So Called Friends And Family!! Can't Believe Their Mine!!
Lounge By sugartopped Updated 26 Apr 2006 , 4:36pm by Cady
This has been a terrrible week...and it's only Tuesday!! I'll try to keep this short...but unfortunately, it won't be sweet.
There is good news though.....After 26 yrs my mom finally went back to school and received her GED (she had me when was 15 and my brother at 17...so she didn't finish school). So at 41 my mom is a high school graduate!!! But anyway, the community college had a graduation and she walked this weekend (VERY PROUD of her)!!! This obvisously calls for a celebration!! My aunt (her sister) is coming to visit for xmas, so we decided to go to a nice resturant and have dinner to celebrate. My mom wanted to invite some of her friends....sounded like this was going to be fun and my mom was so excited!!
So we start telling her friends where we were going and said (all verbal over the phone) and I must quote this...."We wanted to invite you to dinner at XXXX on date/time to celebrate my Mom receiving her GED, we would love for you to come." Everyone said YES, we'll be there. Well apparently a couple of her friends are upset to learn that my husband and I will not be paying for their dinner....and have said this to my mom!!!! Then they are more upset that we picked an 'expensive' resturant (~$10-$20 dinner)!! I don't even know what to say to them. I don't think I ever implied we were paying??!! And I don't know why they would even think we would!! These people are in their 40's & 50's...so I don't know where they would get the idea two 26 yr olds w/a small child could afford to pay for 20 people's dinner??? But my mom is upset b/c she doesn't think some of them will come now. I told her who cares......ninna (my aunt-her sis) and I will be there and we have been there for her......aiden (her grandson) will be there!!!! I thought about changing the location to a more 'suitable' resturant....but I feel this celebration calls for more than Burger & Fries!!! But my mom really wants her friends to be there.....now she doesn't expect us to pay for her friends...but she can't understand why they are throwing such a fit!!! And I don't know what to tell her!!
so that is my so-called friends....now on to my so-called family!!! My mom gets a call from my aunt saying thier uncle (we all call him Uncle Bumper--childhood name)......was kicked out of his house by his wife of 30+yrs sometime in the past two weeks. Bumper is 79 yrs old and his wife is 82 yrs old, bump is sweetest man...loves to tell stories about his bus driving days!!! Both are VERY sick so noone knows what is going on or why she kicked him out. But the cops were called and he was escorted out of the house. He had lived in a town ~40-50 miles north of my hometown. When the cops asked where he wanted to go....he said he didn't know....he didn't have anywhere to go. But then he thouhgt about it and said he would go to Ste. Gen b/c he had family there. Now that is the only story we have gotten....we don't know anything else about why his wife forced him to leave.....but like I said both have been VERY sick lately (delisuional).
Anyway, my aunt and uncle just happened to run into him in the grocery store and he told them what happened and why he was in ste. gen (story above). He said he was staying in a trailer in Ste. Gen and invited them over. So they go to his house and ....this is where the story gets worse if you can believe that......they said the ONLY thing in his house was a bucket he used to sit on!!! no bed, no chairs, no table...they weren't even sure he had food or a change of clothes. Now it gets even worse. THEY FREAKIN LEFT HIM THERE!!! I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle them!! They didn't invite him to dinner, didn't go buy him a chair to sit on, not even get him some groceries!!! They left a 79 yr old sick man....ALONE...in a trailer sitting on a bucket!!! When my mom told them she had some furniture in storage up there and asked if they would go get it and bring it to him.....THEY SAID THEY WERE BUSY W/ALL THE HOLIDAY STUFF THEY HAD TO DO!!! So we tried to call a few other relatives to check on him.....NOONE WILL DO IT!! One even lives w/in walking distance!!! Noone is going to invite him to their holiday gatherings.....and they are suppose to be family.
