Ot.but How Do I Get My Kids To Sleep In Their Own Beds??
Lounge By Kiddiekakes Updated 21 Oct 2005 , 1:56am by alracntna
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Well last night I think was the last straw for my hubby. My son Mitchell has been sleeping in out bed with my hubby while I sleep with my daughter who is 2 1/2.It all started when Mitch was 14 months.He had me up every 40 minutes at night ....yes 40 minutes!! since he was 9 months old and started to teethe.I was literally exhausted everyday and to boot I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter.The only way I could get any rest at night was to take him in the spare room and lay him down beside me on the bed.Well now I have created a monster.He either sleeps in his room with me or in our bed with hubby while I tend to Delaney....and to make matters worse she was taken out of her crib at 18 months because my loving husband gave our crib away to his 19 yr old niece who was pregnant and had no money and he felt sorry for her. 
So needless to say I had her in a twin canopy bed at 18 months old which is waaayyyyy to young so I had to lay with her so she wouldn't cry and get scared etc...I know,I know you are all thinking "Silly me" and now I agree!! My Hubby is lonely and upset and our intimacy is zero and we are both really concerned about that.We haven't slept together in the same bed in 4 years and you can hear the lonliness in his voice We have tried taking Mitch back to his bed but as soon as he wakes up and doesn't see Mommy around he comes to our bed and John lifts him in!!! I don't know what else to do!!! How can I get my kids who are now old enough to be sleeping in their OWN beds stay in their rooms all night??? Any suggestions?? I am all out of answers and have a hubby who feels totally neglected 
Laurel 
Well Kiddiekakes just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!! Don't know if that is a good thing or not! My son is five and he has just recently started sleeping in his bed on a regular basis. So, there is hope!! We started out by laying on the floor with him in his bed until he fell asleep!! Then we started sitting next to his bed. Then we started where we would stay in there for about 5 or 10 min and leave the room. We would leave the door open some so that made him feel better! When I told my husband that we really needed to stop falling asleep in there he's like "Ok son, tonight you are going to put your self to sleep!" I'm like uhhh don't think that's going to work!! You don't go from falling asleep with him to sending him back there on his own!! So we tried it my way. It may take a little while but it does work. I promise! Maybe you could start by getting them both ready for bed, read a book (while they are in bed) and start like that. Hope it helps some! Hang in there.
kiddiekakes. First, calm down and quit blaming yourself. I have the same problem with my two year old. I also had the same problem with my now 16 year old. I believe in the family bed. Most Americans don't. Yes, I am American but the family bed is more prevalent in other countries. I recently put a toddler bed next to mine and am hoping that she will get use to sleeping on her own and can eventually move it to her room. If that is not an option for you how about just a pallete on the floor? Sleeping bag, extra blankets that kind of thing.
How about you and your hubby going to the other room when you want alone time, after the kids have gone to sleep?
I have heard that if you keep putting them in their room after they go to sleep eventually they will get use to waking up in their room and will just accept that is where they are suppose to be.
While 18 months is young for a bed, I had one of mine in a bed at 10 months because he kept climbing out of his crib and falling.
If you are serious about wanting them to sleep in their own beds, you can check out a book called - Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, M.D.. It will answer a lot of your questions and give you solutions. Be warned, it is work and requires nerves of steel. It is not one of those let them scream all night kind of things but still their will be a war of wills and tears.
Good Luck!
WOW not only do we share cakes we share our lonliness. Brian who is 3 yrs. old (my youngest) slept in his crib until he was a year.. After that he learned how to climb out of his bed.. So hubby decided he was just a baby and that he could sleep with us for awhile until we got rid of the crib and bought a toddler bed.. well a year went by and we finally bought a toddler bed.. He refused to sleep in it.. He wanted to sleep with is poppa.. Toddler bed went into the garage and havent seen it since.. I try to get him to sleep with his older siblings.. NOPE he wants his POPPA!!!!!!!!!!! Well guess what momma does too.. LOL I dont know what to do either.. look forward to those " I wanna stay at my tia's (aunt in spanish) house" nights.. Oh well, I can't tell you when was the last time I actually slept next to my hubby.. Brian has to have the both of us next to him.. He is a sweety.. Gotta love'm!
