The Cut Off - Had To Share This With Everyone!
Lounge By gilson6 Updated 28 Mar 2006 , 6:03am by Cake_Princess
I know most of you have kids like me and this fits perfectly into what I'm going through. I have an 18 year old that graduates in a couple of months. He doesn't seem to understand that even though he's driving, working and pretty much taking care of himself - I'm still his mother and will do anything I can to continue to protect him from the dust bunnies of life. Sorry it's so long! I hope I can make it through my next 3 kids after this one!!!
Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage." My Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making
license plates. As if to read my mind, the teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations, and absorbed in their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've
been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried." I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
I hear ya! I have two children, but they are very young, one is almost three and the other is six months, but I already worry, A LOT!!!! I remember recently thinking, gees, I wish someone would have told me how much you worry about your children and there safety! It is irratating because it seems that the worries are always based on the what ifs, what if this happens, what if that happens? I wish I had a solution, but I guess it is our jobs as parents, something instinctual. Its funny, because I was very close to my grandmother, who was 90, and I remember her being worried if one of her 60 year old daughters hadnt called her in awhile. I guess it never ends!
Ya know, I have a 25 year old son that is a Marine and went to Iraq, will not get married and have children; a 24 year old daughter that is married, has a batchelors degree, has a job, a one year old son and a great husband; a 19 year old son that is very independant that just lost a job but is determined to be financially independant and own a home, have a wife and children in the very near future.
Worry is my name and self control is the game. Mothers sometimes have to stand back and let their children be who they need to be and let them fail or succeed. Of course if they are in dire need I'll be there. I do a lot of weeping and wishing and hope that the good Lord will take care of them where I can't.
The hardest thing and the greatest love I can give is to let them go physically. Spiritually and mentally they are mine, all mine. It doesn't matter how life turns out, they will always be mine!!!!!! (On loan from GOD)
Gilson6, I understand completely.
lilie
Joshua has always been our independant one and we've always been proud of him for it. There is still a part of me that wishes he was still the little boy that needed his mom so much.
Just a little background...
A few months ago a teacher at his school was arrested for giving alcohol to some of the students and also having a "relationship" with one of the boys. Joshua was in her art class last semester. Last week he started receving text messages from this former teacher. He doesn't understand why I'm so concerned about it. I've called the sheriff's department and because Josh is 18 there is nothing they can do about it. The cell phone company can't block her calling/texting him. I've told Josh that no how old he is he will still be my son and I will still protect him from anything that I can.
Hi gilson 6,
I feel your pain.
I use to count the years until mine turned 18 and my mom would say, "you will never be rid of them"...how true 
My oldest son is 26 and no matter how much I say that I need to teach him "tough love", I never do. He got married at the age of 19 and now have 4 children. I actually got on my knees and begged him not to get married because he was to young...words went in one ear and out the other 
My youngest son is 21 and has a 33 year old woman calling him and he can't understand why this should upset me . Why in the world she would be interested in a 21 year old is beyond me 
Maybe I should send her some dynamite loaded with cake icing (thanks DALE for the idea)
My Mom who is the mother of 4 children told me something very wise when I was getting ready to give birth she looked at me and said the moment they are born you start to worry and you never ever stop - that's what being a Mom is all about, it is our job. Now I understand why she told me to enjoy sleeping soundly before my children were born - I don't think I have had a good night's sleep since they were born not that they physically keep me up I just worry even about the silliest little things......
I loved reading your post. It reminded me. We have a son 26 and married, we still worry about him and now his wife. I remember all the late nights worring and wondering wher he was, what he was doing and if he was safe. I have always beleived that we try to raise our children to live in this world the best they can, teach them as much as you possible can, and send them off. But I don't think they ever leave us. I alsways made him call me where ever he was. Once he turned about 18 i really didnt expect him to still let me know, but to this day he still calls to tell me where he is and what he's doing, (mostley he's bored) LoL.. We also have a daughter who is severly mentally and physically handicapped, we used to think she would be our biggest worry, until our son got his drivers license, I know where she is all the time. I'm glad the torch has been past, hehehe isn't it nice to know they worry about you.