I just can't believe people could be so cruel and to their own family!!! My brother who actually lives in St. Louis (~75 miles away) is going to go check on him....but can't get there until this weekend. But my mom told my brother to make sure he isn't alone this weekend. I have been so upset the past two days over this. My uncle bumper has been so sweet and good to everyone in our family......he doesn't deserve to be treated this way!! And what worse.......when we would go home to visit....he would always drive the 50miles to see me and just talk and talk and talk (he is such a talker!!!)....he really loves our family and every screwed up person in it!!! I think my mom and I may try to go up there in a week or two if we can get off work. My brother is going to see what furniture he needs...(EVERYTHING!!) and try to get him the stuff from storage, but he deosn't own a truck....just a beat up old POS....so not sure how he is going to actually get it. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy my christmas knowing I have a loved one...SITTING ALONE ON A BUCKET IN A TRAILER!!!! And noone in my family who is close enough to do anything about it will lift a freakin finger to help.
I'm sorry this was so long....but I've just been so upset b/c there isn't anything I can do from here. At least not until this weekend when my brother can get down there. and my whole attitude towards my useless selfish family has now been changed!!! The aunt and uncle who just left him sitting on a bucket and won't go get the stuff from storage (they have a brand new truck) are the ones that are suppose to be coming here for xmas. I'm so disgusted w/them I don't even want to see them now!!!! Why...How could someone just leave him sitting there like that.
Thanks for listening.
Christine
This has been a terrrible week...and it's only Tuesday!! I'll try to keep this short...but unfortunately, it won't be sweet.
uh sorry, guess it wasn't so short after all!! but thanks to anyone who makes it through the whole thing!! your a trooper!! 
That's the saddest story I've heard in a long time.
It sounds like some of your relatives need to take a break from their holiday shopping at the mall and think about what the REAL meaning of Christmas is all about.
They all seem to have forgotten it is about family, love and hope.
I hope he finds a warm loving place to stay. At least he has you and your immediate family to look out for him.
My heart goes out to you and your uncle, that is a very sad story. I can't believe your relatives didn't help him. Especially at this time of year no one should be alone . And if he is sick then he definatly needs someone to help him . Is there an agency in his area that provides meals to seniors that can't cook for themselves.. Up here we have Meals on Wheels that delivers nice hot meals to the elderly at lunchtime, 3 days a week. They are very reasonable, $10.00 a week and they send lots of food.. usually enough for lunch and dinner.. If your relatives are coming to your place for Christmas couldn't you call and ask them to bring your uncle with them. Might make them see how selfish they were in not helping him .
I hope things work out for him and your moms party too..
Liz
Sweetheart, if you were here I'd give you a really big hug. Truly, your uncle's predicament brought tears to my eyes. How revolting that people could leave an old man in such conditions...especially his own family.
I know the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders right now. If I were you, I would uninvite your aunt and uncle. I absolutely could not celebrate such a joyous, holy day with people who rejected helping a person so desperately in need.
I'm really sorry for your dear uncle's distressing situation and your turmoil.
It's also very sad that your mom's friends are so classless they would complain to her about such a stupid thing as picking up their own tab for dinner. That's insane. 
First of all tell your Mom congratulations, that is an accomplishment that she should be very proud of.
Second I am very sorry to hear about your Uncle. All families have people who will be there for them and people who won't even though they always say if you need anything just call, but they are always to busy. And they are usually the ones that tell everyone else that they are the only ones that do anything for the family, when in reality the ones that do the most don't need recognition. You can be proud that you are doing all that you can from where you are, and try not to let it ruin your Christmas.
Wilma
I'm sorry to hear about your family situation--everyone has imbeciles in their family, of that you can be sure.
Regarding the restaurant thing, I must say that an invitation implies you will be paying. I would never, ever invite someone to a restaurant, especially for a celebratory reason, and then expect them to pay. If I did, I would have made that clear along with the invitation. I understand that this is more common nowadays, but in my opinion it just doesn't sit right with me. I think if it were myself, I would have chosen a different option if I couldn't have afforded to pay for the guests. I'm not trying to call you out on this, just trying to let you know where these people are coming from.
