Not Cake Related...how Do You Decide Your Family...
Lounge By mami2sweeties Updated 25 Feb 2006 , 7:52pm by wendysue
is the right size.
I have a 4year old daughter, 2 1/2 years old daughter and a 1 1/2 year old son.
We have seriously thought of a 4th and final child. I just want my son to have a brother. Before I get comments back that you can't choose gender. Well, I can. Our family was built by adoption. We can select gender here.
Anyone grow up with a family of two older girls and a boy as the youngest? Did your brother ever wish he had a brother? Do families with 3 kids have more sibling arguing? I just think a family with three kids is just asking for more strife. I have a friend that had 3 kids. She had boy/girl/boy combo. She says if she could do it again, she would have another. Someone always got left out. Her youngest son is now 18.
I am one of three and 2 girls one boy (boy oldest). My sister and I are extremely close. My husband is one of three 2 boys 1 girl (hubby is oldest) but closest to his brother. the more children you have the tougher it is naturally. I have a friend who is one of seven. She hated having that many because they didn't have enough time and attention. The fact that you have "chosen" your children is amazing! If you choose to open your heart a fourth time how could that be wrong? You have to answer those though questions of how are you both handeling the 3? Are you a stay at home mom, in my personal opinion when you have more than one child I feel the whole family benefits from this. It's hard enough to raise one child when you both work. IT CAN BE DONE obviously there are many people who do. I think you know in your heart what you want to do but are afraid because you want all your children to feel loved and special. If you can finacially and emotionally handle then sign today! I miss the big families of the old days. It always makes for more interesting family reunions. best of luck and keep us posted.
Yes, I am a stay at home mom. It is very important to dh and I for me to stay home. We feel we are very fortunate that I can stay home. I don't want this to become about staying home. I understand that life gives us all different things and we have to decide.
I can see my two girls being close. The are best buds. Yes, they fight but they love each other so much. Now, little brother is more of a pest to them right now.
I don't have any kids of my own, but I'm a teacher with a minor in child development and family studies...so you can take my opinion or leave it...either way.
I think that regardless of how many kids you have, they are going to quarel. That's just the nature of the beast. Some kids fight more than others...it depends on how their personalities match up. My husband grew up with a younger sister and an even younger brother (boy, girl, boy). I don't think any of them had wished their childhoods had been different. Sure they fought, but do they think things would have been better with a 4th child? Probably not.
Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't adopt a 4th child. But you need to examine why you are doing it. Are you wanting to provide a better life for a child in need? Or do you want your kids to have another one to play with?
If you adopted a 4th, it is possible that there wouldn't be one kid left out...but what if 3 of them band together and leave the 4th one out? There are always "what-ifs".
I think you just need to carefully examine why you would adopt again and of course, if you could care for a forth child.
Just my two cents 
One more note:
About the little brother being a pest to the girls.
I sympathize with that. Growing up I thought my little brother was the biggest pain in the rear. He is 4 years younger than I am. Now that we are older (I am 23, he is 19) I love him dearly and don't know what I would do without him. When we were little, I would be mean to him but now I am very protective of him.
The situation your kids are in now will not remain unchanged. Kids will grow, personalities will change, hormones will run wild then calm down, they will be worst enemies and best friends all in one week.
I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know; but sometimes it's nice to hear someone else say it.
This is exactly what I wanted to hear. I just need to hear from all aspects of growing a family and some psychology. Great points.
I really don't have any advise, I would like to say though that I commend you on your choice to adopt.
With so many beautiful children out there needing
a family It's people like you that make a wonderful
difference that lasts a lifetime! God Bless You!!
Courtney that is so sweet. That is great that you have such a sweet relationship with your brother.
The main thing that holds us back is the adoption is expensive. We have done private adoption 3 times.
My DH and I have been dealing with this very thing. This is how we think/feel about this - With each child we've had our family & close friends immediately after the birth (literally while baby & I are still at the hospital!) ask us if we're going to have any more....like that is really the time to be asking that question 
I guess they suppose that if we're not going to that since I'm already in the hospital it's the perfect time to 'do something about it' so-to-say...lol. 
