So.. I have no patience, and i have a cake cooling on the counter that I REALLY want to ice, at least a crumb coat. It's a 12x18 cake, and it's been cooling for about 1.5 hours already.... What's the earliest I can torte and crumb coat?

Make sure it's cool alll the way through. Torting my be difficult on the same day it's baked. If you want to speed things up, you can put it in the fridge or freezer.

butter begins to melt at 85°F. That's not very warm. If you're using a butter based icing, the cake has to be completely cooled.

Fresh cake pulls a lot of crumbs, day old cake won't so much. Torting freshly baked cake is a nightmare as well. Also, even though a cake might feel cool to touch on the outside, it might still be warm inside, enough to melt icing, ask me how I know

I would wrap it well in saran and/or press-n-seal for the freezer, and wrap in foil. Put it in the freezer and you're good to go . Good luck and I hope you can crumb coat and ice your cake very soon

Thanks everyone... I decided to be smart and just wrap the cake and freeze it and wait until tomorrow... I hate waiting for cake to cool tho, which is so funny because I have no problem spending hours playing around with tiny fondant pieces.lol!