I Feel Lost...

Lounge By G_Cakes Updated 28 May 2011 , 11:40pm by Lovin_Cakes30

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G_Cakes Posted 26 May 2011 , 7:16am
post #1 of 10

and I don't know if I will ever find my way back.

My husband, my sweet angel, my life and my everything... is gone!

You were my strength, my world and I am so lost without you.

God I miss you so very much and am trying to keep it together but I don't know if I can.

It's been 2 weeks since he passed. But it feels like one long endless day that will never end.

I can't eat, sleep, everything has just stopped... I am at a stand still and feel numb and lost.

He was only 42... and was the greatest thing that had every happened to me bar none.

I try to keep myself busy but in reality I am just going through the motions.

Family and friends mean well and I know that they are here to support me but if someone asks me how I feel or tells me I should eat something I think I will loose whats left of my mind!!!

Last thing I want to do is eat, cause I will only throw it up a few seconds later... and as far as how I feel????

Devastated, alone, angry, cheated, crushed, can't breath, empty, lost, wow... how do you think I feel???!!!!

I am sorry for the rant, not looking for pity... just trying to find some normalcy in my life right now.

Everything is still sinking in and I need to fill my brain with other things and stay busy/distracted.

9 replies
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ReneeFLL Posted 26 May 2011 , 11:21am
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I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. I am truly sorry for your loss. I would also be lost without my husband.
If ranting/venting on here helps you please go right ahead. Don't hold anything in, it's not good for you.

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Kiddiekakes Posted 26 May 2011 , 12:14pm
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I can believe how you feel because last March I came within one hair of losing my husband as well.He is 47 and I have 2 small children.He spent 2 weeks in the hospital and almost didn't make it...so to some extent...I understand..My heart goes out to you and all I can say as time passes it will get better...when I don't know...why..I can't tell you but it will get better...My prayers are with you.Try a support group for young widowed woman,church pastor...

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TexasSugar Posted 26 May 2011 , 1:57pm
post #4 of 10

One thing over the years I have learned is no one can really understand how anyone feels specifically. Because every situation, every relationship is unique.

I can say when I lost my grandma back in December the worst thing anyone could say to me was "It'll be okay." People try to paint that positive picture the one that says, "They are in a better place. Remember the good times." When the only thing you want is that person here.

I remember the day of the funeral I woke up and was laying in bed bawling and a friend had texted me and I replied back. He let me vent about how much I wanted her here, in my life, with me, and about how much of my life she wouldn't be here to be a part of. And I will never for get what he said to me. He didn't toss out those 'positives' that I was already tired of hearing. He simply said, "You are right, it totally sucks."

I also remember a week or so later when I was hanging out with another friend. I was already an emotional wreck, started my day off emotional and had gone to visit the grave site for the first time to put flowers out. Next thing I knew I was bawling and the poor guy had no clue what to do of say to me. So he said, "It'll be okay." I wanted to smack him, but I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way. He just didn't know what else to say, hadn't experienced a loss that affected him as greatly or what not.

So I'm here to say for you, "It sucks! It totally and completely sucks!"

I will also say, don't hold in your emotions. Tell those that love you how you really feel. Let them know. Don't expect them not to try to get you to eat, but maybe by telling them y'all can find a middle ground. And when they ask you how you feel, tell them exactly how feel. You are allowed to be pissed off and angry. You are allowed to go through 20 emotions in 5 minutes. It's normal.

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Echooo3 Posted 26 May 2011 , 6:59pm
post #5 of 10

I cannot imagine how you feel. It sounds like you have very good memories - celebrate his life. It sounds like you have very good memories to treasure forever.

God bless.

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amygortoncakes Posted 27 May 2011 , 11:49pm
post #6 of 10

I lost my older brother in January. He was only 37. I am sorry for your loss. the best thing to do is grieve, cry, scream. Do whatever you feel will help you through the day. Good luck.

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Ursula40 Posted 28 May 2011 , 12:20am
post #7 of 10

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Most people just don't know what to say or how to help. It's everyone's nightmare, just to think about losing someone and then at such a young age. Evrytime I lost someone, I just wanted to shout, scream, throw things rant and rave at everyone and everything and yes at God as well. Most people made me madder than I was already, i just wanted to be left alone, or if I wanted someone there, they should just be quiet.

I am so sorry for your loss and totally understand your feelings. You are not alone, if you don't want to be. Tell everyone what YOU want them to do, to shut up, hold you, leave you alone (but still be there, when you call) They are worried about you now, but sometimes those feelings make you claustophobic, you have enough feelings to deal with right now, without the (well-intended) feelings of others.
Tell us about your husband, what was he like? What did he like to do and what did you enjoy most about each other?

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tryingcake Posted 28 May 2011 , 3:21am
post #8 of 10

It is perfectly OK to look these people in the eye and say (I actually screamed it out)

Can you guarantee I will be OK? Can you guarantee the future will be great? If not - stop making promises you can't keep.

I had to do that... and things started getting better because people stopped saying that crap to me. Eventually is does get EASIER to live with... I won;t lie to you. It NEVER gets better.

I liken it to breaking your leg in 4 places and severing serve nerves in the process. I will walk again... but you will walk with a limp. Some people will not ever notice that limp. But you will know it's there. It will never go away. You'll merely get used to it.

That is the truth. That is what you need to know.

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kakeladi Posted 28 May 2011 , 11:16pm
post #9 of 10

.........and as far as how I feel???? Devastated, alone, angry, cheated, crushed, can't breath, empty, lost, wow... how do you think I feel???!!!!.........

2 years later I still have those same feelings. Only difference is my husband walked out of my life after 49 1/2 yrs after I found out he was deep into pornoghraphy(sp?) and homosexual activity. I feel sooooooooo utterly stupid for beliving all his lies when I found those little signs now and then over the previouse 10 years.
Yes, the hurt feeling do mellow a bit. Yes, the tears will wane some but, for me at least, it's still all there every day.

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Lovin_Cakes30 Posted 28 May 2011 , 11:40pm
post #10 of 10

So sorry for your loss. Grief cannot be compared or measured. Do whatever it is you need to do to just get through the day. I lost my brother when he was 15 and I was 18. I know that feeling like everyone is spinning around you while you just stand still. Shock is exhausting. Later when the shock goes away and things settle down...I think the grief gets heavier. That is when you need the most support but for some reason people think you are "back to normal." Things are never normal again. Just know that, while the pain never goes away and there is always a hole in your heart, it does change. Things will make you smile again and his memory will bring you joy and comfort. I don't believe time heals all wounds as some do, but time does help to change the pain.

Again I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Prayers for you and your family.

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