is there such a thing? one of my friends met her fiance approximately 1 month ago...they met online, met in person and hit it off immediately...he proposed last friday and two days ago she told me that they will be marrying summer of 2008....she asked me to be in her wedding party AND to do the cake...i had asked her if she had someone to handle all of the affairs of her wedding (wedding planner) and she suggested that i could do it (i don't know about this) anyhoo, we were looking at cakes and she said that her fiance wants a basketweave...he also said that he wants a basketball themed groom's cake but wants the wedding cake to have a basketweave (i haven't met him yet, this is what she is telling me, he has also been married before so i'm wondering if his last cake had a basketweaave)...i asked her what did she want and she was saying something about flowers being in it with scrollwork...then we saw the mini cakes and the cupcake wedding cake and she was thinking about that....she told me that she will discuss with him about the cake..i don't know why but my gut instinct is telling me that any zillas will be coming from him...she tells me that he is just giving her his card to purchase things with...i was just thinking of weighing the whole situation and seeing what happens in the next few months or so...
1)if the groom has a groom's cake does that mean the main wedding cake is in fact the bride's cake?
2)how much input does a groom have as far as the main wedding cake goes?
3)if she goes with what he says but it's not what SHE wants, is it my place to try and steer her into what SHE wants or should i just do what is asked of me even though it isn't what SHE wanted?
4)i don't know if i should be in the wedding party and do the cake...has anyone ever been in that situation?
any advice will be greatly appreciated 
Crystal
He sounds a tad bit controlling to me!
I was in my sisters wedding last summer, and made her cake. Plus, my two boys were in her wedding, and it seemed that I ended up telling everyone else what to do and where to go. I had to travel almost 4 hours with the cake and all of my stuff. If I hadn't had to travel so far, it really wouldn't have been that bad doing both. DH pretty much took care of the boys. Now, one of the other girls who was a bridesmaid was also the photographer 
THAT was a little more difficult I'm sure you can do both, but don't think I would add wedding planner on top of it.
Well I think it comes down to what your comfortable with. If you dont feel comfortable with the planning part just dont do it. Personally I think there is enough stress involed with doing both cakes and being a guest. As for the hubby to be well if the bride to be wants to let him have his choice in both cakes so be it. Maybe she is the type of person that cant make up her mind or the type that enjoys letting others make all the decisions. If you see her heart is set on a certain design withing the cake maybe your creative side can incorporate both tastes in the final result. JMO and hope it helps
I've always understood it to be that the bigger tiered cake was usually the bride's cake, and the smaller (usually chocolate themed, but not always) cake was the groom's. Hmmm....interesting question! 
Usually the groom's cake is a surprise for the groom from the bride.
-M-
Hmmm..sounds like sort of a control freak.
I still feel that the groom's cake is sort of secondary to the "main" wedding cake.
As far as who decides on what, I think that varies from couple to couple. Some grooms have a lot of ideas about what they want and are very involved. Others don't do much except show up! It just depends. Sounds like this guy has a lot to say about everything.
I feel that usually as a service provider, you shouldn't really get involved in the couple's own relationship dynamic and you should just provide what they ask for - whether it is what the bride is asking for or the groom, no matter what it seems is going on between them. But as her friend, you are in a slightly different position. I think you could just talk to her more and try to feel out what she really wants and try to incorporate what will make them both happy.
I'd like to hear more about people standing up and also doing the cake. I have that possibility coming up later this year too. Just a comment - personally I couldn't be the bride and do my own cake but not sure about the bridesmaid thing.
I've always understood it to be that the bigger tiered cake was usually the bride's cake, and the smaller (usually chocolate themed, but not always) cake was the groom's. Hmmm....interesting question!
Usually the groom's cake is a surprise for the groom from the bride.
-M-
that's what i always thought too....
My brother was just married on March the 3rd and I did a four tier wedding cake, a replica of Duff's Fist of Rock cake for the groom cake and a two tier bride cake. I was also a bridesmaid in the wedding, my two daughters were flower girls and my son and husband both groomsmen. I also, for the first time, did a DVD for them of their lives growing up that was shown at the reception!
It did get a little stressful at times but I have a great family and they really helped me with watching my kids! My husband also really helped out a lot with the DVD!
Even though I had some ups and downs during the process I would do it all over again!! My brother (hopefully! =0) will only get married once and it was an honor to be able to do cakes and the "surprise" DVD for them! So, I say go for it!
