My nieces first birthday is coming up and I am making the cake for her (my niece) as a gift. She has a Abbey Caddaby theme. I wanted to make this huge 3D Abbey with a cake sitting between her legs.

Well my sister actually throwed a fit! She wants this plain two tier cake with stars and butterflies. I have done this cake a million times and thought it would be fun to do the 3D cake. She is making a huge deal out of the party and every detail is elaborate.

I thought she would want something over the top for the party. I couldnt believe she acted the way she did. "She said its my daughters birthday- what gives you the right to decide what kind of cake she has!" I said "Uh, Im the cake decorator and it was my gift!" She said well I'll just buy a cake somewhere. I said go right ahead!

Sometimes I just want to slap her, like today for instance. She is a single mom and me and my mom are her only sitters. My mom always has an excuse as to why she cant watch her. I told my sister its wedding season and I am going to be extremely busy so she was going to need to make other arrangements for the baby.

Well she has called me everyday this week to babysit because mom wont. I had 5 wedding cakes to do and a birthday cake. What did I do - babysat because I felt bad. Busted my butt all week to help her.

Well, this morning I called and asked if she would come over and watch my boys while I made deliveries. She had a cow because I wouldnt bring them all the way to her house with a wedding cake in the car. I told her to just forget it and hung up. She actually called me back and said "why do you act like that!"

Sorry, this is so long I really needed to vent. She actually had me in tears because of how she acted today. I always bend over backwards for her and feel like she treats me like dirt. I guarantee that if she needed a sitter today she would have acted totally different towards me.

If you allow people to take advantage of you...THEY WILL. If you're too busy to babysit then DON'T. You are not obligated to do this. I'd say if you had 5 wedding cakes to get done then you were too busy to take care of a baby. If you never say no and stick to your guns then this is going to happen everytime.

As far as the cake goes I understand you wanting to create an "over-the-top" creation but it is her party. Look at it this way. It's a freebie. Less work for you

Just say ''NO''. Each time you say it, it will be easier!!! I know it's hard at first and you
take a little guilt trip, but make up your mind to start DOING IT TODAY. You will feel
better in the long run.

I feel for you. That's too bad. But like the others say, "Just say NO!" It took me 15 years to finally stand up to my mother, and now we have a great relationship. It was good before, but now I don't feel beat-up all the time!

I know I need to start sticking to it when I say no. I'm going to start practicing now!

And your right Mommyle - I do feel beat up after dealing with her and my mom. They both think they can just run right over me and its my own fault. I just go with it for the sake of not arguing.

I understand her wanting to pick the cake for her daughters first birthday and I dont have a problem with it. But there was no need for her to act the way she did when I suggested the other cake.

I completely understand what you are going through!! I have one of those sisters too! Or had anyways. My sister even lived with me with her 3 kids rent free for 6 months and still had the nerve to complain about everything in the house and why should SHE have to pick up the house? Oh, I don't know, maybe becasue your kids wrecked it?

She was thrown out of the house by my DH and a very happy me . She pouted and said "I see how you are. I know where not to ask for help!" Like I would be offended? Please!!

When I said that to her she got very quiet and asked if I still loved her. Well ofcourse I do! I may not like you much right now but I still love you.

I also stopped watching her kids all the time as well. When I am free I still will occassionally, but not all the time. Definitely not when I do a cake and she has learned not to push. You know what? She is much more respectful now and we have a better relationship than we did before.

It was totally worth the guilt of saying no the first couple of times.
Stay strong!!

You make me realize how fortunate I am. If I make a cake for a family member as a gift, they are all so excited and appreciative. I usually ask a few questions about the event and I take it from there. The actual design is always a surprise.
For me, the real fun of making a cake as a gift is having the creative license to make whatever I want to. It gives me a chance to try out new techniques and to push the envelope a little, so to speak.

I feel for you! I have a sister like that also. When she and her husband were separated, she and my nephew lived with us for over 20 months. She NEVER helped around the house, contributed nothing monetary-wise and even expected us to pick my nephew up from daycare and such. She left when my husband started to go thru chemo the first time. Then she got mad at me and told me "you better hope Len lives, because without him you are nothing". Now isn't that a grand thing to tell someone whose husband is battling advanced cancer !
Well, we have pretty much cut her out of our lives. I see her at Christmas and occasional birthday things but not much more. AND I definitely don't put up with her junk anymore or run and do for her. It is much more peaceful that way.

Butterpatty - I hope everything is ok with your husband!

