So here is the true story. The bride and groom are getting married. They want to have a sit down dinner at their reception. THey are pretty active members at a small church. WHat to do, what to do? She works in daycare and he is a restuarant manager. They don't have a lot of money, but this is a wedding....
Guess what they do? The enlist the help of a close friend who takes the phone list from church and calls the members. It goes something like this.
Hi, this is Jane Doe from church...how are you?
Well, good! Hey I was just wondering... are you going to Suzy Q and Billy Bob's wedding? Great! Well, ya know they are serving dinner and they've invited about 150 people. We were wondering, could you make this dish/rolls/beverage and let me pick it up the day before the wedding? They really could use the help. Well, no, they can't reimburse your expense. They just don't have the money, and we were hoping that since we are church family, you would help.
ALSO, remember they are registered at Walmart, Peir One Imports and the really expensive home store whos name gives away the location.
So.... guess what I was asked to bring? You guessed it...wedding cake. Um, no. BUT I will do the cake for $400 and give you a grooms cake for free.
Other friends of mine were asked to even bring MEAT prepared a certain way with a specific recipe.
DId I mention that the honey moon is in the BAHAMAS???????????? I honeymooned at a local hotel. Also, I paid for my wedding and didn't turn it into a potluck.
What would you have said? They are farming out the whole menu. (also, they are serving cookies on the side and I am a little offended by that since I am making a spectacular wedding cake!!! with three different flavors of tiers, btw)
My first instinct would be to say no way. There are plenty of people who get married on a budget without having friends and acquaintances carry the entire burden of the wedding. If they want 150 people there, they can carry the cost. Otherwise, a nice intimate ceremony and hors d'ouvres (or barbecue) for family and the closest of friends is far more appropriate.
I blame Star Jones.
Ifyou can believe it, people are saying yes; They are appalled and will complain about it, but they are doing it!!
There are only 2 people that said we needed paid. ME and the flower lady.
I have only one word for this.....TACKY!!!
No way.....forget that.....sounds likt they're trying to be cheap as heck....and then go to the Bahamas??? No way....they pay or have someone else do it...ugh....people like that really get me PO'D!!!!!!!
Oh yeah - my second instinct is to say no, too.
And good for you for standing up for yourself!
Ok First I'm shocked that someone would invite 150 people to a wedding and then ask people to bring a dish! I don't care if I go to church with the person or not it's just tacky. If you can't afford it then you shouldn't be doing it. I got married at the courthouse and I have yet to have a honeymoon. We had a reception in our back yard with about 20 people. ......Sorry I'm still shocked!
I'm glad you said that you need to be paid. And why are they registered???? I mean if I have to bring a dish then that's my gift! Maybe I'm wrong. But I'm still shocked!
If I couldn't afford a wedding for 150 then I wouldn't invite that many people. I went to a family wedding last year where they just wanted it intimate. So they had about 40 people at there cermony and reception. Then the family had a large party for them. It ended up being a potluck, but the family and friends offered and they were not asked (forced) to do it.
wow, even my redneck s-i-l had more "class" than that!!! I can't believe the woman that's making the phone calls! There's no way I'd make a phone call like that.
Tacky doesn't even begin to cover it! I guess I could have afforded a big wedding and honeymoon too if I had pawned everything off on others. I am glad that you stood up for yourself!
OK - 1 last thing, I promise, (honestly I just can't believe these people) but the groom is a RESTAURANT MANAGER. Can't he get a great deal on some catering or something?
"Why if I wasn't a good christian woman I'd tell you exactly what I think!"
-Aunt Em, Wizard of Oz
What this couple is doing is just flat our ignorant.
If I couldn't afford a wedding for 150 then I wouldn't invite that many people
Absolutely! If you can't afford the party, you don't have the party!
... the family and friends offered and they were not asked (forced) to do it.
I think what offends me even MORE than the general "Un-couth-ness" of the whole deal, is how the friend twisted the arms of the members in the name of "church family". It's one thing to all come together for a family that's had a house fire or a death in the family, but to put on a wedding that they somehow feel they DESERVE but dont' have to pay for?????
Very un-christian to me!
And what a precedent they are setting! The next 75 weddings will be expected to be "paid for" by the church?????
