Of All The Cheek............ Some Friends (Venting)
Decorating By yummymummycakes Updated 2 Oct 2007 , 1:39pm by tnuty
Was asked about a 2 months ago to design a cake for my friends 'sweet 16' for next year.
Not a problem, give me the theme and I will work something out for you. 
I will even make it my gift to you since our daughters have been friends since birth. 
First it was fairies , then it changed to princess 
, then changed to glitz and glamour 
By now I am starting to get annoyed.
Then today she informs me that the theme has changed to 17th century French renaissance 
Then to top if off, she asks me if I can put another girls name on the cake as well because they are going to have their parties on the same night so they will be sharing the cake. What the f&*k 
So I made a snap decision: if you change your mind again on the theme, I will charge you for all changes in the design to the cake, and I want cash up front before I start the new designs. And I also told her that because they now want the cake bigger due to the larger number of guest, she can split the cost with the other family.
My friend was not happy and said 'but you told me you would do it as a gift'. My reply, 'yes I did, but that was before you tried to take advantage of me and our friendship, so now if you want the cake you will pay for it'.
I really feel that I have done the right thing here, what my so called friend did was wrong and I should not have to suffer financially because of her. Nor should I waste valuable time designing a cake when I could be spending this time with my family.
And for those of you who are wondering why I designing so far in advance, I will have exams at that time of the year so I wanted to be organized. Typical virgo 
thanks for letting me vent
OMG if she is carrying on for her sweet 16 dont even THINK about doing her wedding
No Doubt!! You did the right thing hon!
My friend was not happy and said 'but you told me you would do it as a gift'. My reply, 'yes I did, but that was before you tried to take advantage of me and our friendship, so now if you want the cake you will pay for it'.
I greatly admire you! I wish I had the courage, sometimes, to speak my mind so frankly. What happening with the situation now.....did she apologize or write you off?
A "friend" should not do you the way your friend has done you and I too admire you for standing up and not letting her take advantage of your true friendship you extended to her in the beginning of this ordeal.
I feel badly for you because she has even put you in this position!
Exactly why I am charging my brothers girlfriend my regular prices for a baby shower cake she need for her SIL. Never told her anything other than that.
Her daughter is also graduating this year and I may do her cake as a gift, if not her mom will be paying my regular prices.
Somewhere there has to be a line. This stuff takes time, energy and resources.
For the design aspect, I don't really think your friend was trying to make it difficult for you. Just sounds to me that she couldn't make up her mind or maybe she couldn't find decorations she liked for her particular choice and found something she liked better so she changed it. I do that all the time. Plus you are designing really early and maybe she wasn't aware that you were already designing the cake or why? If she was, then shame on her.
Although, I definitely don't think she had any right to double the party size after she informed you of the number and you offered to make it as a "gift." That part does sound like she was taking advantage of you.
Sadly, some people don't realize how much money it costs to make a cake and how much effort is involved since everyone is used to baking your typical 2 layer dessert cake. I agree that you should require that the other half of the cake be paid for (if she continues to want a party larger than was quoted) but maybe you should discuss it with her and let her know why it's upset you so much. She may not realize what she was doing.
But by no means do it for free if she doesn't understand where she has wronged you.
Not to be the only one out here... but if you said you would do it as a gift, can you do the original size amount as a gift, and charge your regular price for the additional servings?? I am just wondering what the friendship means to you. If she is just an aquiantence, whatever, but if she is a FRIEND, I think I would rethink.
A friend is not worth a cake. I agree that what she did was totally crappy. I agree that she shouldn't expect you to keep changing the design. I agree that you should get to design the way you want since it is a gift, but the party IS a year away. Have you been making any gum paste peices or flower peices yet? Probably not.
Just smile, give her a deadline for the final theme, stick with that, and then make her pay for it if she changes.
I would totally NOT do the other girls cake for free. Besides, WHO wants to share their sweet 16? I think that will fall through.
Good luck, and good job sticking to your guns.
I could understand being upset if she changed her mind right before you had to make the cake, but its for next year. People will change their minds many times before they decide on something they like.
I offered to do a baby shower for one of my friends and she changed her mind a dozen times...i didn't charge her for each design.
If they want a bigger cake, I understand wanting to charge...if it were me, I would just ask that the other girl's parents pay whatever extra cost it would be to add servings.
I planned my daughter's Sweet 16 a year in advance, but didn't decide on the cake I was baking until the last minute...too much excitement and too many ideas. I would not be upset by them changing their minds a year in advance. I would be upset that they are trying to dupe me into making another girl's cake. I don't know any girl who want to share her Sweet 16, even with her best friend. I really don't know what 16 year old would want 17th Century French Renaissance as a theme. That's baffling. I think that theme won't last either. I'd make the cake as stated for my friend's daughter and include only her name on it and that would be my gift.
My 4 and 6 year olds are having a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Each kid wants to feel special. I booked two separate parties at the same time at side by side tables. I am making two separate cakes. This way their parties are together, yet separate so they each feel like a VIP.