You poor thing...it's so hard to deal with things that involve your kid's feelings. The last thing you want to do is make them feel not wanted...but...on the other hand....you must fix it between you and hubby.
Dr. Phil gives great advice...something like this:
Start talking about what a big boy and big girl they are....how you used to LOVE sleeping in your own private bed as a kid....how PROUD you will be the day they sleep there on their own....
Relish them with POSITIVE reinforcements....even if they stay there for 15 minutes....say ...."Wow....I know 15 minutes is a long time....I'm so proud of you!" If they get out of bed....don't let them into yours....simply turn them around and go with them into their rooms...and say "I know you can do it"......keep doing this. Don't give in - at all - you will then have to start again from square 1. This will be hard for a few nights....but the night will come when they sleep through the entire night in their beds and your DH will be so happy too!!!! Your life will change.
I feel your pain!! I for one SWORE my kids would NEVER sleep in my bed. I did well with the first ...but then my second strong willed kid came along . He woke up every two hours until the age of two and did not sleep through the night until 3 1/2. I tried everything under the sun.
one little trick that worked well for a while was when I told him God would put a magical star in his ceiling every night that he slept in his own bed. The magical star was glow in the dark paint purchased at Michael's and put on the ceiling with a stamp. He would look forward to bed time because when we would turn off the lights he would have one more star every day. After several weeks we did have a re-lapse. the ultimate answer was for him to see a united front from his parents. My husband who is the softy of the two would completely stay out of the discipline and enforcement of getting him out of the bed. He didn't contradict me but he also didn't help... my son senced his father's discomfort with the whole thing and would keep pressing to be let back into the bed. We had one final night when my husband and I both brought him back to his bed repeatedly and showed him that he was not going to win. He will never know how close he came to winning again that night ...lol
It's not easy but you have to stand your ground ...specially if your husband is not happy... if you love your children you take care of their father first and foremost.
One more thing .... if you work Mon-Fri ... try implementing the new law on Friday that way you have the weekend to recouperate
GOOD LUCK 
YOU CAN DO IT
This worked for my friend so you might want to give it a try. These little ones don't like big changes all at once so you need to take small steps. For older children place a crib mattress for them by the door and explain (as well as you can of course) that this is where their new bed will be for a while. The following week move the mattress into the hallway but make sure they can still see you. Slowly move the mattress until they eventually wind up in their new room. They just want to know that you are there if they need you. Big rule though is to be firm and return them to their bed even though it may pain you. Yes, we love them but parents need alone time too! Our little one (3) knows that he can call out anytime and we will be there. Yes, we've been tested many times but now that he knows that he can count on us he doesn't call out anymore. He comes in during thunderstorms and knows he can come it when it gets light outside for a morning cuddle.
bikegal
OK, first ... I'm not mean. You may not think the same after you read my post, but believe me, I love my kids more than life itself.
I agree you need to do positive reinforcement. A chart with times spent in bed and stickers are all a great idea. I suspect you are way beyond that and need to get tough. When they are sleeping through the night in their own bed, and you and your husband are happier, it will be easier to forget the bad memories you're about to make. It will be TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH on you and your whole family. You have to stick to your guns. If you give in EVEN ONCE you are lost. Kids are great manipulators and will sense any weakness or opening. I would have a tough discussion with your husband to make sure you are both committed to the end result and will have the same (unified) approach (i.e. he won't let them in bed either).
Bottom line, you will probably have your kids screaming at their doors for half/most of the night.