I was surprised to hear a conversation at work one day. A co-worker got a phone call from a college classmate. She was calling to let her know to "save the date" and would she be interested in being a sponsor? Coworker asks what amount, and classmate replies $50! Coworker says she can't do $50, but how about $25. I asked coworker if this counts as the wedding present, and she replied, no, you still give wedding (and shower) gifts (if invited to a shower). Coworker said this is not an uncommon practice in her culture. I had never heard of such a thing, and haven't again in the 2 years since that conversation.
I think that is very RUDE. I understand that your "church family" but I think that asking people to bring certain items and prepare them a certain way is going way overboard. If they are going to ask for help then they cannot be picky about the way people prepare there dishes. I can understand maybe doing a potluck thing for a birthday or anniversary party or something but not a wedding.I have never heard something like this before. I cant believe that they expect you to make this huge cake and eat all the cost of it.
WOW.... I am speechless....
That really angers and disgusts me all at the same time...
T-A-C-K-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tacky doesn't even begin to describe it... ick....
Are you kidding?! Free wedding cake for 150 people, No Way!! If it was something like 30 maybe. Are people just not taught manners any more?
I love this. I work at a resturaunt and I just love how rude and inconsiderate people are. My husband and I could't afford a big wedding either. However, we got married through the JP and this November we are going to have a small reception with music, cake (that I make), punch and finger foods(that I also make). I figure later we can renew our vows and have a big shabang with all the works when we have the money for it!
OMG! That is Soooooooooooooooooo TACKY!!!! The NERVE of some people!!! I go to a very large church...and we've done some wonderful things to help our "family members", but I've NEVER been asked to help "cater" a wedding for 2 of our members who seem to have the money to go on a trip to the Bahamas but not to pay for their own wedding reception! That just leaves a bad tase in my mouth (no pun intended...LOL). It's one thing for a bunch of the ladies to get together and "surprise" a couple with something like this (because they have it in their own hearts to do this for them), but to ASK the Church to do this for you is absolutely obsurd! And like someone else said...this will become what all young couples with low funds "do" in this Church...because "so-and-so did it.."
* with a Scarlett O'Hara flounce *
"I never heard of such baaad taste!"
I want to know what the airline and hotel said when the lady called them. Can you imagine!!
"Ah, yes, Susy Q and Billy Bob are getting married, and they don't have a lot of money. Can I put you down for a free flight to the Bahamas and for a free hotel room?"
Wow! It's amazing what some people expect from their church family. Why didn't they just have a cake and punch reception and just forget about the food, since their paying you for the cake anyway! Better hope they don't get pregnant soon or they'll be hitting up the church for a baby shower!
I think they are completely wrong you shouldn't do anything for them a 150 people nnnoooaaahhh baby they got money!!
They are just playing with your mind to tell you about church family for you to feel guilty well they need money so are you!!!
Wow, I didn't realize that this would hit such a nerve. (Okay, I did and just wanted someone who is normal to complain to.)
I don't think that anyone else will do it because the bride's father is an elder. I don't think anyone else could get away with it.
Love the etiquette web site... totally tempting.
The restuarant that he manages is a pizza place. I don't think that is any more appropriate than asking the guests to bring something.
I already did a free wedding cake for a member of the church, it is the purple one in my photos. HER father was an elders too, so maybe it is a running trend for daughters of elders?? Thank God the other elder's daughter is already married!! (Now we just have the pastors son!
...The restuarant that he manages is a pizza place. I don't think that is any more appropriate than asking the guests to bring something.
Oh I don't know..... I did the wedding cake for a couple who had Pizza Hut cater their wedding. 30 pizzas, lots of breadsticks and salads delivered to the reception hall about 30 minutes after everyone arrived.
Well......at least Pizza Hut catering is a heckuva lot more polite than a forced potluck!
I'm surprised they ordered a "real" wedding cake to go with the pizzas and not the grocery store special!
here it is my 5 year future prediction on the next church phone call
um excuse me my name is suzy q and my DH is billy bob and we are having us a little baby in 2 months named vernon lou and we was thinking we might ask everyone to buy our baby his first five years of clothing, diapers, wipes, buttpaste, and jar food, but don't worry about his milk cause you know the good lawd provided me with that and since it will last for as long as heneeds, we're all set!!!!! hehehehe