Isn't it sad how family members act?! They expect you to give them the world for FREE, bow to their ever whimpers, and complaints, allow them to totally WRECK your home and then they have the nerve to drop the guilt trip on you.

Maybe you should do a cake that say's "For your final entitlement" on it with a big shoe kicking a butt going out the door.

Don't let the guilt trip they spill out of the mouths bug you. You gotta stand up for yourself.
They are prob not use to hearing the word NO, and they expect to get what ever they quibble about everytime. Life is tough, is what I tell my kids. You grew up, now go out there and face LIFE!

I had that a long long long long time ago, my mother saying things to me just so she could get her way, giving me the grandioso guilt trip. I just woke up one day, and started telling her NO!
To say, as of today, I don't even speak to my mother, because I know she has not changed.

Just take that big deep breath and start saying the word NO! She'll prob keep up with guilt trip remarks, but eventually, she will see your not a push over anymore!

Butterpatty, hope your DH makes a speedy recovery! Blessings!

Wow, i feel for you guys. Some siblings are really not from this planet, but from outer space! No free cakes or favours for her until she starts acting like an adult and mature. Its totally unacceptable. Dont take any disrespect from anyone

I know how you feel. I have a sister with 3 boys ages 19, 16 & 13 and my son is 10. I have done things for my sister and the boys to long to go into, I can't type that fast. I had 2 miscarriages before my son was born, my sister was very unhappy when my son was born alive. Now you may say to yourself why would she be unhappy, well I give you the direct quote "Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't still take care of your nephews, don't just take care of your son only". Oh by the way I am still waiting for her to say congratulations.

I didn't stop being her doormat and cash machine until my mother in-law was dieing and my sister treated her like s**t. My mother in-law was also her cash machine and sent money to her once a month for the boys. Neither my husband nor myself has gotten a sorry to here about your mother/mother in-law when his mother died. That was 5 1/2 years ago.

People will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Just because you may or may not have more than your sister is no reason to feel guilty about what you have. No one gave you what you have, you earned it and made sacrifices to get what have.

My sister only calls me now only when she wants something from me. I always call her back after an hour or a couple of days. We live 30 minutes away from each other and I only see her if I go to her house and she never comes to mine. Oh, by the way my son is here favorite nephew (he is her only nephew) but, she never asks about him.

I still here from my sister that I have more than she does and guess what I don't care I earned it the hard way. I am older than her by 5 years and was always a great big sister to her until I started saying NO, NO and NO.

Thanks for reading.

I know it is hard to deal with family but, you can't pick you family but you can pick your friends. Don't allow her or anyone else guilt you into doing anything that you don't want.

My first thoughts were that your sister did not want you to make an elaborate cake because she does not want your cake to outshine her party. She is just jealous of your talent and you.

It is best if you take a lesson from your mother, you are too busy to help her and when you have time you will offer, nothing else. You need to take control over your relationship with her and stop being her doormat. She is spoiled and has never been told no from you. She will eventually respect you or ignore you, but at least it is on your terms to babysit.

Thanks guys! My husband did fine with his chemo and was healed. However, exactly 4 years later, the same agressive cancer came back - stage 3B. He is currently on his 5th round of chemo out of 12-24 treatments. We won't know the exact amount needed until the scans are repeated.

Butterpatty, hope all goes well.


Now, back to the sister stuff. My sisters are pretty darn good ole gals thank God, but there is no reason to put up with that kind a baloney. I would simply be busy. Sister is a single parent - good for her. Let her be a single parent and don't become "the other parent" to someone who is a self entitled jerk. I know that sounds harsh but when someone dumps on you like she is doing simply refuse the dump! Let her figure out how to do without your help - it is her problem, not yours. It might teach your sister that the world doesn't revolve around her and she will be the better person!

As for the cake - all mom's like to pick the theme...it was ungracious of her to act that way though. I have made quiet a few cakes for my little great nieces and nephews and always ask the theme. But, if I decided to do something else, my family would just say thanks or it would be no cake for them ever!

Butterpatty, hope all goes well.


Now, back to the sister stuff. My sisters are pretty darn good ole gals thank God, but there is no reason to put up with that kind a baloney. I would simply be busy. Sister is a single parent - good for her. Let her be a single parent and don't become "the other parent" to someone who is a self entitled jerk. I know that sounds harsh but when someone dumps on you like she is doing simply refuse the dump! Let her figure out how to do without your help - it is her problem, not yours. It might teach your sister that the world doesn't revolve around her and she will be the better person!

As for the cake - all mom's like to pick the theme...it was ungracious of her to act that way though. I have made quiet a few cakes for my little great nieces and nephews and always ask the theme. But, if I decided to do something else, my family would just say thanks or it would be no cake for them ever!

