I like what Beckalita said
Tell her you are sorry you cannot share your "signature" recipe but perhaps can give her a simple one that is easy to follow
If there is something that sets the recipe you use apart from other similiar recipes, you shouldn't feel obligated to give out the recipe you use in your business.
I know many would correlate that the restaurant industry would not give out their recipes, but actually if you try getting to know the manager at your fav restaurant you would be surprised what you can learn. I've been able to find out how many lush desserts are made, simply by chatting to the manager. Does that mean they actually tell me the measurements for each ingredient? No. It simply means they've told me what goes into the dish, and I've been able to replicate the dessert at home, w/ great success...even hubby can't tell the difference.
Wow! So many different points of view! I find it very interesting!
Thank you all for your thoughts on this!!!
I think I will just refer her to allrecipes.com for this one-only because it is a family recipe. Plus, someone mentioned that if I give her this one she may keep asking me for recipes. She is that type of person, so it's easier to put her in touch with a good website and let her search on her own.
I will add that if I make something that is a fairly common recipe, I will tell people where I found it. (I.E- The Cake Mix Doctor or allrecipes etc...)
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP!!! 
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What should I say without sounding rude?
I have run into this problem before and found a GREAT way to resolve the problem before the problem even starts. If I am asked for my chocolate cake recipe 
, I will get my recipes out and get a chocolate cake recipe...not my SIGNATURE recipe, but a chocolate cake recipe. 
One time I heard, "Mine doesn't taste as good as yours...that's because your the professional right...HA HA HA."
No comment! 
I'm with Nati on this one. I don't understand why people don't give out recipes either. It doesn't bother me if I ask for one and the person says no but I don't understand why.
Also I have asked at several restaurants and they have given me the recipe. Of course it's enough to feed an army but I've never had one place turn me down. I'm in CA so I don't know about other states.
I agree that just because someone has the recipe does not mean they will not still buy from you. To bake takes a lot of time and most people don't have it. Plus we all know it takes more then just the recipe to make a cake turn out great.
I've tried to bake pies and for the life of me I can't. I've had a friend stand right next to me and we went step by step but it still didn't come out like hers. So while I had the recipe for what I thought was the worlds best pie I still never made it.
I respect anyone for not wanting to share. That's their right. But, I'm flattered when someone likes my cakes enough to ask me for the recipe.
Joanne
My Aunt Agnes used to make a chocolate chip bar that was great. When I was a young bride (the lst time) she gave it to me. I tried for about 3 years to make these, with her trying to pass the recipe on to me, but they just were not right. I let the matter set for a couple of years then tried again. Success (with the same recipe, I might add).
Do I understand it? Not at all, but I can make these now. Of course, now no one in my family eats but a bite of anything sweet - with the exception of me.
I always give out my recipes. After all, they have come from Gourmet, internet, cookbooks, etc. One friend will ask me for the recipe and "the way that I really made the dessert". I'm always substituting one type of alcohol for another, a different type of cheese, etc. Not many people I know want to go thru the expense or trouble to make more elaborate desserts. Quite honestly, I don't know anyone who buys butter to bake with!!! I buy expensive chocolate, cocoa, extra fine sugar, multiple flours for all types of baking. I care about the desserts that I serve my friends, coworkers, family. I think that quality ingredients really are what makes the recipe. After so many years of baking, I probably have a stronger radar for desserts that will work than my friends who don't bake. It is a compliment to me if friends like my treats so much that they want to try making it themselves.
For those of you who won't give out a recipe, I want to ask one question-Does that mean that you NEVER ask anyone for a recipe that you find tasty? I don't think you can have it both ways. I can see not offering if you have proprietary reasons, but if you don't use it for business then why not share the love. The only way I wouldn't share is if that person never did research for themselves and only wanted the easy way out and have someone do the work for them. If the lady has never made a peach pie before, she probably just wants a good starting point, a recipe that someone has success with.
I agree with flameon.....if we are not going to share then we shouldn't ask. I had a friend who refused to share a recipe with me but yet I had given her tons over the years... that was ridiculous. Then, after she had said no when I asked her, she asked for a different one and I just smiled and said " I thought we don't share our recipes anymore?" She then acted like I was the one being rude....
If I have a really good recipe that I have spent lots of time tweaking to get it just so, then I am reluctant to share it but would never tell someone no. To me, that would be rude and I think most people would be offended. I would rather do what everyone else said and share a similar one to keep the peace.
And with the exception of family recipes handed down from year to year, they all have to come from somewhere. How many people here actually created a recipe from scratch....not tweaked an existing one but actually made it all up themselves? Plus, I would die if I could no longer ask for a recipe...
I just have to add 2 more cents -- this is a little off topic, but just some personal "recipe etiquette" that I try to live by.
There is a particular Christmas candy (I need to post it here by the way -- I will do that soon!) that one of my cousins always made, packaged in pretty jars, and gave our entire family for Christmas. She was gracious enough to share it with me years ago. Knowing that it is "her recipe," I have never taken it to a function with my side of the family. It became my tradition to give it to my ex-husband's family and I did this every year.