My mom said it only got worse when we left the house, and even worse now that there are grandchildren....as far as them being responsible for their own actions I don't know. But supposedly age 7 is the "age of reason" when children determine for themselves between right and wrong.
My sister gave me a Brian Andreas print and the saying on it is:
"She asked me if I had kids & when I said I did she said make sure you teach them what's right & I said how will I know? & she nodded and said - good point, just don't teach them any obvious wrong then."
Parents can give their Children two things, One is roots, the other is wings.
This applies all their lives. You're supposed to worry about them and always be there for them but at the same time they have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. It's teh hardest thing in the world to allow both roots and wings but if you can manage it both you and your children will be richer for it
gilson6, your post made me tear up! I am resigned to the fact that the worrying only gets worse as they get older. I am hoping it peaks when they get married and it decreases after that.
My oldest child is now at a bittersweet (for me) age. She's 14 and a half, and we recently had a clash of her burgeoning independence and my overprotectiveness (not the first clash, either). When we had both calmed down, I told her that we were at a point in our mother/child relationship where we can choose to be friends or enemies. I told her she wasn't my little girl anymore where she accepted everything I said as the gospel truth, and that as she grew, she would be pulling away to become her own separate, independent person with her own opinions and her own choices. She really responded very well to this slap of reality! My greatest hope is that we make it through my children's teenage years with happiness...which would be the complete opposite to my own with my parents. 
Having had my three children in four years (also married at age nineteen, first baby at twenty, second baby at twenty-one, third baby at twenty-four...now happily married for 15 years 
), I did not realize just how fleeting their young years are. I've been a SAHM the entire time, and the days in which I had two in high chairs and one on the breast (haha, and all three in diapers for a short while), seemed to last ten eternities. Those were exhausting days! How I wish I had known then what I know now about just how fast time does go by.
I'm going to get off this computer and go hug my children now. Sorry for rambling...
Hi gilson 6,
My youngest son is 21 and has a 33 year old woman calling him and he can't understand why this should upset me
. Why in the world she would be interested in a 21 year old is beyond me
Don't know.... when I think of that I think of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.... 
you know I always thought it would be easier the older my daughter was......but I found I just worried about more serious problems!! Now she's 21 and about to be married.........and while she's older than I was when I first married, I can't help but worry that she's too young!! I think worrying and trying to protect them just comes with the territory.....if we didn't worry, we wouldn't be good mothers!!
i had a conversaiton with my 72 year old mother-in-law about this, and she said that you think that you'll get to stop being worried about your children when they are grown, but then they get married and have children...and you worry even more....about them and their grandchildren.
i have a 15 year old, and have a feeling that my worring has just started!!!
melody
Gilson....wow, what a big topic. It's one that's near and dear to my heart. My babies are 23, 21, and 19 and they're all out of the house...and one out of the state. I have been working very hard on letting them go. I was/am a control freak. We ran a very tight ship discipline-wise, and were very conservative in our philosophy. Our kids, in the big picture, are wonderful young adults. Do I worry? Every day. I pray for them and where they're headed in life. I realize that they're calling the shots now...and not me. Tho they are all doing well...they still make wrong choices...and I just hope that none of them will be irreversible. Three of my friends lost their daughters in a head-on collision with a dump truck this past August. I think this brought home to me the fragility of life....the fact that we lose what we love the most in the batting of an eye. It makes me so thankful that I have my children...and it reminds me that they're not mine, and that they never were. They were only placed in my care for me to do the very best I knew how in raising them. Now I'm trying to let go.....................What a very hard assignment. Hang in there...you're not alone~
My Mom who is the mother of 4 children told me something very wise when I was getting ready to give birth she looked at me and said the moment they are born you start to worry and you never ever stop - that's what being a Mom is all about, it is our job.
I think I started worrying when I found out I was pregnant and my daughter just turned one! Whew, I am in for a long haul! We can do our best but remember that God is in control and we have to trust in Him.
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making
license plates.
LMAO that got a big chuckle out of me
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