I really think you will have to get a baby gate and put it in their doorway to keep them from coming out. When they get up, take them back to bed, tuck them in, put on music or whatever they need, and leave. Do not leave a light on, a nightlight should be ok. You need to sleep train them. Start with letting them cry for 5 minutes, then get them settled. Next time 10 minutes, settle them. Then keep adding 5 minutes before settling them. This is time of carrying-on, not time spent in their room. If they are quiet for 30 minutes, great! You still have to let them fuss for the prescribed amount of time.
Depending on how it goes the first night, the second night you add a minute. 6, 12, 18, etc. Then add another minute. Pretty soon they are going to be so tired from crying they should give up.
In the morning, reward them positively with a sticker or something. Tell them that they are earning a trip to xyz (and follow through with taking them the day they have earned it)
You may have to "strip" their rooms of toys and such so they are not up playing in their rooms at night too. At least with a baby gate (you can really lock those pressure mounted ones in tightly) you know they can't get out. As long as their room is safe for them (if they throw a tantrum or something) then it shouldn't matter if they cry or carry on.
I have not had to deal with children hurting them selves (hitting their head against something) so if that's what you're dealing with, I would talk to their pediatrician first.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing. You can PM me if you want.
You will feel heartless, but remember it's all for their own good. Once they are trained, don't let them into your bed for anything, or they may regress so quick it will make your head spin!
You're a good mom, you can do it. I wish you luck. I had to do this with my two kids, but now nightime is a dream and we all get a full night's sleep (they are 3 and 4).
If anyone doesn't agree with me, great. That's your opionion, this is mine. Please don't flame me.
I'm such a pansy. I left the kids have my bed and bought a sofa bed for me and the hubby!..lol
Weak I know, but...hey...the world is made round by different folks...lol
Good luck with your dilema, it will all work itself out in the end...
PS: I think that the reason the kids came to my bed was because I had the better tv..lol so we just started to bring beds into the room ( IT WAS HUGE) and just line them up against one another...we had a HUGE "BED" eventually..lol
I just got this in my email . . . hopefully the link will work. Thought you might be interested.
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/preschooler/psleep/64933.html?scid=pcbulletin:20051017:0:0:0
Ellen...I don't think you're mean...I think you're right on target. Kids are extremely resilient. I also like the fact that you suggest talking to a pediatrician if they are apt to hurt themselves.
You know your kids...we don't....so if there is anything that you think might pose a threat to their well-being...please take every precaution!
Diva...you're so funny!
OMG!!!!! Who knew that this topic would help me here on CC!!!!! I have a 3 year old boy who EVERY NIGHT comes into our room and crawls into our very high king size bed. Maybe we should downsize.....NOT! Anyway, he's done it for almost a year now that we don't even notice when he comes in anymore. We just discover him when we wake up! I think what he does is crawl up down at our feet and we don't notice it.
My 10 mo. old boy has taken in to waking up at least two times during the night for a few months now. I MISS MY SLEEP!!! I'm so grumpy in the mornings.
When we do discover our 3 yr. old in bed with us we march him right back into his own room. Sometimes we are just too tired to do it so we just have to be more diligent about it. I'm hoping that we can get this licked soon because I just don't know how much longer we can deal with the sleepless nights.
My 10 mo. old, well I just let him cry last night for about 10 minutes or so and either I fell asleep and didn't hear him anymore or he did.
Maybe taking an approach that The Nanny does with getting children to sleep in their own beds is the approach that needs to be taken. I think it's harder on the parents than the kids. Just start a new routine like reading a story in the kids room but you NOT in bed with them. Explain that "this is your room and mommy and daddy have their own room"! Maybe rearrange their room or have them help you rearrange their room and have them tell you where they'd like their bed to be in their "new" room. I'm just pulling stuff off the top of my head here.
I feel for you and hope you can come to a quick resolution to this problem and get back to being with your husband. It is getting cooler at nights and your hubby's body heat is the warmth you need, not your kids. You know what I mean!
