How Do You Tell Someone You Won't Bring A Cake To A Potluck?
Decorating By keyshia Updated 13 Aug 2007 , 4:51am by keyshia
Or do you? Okay, this is my thing...first of all, I've always been under the assumption (it could be the ASSumption) that when you throw a birthday party, you provide the food, dessert etc, the guests come and bring gifts...if you throw a BBQ, it's ok to have a potluck mentality? Maybe that's just me. Anyway, we had a friend that had a birthday yesterday. Her husband sends out this email that he is throwing a party for his wife, and then proceeds to list the things that HE'S providing and also what a few others have said they will provide. Then I notice that he has down a cake from me...and puts that he knows I'll do something nice and that I know what his wife likes. Okay...so I have two problems with that...the first being the above, I don't believe that I should provide food for a BIRTHDAY party. Secondly, I've never brought cakes to potlucks, because I make money on cakes and I don't LIKE to bring them to potlucks...does that make sense? I figure if that's the case, everyone will just start throwing "potluck" birthday parties and EXPECT me to bring cake!? I threw something together, but am still rather annoyed that he just took it upon himself (in a mass email) to say that I'd be making the cake without speaking to me previously. The ONLY time in the year and a half of being stationed here that I brought a cake to something for free was last 4th of July (2006) and I wanted to make a chocolate cherry cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, but it was in the 9x13 pyrex dish when I got to the party, it didn't involve cake boards, boxes and extensive decorating!
Sorry for the vent, but it seems like I FEEL taken advantage of these days. We're on a really small base, and I give the people we know well a discount, but have given a few anniversary cakes for free to those that have sent a lot of referrals to me. I gave this couple THEIR anniversary cake for free at the end of JUNE!!! Ugh. I wish I had thicker skin because I would certainly say NO!
Keyshia
I wouldn't do it. I would call him up and ask if how much he wanted to spend. If he says nothing then you bring nothing.
I think it is extremely rude to have a party for someone and tell the people you're inviting they should bring something. And it is incredibly bad taste to assume that someone will bring something they make money off of for free. Did he invite the owner of the local restaurant and tell him he's bring steaks!
Even my husband knows, don't volunteer me for anything!! I do my own volunteering!
Kathi
Thanks. 
Kathi-I thought it was just me that thought the idea of a potluck birthday party was a little far fetched...especially when he also said that those wishing to bring gifts could do so also!? I told my dh the same thing. He told one family that he worked with (he works with both the husband and wife) that we'd give them a good deal on their cake for their son. Well, it started as a FBCT, but I ended up having to draw more than half of it onto the cake (buzz lightyear) because with all the detail, I didn't want to do the whole thing with bct... anyway, I charged them $25 for 1/4 sheet and the wife acted SO snobby when it came time for the party! I told my husband, because it's MY time and energy that has to go into the cake that he is NOT to tell ANYONE that I will give them a discount...I will decide who and how much of a discount I give!
The last potluck I was invited to, they told a friend to invite me (I didn't know the birthday girl or hostess well) I knew that they were inviting me in hopes that I'd bring a cake, but I told them I'd bring something else instead...finally, they ordered the cake from me!
What if you just don't go? Maybe you could do something for your friend's birthday with just her later...I think he's being terribly presumptuous. I always understood as well that hosts provided the food and entertainment if there was to be any, and if you couldn't afford to have a big blow out, you just did what you could afford. I'm sure your friend would be pretty horrified if she found out what he did.
Maybe you could just pretend you didn't read the email the whole way through and just email him back and say you are planning on bringing such-and-such.
I'm curious to see how it turns out and what you end up doing!
Definately ask him what his budget for the cake is. : )
That's so rude for him to assign you the cake by email.
keyshia, this has happened to me so many times.
I get "ASSigned" a cake to serve 50 when other people are bringing a bag of chips or a 2L soda. The person who assigns these foods has no idea how much time, effort, and expense goes into making a cake. I certainly agree with you that when I am INVITED to a birthday party (especially not a family party) and I will buy a gift, it is NOT a potluck situation.
My rule is this: If it is MY idea to bring a cake, they get it for free.
If I get assigned to make a cake for a party, and I have the time to actually make the cake, I call and tell the person "Sorry, I no longer do cakes assigned to me for free, but I will do it for you if you ORDER it from me and agree to pay for it." If they choose to pay me, I'll make the cake. On the other hand, if I really don't have time, I just say "No, sorry, I can't do that. I'll bring chips or a drink." 
I don't do freebies just because someone writes it down on a list. Even my husband knows better than to tell me he needs a cake for his office. He ORDERS a cake from me, just like anyone else, and pays for it.
Does all this make me a tough cookie? Probably. But I make cakes because I like doing it AND it makes some money. Stand your ground, girl!
I really wish I had posted this earlier! The party was yesterday and I did end up bringing the cake for her... BUT, I know it will happen again, this is the 2nd time that I've been invited to one of these potluck parties and the 2nd time I've brought the cake, though the last time was for money. I might have to find an even smaller pan than the 6 OR do a 6 in one layer cake for the birthday person in that event.
