For 5 years I ran a cake decorating business and worked a full time job and worked on a Master's degree. Finally, I graduated, got a better full time gig and no longer have to rely on cake money for extra income. As a matter of fact, for the most part, i don't do cakes anymore at all.
My spouse, during all my time of hard work in helping support our family while bettering myself and getting a higher paying job, has not lifted his finger to do anything! He has complained very often about how I had a lot of work to do and didn't have time to be his personal assistant over the years and do things like iron his clothes, etc. However, in general, he never supported me and sometimes it seemed like he wanted me to fail.
Anyways, over the years, I think I have developed a deep level of resentment that continues to brew and spills over every so often when things are a little off kilter now a days. I think that because we still have some financial stuff we are dealing with and he seems to never come up with a viable solution to make it better, it angers me. It seems like he is lazy, clueless and not ambitious or even unintelligent when it comes to providing our family. However, when I try to make it better, he complains the entire time.
Not sure if I am asking for advice or just venting. I really need my financial freedom back and I don't know how to do that and still preserve this "marriage".
Hmmm. I think I would start doing cakes again, and stop doing the husband
Have you been to a marriage counselor?
I'm sorry to hear how bad things are right now. Men can be jerks (not you Jason) and totally insensitive. If you want to change your "marriage" into a real marriage, have a talk with your husband and see what he wants to do. That will give you a start in sorting out what you need to do next.
Mariage is based on love... and respect. Try to discuss with your husband of you are feeling about this?
Money troubles can cause strain to the best of marriages. I agree with others about letting him know how you feel. No one can read minds, and maybe he just doesn't know what you're going through. Maybe he even sees things a different way? Definitely talk to him about what's troubling you.
It could be that your dh doesn't feel that he's needed - that he resents the fact that you've got it all under control. I know, I irritate the snot out of my dh when I see the other person's side. This is something I've dealt with a lot. I was a single mom for so long that it's extremely difficult for me to ask for help from anyone. But that could be exactly what you need to do. Give your dh a chance to be your knight-in-shining-armor. You may be surprised.
I agree with the others, I would definitely talk to him about how you are feeling rather than just stewing about it. Resentment is really dangerous in a relationship, and he may have no idea that you feel this way! Guys think differently than women, not better or worse, just different. I understand how hard it can be! But communicating your feelings is key in any relationship, especially marriage. I also agree that it might be a good idea to look into counseling, just to have someone help you two to work things out.
I imagine after all these years it's probably come up in conversation once or twice already! A couples counsellor I know told me that many couples have a 'grudge list' that needs to be worked on before you start truly listening to each other again. If you haven't had any luck communicating with him over the years then maybe a mediator would be helpful. It's a scary step to take though. But chances are if you couldn't work it out on your own for all these years, then it might be a struggle to do it now.