Mine is: My son decided that his lego power miners cone shape drill needed to go in my dogs butt. Luckily he only stuck the end in and the dog didn't get angry. (wouldn't blame her though if she did though. LOL)
The next day he told me that he thinks the dog is mean. I said; "why?" My son said,"Because she doesn't like me" Hmmm.... just a wild guess but sticking the lego up her butt may be the reason she doesn't like you.
He then tells me that the drill was just looking for a hole to go in. I'm still in stitches!
Anyone else have a story?
Jen...

The one thing that comes to mind is when my oldest was just potty trained, and I mean going in there by himself and taking care of business without any help. He was in there peeing one day, taking an awfully loooooong time, and I knocked and stepped in, to find him squirting ALLLLLL over the place, like "writing your name in the snow" type of squirting, totally on purpose. Needless to say, he learned how to clean the bathroom that day and has not done it since. I did have to step out of the room before reprimanding him though, in order not to laugh in front of him. It was seriously one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Boys!!

When my son was little, maybe 4 or so, he and I were playing on his bedroom floor. I looked over at his penny bank, a giant 2 ft tall clear green-plastic Coca Cola bottle. Though it was half filled with pennies, the bottom couple of inches looked like it had water in it. I scooted over to the bottle and asked him if he had put water in his bank and he said "noooooo..."

Then I took the bottle cap off and looked inside. The smell just about knocked me over. OMG! It was pee!!!!!. I said "sweetie, did you peepee in this bottle?" and he looked down and said "uh huh..."

I asked him why he did that and he said "I dunno..." Boys!

When I emptied it out, many of the pennies had fused together due to a chemical reaction between the copper and the ammonia, I guess. Amazing.

My son is 22 now and would be mortified/furious I am telling this story.

It made me think of that Bill Cosby comedy bit when he talked about how his son shaved his head in a reverse mohawk (a bare strip right down the middle)

Bill asked Ennis: "how did this happen?"
Ennis replied: "I dunno, it was like that when I looked in the mirror"
Bill: "Was your head with you all day?"
Ennis: "Uh-huhh"

Bill Cosby goes on to tell the audience that all kids have "brain damage." They do exactly what you tell them not to do and then say they "dunno" why they did it. He was joking of course, but I sure wonder sometimes

omg!! these are so funny. when my ds was around 2 he had the this habit of taking his thumbs and tearing the tape off his diaper and letting it go wherever he was. We had this vacuum cleaner salesman stop at our house one evening, and while he had taken everything out of the box and was showing us the attachments, my sweet son decided to pee in his box!!! Needless to say he didn't stay long after that. Good way to get rid of salesmen!LOL I was so embarrassed.I used to tease him about it and he would get embarrassed still. He would have been 34 this year.

My husband picked up the kids from daycare yesterday because I was working late, so I heard the story over dinner when I got home. Our son was being grumpy on the way home so Daddy and our daughter were discussing what they would do to a grumpy gus. Our daughter decided that they could throw him in the dog pool (yes, our corgi has her own kiddie swimming pool) because Mommy wasn't home to stop them....

A couple of weeks ago, I made two baseball cap cakes. I rented the Wilton Ball pan and made the cakes. When I turned them out onto the cooling rack, I was so excited that the cakes came out of the pans perfectly that I said "Yea" and did a little happy dance . My 4 year old son came into the kitchen to see what I was doing and I explained that I was happy that the cakes looked so pretty. He took one look at the two half-ball shapes on the cooling rack and said "Boobies!" I just had to laugh..they did kind of look like boobies Thanks to DH for teaching my child such wonderful words!

Last year, I was painting the living room and thought I put the lid on tightly. Nope. My son (5)a hold of two gallons and went to town. My hardwood floors, leather sofas, rugs, coffee table, then went out to the Arizona room and threw the rest of the paint on the saltillo tile and front door. This all took place in less than two minutes! I was putting clothes in the dryer and when I came out, I almost passed out.

One other story, I used to have pretty long hair (almost to my waist). I asked my daughter(4) to combed my hair, I leaned over the side of the sofa and I fell asleep for 5-10 minutes and woke up to the sound of scissors cutting up my hair! She had cut off 2/3 of my hair. The part that really took my breath away was that my husband was 10 feet away on his computer. His response was "I didn't hear anything wrong, I thought she was brushing your hair". Needless to say I've got a new summer 'do.

It wasn't my child, but I had recently bought a house that was a major fixer upper. The previous owners had left cans of paint that they had used to paint the rooms...hot pink, dark purple, super bright blue and puke green. I had sat them outside to dry so that I could dispose of them properly. Well, a friend of mine was over helping and his kids were playing in the backyard. Next thing you know the two year old comes in and says "I helped. I emptied the paint." Yup, my yard was super colorful.