I would call ur relatives and tell them not to bother coming over b/c u dont want to have dinner with them anymore...how rude can u possibly get. Sorry, but u know when ppl get to that age, they may be a little cooky, but they need to deal with it b/c one day, they will be in the same position and no ones going to be there to help them either...
I dont mean to offend, but when i read your post, it really bothered me that ppl would do that to family...that is unheard of...
Regarding the restaurant thing, I must say that an invitation implies you will be paying. I would never, ever invite someone to a restaurant, especially for a celebratory reason, and then expect them to pay. If I did, I would have made that clear along with the invitation. I understand that this is more common nowadays, but in my opinion it just doesn't sit right with me. I think if it were myself, I would have chosen a different option if I couldn't have afforded to pay for the guests. I'm not trying to call you out on this, just trying to let you know where these people are coming from.
i understand what your saying and we didn't send out any invites for the reason you just stated....we didn't want them to think we were paying. we just called them on the phone. it was more of a....hey we are going to dinner....would you like to come?? i have never thought a dinner invite meant the person inviting was paying. we go out to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries w/friends all the time and never have I thought someone else was paying for my dinner. Unless I received a formal invitation. But like I said....if they had thought about it........they should have known my husband and I couldn't afford to pay for everyone...and they should have brought their concerns to me...NOT my mother.
And thanks everyone for your concern about my uncle. It is just so upsetting that my Christmas spirit and joy this holiday season was completely wiped out w/one phone call!!! If my uncle was well enough to make the trip....my mom and I would have already went to get him!!!! But what is killing us is we have NO WAY to talk to him and let him know that we love him and WILL find a way to get him what he needs. He doesn't have phone and obv. our family isn't going to go talk to him for us!!!! I'm not sure our town has a meals for wheels program, but we have contacted a local church group that helps out people in our area. We are just waiting for them to call us back. Hopefully today or tomorrow sometime. But we didn't expect everyone in our family to jump and help...b/c some of them never do anything. But to have NOONE....esp those that he has went of his way to help in the past.....say no!!! makes me sick to my stomach!! But my mom and I doing are best from here. We will know this weekend when my brother can get down there.
Christine
Congratulations to your mom for receiving her GED!
I feel so bad for your uncle, I stated to tear while reading your story. I agree with crimsonhair, have your aunt and uncle that are coming bring your Uncle Bumper along. If they decline, I'd tell them you had a change of plans and can't have them over. That is really just so sad that "family" could be so heartless, especially around the holidays!
I'M SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR UNCLE,AND I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE STRESS YOU AND YOUR MOM ARE UNDER RIGHT NOW.DON'T DISPAIR CHRISTINE, YOU HAVE FRIENDS HERE WHO WILL PRAY YOU THROUGH THIS , CHRISTMAS WILL BE BEAUTIFUL FOR YOU AND YOUR UNCLE.
WE WILL KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS THROUGHOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON.
TAKE CARE
MAXIE
Some people need to be reminded of the Reason for the Season-nonetheless what families are for. I would drive there and get him myself if I could! How horrible for him. And of course there are 3 sides to every story-his, her and the truth as with any story. (we all like to think our side is right and sometimes totally forget things that are important to the story)...but the family is just WRONG! As far as the dinner-maybe something like selfpay dinner or something like that-like a cash bar at a wedding-or Dutchtreat-but if I had a question I would have asked while we were on the phone..Hope all is well with your Uncle now and that you were able to at least enjoy the holiday with your hubbie and child.
I probably woulda flipped out, as I was accused of doing this week when I told friends and family, that I was disgusted by the fact that I was the one that had to keep relationships together, because they were too lazy to do anything from their end. UGH! Family and friends can be the pits sometimes, they will support those who shouldn't be supported, and not help the ones that need it.