I have a sister like that and it looks like one or both of my SIL's are headed that direction.

We were planning to get both sides of the family together this weekend for Mother's Day for a celebration of my mother, MIL and me (just found out i am pregnant), and my SIL dont wnat to come to get anywhere close to my sister.

I have to say my sister has gotten a lot better recently. she finally got her GED and will be starting CNA classes in June. But my SIL's still refuse to come. My DH is very angry with the whole thing and is treatening to cut them out of everything from now on (Holidays, get togethers, ect.)
I work 3rd shift and teach cake calles two to three times a week and am totally exhausted, but they want to go to the lake with the boat after i have a full midnight to 8am shift plus a 3 hour cookie class afterwards just so they don't have to see my sister. (NOT HAPPENING)

this is not the first time this has happened. they always want us to follow everything on their schedule regardless of what we have going on. Doesn't work on third shift.

anyway, my sister still has her moments but they are few and far between now but she still wants huge cakes with extra decorations and such on short notice and for no money. (NOT HAPPENING)

I can barely stand up in the kitchen without falling asleep for now.
Soory to jack the thread but i had to vent.

wow, don't know wether to feel better about my sis or worse? she drives me crazy as well, so i can completely understand. all my nieces' life my parents and i have been there, helping raise her and looking after her all the time! the other day my sister said that she raised my niece on her own-she's a single mom and that i didnt' help raise her daughter....oh how soon she forgets! it's to be expected-i've learned not to take anything she says to heart, and not to bend over backwards for her anymore! do you think her friends would stand for that kinda treatment from her? not likely!! family or no family-some respect!! good luck!

After reading this thread, I realize i'm not the only one with family issues. I'm not going to get into details but I can relate to almost everything on here. I love my mother and my sister but lately I don't answer their phone calls. I am always busy. I find something to do ALWAYS. When i'm asked to babysit, it better be for an emergency. Not so that she can go clubbing with her girls and shopping. Sorry, she's the one with the kid not me. I know it sounds harsh but she would take advantage all the time and I got tired of it. How is she going to drop her son off on Friday at 6 and not pick him up until Sunday at 4, when I was only supposed to babysit until 10 on Friday. (and not pick up the phone when I call or be home when I go to drop him off) I don't have children so I don't believe it's my problem. I took him on Saturdays once a month so that she could have a night out with her friends and then she would disappear.

See now I have to rant..

And my mother is another one. I live 45 minutes away from them and she wants me to drive over to her house to pick her up to come back around the corner from my house. I don't mind accompanying her but I just don't see the purpose of using a 1/4 tank of gas to make three trips, when she could easily drive over here and then we could go around the corner. I live near all of the stores that they shop at and they come out here and shop and don't come to my house. Everytime they shop, they wait until they get home to tell me they were in my neighborhood and then have the nerve to say "are you coming to visit". WHY??? They were just over here!!!

Oh, and i'm rich because I can pay all of my bills and go out to dinner with my husband. But they go shopping Every day and always come home with tons of bags. I don't shop because I like to eat out. That's how I can afford it. Why do I need 70+ pairs of shoes if I don't go anywhere?? I understand shopping for summer or for a vacation or even buying an outfit here and there. I wear a uniform to work and when I get home I shower and change into comfy clothes unless I am going somewhere else. I don't change twelve times in a day. I don't think normal people do. And who needs 20 pairs of sunglasses? My mom buys a different dining table every six months. I could have bought a house and a new car off the lot with the kind of money they spend. I prefer to go see a movie or take a trip somewhere with my husband then spend money on things that will sit in a closet for years with price tags still on them. (especially in this economy)

And then the cakes. There was always a complaint. I just stopped making them cakes. ( I disappeared from cc for quite a while) Now they are offering my services to their friends and quoting prices. They even have the nerve to haggle when I gave them a quote. I sent the lady to the supermarket. A rum cake does not cost $20, not even just the ingredients. The small bottle of rum costs just that. I have gone to all the bakeries in my area and if I like their cakes I will send them customers, same as the restaurants. I send good clients to places with exceptional service. If the place was bad, when asked i'm honest. I try to help small businesses a lot. I want people to be successful in their business ventures. If I can't make money, I want them to. I preach about the high quality ingredients and the cost of making cakes and pastries and people listen. Networking is a beautiful thing. I have only one friend who I make cakes for. Just 1 and I do charge, but no one else. I am not in business and I do not want to be at the moment. (have a lot going on)

I just keep my distance from them because I am too young to worry about things like this and life is too short to be dealing with the drama. I am so much happier and stress free. It was hard and sometimes it still is but I have to keep my sanity. My husband and I come first, then everybody else. They complain about everything that I do and don't do and always try to make me feel guilty. These are just scenarios, the things they say are even worse!! But i've posted enough. off my soapbox!!

