Please forgive me, but I had to vent somewhere! In January, when my stepson and his fiancee announced their engagement they asked me to make their wedding cake. I politely declined, although flattered, I didn't see how I could pull it off and still play an active role in the wedding. I recommended a good friend, Judy. She's been doing cakes for 20 years and has attended the Wilton School, so its not like this is her first one. Judy was thrilled, and had planned on only charging me, yes me (I told them I would pay for the cake) $1.00 per slice. A bargain as all of you know. My husband has short-term memory loss from a heart attack a 20 months ago, so money is tight, and this was just what we needed.

Since May, I have been bugging them to get with Judy. They made an appointment in June that they missed, no call/no show. Judy called me to find out what happened when she couldn't get a hold of them. They made an appointment a bit later that only my stepson could attend, because the fiancee was in the hospital. No paperwork was signed. No cake was defined. No people count was given.

This past Monday, it all came to a head. They had another appointment, that he told me about last week, that they missed, no call/no show. Judy again called me. She then asked me not to say anything, as she wanted to send them an email. She copied me on it. It was, as I expected no less, very professional, informing them that they had 10 days to get with her about this (their wedding is Sept 22) or they had to find another baker. The fiancee sent back one of the rudest emails I had ever read (Judy again copied me, remember I'm the one paying for the cake). Judy then called and informed me that she doesn't do business with people who treat her this badly, and as much as she knew it meant something to me she just couldn't make their cake. She then sent them another very professional email stating as such. I called my stepson and told him how they had insulted our friend and embarassed me. Then came the kicker, the fiancee couldn't let that be that....she had to have the last word....she emailed Judy back and fired her! I was livid. I called my stepson, got his voice mail and told them in no uncertain terms that if this was the way they were going to treat people doing us a favor that I wouldn't be at the wedding.

This morning, and this will just about wrap up my rant, I got a voice mail of my own from stepson telling me it was none of my business, that Judy should never have involved me, and if I didn't like him anymore he didn't care. Of course, also being one who wants the last word, I left him one final voice mail. I told him I wouldn't be at the wedding, I wasn't paying for a rehearsal dinner, and that if he wants to see his father he needs to make arrangements through his grandparents (I'm my husband's guardian and conservator, too), I no longer want to see him or her.

With all the stress of the wedding, and having to deal with my husband, who is no longer able to work, let alone remember what day it is, I didn't need this spoiled brat (fiancee) giving me more grief.

Thank you for letting me vent! By the way, this is the cake they wanted:

I'd really like some feedback, if you wouldn't mind.

Good grief! I just can't get over kids today, yeah I know old granny and the kids today issue....but honestly how inconsiderate of these children. I don't like to see family in crisis, but I do believe I would stand my ground on this one. They were given every opportunity, (many more than some decorators would have) to just tell this decorator what they wanted. Good luck on them finding and paying for the cake that was so generously offered by you. I do hope you and your stepson in time will be able to get past this situtation, but somehow I do believe that the new wife will be ruling the roost as they say. You have a lot on your plate, people don't know just how stressful it is coping on a daily basis...you certainly didn't need this other crap. If it's worth anything, in my opinion, you did the right thing. Bless your heart.

wow.....i am so sorry that that happened to you...its such a shame...they were really getting a great deal!!! and not only from the person baking/decorating the cake...but from you as well, you are/were so generous to pay for not only the cake but the rehersal too??!!! OMG....hopefully they will see in the end how wrong they were and how stupid they look!!! and perhaps maybe be greatful that they have people in their lives there are willing and able to help them out!!!! thank Goodness your friend didn't hold anything against you... and realizes that its not a reflection of you!!!
well i am sorry!!! hope everything works out for you!!!!

I'm really sorry to hear about all of that. Both you and your friend Judy handled the situation as well as you possibly could and gave your stepson and his fiancee many more chances than they deserve.

You are cetainly right in saying that you don't need this on top of all of the concerns with caring for your husband. No one should treat anyone like they have treated you. It is unfortunate for them that they will not have you at the wedding but I think that you've made the best decision for yourself. You deserve more respect than that.