Don't get me wrong I'm not an ungrateful person, but I AM "Old Fashioned" in that I still say sir or ma'am to elders and shake hands give kisses etc... without being ragged on to give one.
What this world needs now, isn't just "Love, sweet love", but also some respect. Unfortunately, parents are responsible for teaching respect to people. Whether they use it or not, says a lot about the person.
Kinds of goes with an article I read yesterday on Yahoo, about how people don't write thank you notes or much of anything anymore, because of the electronic age, and just lack of respect for other people, when it comes to gift giving. THAT really irks me, and has for years...
If I'd have read this last week, I would have driven fom my home in STL, to pick your Uncle up, and enjoyed the ride back, while listening to his stories, Fed him and made sure her had furniture.
This world sickens me sometimes, it's even worse when it's "so called family and friends".
I could go on and on, if I didn't have orders to finish... This is a subject very near and dear to my heart.
I hate the fact that thankyou cards aren't done-I have my 5 year old g/d do them for every occasion-she knows as soon as she is finished opening them up to keep track of who gave what and get those cards out. I am still waiting for t/y cards from wedding gifts 7 years ago-to me that is totally rude! I'm a yesma'am yessir person myself and respect is something shown to everyone (well, not quite everyone-I have a s-i-l but that is a different story alltogether!) Politeness just isn't in the critera of today's society anymore it seems. Don't get me wrong-alot of parents do teach manners, etc-maybe it's just that there are fewer that do than don't.
Well, I read your predicament and some of the responses.
First of all, I hate to say it, but I also think the invitation implied that you were throwing a party. (paying) A few weekends ago, we were invited over to friends for take out. I Did not realize that we were supposed to pay for our own order, and of course i brought dessert. I thought it was tacky on their part, becasue they didn't clarify we were to order and pay for our own food. When I Invite someone over, I provide and I pay.
Could you change the party to a pot-luck at someone's house?? That might help you out and still allow for a celebration. And, you won't have to rush to get out. I would never feel offended to be asked to bring a dish to a party. I'm sure all the friends will understand. Also, you could tell them you thought about it and decided it would be more relaxed at a home. (Take her out to a nicer dinner just your family and her)
Please call social services and tell them your uncle's situation. They can refer you to agencies that can help. Or perhaps a church. But if your aunt and uncle truly are "Delusional" They may need some help. They may be very confused. OR, there may be underlying issues no one else knows about. Health, emotional, mental, etc. Get your aunt's side too. Maybe they just need to cool off. BUT you would do well to make a few calls.
IF you need an ear to bend, you can count on us!!
First of all, Congratulations to your Mom! 
She sounds like a great lady that can accomplish anything and has evidently done a wonderful job raising her children at such a young age.
Secondly, I'm sorry that your family has behaved in such a manner. It's terrible but unfortunately sometimes the ones we think we can count on most are the ones we can count on least. For instance, (not trying to belittle your situation) we think we can turn to family in times of trouble. But I have found that this is not so. There are so many times in my life that I needed my Mom and my Dad but they were not there for me or completely shunned me. At the age of 17 I was date raped and became pregnant. When I told my mom she kicked me out of the house. My dad came to get me and bring me back but my mom still would not have anything to do with me. Soon after, I met a boy (age 17) and 2 weeks later we were married. I needed to get out of the house and maybe by being married my mom would love me again. This boy beat me and did things to me that I can not mention here. After 2 years I left him and wanted to live with my mom and dad (my baby and me). My mom knew about the beatings but since they were living near the Country Club (and since they were ashamed of me) they told me I should go back to him because they could not afford to take care of me (this was on the day I had walked and found a job in a daycare so I could have my baby with me). It ened up that my mom paid my sister to take me and my baby.