Sorry for the rant but i'm glad I got it out my system.

I'm just going to jump in and get some sister stuff out of my system. There are so many things that I could tell you about things she's done, but the latest thing is the one that has me so upset, and maybe I am making a big deal out of it, but I just can't shake this feeling. I do an inhome daycare, and about 2 yrs ago I made the decision to get out of daycare and reclaim my house to myself. My 3 kids are all grown, and it's just me. Well, I had decided to take a year, get my credit cards paid off, and try to put a little in savings before I made the change. Since I am single, I have no money to fall back on if one of the daycare parents found out that I was looking for another job and they would get a different sitter before I found a job. This was a big decision for me, because I really care about the kids I watch, so I wanted to make sure that everyone had plenty of notice to find a new sitter. Also I was afraid of taking the risk because I had done this for over 20 years, and the thought of applying for a job and not getting it, and the parents looking for other daycare because they know I am going to quit and then I have no income. The job that I had thought about getting was housekeeping in the local hospital, it is about 2 blocks from my house, I could work the 12-8:30 shift and still be able to work on cakes at night and I would have insurance. I had talked about this to my sister many times, I was just afraid to go for it. Well, about 1 1/2 years ago the factory that my sister worked at closed so she was unemployed. She collected unemployment, went to school for CNA, and always made comments about how she had no money because she was unemployed (and other stuff). Well, at one point I was talking to her on the phone about getting a job at the hospital and all the benefits from working there and she agreed about that and she goes "don't worry, I'll never work there". By that she meant that she would never work the housekeeping department. That's because she was going to start taking classes to be a CNA. Anyway, I haven't changed jobs yet, but I kept talking about someday taking that job and all, but that I am so nervous about taking that first step. Well, guess what, she applied for that same job and the exact same hours and she got it. I honestly don't know how I am supposed to feel, but I am crushed. I am upset that she took this job, I am surprised that she took it, and I just so wish she didn't take it. It just hurts because I won't apply there now for sure. I can't see anything good coming from her and I working the same job. I am upset with myself for not going ahead and getting the job. She started last Monday, I talked to her on Sunday, and even though it was hard, I told her good luck , and to call and let me know how things go... I haven't heard a word from her. I have heard from my older sister, that she is really happy with her job, but she hasn't called me. This really has me depressed and I am having a hard time with it. Just wanted to get this out and see what some of your opinions are. Am I making too big a deal of it.? I just felt like this was going to be my job someday, a part of my life that was separate from the rest of the family.

kasey, I understand how you are hurt, but I do think you're making a big deal out of it. You talked to her a number of times and admittedly said you were afraid to go for it. If I lost my job and my sister did nothing but talk about applying, I wouldn't sit back and go hungry because "well, my sister MIGHT sorta someday maybe apply for that job so I can't apply there." I have bills to pay, too, and I have to take care of my family, also. There is also no way of knowing if that job would be available if/when you applied for it, but it is available today. And if you're not going to go for it, then I am.

A hospital is a big place and I'm sure they need a number of people on their housekeeping staff. Did she apply for a CNA position and they offered her housekeeping instead? Did she apply for housekeeping as a way to get her foot in the door for when she finishes her classes and can move up to CNA work?

You dont' indicate if you and your sis have a good relationship on a day-to-day basis, so i'm not sure if you not wanting to work there with her is based on what your relationship has always been .... or just because she took "your" job? Why would it be a problem if you both worked there?

I think you should file this under Life Lessons Learned and use this as the beginning of adopting Debi's Life Philosophy: Just Do It!!!! (no, nike did NOT say that first ... *I* did! )

Thanks, indydebi, I guess I just needed to hear someone tell me that the "pity party" needs to end. As far as her and I working together, it would not work out, not because she took the job I wanted, but because of the relationship that we have. I could get into that but it would be pointless. I guess I'll just adopt your philosphy and move on.
Jus want to add, she did finish her CNA schooling, but she isn't going to do that, now.

Sounds like your sister is jealous of your cake decorating skills. The best way to deal with someone as selfish and self centered as your sister is to give them a good dose of their own medicine. Treat her exactly the same way that she treats you! If not, you will continue to be abused and in tears.