I. I really don't know what 16 year old would want 17th Century French Renaissance as a theme. That's baffling.
ahhhhh....apparently you don't watch the spoiled brats on My Super Sweet 16....
That show is like a car wreck...horrible.. but you just can't look away!!
I. I really don't know what 16 year old would want 17th Century French Renaissance as a theme. That's baffling.
ahhhhh....apparently you don't watch the spoiled brats on My Super Sweet 16....
That show is like a car wreck...horrible.. but you just can't look away!!
I agree....that's one of the most horrific shows on TV (but I've seen several episodes)....like you said, hard to look away! I would be SO embarrassed to look back at that show if I were their parents!
Back to the post....I commend you for sticking up for yourself! I also agree with the other person who mentioned "what kind of friend is this person to you....a good friend or acquaintance"? If a friend, I would probably reconsider and if they're planning to double-up the party for two girls, just make the other family pay for 1/2 of what you would normally charge for the whole cake. I think that would be fair. Since it's a year away, I might also provide a "drop-dead" date for theme/design, etc and say NO CHANGES after that time. Get the other parents' money IN ADVANCE in case the double party plan fall through!
Good luck to you! Sounds like you'll come out on top either way!
I'm with every one else. The cake was a gift FROM you TO the birthday girl.
I'm sure you had in mind how much time and money you would be willing to spend on HER.
Birthday girl number two can come up with her own cake. ( wink) Mom should understand that and it will make each girl feel special to have their own cake...their own style, flavors and name on it.
All the theme changes aren't a problem since you hadn't begun the details..made a crown or flowers, right. I can see adjusting the new theme to fit the money you expected to spend. No problem yet...but set a date to finalize all details. If she wants ( asks) for more details than you planned or more cake because her daughter has added guests then she needs to pay the difference.
No reason to lose a real friend over this one, just make your point and let her know what you ARE willing to do. If she can't get on board then retract your offer.
good luck with this.
mommachris
Hmmmm, you know what I think? I don't think she was taking advantage of you.
I think you are a "J" on the Myers Briggs and getting a request from a "P". Meaning: you like to plan, have lists, things are color coded and everything has a place and you like to have direction up front to meet your deadlines. You would prefer to add the elements from the first idea so you have closure on the design. If you were going to college you would plan a paper due with a list of details and probably finish it before the due date. And you probably do your best work that way.
A "P" goes with the flow, likes to change their mind, prefers having the rush and acceleration of last minute, dumps things out on a table in a mess and goes for it and they love last minute changes because the idea changes seems to get even better for them. If she were going to college she would pull an all nighter the night before to get that paper written. She would do her best work in a more chaotic state.
It is very difficult for J's and P's to work together getting to get to a good finish on an idea because each work in totally different ways and it causes great tension.
I can understand your feeling taken advantage of by a friend and your response - it takes courage to stand up for yourself and your talent - congrats on that!!
On the other hand, I think that what might have upset you - and please correct me if I am wrong - is the fact that she decided to make it bigger and add another person on the cake - especially when she knew that the cake was a gift from you. The fact that she kept changing her mind is annoying, but since it was so way ahead of time, let's chalk that up to not really knowing what she wants at this stage of the game.
If she is a real friend, I would sit down with her and explain to her why you became upset - set it out for her. And if you are still willing to do the cake as a gift for her daughter only - tell her that you can make the cake bigger, but like a few other folks have mentioned, tell her that the other girl's parents will have to pay for the added cost to make it bigger.
I. I really don't know what 16 year old would want 17th Century French Renaissance as a theme. That's baffling.
ahhhhh....apparently you don't watch the spoiled brats on My Super Sweet 16....
That show is like a car wreck...horrible.. but you just can't look away!!
No I watch very little TV. My daughter has mentioned that Sweet 16 show. My TV viewing is pretty much the news and Food Network. I do like a show on Canadian TV called "Little Mosque on the Prairie." Quite humorous.
I am so proud of you!! (she said as she wiped a tear of joy from the corner of her eye).
I think you explained it well .... she WAS taking advantage of you. I would be willing to be there was a conversation that went along the lines of "Oh let's just add your daughter's name to my cake, since I'm getting it free anyway!"
You know I'm with Cheryl and Indydebi on this, the thing is sometimes you give people a little slack and they run a mile with it. Frankly if someone offered to make a cake for me as a gift I would not expect it to feed everyone at my party, it's a gift and and should be treated with a little respect.
I consider myself very lucky and cross my fingers that I never have this problem. Last year a friend asked me to make a wrestling cake for her husband, aside from the fact that she wanted a particular figurine on it, she told me WWE and left me with cart blanche, she asked how much before hand and I stated that I was happy for her to pay for ingredients but I would like to offer my time and effort as MY gift to her husband. She asked me several times was I sure, because she didn't mindpaying. When I asked her how big it should be she said there would other cakes there, so it didn't have to feed everyone and left it up to me. What I love about this couple is that I recently gave my friend a cake for her birthday and her husband went "It's OK, it's no wrestling cake though", I love it when my friends fight over who they think has the better cake, the best compliment in the world!
