My Dads birthday is comming up and me being the cake lady of our family, I was going to make him a cake like i always do. So ive got the idea all planned out in my head, something meaningful having to do with him and his grandkids. Well, my step-mother asks me if im still making my dad a cake and i say yes. Then she proceeds to put her "order in" Make it a white or yellow cake and use that whipped icing i dont want that lard stuff ( grrrrrrrrrr i dont make my icing out of freaking lard) and i want u to put stewart little on it because i hate that movie and he always picks at me about it and it would be funny. (who cares) So i tell her i really dont have a good receipe for whipped icing and if i used that id have to make it at work. She says thats fine and Im going to pay for it. I am so mad I dont know what to do. I always make him a cake and its my gift to him. He always gets a kick out of em. When i get home I have an email from her tellin me what she wants and she said she sent me some $$ in the mail to pay for it. I told my brother and he wanted to call my dad and tell him we would just meet him somewhere for his bday b/c what we had planned wasnt good enough for our step-mother. I feel the same way, but I dont want to upset my dad or start any drama.......anyway thanks for lettin me vent
Can you send her money back to her with a note explaining that you would like to to the cake as a gift to him and that you have an idea already in mind?
What I would do if it were my dad,,I would make him the cake that I want to make, and hand her the money back when you see her. If you make his cake every year and he enjoys it, do it like you always have done it. The cakes from you, not her.
Your dad, your cake, your gift. End of story.
Give her the money back, and make what you want. If she wants something different, she's free to order it from someone else, but this cake is a time-honored tradition between you and your father, and NO ONE has the right to change that. She can suck it up and deal with it.
Just make the cake you want to make YOUR father, give the money back and explain that you already had an idea for the cake. Make stewart little for her birthday... 
Tell her Stuart Little is a licensed character and you can't do it. 
Or
Tell her Stuart Little got damaged and you threw together the cake you want to make, say it was in the freezer or something.
What I would do if it were my dad,,I would make him the cake that I want to make, and hand her the money back when you see her. If you make his cake every year and he enjoys it, do it like you always have done it. The cakes from you, not her.
Very well put 
My thinking exactly 
K'ly
Don't forget to post pics.
Your dad, your cake, your gift. End of story.
Give her the money back, and make what you want. If she wants something different, she's free to order it from someone else, but this cake is a time-honored tradition between you and your father, and NO ONE has the right to change that. She can suck it up and deal with it.
come on ! perfectly said.
Just nod your head, smile (fakely of course) and go ahead and make the cake you want to, then at the party, hand her the money back and say sorry, I thought of this cake and since it wasn't what you had ordered, I couldn't in all fairness, keep your money.
Barb
I would tell her that you are already booked that day and can not take any more orders.
I disagree. Honesty is the best policy.
I do agree, however, that you should keep with your tradition and do your gift of cake to your Dad that you always do. If you change your tradition now it might disappoint him and he is the birthday person.
Is she aware that you even have this tradition? If not, you should explain it to her. It's a cake, I'm sure she will understand. If she is aware of your tradition, then even better. Remind her of this, let her know what it means to you and give her the money back. There is no need for drama. If she has a problem with it then she'll just go out and get a cake. It will look bad for her to your dad as he will know of your tradition and that she tried to change it by buying a different cake. It will all work out in the end.
Can you send her money back to her with a note explaining that you would like to to the cake as a gift to him and that you have an idea already in mind?
That's all you need to say - simple, true and no-one could (or should!) take offence.
I agree - if step-monster wants the Stuart Little thing, let her pay someone else to do it - after all that is something between HER and your Dad - your tradition is something between YOU and your Dad, and it should stay that way.
Give her the money back, provide an explanation (if one is needed), and go on. If she has a problem with it and makes a big deal about it, I promise you it will be her that ends up looking like an arse in the end.
Honesty is the best policy in any situation, but especially one like this. You and your brother need to take the high road on this one.
my father past away 10yrs ago....and the one thing that i regret is not opening my mouth....when it came to "our" time....
but if you feel you don't want to start drama...why not make her a little a personal 3-6 inch cake with her money of what she wants....and give it to her to give to him.....
and you just make your traditional cake from you and your brother!!!! don't let it bother you where you can't see straight.....do what is in your heart!!!! he is your father.....he will see for himself....and she will see too....
keep us posted!!!!!
my father past away 10yrs ago....and the one thing that i regret is not opening my mouth....when it came to "our" time....
but if you feel you don't want to start drama...why not make her a little a personal 3-6 inch cake with her money of what she wants....and give it to her to give to him.....
and you just make your traditional cake from you and your brother!!!! don't let it bother you where you can't see straight.....do what is in your heart!!!! he is your father.....he will see for himself....and she will see too....
keep us posted!!!!!
