information on the invitations, and addressed them to "The Whoever Family", with no inner envelope for individual names. The immediate family knows because of how they've been carrying on about it for so long, but we all think it's gonna be pretty interesting to see how they handle it when people show up with children. My mother-in-law told her son this, but he just said that he doesn't think anyone will bring them, and if they do, they won't be allowed inside. SO probably what will happen is when the RSVP's come back with all their family listed, they're gonna have a lot of phone calls and a lot of upset people.
LadyDZA.....omg, you HAVE to keep us in the loop on how this disaster-waiting-to-happen turns out! 
PROMISE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have found lack-of-knowledge of both ends of the invitation. Guests don't realize that if the kids names aren't listed, then the kids aren't invited. I come from a family (not just immediate family ... but all the aunts, cousins, etc) where if an invitation was sent, it was for the whole household, not just the names on the invitation. I have also experienced brides/grooms who sent the invite to Mr. & Mrs. Smith and didnt' list the children on the inner envelope ... and the Smiths found out accidentally that the children WERE expected!
I'm writing a Wedding Workshop and I address this very educational issue!!
Yeah, it's all been pretty unbelievable since they decided to get married. We all love them dearly, but they are so determined for everything to be so PERFECT that she's turned into the bridezilla from hell. Which is sad, because she really isn't normally this way. We've told them they may want to have a few people stationed in the nursery at the church just in case. We just decided to get a dear friend to just stay here at our house for the day/evening with our sons (The wedding is a few hours away) and skip rehearsal dinner and at least that way we know our kids arent in a nursery off their schedules for 8 hours---which by the way, we were going to have to hire a sitter to go up with us! It's just been kinda ridiculous from the start). When I told the bride this, her response was that she was really upset because she didnt want the boys to miss everything. I wasnt even trying to be rude, I just said "But they arent even INVITED to be part of anything! Weren't they just going to be stuck in a back room anyway??" She said yes and had nothing else to add to that except she wanted them to be in pictures but could get over it. This is the same girl who told me if I was planning on getting pregnant again, I better do it after her wedding. And told my sister-in-law (her best friend-- she will be 6 months pregnant at the wedding), that she didnt care if she picked a corset-dress for the bridesmaids, that her wedding wasnt going to be ruined just because she decided to get knocked up, she was wearing the dress she picked. It's just been nuts. So yes, they'd totally turn people away for bringing children!!
So sorry to break from the topic of your thread!!! Didnt mean to!! Can you tell I'm a bit aggravated by this wedding coming up?!
Indydebi--I'll TOTALLY keep you informed!! Her bridal shower was supposed to be this month in a couple weeks---no one RSVPed yes except her mom and one of my mother-in-law's friends!! We had to cancel it! And now are just taking her out for a girls night out. I dont even think she understands how she's making everyone feel! Really though I dont think she cares too much either--she's the very spoiled only-girl, and BABY of a well-off family, so it's all her way or nothing!
She's even making my mother-in-law (Mother of the groom) wear the exact same color as her bridesmaids gowns. She cant even choose her own gown!!!
My experience with b-day parties in the past few years, is that it's all borrowed money. What I mean is that most of our friends and acquaintances have multiple children. So, if one of them brings the siblings to my son's party and I pay for them, then, next time, when we are invitied to one of their parties, we will do the same, and they will return the favor. We actually insist that the siblings attend. It may just be becasue they are all about the same ages, and I know they will be together for the next 10-15 years in this neighborhood. It's really a pleasant thing that nobody seems to mind doing. We usually buy or bring a whole spread of food for just the adults, too, and just hang out together till the party is over.
Some of your wedding stories are crazy!!! There are always people who will not go by the wording on the invitation, unfortunately. I have learned that for myself, it is better to be a gracious bride and welcome someone you didn't count on coming, than to be thought of as a bridezilla!!! I can imagine the bride who doesn't want any kids, shooing them away with tears running down their faces. .
Adonis, A solution to your problem may be that you can choose a venue like a movie theatre, or a bowling alley and pre-pay the entrance tickets for the invited children, and give them the tickets in advance. That way, if the parents want to stay or bring other children, then will have to pay for them to get in.
Adonis, A solution to your problem may be that you can choose a venue like a movie theatre, or a bowling alley and pre-pay the entrance tickets for the invited children, and give them the tickets in advance. That way, if the parents want to stay or bring other children, then will have to pay for them to get in.
ooh, that's a great idea!