When my son, now 31, was about 9 years old we were eating dinner and I kept looking at him thinking something isn't right. It took me awhile to figure out that it was because he had only ONE eyebrow.

He has beautiful thick eyebrows so it was very noticeable once I figured out WHY he looked odd. It was all I could do not to seem and to keep from when I ask him "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYEBROW"

His explanation was that at school someone threw the football too close to the fence and when he bent down to get it the fence "scraped" his eyebrow right off his face. The laughter from all of us was hysterical and of course he admitted that he had shaved it off. When I ask him "why" he really had no good reason.

He came by a few minutes ago, I should have ask him once again. Why? I never will figure that one out. I've always wondered why he only shaved the one? He looked odd for awhile and I do have photos.

Tese are great!!!
My DD about three years ago asked my mom age then 57 if she was old enough to have gone throught menopause, this in itself was funny enough but we were standing in our church parking lot and well.... the preacher got a good laugh also.

My DS who is now 11, decided to cut his own hair when he was 4, the very day before his first day of preschool!! He didn't do it with scissors though, he did it with my DH's electric clippers (DH shaves his whole head bald), anyhow...he only shaved a reverse mohawk about 4" from his forehead back, it stopped right at the top of his head and was almost a perfect rectangle of baldness!

I was so mad that he would do that the day before he was to go to school for the first time and I had just paid $30 for a haircut at the local beauty parlor THAT day! He said he didn't like his new haircut and was going to "be embarassed to go to school with it"...it was a typical little boy haircut...kinda shaved/cut short on the sides and the top was a little longer..it was a really cute haircut..........in any case..........I made him go to school like that the whole first week before finally shaving his whole head!

He has NEVER tried to cut his own hair again, he did however cut his little sisters hair one time, (I would NEVER tell him this, but he actually did a very good job, I didn't even have to recut her hair to fix it...he cut it perfectly straight and even layered the very first little bit of hair on the sides of her face...it actually was quite cute) MY DD on the other hand hated it...she wants to have long hair and had NEVER had a haircut in her entire life before that day. I made DS go get the hair and bring it to me so we could save it...since it technically was her "first haircut"

My 6 year old blurted out at dinner tonight "hey mom is f@#k a bad word?" I almost fell off my chair! My kids think shut up and stupid are "curse words" so you can imagine my shock to hear that one fly out of her mouth! Ah good old school and the things they learn

Since I have 7 children I do have more. Here's another one.
My now 17 year old son was about 3 when this happened .
He was acting up in church and I got up to carry him out and he kept saying "are you gonna whip my a##? are you gonna whip my a#*? It seemed like it took me FOREVER to reach the back door of the church and get him out of there

I didn't go back in that day. I let my mother bring my Bible and purse to me. I was mortified to say the least. It was bad enough that this happened in church but we had a visiting preacher that day.

Awww, kids really do say the darnest things.
My son, almost 3, was with me one day when I started complaining how fat i was becoming...

Me(talking to myself): I'm getting real fat, my tummy's getting bigger.
Son: That's ok mommy! Our baby boy is inside...

*faint*

To funny guys!!!
Jen...

So we are still potty training our 3 year old boy. A few weeks ago I was changing his pull-up and just out of the blue in his ever so sweet little voice he says, "damn poo poo". I just looked at him. He then repeats it a few times until I talk to him about it and I say, "did you get that from daddy?" (DH tends to curse a lot.) He ever so politely says, "No, I got that from you driving." eyes rolling, got me there. I didn't know what to say to that. I guess I need to watch what I say when I am driving. Darn drivers.

Very funny thread! Kids are great!

I have one. This happened to my step mom. She agreed to keep my friend's son (they were neighbors) while my friend went on vacation with her mother for 2 weeks. My step mom had to run a bunch of errands one day and had to take him with her. She told him that he could walk in the stores instead of riding in the cart. He was about 4yrs old. She told him he had to stay with her and hold on to the cart, if he acted up he had to get in the cart. He did really good at the grocery, k-mart and wal-mart. They got to Lowe's and were checking out and he was standing behind this man, and reached up and grabbed his butt and said "GOOSE!"
The man turned around and gave my step mom a dirty look. She appologized and tried explaining he wasn't her kid! The man stormed off, the cashier looked at him funny then at my step mom. So she had to explained to the cashier that the kid had grabbed the man's butt!

With 4 kids, I have a quite a few. Here are my favorites:

Standing in line at the deli with my oldest (then 2) while I was about 8 or 9 months preggo with my 2nd. DS taps the man in line in fron tof us and says "Hi Man, that's my mommy, look how big her breast got." I had no idea how to handle that one gracefully; though I think the poor guy in front of us was at least as uncomfortable as I was.