I think thats what Im going to do. His bday is monday and we will go over on Sunday so she can have "her cake" for them to share on Monday. Shes probably still going to get mad but I dont care. She knows its something that I always do, but shes kind of a controlling person and she thinks everything should revolve around her. So if there's any drama it wil be her that starts it not me.
Can you send her money back to her with a note explaining that you would like to to the cake as a gift to him and that you have an idea already in mind?
I will second this ! Call and make a new place to meet and she doesn't have to see the cake until he gets home.
I also agree with the other posters, just explain to her that you have this tradition of doing your father's birthday cake, and you thank her for the money, but this is your gift to your dad and return her money to her. When a tradition is started it is something that should be kept up if at all possible. So I think you should bake and decorate your dad's cake the way you want to do it. You're creating wonderful memories for you and your dad.
My Dads birthday is comming up and me being the cake lady of our family, I was going to make him a cake like i always do. So ive got the idea all planned out in my head, something meaningful having to do with him and his grandkids.
Hands down, this is what you need to do. He'll get choked up and remember your cake forever.
He can always get another wife....but not another Daughter. 
Before my dad died, I use to make him a Miencemeat pie for his birthday. Nobody else in the family liked the pie and kept telling me to make something that everyone would eat. I would just tell them it is my gift to my father and they were free to make whatever they wanted to eat. Go with your heart, not your fear of causing trouble. It sounds like she is not only controlling, but jealous of your relationship with him. Just tell her you have a special cake in mind and it is your gift to your dad and he is expecting it from you, not her.
clndzy27, if she does decide to throw a fit..that is when you simply tell her....."you know this is our tradition", "you called and placed an order and gave me money for a cake you wanted to give him" "i did what you asked but was not going to stop our tradition of me baking him a cake from his children and grandchildren" what could she say then??? you aren't being rude....and you are telling her the truth!!!! life is too short to worry about what a "stepmother" is going to throw a fit about!!!!!
I made my dads cake today. comprimised and made it @ work so my step mom could have her icing, but i decorated it the way i wanted to, well as close as i could. He and all the grand kids always play go fish when he keeps them and they love it. very funny to watch. so that was my theme. i was going to see if i could find a small stewart little to go on it too. to please my step mom she'd sent me a check in the mail. i was going to give it back to her but i figured sice i comprimised id cash it n let her pay. so i made the cake today, went to lunch, and on my way back i stopped at HER bank. I gave the tell er the check and she looks up the account looks at me n says ther are no funds avalible in this account.....she wrote me a bad check....im so glad i didnt deposit it in my account and write a check on it..or was depending on it to pay for the cake. so i didnt even bother w looking for a stewart little. i took the cake over n told her i couldnt find one didnt even say anything about the check. my dad loved the cake...........so from now on i wont even worry with what she wants
gosh, that would make me mad too! Tell her if she wants to place an order, to do it at a bakery! And then just make the cake you want to make.
Being a step-mom is a really tough gig. Maybe dad loves her too.
I don't understand this remark. I don't think anyone questioned his love for his wife.
I think you did the right thing, clndzy27 . Good for you for sticking to your guns and even better that you didn't mention the bad check. That would have just embarrassed her unnecessarily on your dad's special day. I'm glad it worked out.
I'd just tell her straight out that you are going to do what you always do. I'd also let her know that it's not her place to butt in if this is a tradition in your family.
How long have she and your father been married? Doesn't sound like it's been long. If you kids are all adults now, and this is an established thing in your family, then it should remain that way. Your step-mom shouldn't be trying to change things just because she's in the picture now.
Let her know that if she wants to do something special just for him from her, that she should do that, but not try to take away from the things that you children are already accustomed to doing for your father. She can either accept this, and try to make the best of it, or she can do the ignorant thing and try to make waves with the family. IF she's intellegent, she'll do the right thing.
But either way, I'd definately set her straight right now about things before she drags your dad into things and it turns into something that it doesn't have to. And you can't have resentment between you and her and have your dad be happy either. Tough situation, but it is fixable I think.....good luck to you.
I take it you and your step-mom aren't the best of friends? How about making 2? one with her ideas (there's obviously an inside joke there that she thinks would be funny to go on) and then one with your ideas. Then your dad gets the best of of both worlds/people he loves.
Being a step-mom is a really tough gig. Maybe dad loves her too.
Yah - I can see how difficult it can be. I'm not the step-parent in our family but am amazed at how my hubby has filled that role with my son. My parents divorced/remarried when I was older. I think that can make the job of being a 'step-parent' much more difficult, too....
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