We have 3 children (boy/boy/girl) and each time we've been asked if we want more DH & I both say that we just can't see saying 'No..we don't want or aren't going to have any more children' and being totally sure of it and content with that decision. The one thing we are sure about, though, is that we needed a break between our little girl and the next one....I've been having babies every other year for the past 6 years!! HA! 
If nothing else, my body needs a break!
My point is this....whether you have the baby by giving birth or you adopt...ask yourself if you can imagine never having any more children, ever. Really imagine it....in your mind, fast forward 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 20 yrs...is everyone that's supposed to be there present? When I do that, there always seems to be someone missing. Now I know to some people this might sound a little loopy...but I promise I'm not being silly. You have to get beyond the financial issues and all of that and really think about it more with your heart. We are self-employed and haven't been able to afford health insurance for the past 5 yrs, though we have a very successful landscaping business, insurance for a family our size is just astronomical!!! (We don't spend 2 months worth of a premium on healthcare in a year even, but that's another thread ) Nor have we ever qualified for any state sponsored insurance or aid....so we've had to foot the entire bill out-of-pocket for pre-natal care and delivery of 2 of our children and partially for 1. But I know that we'll have another child, insurance or not, when the time is right. Not only would I like for my little girl to have a sister, I know that she is supposed to have one....maybe it's just that motherly instinct or something? lol But you are a mother and you have that instinct too....you've got to use that! I think I may need to learn how to reign mine in though.....or else we'll end up being the 'live' version of 'Cheaper By the Dozen'!!! lol
I also have three children. ages 5, 3, and 1 all girls. Yes I do want another. It gets so crazy around here sometimes I think I must be nuts for wanting more. I know I can't handle another right now. When the baby is three that is when I want to try again. I just really feel like four kids would be perfect. I have three sisters and we are all extremely close. I want that for my girls.
But there are advantages to just three- we can all fit in a regular car, and well hmmm, i guess thats about it...
If your heart is telling you that you want another (like mine is) I say go for it, you do not want to have regrets about something this big.
Whatever you decide I know it will be the best thing for your family. Mom's have a unique ability to always pick the right thing! Let us know.
I am the middle child in my family and only girl. My little bro and I fought all the time. We are both married w/ children and have been best friends since my last day of HS I think.
As for the $ of the next one???? Well I'm in the same boat. I have a 9 year old step-son, 13 yo daughter, and a 15 yo daughter and we are waiting for adoption of another daughter. We should get her at the end of this year or yearly next year! This is our first adoption. I will have children in collage and pre school 
. I worry about ins. for 3 drivers, cars, gas, collages...the list goes on, but if I had 1 child I think I would still worry about those things. It's our job! But I really think with Gods grace and love, it will work out. Good luck with you choice. You could just wait forever like me and start over just think, I'll never have empty nest 
p.s. my little man gets along great with both girls and loves all the attention he gets from their friends, because he's sooo cute and funny 
I think he like being the only boy, he gets more sympathy
I have 3 children and never thought of having another my kids grew up healthy and respect each other and are close they are all grown up now and enjoy each others company when they have the chance. I never heard them ask for another child.
Boy/girl/boy
If you can afford it financially go for it. Sit and have a chat with the kids and have their imput too.
I really like this forum. Thank you all so much for your points of view. Sometimes for me, when making an important decision, I want to ask others because they may have perspective I have not thought of. I can't think of every thing. You all have been very kind. Definitely food for thought. Or should I say cake! Ok, I'll stop with the silly puns.
I love what JennT said about looking into the future...is anyone missing?
I have to children girl(
,boy(5). I love them dearly/they drive me crazy. When my son was born, I knew my family was complete...we have had "permanent birth control" taken care of...and I've never looked back thinking what if...
JennT's right, look to the future, you will know in your heart what is right for your family!
Interesting topic!! It's such a personal thing. I think we all have different ideas about what a complete family looks like! For me, I've let God decide. We have two young kids, ages 3 and 4 and have had three consecutive miscarriages since our youngest was born, so for us it's been obvious that God's plan wasn't that of our own. Maybe someday we'll have more, but I have my hands very full with the two kids we have and I'm just going to trust God's judgement on this one! Doesn't mean that losing the three babies wasn't extremely painful, but I realize how very blessed we are to have two healthy children to raise. I know I'm blessed!!!
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