Same son at 10, hears another kid on the playground with X rated language (whole other topic). My mom picks him, my 7 year old son and a neighbors 10 yo son up at carpool that day. My 10 yr old had no idea why this other kid had been making such a bit deal over a number, so he asks grandma "Grandma, what's a 6*?" Her answer, "The number before 70." Then, of course we had to have a long, private conversation with him letting him know that there are certain topics that are just off limits, and if there is anything he hears from this particular kid, he should wait and talk to us about in private (which he now has to do way to often). Okay, won't get started on that.

We're trying to plan a beach vacation, I had just had a baby. DS (7) says, "Well we shouldn't do it right away, so mom has time to lose some weight so she can wear a bathing suit again" At the time I have about 10 lbs and lots of exercise to get back in shape. I smile and say "Well, I'll remember that when you want me to take you to the neighborhood pool." His response, "I don't think you look fat mom, you're beautiful, but I just wouldn't want you to get made fun of." As if he's protecting me rather than insulting me further.

Fullhouse: the last story had me in stitches!
Too funny!!!
Jen...

When my daughter was about 2 or 3 years old (she's 23 now) she needed tp have blood drawn for school (first time). We all know kids hate needles so my solution was to distract her whenever she had to get one. I would sit her on my lap, let her listen to my walkman (at a kid friendly volume of course) and then cover her eyes with my hands. While we'te prepping she would have this nervous giggle going on. Once she felt the needle go in she started laughing because it wasn't bad at all...until she wanted to see. I took my hands off her eyes and she saw the blood coming from her arn going into the needle and out into the tube and in a sorrowful old lady voice she said "OOHH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD! She sounded so pityful me and the doctor was cracking up.

I run a daycare from my home. I've changed a lot of stinky pampers and to make the kids laugh and to keep myself from crying I would sing "Smelly Cat" by Phoebe Buffet on Friends you know the song.

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
What are they feeding you
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
It's not your fauuult!

My nephew is in my care and when he was almost 2, he would sing Smelly Cat to let me know when he did something. I go to change him and when I opened up his pamper all kinds of tri color madness was going on in there. I said to him in a funny tone "What is all this in your pamper" he threw his arms wide open to the sides (like a hug) and said "TA-DA". I laughed so hard.

The same nephew is now 4; he was potty trained by the time he turned 3 but still wore pull ups whenever he slept or went out. One day my brother bought him to me late in the morning because my nephew had a doctor's appointment so he had on a pull up. When my nephew went to the bathroom to pee he took it off and stood there doing his business. I'm doing my hair in the mirror and I realized that he was still standing there with his pants down (I never looked down to see what he was doing) I said hurry up and fix your pants so you can wash your hands. He said "wait auntie", "I said what are you doing" he said "I'm taking the hair off my penis" I said "what". I looked down and had to get real close up on it to see what he was talking about. He had the skin pulled back and was taking off the the fine hair like fibers from the pull up that got stuck to his little thing thing. I said "Kashif, you're so crazy" he said "I'm not crazy auntie I can't have hair on my penis bepause I'm not big yet.

lol these were funny...

Lets see some of my favorites...

My son is 6 now but when he was about 4 i walked into our den to find multiple wet drops on our dark green carpet right around the floor vent...I instantly knew he had peed in it...his excuse "I couldn't make it to the bathroom"...um but you had time to aim it down the a/c vent! Grrrrr.....

About 6 months ago my son and husband were sitting at the table when my son says "Daddy, ask me if I like coffee"

Hubby : "Okay do you like coffee?"
Son : "no, but donkey wouldn't say no"
Hubby: "Why is that"
Son : "Because Donkey thinks coffee is the best thing on the whole Damn planet"

Thank you SHREK!

Shrek, yeah, the first movie taught my then 2 yr old the word "Jacka$$" which he decided to use for the first time when we were meeting with the manager of my parents Country Club to plan the menu for my new baby's Baptism.

Caterer, nicely asking my son if he has fun with his new brother, is he excited for the party, etc.
My son: "Stop it, Jacka$$!!!!"
Caterer: dead silence
Me: (mortified) "Why are you saying that??????"
Son: completely confused as to what the fuss is about, "That's what Shrek tells Donkey."

Ooops. After the explanation, the caterer thought it was hilarious, but he was quite shocked at first.

When my son was about 2 (he's 31 now) we were spending the weekend with family at an aunt's beach house. My sister-in-law brought a girlfriend/coworker who was meeting us for the first time. The friend was sitting on a bench and my son suddenly ran across the room with his arms stretched out and just grabbed one in each little hand. Well, talk about mortified and big inhales! I really felt sorry for the young lady and, of course, made my son apologize.

My daughter (age 3) was in McDonalds playland once, had to poop but didn't want to stop playing. She let it rip up in one of the tunnels, and all the little kids crawled through it and were playing in it. Every single child was covered in dd's poop. So gross!