The wedding is this Saturday (March 3)!

Now I have been a friend of this family for 20+ years and I am doing the wedding cake and grooms cake as a favor.
When I had the initial consultation with the bride she wanted me to come to her home which was fine, like I said, we're friends, and the cakes are a favor. She was sooooo distracted and indecisive that the consult took almost 3 hours! Again, she's my friend, and that's okay. I finished the consult and went home and as I have been going over my notes from the consult I have realized that we never discussed border or what should go on the sides of her groom's cake. All I know is square with chocolate covered strawberrys (the classic).
Also the cake topper that she wanted I can't find anywhere. We are supposed to go together and pick out flowers but, how can we set that up when I can't even talk to her? I have actually taken Friday off my regular job to work on her cake (cakes are still only a hobby for me and not so much a source of income yet).
I have been trying to contact her for two weeks now and nothing. I don't get an answer and I don't get a call back. I have even called other family members asking them to get a message to her and what it is that I need to talk to her about. You would think that I would get some sort of correspondence since the cakes are a focal point, or are they not anymore?
Do I just use my best judgement since I have known her so long and know what her likes and dislikes are?

I would say use your judgement!!! You have gone out of your way several times to make contact to discuss the details and she has not bothered to call back.I would do whatever ideas you have in mind as you said.."It is a favor" so creative control is now yours!!

As a cake designer, sometimes it is best to suggest or in this case, design the cake for them. Those were the details lacking, fill in the blanks for them. Chances are your choice would be prime choice and not only that, you are in charge, and that'll make you more comfortable. As far as the topper, there are nice generic looking topper out there, especially as a favor. You do have some leverage by doing this as a favor.

Good Luck!

Leave her ANOTHER message, and tell her if she wants a cake at her wedding, she'd better call you back.... How RUDE !!

Could she be cheating on you? I'd call one last time and make sure that YOU ARE making that cake. Simply rude that she is not returning your calls. I'm sorry for you! I would not want to go to all the trouble of making a wedding cake that someone may not even want.

I wouldn't do the cake. Obviously she doesn't care about it. I would leave amessage stating that you will not be able to do her cakes unless she contact you right now. If she doesn't return call its on her. What does she expect from you You are not pyshic. Its a situation you shouldn't have to be stressed about.

I would leave her ANOTHER message, but this time tell her that as you have heard nothing from her yet (despite numerous attempts to get a hold of her), you will fill in the blanks as someone suggested. Tell her you couldn't find the cake topper she wanted so you're doing what you need to do to keep your word to her.

It's difficult to do someone a favour when they don't seem very appreciative (I'm having the same problem. Bride doesn't even have the courtesy to attend a consult, but that's another story!), but having said that, you already committed yourself. Unless she says otherwise, I say do your thing.

I agree with the other posts. I would leave a message to let her know if you do not hear from her, you assume she no longer wants you to make the cake. I'm sorry she has put you in this situation. I can not imagine doing that to someone, especially a friend. Let us know how it goes! Good Luck.

Nothing would be worse than doing the cake and then showing up to find out she had got someone else to do the cake.

Call her and tell her nicely that since you have heard nothing more from her you are assuming that she got someone else to do the cake.

If she still wants you to do the cake she will call you right away!

Are you a guest at the wedding as well?

I would definately talk to her before I started this cake! I mean, there are a lot of undecided things, and that is a lot of work to do for nothing.
She is really putting you in a spot.
Are you sure there is still going to be a wedding?
That is the only reason I could think of that the bride wouldn't be in touch with you. (that would still excuse her, but could explain her behavior).

Keep us informed! I want to know what happens!

call her and leave a message and tell her you really do want to make her cake, but if she's found someone else and/or she has changed her mind you understand. but if she DOES want you to make the cake she has to contact you by "x" date or else you won't have enough time to put it together. I'm not sure from your post if you are doing this for free or not, but if it IS free, don't invest your time or money if she doesnt' get back to you, and if she is paying for it, also don't put out ANY $$$ on it until she has paid you for it.

I feel maybe she has found another cake and doesnt want to tell you, so by avoiding you, you might not want to do the cake. I would leave her a message and tell her that she needs to return your call by xxxx time or there will be no cake.

i agree with the person that suggested that you leave her a message letting her know that since you have not heard from her you assume she has someone making the cakes. if she doesn't have anyone else she will hurry up and call you back.

Make sure that she's still expecting you to do the cake, then use your judgement.

Some people really are not all that concerned with what the cake looks like. Really, I swear, it's true.

Something similar happened to me a few days ago. I agreed to make a bday cake for my niece and I wanted to make it for free but just asked her mom to buy the ingredients. A couple days before the date I still didn't have the ingredients even though I had alredy spent two days to make flowers for the cake. I tried calling her but she wouldn't return the calls or nothing. Well the day before the date I went to the store and bought all I needed and made the cake anyway. And even the day of the birthday I had to call them myself and ask them to come get the cake. Well it's been 3 days now and I still haven't heard even a thank you from my SIL. Well, at least I did what I had promised, I made the cake and my niece liked it.
I think you should go ahead and make the cake using your jugment. Good luck!

Wow that's really strange...and the family that have known you for so long won't even talk to you about it?? Are you invited to the wedding? If you know where she lives, you could drop by and try to talk to her. I agree with everyone that said leave another message and tell her that unless you hear from her there will be no cake.

Just how much time do you have till the wedding anyways? If it's not more than a couple of weeks, then I say forget the whole deal! Hey, fair is fair, and you have made all the efforts you can. She hasn't paid you anything, and no contract was signed apparently. So I would just not do anything unless you get something in writing and money changes hands.

Chalk it up to experience and move on. Let us know what happens!!

Good luck to you!!