Then a few months after I was divorced from this boy I married someone else. I know I did it because I thought my baby needed a daddy (wrong reason). I stayed with him for 13 years and had 2 more children. He was very sexually and verbally abusive. Finally I could not take it any more and I wanted to leave him. I went to my parents and they blamed me. I had no where to turn so I just got in my car and drove away feeling that no one loved me and never will. I drove from Georgia to California. That was 9 years ago and to this day my parents still have not forgiven me for leaving.
Sorry this was so long but I guess what I am trying to say is that family can disappoint you when you need them most.
If I were there I would go check on your Uncle. I know what it is like to be alone feeling unloved and unwanted. I never wish that on anyone. It rips my heart in two just thinking about it.
God bless you and your Uncle...
Why is it that the things that hurt us the most make us stronger? Could it be that we wind up being able to count on ourselves and the Man Upstairs! I am so sorry that painful things have happened to all-but there are good points in all of it-our kids, our selfrespect-no matter how long it took to get back, our devotion-God Bless everyone!
thanks everyone, my uncle is doing ok. my brother went down there and after my mom gave my family members a piece of her mind and threw a few threats around (they are her brothers/sisters)....they have pitched in!!! Not exactly how family should come together to help each other.....but we worked w/what we had!!! he has some furniture and is in the process of getting a phone and cable. he keeps hoping his wife will change her mind....but it isn't looking so good. her children are pulling the strings.....literally!! but my mom and i will get up there in the next couple months (both of us are getting ready to start new jobs in two weeks and can't ask for time off yet 
). But once he gets a phone we will call and check up on him everday. my brother said he is already saying how he can't wait to talk to us!!! so we are feeling better now....well as good as we can considering.
as for the dinner......turned how I expected!! Only one of her friends showed up (the one who said she couldn't afford it...go figure). The rest had various lame excuses as to why they weren't coming. My mom was disappointed, but we still had a good time and her cake was AWESOME!!! she enjoyed herself which is all that matters.
I'm still split as to whether they had a ligetimate reason for being upset. Def. not enough to not come though....that is more 'rude' than what they think I did. But I don't think anyone should ever automaticlly assume or expect something is going to or should be paid for....no matter what it is. I've never went to a dinner party and thought my dinner was being paid for or even expected it to be....just b/c I was invited. How is it any different than being invited to go shopping?? I don't expect that person to pay for all my purchases just b/c they asked if I wanted to go w/them!! But oh well, at least I have learned something from all this and will plan accordingly next time!!!
And susancrp.....oh my, what an awful thing to have happened to you....and get no support from your parents!!! Of anyone, they should be the ones you should always be able to count on!! I'm so glad to hear you made it through all those awful things though!! You are a strong woman to go through that, basically alone, w/three children!!! You have def. prevailed and overcame such heartache and sorrow!!! I'm giving you x's 1,000!!!
thanks again everyone for you kind thoughts and words.
christine
Glad to hear there is some improvement in the situation and that you will be having contact with your uncle very soon...and congratulations to both you and your mom on your new jobs! You and your mother have a bond-hang onto that. I am sure birthday was great being able to spend time with you-the others are not friends but would like to think so-she knows who she can count on! Keep us posted!!
pinkbunny i just happen to stumble on this post and was wondering how your uncle is doing?
well the situation w/my uncled ended up getting so much more worse...if you can even believe that!! it's a really really long unpleasant story!! i've pretty much cutoff contact w/most of my family b/c of this situation!! Doesn't matter if they are family or not...NOONE should be treated that way and I won't associate w/anyone who would do the things they've done or stand by and allow them to happen!!! 
I swear my family is worse than a Jerry Springer show most of the time!! 
But after months of pure hell for my poor uncle....he is slowly getting straightened out and settled. There are a few people who will go check on him now....but he is getting settled in a retirement community in the area and seems to be enjoying it. Lots of people around to talk too (he's a talker) and lots of activities for him to join in. So I pray that all this ugliness is behind him now!!
thanks everyone for the kind words and thoughts on this situation!
Christine
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