With that said, my ex-husband's aunt (this was while we were still married) asked for the recipe one Christmas. I didn't give it a second thought and gave her the recipe. WELL...come Christmas day, she had made it, put it in jars, and gave it to everyone as gifts - even me!!!!
So with that said, that situation made me a little more selective about who I will give a recipe; however, I love to share them with you guys!! If it wasn't for several "online cake friends" I too would still be making yellow cake with regular buttercream all the time!!!!
I posted earlier and wanted to clarify my thought on this subject.
I really don't like giving recipes to people, but if they ask, I usually give them one that is close to mine. I don't tell them how I tweak it to make it my own.
But, if someone really wants it, I will give it to them. But I have had several bad experiences with doing this.
First one was a family member who begged and begged for one. I finally gave it to her. Now at every single family get together, she makes it and never gives any credit at all that I gave it to her to begin with.
Second one was a co-worker who just 'had to have it', so I gave it to her. She fixed it and brought it into work. It was nasty. Was not edible at all. Apparently, she doesn't know the difference between Tbls. and teaspoon and put the wrong amount of baking powder in. When everyone started complaining, she told them it was MY recipe. It took a while before I had anyone asking for cookies.
If someone on CC wanted a recipe, I would gladly give it because I know they would appreciate it, and we aren't in the same community where we would be 'competing' for business. We share and share alike on CC, I hope. In fact, I just received a cheesecake recipe from a CC'er, and I do really appreciate it. It may or may not be her 'secret' recipe, but I am still grateful for it just the same. If she had decided not to share, I wouldn't have been mad because she has a business to run, and I respect that. I really didn't expect her to give it out just because of that. And I'm sure her version would taste much better than when I try it because she has been making it whereas I am new to that recipe.
So, I can see both sides, but do what you think you need to do.
I'd give her the recipe because if she doesnt even have a peach pie recipe then you know that it wont turn out near as good as yours did and there is no way she will be selling pies.. or cakes for that matter..
I have no problems giving people recipes when they ask me.. If you really don't want to give out "your recipe" just give her another recipe . She would be happy with that I'm sure..
I like the IDEA of sharing recipes with everyone who asks me, but when it comes down to it, I won't give out my real recipes anymore. I gave my molassas cookie recipe out to my hubby's cousin and she made them and gave them out as favors at her wedding.
On one hand I am very honored that she liked them enough to use them as favors, but she never gave credit and didn't tell me that was why she wanted it. I can't remeber if I gave her the tweaked or untweaked version, I hope it was the untweaked version 
I plan to share family recipes with my children, verbatim, as my mom does with me, but not with "outsiders".
A couple years ago I won a Walmart baking contest (cookies). Our town newspaper wanted to print the recipe.
Uh...No!
I gave them a similiar recipe and had people calling me at home because their did not taste the same.
Sorry--every recipe in the world is online now--go hunt them for yourself.
I am always delighted when someone asks me for a recipe. I think it's the highest form of flattery. Maybe the woman who wants the peach pie recipe would just like to make it for her family or when she has company. It doesn't sound like she wants to go into business and be a competitor. Everyone is right--even if she does make it, hers will still not turn out exactly like yours. I remember asking for a recipe and then I never used it. I'm sure all of us have gotten or shared tips and recipes from this website. If no one wanted to share, we wouldn't be posting and answering right now. Personally, I'd be lost without all of you generous CC people. If someone wants to take credit for one of my recipes, let them. Anyone who knows me and whose opinion I value would know that I was the originator of the recipe anyway. I always feel good when I can help someone out, so if I can brighten their day by sharing, that's what I do.
I once asked someone about a vegan technique, and what she told me was, "sorry, but that's a trade secret."
I later found out, via research, what the secret was, but since her business is vegan desserts, and although I was a little hurt at first, I thought it is a justifiable answer.
Theresa
I would give my recipe out. But, I would not be so specific about amounts. I would use measurements like "a dash" or "a splash", "a pinch" or about a "palm full" etc. This is the way my grandmother cooks and years ago when she shared her recipe for cornbread dressing with me, I was stunned - she didn't give ANY measurements. After 25 years of making dressing mine is just now getting close to hers.
There are only 3 recipes I don't give out: my chocolate and white cakes, and my crumb-topped cheesecake. The only reason I don't give them out is because they are from my MIL and she basically swore me to secrecy. She's actually kind of a nut about it, otherwise I would be happy to share them. I, too, have found that when I give a recipe out, people will usually come back to me later and say that it didn't taste quite the same. I guess it just comes down to what you feel comfortable with, but I do like the idea of directing them to another good recipe if you can't give yours out. Just my 2 cents!
DITTO LADIES, I agree with VANZ & MKERTON. 
Just an update:
I tried to skirt the issue by referring her to allrecipes and she replied back saying she REALLY, REALLY wanted MY recipe.
Since so many of you said to share, I did (without my own personal tweaks). When I hit the "send" button I felt like I was cutting off a limb. 
Good for you! I'm so happy you decided to share. You've made someone else's day and are encouraging her to bake!! The first time with anything is always the hardest but you did it. Just remember what a wonderful website this is and it's all because of sharing. Now go have a piece of cake and congratulate yourself.
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