Now just a minute. Just because the groom is saying what he wants does not mean he is controlling. Could be, but we can't assume that because a man has input in his wedding that he is controlling. Maybe he just knows what he wants.
As friend to the bride, you are in a bit of an awkward position. First you need to let her know that while you are so happy to be a part of her wedding, she cannot have such unrealistic expectations for you. You CANNOT stand up for her, do her cake, and be her wedding planner. It is unfair of her to ask this much of you - and it is just about impossible for you to do it all.
I would approach this situation with as much tact as possible. People often have stars in their eyes when they talk about their wedding. They are still in the early planning stages and may be throwing things around. Sit down and talk about what is realistic (as far as what she wants you to do). See how much input her fiance wants to have and how she feels about that. There is nothing wrong with a man having an opinion as long as he is considerate of hers as well.
As for the groom's cake - it is usally a reflection of the groom's hobbies/tastes, as the bride traditionally picks the main cake. Here's another way to approach it if you are concerned that he is having TOO much input.... he can pick one of the cakes, she can design the other.
Best of luck!!!
You asked for opinions...my opinion is that it is not your place to be involved with what the bride wants regarding the cake. This decision is between the couple. Treat her like any other client. I don't see any problem w/ doing the cake and being in the wedding. If you want to help w/ wedding details, I think that is great if you have the time and you are confident. I'm not really sure where you were going w/ the basketweave in his previous marriages cake? Does it really matter?
i don't know if i should be in the wedding party and do the cake...has anyone ever been in that situation?
I am here to say it can be done-my sister got married in our yard last summer, and all 3 of my kids my husband and I were in it and I did the cake ( my first wedding cake) so, yes it can be done. it is very very busy and a tad stressfull, but to me it was worth it to be so involved.
personally my gut reaction to the other is to let it rie a few months if you can- this is a very "young" reationship. good luck
( although I cant say much my hubby and I got married after 6 months and 10 yrs later it is still all good)
Okay let me be the voice or reason...or well pessimism. If they just met and got engaged within a month?? I just dont know if I would be spending of your time or money in planning this cake...yet. If they arent planning a wedding until next summer there is time to worry about the cake at a later date. I would just tell them to start gathering up ideas of the cake and you will pinpoint a design as the date gets nearer.
[quote="jelligirl"]is there such a thing? one of my friends met her fiance approximately 1 month ago...they met online, met in person and hit it off immediately...he proposed last friday and two days ago she told me that they will be marrying summer of 2008....
I wouldn't hold my breath. Met 1 month ago, online at that??? Nope, wouldn't hold my breath.
(i haven't met him yet, this is what she is telling me, he has also been married before so i'm wondering if his last cake had a basketweaave).
This is the matter I'm having an issue with. He may not be controlling however he has been married before, since this is the case why couldn't she have a say in the cake. Plus the fact they just met a month ago, it doesn't seem right to me...and I also thought the same as CakeLady, the Groom's cake is from the bride!
I think it sounds different, but the whole "courting" sounds a bit less than traditional. I think you're thinking more like a friend than a baker. It sounds to me like you're wanting to bonk her upside her head already in this relationship and you want her to be more assertive in what she wants. Would you have the same concerns if these people were strangers?
All that said, it's more important to be the friend. This one will work itself out and your friend will see past some of the "he gave me his card" issues.
I've been in the wedding and done the cake for two different friends. The first one wasn't that difficult as it was BK (before kids). Their wedding was at a fancy hotel, so I was there very early to set up the cake, came home, showered, went back to the hotel to change and help the bride (and check on the cake), and everything was fine. There were two other bridesmaids helping her, so I didn't feel too bad about it all. A little rushed... but fine. Hubby was also in that wedding with me.
The second time I did this, my first son was 3 months old. For this wedding, it was a two day event. I was the only maid of honor (no bridesmaids). The wedding was on a beach and I had to do 4 cheesecakes for that night (only family at that dinner), and then a 3 tier cake for a larger reception the next afternoon. The cheesecakes were easy because I made them a couple of days in advance, and then added toppings that day. Brought them to the beach, set up and then helped my friend get ready. The 3 tier for the following day was a bit more time consuming, but it got done and she was happy.