OK, I have four children........I would never show up with all of them unless they all were invited!
When I send out invitations, I will write on each one that siblings are invited, but that's usually because the parties are at home.
I find it incredibly rude just to show up with kids who were not specifically invited.
Thanks to everyone for your input on my OP. I think in the future when I don't want uninvited siblings to show up that I will put a notation on the invitation that says something like "invitation only good for child named. Other siblings are welcome to attend at parent's expense." I will also be sure to give the venue a list of my RSVPs and let them know that I will not be paying for anyone not on my list. I guess that's about the most tactful way to handle it.
Someone did suggest pre-paying the venue for the RSVPs and handing out tickets. I did that for my teenage daughter, never again. Half of those who RSVP'd didn't even show up and I could not get a refund. What a waste of money.
Half of those who RSVP'd didn't even show up and I could not get a refund. What a waste of money.
That's why I use my 60% Rule on weddings and NEVER go by the RSVP number.
As an alternate idea, you could create your own 'admission ticket' on the computer and give to each child who said they were showing up. Use phrasing such as "Ticket must be presented"; personalize them with the child's name ... "This ticket admits Sally Jones to the Smith birthday celebration"; make a name tag/admission ticket. Get creative and turn it into somthing fun and funny, but still gets the message across.
Indydebi, you are absolutely correct. That's why for my daughter's Sweet 16 at a local marina, I designed the attached ticket. These were also used for drawings. You had to present a ticket to get in between 7-8:30 meaning you were invited to dinner. I had a black and white ticket for other people to enter after 9pm meaning you were invited to birthday cake and ice cream, soft drinks and entertainment and dancing. This work out very well.
I certainly hope that the families that bring the siblings have all the siblings give a gift, or at least a big one from all of them.
When I got married down in GA, we had entire families that weren't even invited show up to our reception-and let their kids bring a friend. You know what gift they gave us? A spoon rest that cost like $4. I know that I sound horrible, but come on! A glass of wine cost us like $7++. And another lady that I invited brought her daughter and her daughter's fiance that were not invited. Ridiculous!
I have three kids and only show up with the invited child. But it is quite common for me to have extras at my parties. But I just have home parties, always make too big of a cake because I combine the three bdays into one party since they're so close (1 in sept 2 in oct), I typically make a big gumbo and potato salad, of which there is always leftovers. So extras are always welcome. But I can understand the frustration of having extra kids show up at your expense. I've brought my older son before but paid for him (and I made the cake as a gift anyway so I didn't feel real bad about that). As far as the wedding thing, different kind of function all together, much more expensive, and completely uncalled for and rude to bring someone extra unless you checked with the bride first.
LadyDZA I would have gotten knocked up just to upset her. 
I can't believe she's not happy because you're leaving your kids at home, isn't that what she wanted? I want to know what happens, she's going to flip out when something goes wrong and something little always is off.
For a child's birthday I think the ticket idea sounds good, it lets people know that you only expect one child. As far as feeding parents at a venue I'm kind of torn on that one, on one hand it can add up but on the other I can understand why a parent would want to be there if they don't know you and I might feel bad if they weren't expecting to pay for their meal. Of course I also wouldn't feel right dropping a child who wasn't invited off even at someone's house especially if I didn't know them well.
We have parties at home but when we've invited kids that I don't know well I've put notes in the invitation letting them know that parents are welcome to stay if they don't want to leave their kids and if they're bringing siblings to let me know so I have enough stuff for all the kids (I normally make cookies or lollypops as party favors and I wouldn't want a child to feel left out).
I had uninvited guests at my wedding, at $75 per person!!! Thank goodness a few didn't show up and we evened out, but sheesh! One brought her daughter as her guest (I knew that and kids were given a discount because there was a children's menu), but then brought an adult friend along too! She was clueless as to how much we were spending on our wedding, so I didn't say anything. We actually had extra meals that were boxed up for us to take home (filet mignon and herb-crusted chicken, Yum!), so I was happy in the end. I still would never, ever do that to anyone else.
If you invite a card to The Whoever Family, then the family is invited! You have to put Mr and Mrs Whoever for just adults. Right? How in the world are you not going to allow the children of the guests inside? If that happened to me, I would promptly take my gift, my children, and my butt home.
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