Kathy

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this Your step son and his fiancee were both very wrong in blowing off your friend and being rude to her. I think you made the right choice. I hope they both wake up and smell the coffee.

Brandi

How awful for you (and your friend). They really took advantage of you both. You were right to leave it.

However, for the sake of your husband, his father, you might leave yourself open to a sincere apology from both your stepson and fiance.

Life is short. You certainly shouldn't accept that kind of treatment, but they may come to their senses, someday.

wow, it was extremely irresponsible to miss the appointment first off, then to get angry at someone for bending over backward simply for asking for needed details. wow. such a shame that they messed up such a wonderful opportunity. its too bad they hurt you in the process of it all too.

Wow. What ungrateful brats. I think you and your friend handled it well. Let's see how they feel when they're paying full price for their own cake.

I am one that does NOT believe in making-nice "for the sake of family". Well guess what everyone ...... stepson is family, too, and he and fiance were TOTALLY out of line to treat their "family" like that. So why is it that HE is not being told "for the sake of your father", he needs to be a man and be responsible for this situation!! That he needs to learn, once and for all, what committments (for sampling appts) mean? I mean, for cryin' out loud, he's about to make the biggest committment of his life and he can't commit to a lousy cake appt??????

I will NEVER understand the general conception of "I will allow people to treat me like sh** and then I'll make nice-nice so we can all pretend to 'get along'."

Not me. I'm showing my age when I invoke the phrase "kids today" are not taught there are repercussions for their actions; that the world does not revolve around them and we are not here to serve their every whim.

My daughter has never been around her maternal grandmother and I DARE anyone to give me the speech about "they're family" and "for the sake of the grandparent relationship", blah blah blah. Parts of this story have been posted previously so I'm not going into it now .... mostly because I don't have 2 hours to touch on just the surface of the craziness and the psycho-drama involved.

No one sh**s on me (and my very generous friend who was making them a wonderful deal!) and then expects me to foot the bill for their party. I'm with you on this one. If they can do it without you, then let them do it without you.

Their bed .... .they made it.... they can sleep in it.

How awful for you all. Has he previously behaved badly like this or do you think there might be something very wrong?

Actually, Emma, he's always been one to stick to his guns. He's never treated me this way before. His mother wasn't in the picture much for him. Basically, I raised him. The fiancee has told me that when he's been sick, with a cold or something, that he's joked about wanting his mommy with her. When she asks which one, he always says me.

That's why this hurts so much! I didn't raise any of our kids to be rude to anyone, but this girl has him wrapped around her little finger.

In December, she asked me "how do you know if you've fallen out of love with someone?" I was floored, and told her the basics - that every relationship has ups and downs. the next thing I know they're announcing their engagement. By February we went from 2 years of planning to 7 months! I'm afraid that if I go to the wedding I'll be the one standing up and objecting! I want to stop it, but I also know its time to let him figure these things out for himself.

I understand you being upset and not wanting to pay for the cake. This is rude.
However, his Dad really has nothing to do with this. You were upset and said you weren't going to his wedding. He then said fine. You retuned it with, well you need to set up an appointment to see his dad with his grandparents. That doesn't seem fair. You were mad and kinda started it. You should have called and actually spoken to him you may have never gotten into a fight and actually worked it out.
Good Luck!

I hear you Indydebi. I wasn't suggesting to make nice just because he is family. Only to be open IF and WHEN he comes to his senses and sincerely apologizes.

It he wasn't always a jerk, he (and she) may figure out they were being a**es and truly regret their behavior.

Until then, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Julz71, don't misunderstand...I wasn't telling him he couldn't see his father, I was telling him that I don't want to hear from him, and if he wants to see his dad all he has to do is have grandma call me to set something up.

I don't see how you think I "kinda started" it. When my stepson was negligent in not keeping the appointment for the 2nd time, an appointment that he told me last week he'd made, is when it started. I was the customer, all they had to do was tell her what they wanted and needed. When they then inferred that my friend was lying, that they'd never made the appointment, is when I stepped in. All they had to do in the first place was apologize and set up and keep another appointment.

Kathy
I hope you don't mind a reply from someone in her mid 20s

First of all, my parents- just like you, raised me never to be rude to someone, but if I were to pull what your stepson pulled- they would crucify me and not figuratively.