All in all... it can be done. I think you'll definitely feel a bit rushed, but you can do it. DH was a saint through those few days, and really helped out with my son. He was a bit stressed as this was the first time that he was being left 'alone' with our son... but he got through it.
I think the hardest part was just the time issue and the driving back and forth. The rehearsals were the night before (which cut into the prime cake decorating time).... but everyone understood that I needed to get through the rehearsals and get out of there because I had to work on the cakes.
HTH!
Denise
[quote="kaka"]
is there such a thing? one of my friends met her fiance approximately 1 month ago...they met online, met in person and hit it off immediately...he proposed last friday and two days ago she told me that they will be marrying summer of 2008....
I wouldn't hold my breath. Met 1 month ago, online at that??? Nope, wouldn't hold my breath.
...I met my husband online and 4 kids and 5 years later we are doing great. For those of us who don't like to frequent bars, online is a great way to meet people who you can screen.
Been in 2 weddings where I did the cake - it's doable, but that all depends on a lot of factors in the wedding. The second one I made a dummy with sheet cakes - worked out much better.
Also - they have a lot more important things to plan before the cake, I don't think you have to worry about anything yet.
As for being wedding planner as well? I always thought that was what your bridal party and maid of honor were for. I'd think twice about it anyway, esp if you don't think you really like the groom.
I don't really see anything wrong with him having ideas about the cake, as long as they decide together and she is happy it doesn't matter if they have a cake of Hostess Cupcakes and Twinkies.
Good Luck!
I would just play 'wait and see' right now. You know your friend best, does she usually let others make decisions for her (like choosing where to go out for dinner, which movie to see, etc.)? If so, maybe she's very comfortable letting 'Groom' take the helm. Or maybe she is giving more emphasis to his ideas because she is so excited that he has and opinion. LOL I've met with quite a few couples lately where the bride really wasn't a 'cake-person' and she let the groom choose the cake flavors and a large part of the design. I'd trust your gut though. If you think she is being controlled by him, you are a friend first, IMO, and her cake maker second. Just make sure you've met the guy a couple of times before you jump to any conclusions.
As far as their dating time, I once met this guy online and was very taken with him. We talked online and on the phone for 2 weeks, then met in person. Had he asked me to marry him 1 month later, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. However, he waited, and asked me after we had dated eight months, and I said yes. We met in person for the first time on December 6, 1997. In May, we will have been blissfully married for 8 years!! Everyone questioned me for moving so quickly at first, but now everyone around me agrees that I have the best hubby in the world! Love at first sight can happen, even on the internet! Give the guy a chance and trust your friend's judgment unless she gives you reason not to.
If you don't mind me saying this, don't get too worried about what they want just yet. By summer of 2008, she might be so tired of his ideas, they will not have a wedding. It's another year and she met him a month ago. The idea of being in love is pretty awesome right about now. Tell them you'll do whatever they want and see how it changes in the next few months.
First off the wedding isn't until the summer of 08, so there's plenty of time to see how things pan out. I think being the wedding planner AND doing the cakes AND being in the wedding sounds like a bit much. Maybe not for some but it sure would be for me. Besides all the work and stress I have to weigh how much I'd be free to just enjoy the wedding. At the wedding of a girl very close to me I offered to show the brides friends how to cut the cake and wound up doing the serving PLUS doing the punch AND keeping the bowl replenished and I missed ALL the important doings at the wedding. I'll think twice before offering to do that again. Not even mentioning actually DOING the cakes. Good luck!
I actually enjoy it when a groom is involved in the decison making ... it's a rare treat and it is his wedding, too.
My strawberry shortcake wedding cake (in photos) was a compromise. The groom hated strawberries, but the bride wanted them anyway. Groom liked the basketweave design. So the top tier was basketweaved and the bottom 2 tiers were shortcake'd. Perhaps you could basketweave the top or the bottom tier for him and scrolls on the other tiers for her?
If they've only known each other for a month, but are going to be engaged for a year, this may become a non-issue.
I wouldn't discount the "controlling factor" all together. (divorced one of those). Just be sure that if/when you talk to your friend that you are wearing your "friend" hat and not your "cake decorator" hat. Just because you're making her cake doesn't mean you have to stop being her friend and stop offering advice and suggestions that a friend would.
1)if the groom has a groom's cake does that mean the main wedding cake is in fact the bride's cake?
2)how much input does a groom have as far as the main wedding cake goes?
