Ohhhh, I wish it were true! However, I think it's just a story someone made up that's been making the email rounds. 
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
these are all sooo funny i love the one
i have a few
A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in battle.
Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his bedside. "So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?"
The doctor says, "Son, we have some good news and some bad news."
"Yeah, what?" replies the patient.
"Well the good news is that we were able to save your private parts."
"Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?"
"We put them under your pillow!"
a woman brought her duck into the vets
"dr i think my duck is sick whats wrong with him?"
"well its $20 for an examination" says the vet
"okay thats fine "says the woman
after looking over the duck for a few minutes the Vet say
" your duck is dead"
the woman replies " don't be stupid he's not dead... "
"Nope he's dead, but just incase let me just check something"
the vet calls his cat in that cat sniffs the duck and looks at it briefly, meows and then leaves
" yep" says the vet " he is definatly dead"
" well i still think hes alive please cheack again" the woman cries
the vert signs and calls in his dog... the dog sniffs at the duck and then barks and then leaves
"well i hate to tell you this mam, but your duck is dead"
The woman all frustrated say" i don't think your right, how much do i owe you?"
the vet says "$250""250" yells the woman " you said 20
" yea, but that was before the cat-scan and the lab test" replies the vet
heres anouther... sorry i love jokes..
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."
ok okok
one more i promise this time lol
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
AllieBear!
Here's mine:
A little baby penguin walks into a bar. He's crying and the bartender asks him, "What's the matter?" The little baby penguin says, "I'm lost. I can't find my daddy! Can you help me find him?" The bartender says, "Don't worry, we'll find him. What does he look like?"
the woman replies " don't be stupid he's not dead... "
"Nope he's dead, but just incase let me just check something"
the vet calls his cat in that cat sniffs the duck and looks at it briefly, meows and then leaves
" yep" says the vet " he is definatly dead"
" well i still think hes alive please cheack again" the woman cries
the vert signs and calls in his dog... the dog sniffs at the duck and then barks and then leaves
"well i hate to tell you this mam, but your duck is dead"
The woman all frustrated say" i don't think your right, how much do i owe you?"
the vet says "$250""250" yells the woman " you said 20
" yea, but that was before the cat-scan and the lab test" replies the vet
LOVE IT!!
Okay, here's mine. It is kind of a groaner.
Susan and David are expecting their first child and learn the baby will be a boy. They are trying to decide on a first name for the little guy. Susan suggests Harley, David says "No Way!" Susan asks why? David says "Because for the rest of his life he will be known as
Harley, David's son."
AllieBear!Here's mine:
A little baby penguin walks into a bar. He's crying and the bartender asks him, "What's the matter?" The little baby penguin says, "I'm lost. I can't find my daddy! Can you help me find him?" The bartender says, "Don't worry, we'll find him. What does he look like?"
Hate to be stupid, but I don't get it! Someone explain please!
MessyBaker said:
lynda-bob wrote:
AllieBear!
Here's mine:
A little baby penguin walks into a bar. He's crying and the bartender asks him, "What's the matter?" The little baby penguin says, "I'm lost. I can't find my daddy! Can you help me find him?" The bartender says, "Don't worry, we'll find him. What does he look like?"
Hate to be stupid, but I don't get it! Someone explain please!
Sorry MessyBaker 
I know I only get a giggle out of this one about half the time, but it made me laugh so the first time I heard it; it still does... Anyway, it's just that All penguins look alike and the bartender is asking the baby what his dad looks like hehehe 
Lynda
These are great! Hope I didn't wake up the kids laughing so loudly! Here's one to add:
A young woman named Nancy from New York City wanted to go on an adventure vacation. She decided to go to Texas, with the goals of attending a rodeo, learning to ride a horse, and making love with a cowboy.
A week later, she returns from vacation and her coworkers ask about her adventures:
CW: "Did you make it to the rodeo?"
Nancy: "Oh, yes and it is amazing to see. Those cowboys and cowgirls truly are athletes."
CW: "How about riding a horse?"
Nancy: "Oh yes, it was lots of fun."
CW: "So that leaves just one more goal - did you make love with a cowboy?"
Nancy: "Heck no! You should see the size of the condoms they carry in their back pockets!"
CAKE OR BED
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS..................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO.
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
ok here's mine.
A married hillbilly couple having already nine kids goes to the doctors wanting to get a vasecotmy. the doctor asks why do the want the the operation now after already having nine kids. They respond by saying that they heard on TV that one out of every 10 kids are mexican and not wanting a mexican child because neither one of them speak spanish.
David says "Because for the rest of his life he will be known as
Harley, David's son."
No lie, I know a boy named Harley and his father is David. I'm not sure if they did it on purpose at birth or if they figured it out after they named him.
So, since this thread is leaning towards corney jokes, here's mine:
Why are girraffe's necks so long? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies!
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