In a couple of weeks again i am doing a cake for a friend, well we all went to school together and she's more my sister's friend, but we know each other however, due to her having a baby recently my sister is the one putting money in my bank account and asked me to send her the bill, she's already given me more than half and I have no qualms that she will say oh you know it's my friend, especially as I've included a significant discount due to the relationships anyway.
I don't know how I turned out to be so lucky, every week I'm reading stories on here about so called friends expecting everything for nothing I have no problem with people sticking up for themselves in these situations.
Umm oh dear *steps of soap box*
First off I want to congratulate you on standing up for yourself to your friend. Too many times "friends" think it's okay to take advantage of the relationship to get what they want. Good for you for not taking it!
I can understand your frustration, having been there many times myself. I agree with most of the folks here who have said that you may consider honoring your gift to the Birthday Girl (it's not HER fault her Mother has no tact), but charge the "Piggyback" Birthday Girl's parents for the rest.
But not without first having a stern talk with your friend regarding how you felt she was taking advantage of you by offering the OTHER Mom a free cake on you!! That was intentional from the get go on your friend's part.
Honor your gift but explain to your friend that if she wants to let the other girl's Mom get in on your cake, then she should offer to split the cost of the additional cake with her. You should not have to extend your gift to the other girl's family.
What your friend is doing is trying to make herself look good to that other lady by taking advantage of your talents and generosity!!
I think you are a "J" on the Myers Briggs and getting a request from a "P".
Very funny!! Very true!! I love to change and throw things all helter-skelter ... my sister is not so inclined (actually both my sisters are a different personality.) Causes a great deal of "excitement" in our family. BUT THIS IS A YEAR IN ADVANCE!!! I will change my mind a dozen times before tomorrow on the simplest things! I know I drive both sisters insane so I try to work the best I can under their "guideliness" ... but honestly they cut me a lot of slack!!
And to top it off you are dealing with a 15-16year old ... how many crushes and heartbreaks and hormonal changes is she GOING to have in a year?? 
If you need to have your ducks in a row then you need to give your friend a deadline ... personally I would be very hurt if someone suddenly got mad at me just because I changed my mind! Now, if I asked for a BIGGER gift ... well charge me for the extra for sure!!
Girl A gets Sweet-16 party with cool cake. Mom A and Mom B figure hey, same circle of friends ~ let's do BOTH girls!
Girl B is probably now embarrassed that she's "tagging along" with Girl A's party... and that is MIGHTILY reinforced when Girl A blabs the story to Girl C and it gets back to B. Then Mom B gets all huffy and pulls out.
And 17th Century Renaissance?! Yeah, right! That's a typical preference for a 15 yr old, I'm sure. RUN, FORREST, RUN!!! Mom has spotted a Margaret Braun cake in some mag and is planning the party around it!
An update for all of you who gave advice................. Thank you
I spoke with my friend when she came over yesterday................ and turned up with a pattern for a 17th century ball gown
The mother and daughter combo turned up with the pattern and showed it to me, 'this is what I want my dress to look like'. 'How lovely' I reply.
Then, (insert drum roll please) when can you go shopping with me for fabric? 
I just looked at the two of them and very calmly replied, 'when you pay me $100 per hour for my time'. I then got up and walked out of the living room, my boyfriend said the look on their faces was priceless.
When I returned my friend asked me if there was a problem? 
Actually now that you mention it............YES!!!! 
I then pointed out the following, all of which she is well aware of by the way.
1. I have 9 children, 2 of whom are babies
2. Daughter with anorexia and cealiac disease
3. DS aged 2 with major food allergies, partial deafness
4. DD aged 1 who we have just recently discovered has a hearing loss also
5. Studying law part time
6. Baking cakes for 2 companies ( I do all there staff BD cakes at $100 per cake, average 4 cakes per month) so I cant afford to let them down
So could you please explain to me where you get off assuming I will just do all this for you????
I then went on to explain that I felt she was taking advantage of our friendship by just expecting that I can chop and change agreements with her, and how dare you expect me to make a bigger cake to accomodate you daughters friend. 
Her reply: But you are more organized then I am.................
So my reply was: I will only be more organized for $100 per hour and quite frankly if you dont like it, take your so called friendship and shove it!!!
Have to admit by then I was really thinking: you cannot be for real, nobody is this nuts!!!!
Her reply: Are you serious? Yes, I am. What part of busy do you not understand!!!!!
Then her DH walked in and said you better not be asking her to make that dress!!
The look on her face: PRICELESS
Fast forward to today: she rings and apologises. Yes she wants me to do the cake, yes they will pay for it, and NO they will not expect nor ask me to do anything else.
So I think we have a happy outcome
Once again thank you to all.
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