Amy
Sorry KiddieKakes I can't help you on this one other than telling you to slowly change the routine but be consistant about all the changes you make.... If that fails and you need more drastic measures... duct tape LOL.... JOKING!!!!!
No hate mail please....
Princess
My 4 year old is now sleeping in her own bed 
,We just moved and her new room is right across the hall instead of down the hall.
I like that she is in her own room again because she will keep to a schedule for sleep.
I have to confess that I still miss her,and I will think about letting her sleep in our room when she asks, 
but I also like my down time,so I tell her she has to sleep in her own room but can come in with me when daddy leaves for work.(5am)
Sometimes she does.
Now how do I get her to let me go to the bathroom by myself? 
CakesByEllen, That works we did that for my oldest son who didn't sleep in the same bed as us but the same room we had his toddler bed at the end of ours due to his bedroom being soo hot at the time we were in a trailer and there was no central air and a fan did nothing but circulate heat at that end anyway, when we put him on his own in his room we had 2 -3 nights crying each night got less and he learned mom and dad was not caving!! Some advice nip it in the bud now because I have a friend who as a 10 yr old son and 7 year old daughter who will not sleep alone so they sleep together! IMO way to old for that!!!!!
MeMe,
Oh my gosh..Yes 7 and 10 are way to old!!!
Duct tape 
I was thinking the same thing.
I guess I'm fortunate that the only time my wee ones crawled into bed was during bad weather. My girls are 4 and 6 and sleep in the same room. I think it gives them a sense of security knowing each is nearby. Have you tried cool kid sheets for their big boy/big girl beds? That always seems to work.
I love my baby, but dang!! He has his legs on my back. His hand on my head. And throws a fit to have my pillow! He doesnt win there!
Not only that, he wants to watch Harry Potter every night before bed time.. grrrrrr...
I really hate wizards right about now! I am thinking about dragging his bed out of the garage and sleeping in it myself.. LOL I'm only 5', I can curl on it and sleep like a baby... Who knows when this child will sleep alone.. Hubby wont have it any other way. He is our last child, others are 12, 13 and 15.. So last baby gets anything he wants.. HA! only when his Poppa is home.. Not to mention his siblings think he rules the world!..
Click here to see why we can't resist him sometimes..
http://briansbaker.shutterfly.com/action/
Christy thanks for sharing that photo he is very cute!!
When I was reading this post I said thats were Brian came from because I had also saw a post of yours with Christy on it... so now I know
I am also very guilty of having a child in our bed
And yes his old enough to sleep alone
So if he comes in I will walk him back to his own bed
I do understand how you feel! My son is 8 yes 8 and he wants to sleep with me in my bed. Dad sleeps in his own bed because he snores really bad. I am surprised none of you cant hear him. Sometimes because I am so tired I just let him. I think thats the worste thing I have done. He wont go to bed if I am home without me laying down with him. Its very frustrating for me why cant he just sleep in his bed. We have been working on this for years and it is getting better. A stuffed animal that use to be mine heps.... good luck
I too have had this problem and still do sort of...
my first son slept with me on and off, but was always in the same room with me...ya know the scene single mom only child, but anyway, I started to take him to his bed, tucking him in, and started reading to him. He eventually feel asleep and have never had the problem again with him. Then my second son,husband's first, came along, and it was easy then he was very very little... but he's 7 now almost 8 and from time to time he comes in, but its no big deal.... now I had said with my last son I would never hold him until he went to sleep, never put him in our bed..... ya know yatta yatta yatta, but then when he was born, he had a lot of problems. he was born with some type of RSV, pnemonia, broken clavical, and a few other things, we were told there was a chance he wouldnt make it, but thank GOD he did, anyway, he had to stay in the hospital for 10 days past my release...that was the hardest thing I ever I to do and still is..leaving my baby in the hospital while I went home... heck I remember waking up at 2 in the morning getting in the car and driving to the hospital just so I could be next to him, and fell asleep in the rocking chair next to him... so needless to say everything I said I wouldnt do went out the window...