Also I hope you dont mind if I give some input from someone who was in a bad relationship and noone had the guts to tell me how they felt about the whole trainwreck of a situation.


Its hard cause you dont want to get involved but its also hard because you dont want to go down in time and think ' i wish I had said something'.
I was livid with my parents and my supposed best friends when none of them said anything about the trainwreck of a 2 yr relationship I was in- engaged and all. In the end I ended it myself and afterwards everyone said that they wanted to say something to me. I was livid with those ppl for not having said something. They were my supposed to be the ppl that stood up and said something.

I am also not one to take anyone's crap wether they are family or not. So I say koodos to you.
Hes a man, he should start acting like one.
I also hate women who turn their husbands/boyfriends against their families- and the men who are stupid enough to go along with it.

ok ill get off the box now

some people need to be smacked !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They shoud be very grateful that you in the situation you are in financially you voluntered to pay for the cake and dinner b.c these days if people want to get married, they pay for everything themselves. Lets see how long their marriage lasts, not only b/c of their attitudes, but also remember the smaller the wedding the longer the marriage lasts.

GL and dont' be too mad and don't loose too much sleep over them. Also I have to commend you on controlling your anger b/c I think I would've lost it. I hate hate hate dealing with ungrateful people.

Thank you Auryn, for your honest opinion! I don't think if I told him now he'd believe me. My friend thinks he needs to get his b**ls out of the fiancee's purse!

Thank you all so much for your support! There are no better people in the world than cake decorators! They make the world a more beautiful place!

Sorry to hear this girl is being such a bridezilla and that the stepson is backing her up. I think you and your friend Judy have handled it as best you could, and you should distance yourself at this point from the both of them. Hopefully in time, you and your stepson can repair your relationship....

Kathy, when I first read this I thought this girl could be my husband's half sister but their wedding is in March of next year. I remember watching "Judge Judy" once and she was commenting that "no good deed goes unpunished" (I believe it was originally coined by Clarie Booth Luce) and that seems the case here. I hope that they both can grow up and be adults but it doesn't seem that way. I hope it all gets resolved soon. They'll be lucky if they can find someone who will make them a cake. Your friend's cake was really beautiful.

My heart goes out to you. I know how much pain this must be causing you. My husband just had double bypass surgery and I know what kind of strain I was under and it is nothing like what you are going through on a daily basis with your husband. You certainly don't need any additional pressure especially from such a close family member. I don't think you should "make nice" just for the sake of family, but I do hope that, as someone else stated earlier, you will leave yourself open for a SINCERE apology from the two of them. There will probably come a time when your son will see her for what she really is and be very sorry for the way he has treated you. Keep your chin up and God bless you.

First off, I'm sorry for how the "kids" are treating you. They are definitely wrong. It was very generous of you to offer to pay for the cake and to find someone to do it. It was also kind of your friend.

With that said, though, I think you need to rethink your reactions. Do you really want to look back and say you stopped talking to your son over a wedding cake? This was a small incident that blew up into something too big. It sounds like there was more going on behind the scenes, perhaps on the girlfriend's part. You know how people can be when they're "in love"...deaf, dumb and blind. Maybe she got him all worked up and that's why he's behaving the way he is. I've seen guys forget they even had a family once a girl gets her mitts around him. IMHO, I think you should just let it drop for now. More than likely he'll be back home to his mom very quickly once he realizes just how he treated you like crap.

Mickig

The stepson sounds disrespectful and hen pecked.

Kathy, it sounds like to me that your son will be a single man soon even if they do get through the wedding. The marriage doesn't sound like it will last. If that happens, hopefully he will come back to your family and appologize. Or, if he and his worse half come and appologize and you think it's somewhat honest, I'd accept it but still have them on "probation."

I have a very small family so luckily we don't have these problems. Everyone's pretty responsible and gets along. My in laws are another story. They are terrible so my husband literally has only a couple of them that he has anything to do with. They caused us so many problems early in our marriage that we almost didn't survive. Hubby's family has came back an appologized several times and we've forgiven them just to have them take advantage all over again. It's our fault because someone can only take advantage of you if you let them.