3)if she goes with what he says but it's not what SHE wants, is it my place to try and steer her into what SHE wants or should i just do what is asked of me even though it isn't what SHE wanted?
4)i don't know if i should be in the wedding party and do the cake...has anyone ever been in that situation?
any advice will be greatly appreciated
Crystal
1. I think that is traditional, but not everyone uses a grooms cake. really both bride and groom should agree on both cakes, IMHO
2. why wouldn't the groom deserve equal input? it is his wedding too
3. Don't get in the middle of it. whatever she asks you to do for the cake is what you should do
4. I would not recommend it unless you have absolutely nothing else to do as far as the wedding goes. besides - how can you expect to deliver and set up the cake if you are also a bridesmaid? and she is crazy to think anyone should take on the role of wedding planner without expereince in doing so and without payment.
also - I would try to separate any issues/comments you have re: when and how they met and the state of their relationship from your involement as the wedding cake designer. two whole issues and ones thta shouldn't be intertwined, IMHO. One has nothing to do with the other.
Get introduced to the guy before forming any type of opinion. Once you met him and have talked then make let us know what you think.
Just wait a few months, let the summer months past. See how their relationship develops. Like a few others have mentioned. 4 weeks and they are engaged?
I have seen it happen dont get me wrong. At least they are smart enough to want to wait a year before getting married.
Good luck. Let us know what happens!
Uhhh...ok. How are you expecting to make her/his wedding cake while the few days before the wedding you're going to be really really really busy being a bridesmaid and um...??PLANNING?? her wedding?
Who will be assembling the cake while you're busy being photographed the day of the wedding???? I've been a bridesmaid many many many times and the week before the wedding is always booked up with last minute things to help the bride out.
You gotta give something up. This wedding will cause you to go loonie if you don't. Please do it for your own sanity 
Okay let me be the voice or reason...or well pessimism. If they just met and got engaged within a month?? I just dont know if I would be spending of your time or money in planning this cake...yet. If they arent planning a wedding until next summer there is time to worry about the cake at a later date. I would just tell them to start gathering up ideas of the cake and you will pinpoint a design as the date gets nearer.
I completely agree. Who knows if the wedding will even happen so I wouldn't begin to worry about the cake until 2008 (IMO or put any money on a dress that's not refundable)
is there such a thing? one of my friends met her fiance approximately 1 month ago...they met online, met in person and hit it off immediately...he proposed last friday and two days ago she told me that they will be marrying summer of 2008....she asked me to be in her wedding party AND to do the cake...i had asked her if she had someone to handle all of the affairs of her wedding (wedding planner) and she suggested that i could do it (i don't know about this) anyhoo, we were looking at cakes and she said that her fiance wants a ...he also said that he wants a basketball themed groom's cake but wants the wedding cake to have a (i haven't met him yet, this is what she is telling me, he has also been married before so i'm wondering if his last cake had a basketweaave)...i asked her what did she want and she was saying something about flowers being in it with scrollwork...then we saw the mini cakes and the cupcake wedding cake and she was thinking about that....she told me that she will discuss with him about the cake..i don't know why but my gut instinct is telling me that any zillas will be coming from him...she tells me that he is just giving her his card to purchase things with...i was just thinking of weighing the whole situation and seeing what happens in the next few months or so...
1)if the groom has a groom's cake does that mean the main wedding cake is in fact the bride's cake?
2)how much input does a groom have as far as the main wedding cake goes?
3)if she goes with what he says but it's not what SHE wants, is it my place to try and steer her into what SHE wants or should i just do what is asked of me even though it isn't what SHE wanted?
4)i don't know if i should be in the wedding party and do the cake...has anyone ever been in that situation?
any advice will be greatly appreciated
Crystal
I don't know about interfering.... I think you'll have to use your gut instincts on that one as you know your girlfriend the best. I've been in the wedding, done the flowers and cake for 3 weddings. It's a lot of work and I was too tired to enjoy the festivities. However, I'd do it again as all the brides were very appreciative and I helped make their day become more special. Only you can determine what you can handle and whether the work is worth it.
Hmm just a tad controlling don't you think? If he was like that w/ his first wife...no wonder he's trying to find his second 
Even though the wedding is scheduled for next year, alot can happen. Sometimes love is blind and can't help but think your friend may not see the underlying "control freak" tones!
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