Haha..one way to deal with that would have been to hit reply all (by mistake of course) and ask What size and then tell him the cake prices...I'm evil... 
Wow how rude of him. I would definitely be busy next time someome invites you and invites you to bring a cake too
keyshia,
O GIRL. JUST READING YOU EMAIL WANTED TO GO OVER AND BIT THAT GUY UP FOR YOU I WAS SO MAD IN YOUR BEHALD. I GOT HOT AND BOTHER LOL. I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
BUT ONLY YOU CAN SAY WHETHER OR NOT YOU BRING THINGS FOR ME OTHER DON;T HAVE A SAY.
PS I WHEN THRU THE SAME THING ABOUT 1 MONTH AGO AFTER DOING A SPONGEBOB CAKE FOR MY DEAR HUSBAND 
FRIEND MY HUSBAND TO HIM THAT HE DID NOT HAD TO PAID ME I WAS GOING NUTS 
SO PAID BACK IS A WITCH. I TOOK MY HUSBAND CREDIT CARD AND 350.00 WHEN SHOPPING FOR MORE CAKE STUFF LOL AND JUST TO THINK THAT I HAD ASK FOR THAT CAKE ONLY 65.00 LOL O WELL NEVER GETS ON MY CAKE ORDERS NEVER AGAIN TRUST GIRL HE LEARN.
BEST OF LUCK
I read all this thru & snuck a peek at your cake -- it turned out very nice. Great use of new cutters.
The nerve that man had to volunteer you to bring his wife her cake! I mean, really! What man do you know is that organized?!? You can bet the Wife was the one who put him up to it, especially after you had already given them a free anniversary cake.
People will like you for who YOU are....and not because you bring them free cake!
You know similar thing used to happen to me. I make a wicken pan of real italian lasagna. Its very delicious. So every pot luck we had at work, someone always signed me up for lasagna! Mind you, I work for a bunch of prima-donnas who make in excess of triple-digits! Being a divorced working mom with 2 little kids and no $$$, it was always really difficult to (1) find the cash (2) find the time. I got sick of trying to come up with #1 & #2 real fast! On top of taking precious time away from my little ones, my kid's had to watch their dinner walk out the door!
So I finally got thick-skinned and said, "No More Lasagna!"
hee hee -- now I am the one who brings the bag of chips or the bag of ice!
I TOOK MY HUSBAND CREDIT CARD AND 350.00 WHEN SHOPPING FOR MORE CAKE STUFF LOL AND JUST TO THINK THAT I HAD ASK FOR THAT CAKE ONLY 65.00 LOL O WELL NEVER GETS ON MY CAKE ORDERS NEVER AGAIN TRUST GIRL HE LEARN.
A Cake Goddess After My Own Heart!!! 
GI,
thank you for that and yes I FELL LIKE IAM THE CAKE GODEST IN CT.
I THINK OF CAKES, DREAM OF CAKES AND WANT TO BAKE CAKES ALL THE TIME O DEAR I AM A CAKE ADDICT. LOL
Keyshia,
Bless your heart, but I wouldn't have done it! I'd have emailed him and asked him how much he wants to spend on her cake. Otherwise, I'm bringing 12 packs of soda.
The nerve of some people!!
Well, I hate to say it, and please.. I mean no offense to any men that may be here, but he is a man, and he probably just really and truly didn't think about it. In his mind, you are the cake lady, so that's what you bring. I get it myself from my husband's friends. Which is why I'm doing the groom's cake for his friend, a guy I don't even care for.
However, I made sure it was perfectly clear, this is his gift. He will not be getting this cake AND a gift from us. Especially, since I'm probably spending more on this cake, than I would have on a gift.
To show you what kind of friend he is. For our wedding in April he bought us a weed eater, less than 3 days later he was asking to borrow it. So, in short, he bought it for us only so he could borrow it. Why not just buy himself one? It makes no sense to me.
Sadly, my husband would probably have done the same thing, but I would have set him straight as soon as I heard about it; and I would have made him call the person he "volunteered" to bring something to a party, instead of just inviting them as a guest, and ask what they WANT to bring, if anything. I personally wouldn't have allowed him to have a pot luck unless it was just a get together. (His friends are even worse about it)
The guy I'm doing the groom's cake for, instead of letting his groomsmen throw his bachelor party, he is doing it himself. So he can make sure he gets what he wants, and not what they want to do.
Ok, I will stop now.. if I get started on all the things this guy does we will be here for days. .haha
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe he really just didn't have a freakin' clue. A lot of men just really don't think about such things. (again, no offense) My husband still has no clue what it takes for me to do even a simple cake.
I hope she enjoyed hers, and I hope she was very appreciative and tore her husband a new butt, when she found out what he did.