I finally did get an answer from another family member that I called and between the two of us we tried to figure out what the bride would like best.

I hate to think that she is "cheating" on me, I can't imagine that in a town of less than 3,000 people she could have found someone else to do the cake and for any cheaper than $0.00.

The family member that I spoke to explained to me that the bride had been sick with a stomach flu that's been going around, but MY GOODNESS, IT'S HER WEDDING DAY AND IT'S ONLY 4 DAYS AWAY!! Am I the only one this raises a red flag for?

The same family member I spoke to yesterday afternoon also explained to me that someone else in the family had called in the flower order without the bride's consent or knowledge and the bride was very upset about that. I almost had a notion to say, "Well when she doesn't answer the phone or return a call sometimes others just have to take the bull by the horns and make a judgement call for her."

I am invited to the wedding and that's why all of this is so bizarre to me. I am trying to convince myself that since the bride's family and I have all been such good friends for all these years, that the bride is just trusting me to make a decision that she will be happy with. I dunno.

I know that you can't beat a cake for nothing - especially a wedding cake - but I would still be leary about starting any work on it or putting out any more money on the cake until you have spoken to her. Maybe she is "cheating" on you like some of the other posters have said. But then again, and I hope this is the case, she may just be very overwhelmed and busy since it's the week before her wedding.

Keep us posted.

Jen

I'll come in on the devil's advocate side and say, if she's a friend, and she's been sick, and she's not seeming too concerned with design, that could be all it is...

I have a bride who I tried calling and calling and didn't get any answers to my (to me) SUPER important questions about flavors, servings, etc. When I finally called her mom, after finding her # in information, she told me that the bride, who had just had a wisdom tooth pulled at our consult and couldn't speak or eat (huh?), had also come down with strep AND mono and had lost her voice, and the last thing she was worrying about right now was the cake...

All that to say this: She may truly just be not concerned about how it looks and may feel like any design ideas you decided when she talked with you were all she needed to worry about. I'd finish the cakes however you *normally* would and leave it at that.

On the flip side, It would help to find out for sure to know if you are indeed still MAKING the cake....

I know it's frustrating, but I'm starting to realize that some brides don't think about their cakes down to the last tiny detail like we do, like do they want a size 18 shell border or a size 21 shell border...LOL

Hope it works out! Let us know what happens!

I had a similar situation this week. A lady who lives four doors down from me asked me if I would quote her for a wedding cake, I designed some sketches and quoted for it - put this through her door as she wasn't in when I called round. Two weeks later I hadn't heard anything and assumed she'd decided to go with someone else. Anyway, I bumped into her today and asked how the cake was goin g- she'd just assumed I was going to do it, was happy with my designs and didn't really want to discuss it - just wanted me to go ahead and make it. She trusts my work, isn't overly controlling about it and just thought I'd get on with it. Brides have so much on their mind, sometimes the cake is just the smallest part of it all. Let us know how you get on.

bakingupastorm, Wow... that's crazy! Did you find out from the family member if you are making the cake? Avoidance is ususally because of guilt. I'm not saying it always is. Maybe you could just "drop by" with a small plant or little gift to say "hope you feel better, and .... by the way... am I still making your wedding cakes?"

When I spoke to the other family memeber yesterday she didn't give me any indication that the bride had found someone else to make her cakes. There was no, "uh, uh, uh I'm not sure, let me call you back" kind of thing. The other family member was actually quite helpful to me and although she doesn't know much about cake design she was willing to listen to my suggestions and ideas and when I suggested something that she thought the bride would like she would say things like, "Oh that sounds really pretty. Why don't you go ahead and do that." I just don't get the feeling that they are intentionally giving me the run around.


It's like "homecook" said '...some brides don't think about their cakes down to the last tiny detail like we do...'

After all she was pretty indecisive at the consultation. When I asked her if she would like a shell border she looked at me and said, "Why would I want sea shells on my cake? That's not the theme of my wedding or anything." LOL, I had to draw her a picture.

LOL--that's funny. "you mean those little dot thingies around the bottom?" is the answer I get when I ask about borders. I'm learning not to ask. If we're not putting ribbon around the base, I just do shells, whatever I think will look good.

I've gotten blank looks on all sorts of details that we take for granted as common knowledge, like:

1. Are you using fresh or silk? (flowers) = blank stare
2. Shells or dots? (borders) = blank stare
3. Let's do a 6, 9, 12... = blank stare and "a what??"

I think she just figures you're the pro and will deliver her a beautiful and delicious cake that will match her wedding.

Hope it turns out great!

I would be more than a little worried by this kind of attitude. I really would drop by her home & ask her outright. You can do it in a nice way of course, just tell her you are concernd & that if she doesn't want you to make the cake that is OK, but that you just want to know for sure.

I'm really intriged by your story....
Hope you let us know on Sunday what actualy happened at the wedding!
Did you bake it?
Did she like it?
Was she mad that she didn't get to choose everything?
I'm curious!!

yup. Leave a message telling her you're not doing a thing until you hear back, in case she's decided to go with someone else. And if she hasn't found someone else....design the cake how you thinks looks best. It's a favor to HER after all.

Ok, based on everyone's great advice here is what I have decided to do...

I know that I am still doing the cake because I called the one and only family member that I have been able to get ahold of ask just flat out asked. The answer I got was, "Oh yes, she really wants you to do this cake. She's seen other cakes that you've done and she likes your designs."

I have decided to take the Duff Goldman approach and say, "I'll do the cakes as a favor but, with the understanding that I get to choose the design." Of course I'll do everything that we discussed during the initial consult but as far as the cake topper and sides and border of the groom's cake I will just create what I think will be aesthetically pleasing and she'll probably think that's what she asked for in the first place.

To be continued...

looking forward til next week when we find out how this all turns out!