I think you're 100% right.
I will say a prayer for you today.
Good Luck!

I completely agree deb Kathy did nothing wrong her son needs to wake up and realize what he has done.


Brandi

**UPDATE**

I got home from work this evening to find that stepson had called to speak to his younger brother. Are you ready for why? To find out if I was still going to allow him and my husband to come to the wedding, and, to see if his grandparents would still be coming....this leads me to believe that he knows how wrong they were, seeing as he thought his grandparents wouldn't come if they knew what happened....but he is utterly wrong to think that I wield that kind of power.

My in-laws agree with me on the issue, but I would never try to stop them from coming to the wedding.

Maybe he'll think things through and decide to talk, I'm open to that, but until I hear an apology, things will remain a little frosty here in Michigan!

Thanks for all your wonderful thoughts and prayers!

I'm with you on this one, Kathy! You and your friend were treated very badly by this pair of immature brats. I see NOTHING wrong with the way you handled the situation. Why should you be the one to take the brunt of their irresponsibility????

I, too, would have no desire to go to this wedding unless I received a heartfelt apology from the pair.

Personally, I would probably let things cool down a bit and then write my stepson a calm letter asking for him to come over with his fiance to discuss all of this stuff like adults--but that's the only olive branch I'd extend. If he said no, or was a no show, or wrote/called with an angry defensive posture, that would be it on my part--sorry.

I'm guessing that all isn't well in "paradise" for these two and that someone (or both) is being passive aggressive about the wedding plans. I'd guess that your cake friend isn't the only vendor being jerked around, either.

Too many people these days like to make themselves victims (of situations that they could actually control) so that when it all goes sour, they can blame it on everyone else and then get lots of sympathy--don't get sucked into that game!

Life's too short to be dragged into other people's dramas all the time!

JMHO
Rae

Kathy, I'm sorry this is happening to you. I kinda know how you feel cause my DH's oldest nephew is the same way. His b*lls are in his wife's purse too. If she dosen't give her approval then it dosen't happen. No matter what it is. We had a real go around when they were dating because she stood up in our house and called my husband stupid and well let's just say she went out a little faster than she came in But since then we have mended fences and DH and I even gave them a pretty good chunk of money to go with their down payment for their trailer last year. We all get along except when she is not getting her way but now we just say "oh well, Trav can't... wife's orders" and then we go on and do what we want to do. He and his fiance were so out of line in treating you like that but when the time comes for them to shell out the bucks for the cake and rehearsal dinner I bet they wish they weren't such @$$holes to you. Oh well, I always say what goes around comes around. They will get theirs one day i'm sure.

By the way, Indydebi as my nephew says YOU ROCK!!!!

I like the letter thing, it helps you get out what you want to say and then it puts the ball in their court, I did it with my brother, of course I he kept the ball in his court, but at least I know I've done what I can. But I won't go into my story it's too long, in summary, mother got sick, I looked after mother, paid all the bills, mother died, needed brother's support, was lucky to get phone call every three months, sister-in-law acted like now mother in law is dead, act like sister in law doesn't exist, tried to speak to brother about decided to give them taste of own medicine, didn't call for ages, and then when I called for Xmas brother has shits with me for not ringing.... ummmm hello?! They've said some things that would have made my mother turn in her grave, if she hasn't been cremated. Needless to say, she's looking out for me because she sent me some amazing people to look after me, we've all lost people close to us and we built our own family. Needless to say once you put the letter out there, you have to find your own resolution if they decide not to respond. I send my niece birthday and christmas presents she'll be ten this year they don't even let her ring me to let me know if she received them or not, I don't even know if they give them to her I do address them to her. But I keep sending them because I one day when she's older and if she decides to come looking for me and ask where I was at least I can say I was always there, sending you presents, it was your parents that would let me see you. I believe the truth in these matters always comes to light eventually.

The point of my story is I'm with Indydebi, just because someone is family doens't mean that we should take crap from them! It doesn't entitle them to treat us like dirt when we offer to do something nice for them, like to make a part of their wedding easier by paying for their cake and arranging for them to go see the cake decorator! And I undestand this is not about the cake, there's a deeper issue here, and their reaction and treatment of this situation is the final straw.