Take care,
Holly
keyshia,
Didn't you say earlier that you were planning on giving them a free anniversary cake later this month? I would email this guy and tell him that you only give one free cake person, usually an anniversary cake, but since you were assigned to bring a free cake to this event that it took the place of the free one you were giving them later this month.
Kathi
Keisha,
You handled it just like I would have, lol. I am the world's worst for getting volunteered. Even before I was decorating cakes, I loved to bake Bundt cakes, and so on, so whenever we had a potluck in our office, they always volunteered me, then they would actually put in requests. How rude. The other people in my office don't enjoy cooking, so they always stop off somewhere and get fried chicken, bread, or something from the grocery store. Anyway, I started bringing what I wanted to bring regardless of what they requested. Hopefully, your situation will get better without you having to let them know 
oh I know how you feel I get orders here and there for my cakes but a numer of people have received "free cakes" from me but have never ordered a single one from me or when asked for priced gave the most stupid answer "oh I think it might be too much cake" no one has a problem with too much cake! What a lame a excuse, recently i got this froma girl that wanted it my Western cake for $70 dollars I know $70 is good money but I price my cakes not them an also this girl has 5 kids and 4 adults living in her house too much cake !!!!!!!!! Whatever
I do feel being taken advantage of too, just don't do it
Your answer in an e-mail........
" Oh, I really wish you had asked about the cake before volunteering me.... I am soooo busy with "orders", that I will not have time to do your cake.... is there something else you need that I can help with?".......
perfect answer!
Yeah, it was thoughtless of him to just assign you a cake (without asking at all! duh!), but by making the cake anyway you completely validated what he did. I know it's really hard to say "no" (I have real problems with this myself), but when you go along with something like this you kind of forfeit your right to be upset.
Next time it happens to you or any of us, we need to be honest and only do what we feel comfortable doing.
I probably sound more critical than I really feel...I've been up all night making my daughter's birthday cake. I used Wilton fondant for some of the decorations and I think the fumes may have affected my brain.
P.S. I like the way the layered flowers on the cake turned out!
recently i got this froma girl that wanted it my Western cake for $70 dollars I know $70 is good money but I price my cakes not them an also this girl has 5 kids and 4 adults living in her house too much cake !!!!!!!!! Whatever
Well people do need to tell you their budget. That's a good thing. : )
Then you tell them what you CAN do for that price. That way you still get the sale but you aren't underpricing yourself on the work or size of the cake.
: )
I make free cakes and paid cakes for family and friends. I am still perfecting my craft. I used to send free stuff to work with my husband all the time. Now that they have started to ask for specific items and no one even offers one dime, my husband has simply put an end to all the freebies. I don't mind either. I like to bake cakes and candy for practice, but when people ask me for specific things they should be prepared to pay. Don't let people use you. Your time and ingredients are costly.
Well..that's annoying! Gee! I would bring a cake from the store or I would make a desert that IS NOT cake! Maybe you could just not go! Hmm...How rude! Maybe you could call him or email him (I like to email when I'm mad! LOL) and tell him that this is your business and you would be happy to bring cookies!!
Amazing.
Honestly, if someone was rude enough to volunteer me, by email announcement no less, to do a cake (or any other dish) without calling and ASKING me first--I'd email right back and say not only am I not bringing a cake (overbooked with cakes that day as it is, darling), I'd probably have a hard time saying I'd even be AT the party.
If I *did* attend, and I *did* bring a dish (or a cake), I'd stop at the Safeway on the way TO the party and buy the cake (or whatever they assigned to me..) *HUFF!!* That is about the height of rudeness.
I recently got called by my BIL doing a surprise party for my MIL, and of course he called to ask me if I could "throw the cake together".
...For like 75-100 people.
...On the Monday before the party.
...On a weekend when I have three weddings and,
... my aunt, mom and cousin coming in from all parts of the country.
...
I paused a minute like "let me think"...then said "Um, NO. I definitely can NOT do that cake. But thanks for asking me!" (insert best airhead smile here)
I don't bring cake for any parties unless I'm paid OR I'm bored, I love the recipient very much, and I FEEL like baking that weekend.
*steps off soapbox*
I did recently take on a birthday (don't usually do anything but weddings) for next weekend, but it's for a prior bride, AND I quoted her a really nice, profitable price that I thought she'd say no to. Instead she called and said "That sounds fine. Go ahead and do it." So at least it will be worth my while--$145.00 for a jungle birthday cake for 25 people.
Oooh, this is a hot topic! I absolutely DESPISE it when people assume that I can just "throw" a cake together for a potluck, dinner, etc. I get a lot of people that I go to church with saying, "Honey, can you do my daughters birthday cake for this weekend...Don't worry, I'll pay for the cost of supplies." They don't realize how much I DONT want their business. I actually had a man say to my husband, "Can she make a cake for the next potluck?" and my husband (good boy) said, "To be honest, why don't you take a look at her prices first." and the man said, "Why are they so expensive. I mean, I understand a mark up but it's basically just flour and sugar!"
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