I would hold him while he was sleeping, and keep him with me all night.., when he got too big to hold, he just laid down on the couch, and I would sit next to him and just keep my hand on his foot... pick him up put him in his bed, and go to bed. Well now that he is in kindergarten of course he has to go to bed earlier, so I have started him in his bed, but I lay next to him, tell him stories, and he falls to sleep, but things are getting to the point where he knows soon he will have to sleep on his own, and he accepts that... and he will be on his own soon... sorry I couldnt help more...
all you guys sound so nice with the ordeal. I tried all the above steps and my last resort was patting him on his bottom. I don't know if society doesn't believe in them anymore or what. My son was three when he started and I tried the walking him back to his room for 3-6 months. NOTHING!! I tried to give him rewards if he made it through the night....it worked well with the potty training so why not...NOTHING!!! But once I started getting really serious and let him know that this was mommies bed and time alone to herself and if you come into mommies room I will be very upset and you will be in trouble. He kinda started to listen. When I let him know that it was wrong to sleep in my bed he started to stop. It took maybe one or two whoopings (not beatings) and my son stopped. To each it's own. I love my son and he get's whoopings if he is in trouble and when goes against something that mommie says he is in trouble. Just a thought and my opionion. I don't whoop my son often because he is a great kid and doesn't get in trouble often. I got my whoopings and I am a great citizen. Just another option.
Tilisha
flayvurdfun
I feel you.. My Brian was premature and was left at the hospital for 15 LONG, LONG DAYS after I went home. I know what you mean.. My husband is just a big hearted bear when it comes to little ones.. He loves Brian as if he had him.. (I always feel a mothers bond is closer than a mans) Not to offend anyone, just MHO. Only because a man will never know the feeling of holding a child for 9 months.. or 7 in Brians case.. So I guess hubby is partial to Brian only because he went through alot when he was born..
We had the same problem with one of our twins! And the last couple of nights I've been sleeping with my daughter, who is not handling teething well.
I really like Jodi Mindell's book (of course I can't think of the title right now). She has some really good, practical suggestions.
Guess we have some very tired Mommies out there!
I am crying while reading this topic! My daughter who is three was in our bed until our new baby was about 3 months. We all four slept in the same bed (king size thank goodness!!).
I finally moved the oldest to a toddler bed that is in our room.
My younger one is still in the bed with me (she is 8 months).
I enjoy my children sleeping in the bed with me. My husband is a fireman so the nights that he is gone I actually prefer them there so incase anything was to happen they would be right with me! And when he is gone they both get to sleep in the bed with me. My daughter thinks it is really special on nights he is gone.
So many people told me not to do it that it would be hard to get them out. They were right, but I would never change it.
I would like the three year old to move to her room, but I don't think it would be fair right now. Especially with the younger one still in our bed.
I am hoping when the younger daughter turns one we can move them both into one room.
If my husband and I want to have sex we just go into another room. I know it may not be the best choice, but it works!
I wish I could give advice, but I will need it too in the near future!!
I guess the only thing is to have patience! And don't give in. (Which is hard not to do!!!)
All I can say to all of you is that they are only little once and it goes by so fast. I should know, I have four children, 21, 18, 16 and 2. And I too, said that I would not do any of the "wrong" stuff. But when she was born I couldn't put her down because I knew how quick it would all go by. I didn't want to miss one blink.
So enjoy them!!! And they will sleep in their own beds when they are ready. I know this is not a popular opinion but it is mho. And I get tired of my little one being there too. But then, when she isn't I miss her. 
Another not so popular opinion is that the family bed actually creates very independent children. Go figure.
I know I was not suppose to do this, but I put a small tv and vcr in my 2 yr. olds room and he fell asleep watching cartoons or disney movies. Now he will be 3 in December and he will go to bed on his own without the tv on. It worked for me but it was the last resort.
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