How Do You Fill The Void

Lounge By Bakingangel Updated 8 Feb 2010 , 3:36am by LaBellaFlor

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Bakingangel Posted 7 Feb 2010 , 3:46am
post #1 of 6

of the loss of a best friend? My best friend for over 34 years died 3 years ago. It was unexpected and I miss her sooo much! Death is not new to me. I have lost all of my family and have grieved greatly. But, now the loss of a life-long best friend is over whelming and lonely. I can't tell you how many dozens of times I've reached for the phone to call her only to be jerked back into reality. Thanks for listening.

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patiese1 Posted 7 Feb 2010 , 4:21am
post #2 of 6

I am sooo very sorry about your friend. I hard when we lose someone. My heart goes out to you. I know that each day it gets a little less lonely and at times even a little less sad.

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Bluehue Posted 7 Feb 2010 , 4:31am
post #3 of 6

Sadly you never do icon_sad.gif

But with time we learn to look forward, taking their memory with us

Your words are very moving and it surely isn't easy to think you just can't pick up the phone to hear her voice.

What is harder is that your friend was taken from you without warning
And i do believe that the shock of that stays for a long time -

Write about her here - put it down in writting - it truely can help to express your feelings.....many times it can lighten the load.

So very sorry that you feel you are walking alone -


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Bakingangel Posted 7 Feb 2010 , 9:03pm
post #4 of 6

Thank you Bluehue and Patiese1 for reaching out to me. Bluehue you're right...the suddenness of her death and the fact that I didn't get to be with her causes the unresolved emptiness.

We met in 1974 at my first job after moving here from Arizona. We were both divorced but she was raising 5 children. Eight years later I remarried. She was my matron of honor. We were closer than sisters and my husband valued her friendship too. Fifteen years later I divorce again (no children). Sandy, still single, meets the love of her life and they married in November 2005. I'd never seen her so happy. He bought her a house (her first). She loved decorating it and making it very cozy. She was the best cook! She loved to cook and could make the most delicious southern meals out of hardly nothing! I never could figure how she did it! I guess that comes from years of raising 5 kids on her own. She loved Paula Dean and even looked like her, only Sandy was shy! She had a cute little laugh, like Wilma on the Flintstones.

Over the years we always celebrated Christmas together. Her children now have children and although they live hundreds of miles from DFW, they would come home for Christmas. December 2006 was the exception. She went to Corpus Christi because one of her daughter-in-laws was having surgery and needed help with the grandkids. I didn't bother to decorate my house that year, nor have I since. We talked on the phone every day. She stayed until the middle of January. She had to return for a doctor's appointment. There was something in her voice, I could tell she was homesick and anxious to get back. The night before she flew home we were talking and out of no where she said with a tremble in her voice, "Next Christmas I'm staying home and you won't be alone." We both cried and talked about getting together for lunch to exchange presents. Her empathy touched me so deeply (it was also the first Christmas without my mom). But that was Sandy, always thinking of others. She was exhausted from her holiday and I was busy with teaching school.

She kept her appointment. Her doctor wanted her to see a cardiologist just as a precaution, since heart disease ran in her family. Sandy was diabetic and had high blood pressure. She said she felt fine and her blood pressure was fine too. But she agreed. Two days later, the cardiologist (who had never seen her prior to her first visit, changed her blood pressure medicine and also gave her a presciption for a drug to take the night before her next visit to him which was about 5 days later. She didn't like him changing her BP med because she and her doctor had finally found one that worked for her. She told me she didn't feel as good on the new one. The night before her scheduled cardiogram apptmt, she took the "special" med around ll pm. She dropped her husband off to pick up his truck. (He's a truck driver and had parked the semi in a Target parking lot about 1/4 mile from their house). When she returned home she passed out in their front yard for a minute or two and when she came to she was disoriented and scared. She called her husband on his cell and he told her to try to get inside the house while he was on the phone. She did but felt like she was going to pass out again. He told her to call 911 and he as going to start walking home. About half way there an ambulance sped past him going towards the nearest hospital. He got home and jumped in the car and raced towards the hospital too. Her blood pressure bottomed out and they had to resesitate her in the ambulance and again in the ER. They couldn't stablize her BP and five hours later she was gone.

Meanwhile I was asleep. I shut off my alarm and was getting into the shower when a strange deep feeling of peaceful tranquility flowed from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I thought "how wierd was that!?" I remembered only one other time in my life that such a feeling went through me...the passing of my mom. A minute later the phone rang. I couldn't imagine who would be calling so early in the morning. I stepped out of the shower and it was Gene, her husband, calling to tell me Sandy was gone. I was numb. I couldn't speak or move. I could only listen as he retold the evening's event. The whole time he was talking, I thought of that "feeling" I had just experienced and knew that Sandy came to say goodbye. Oh, how I wish we had made time to get together earlier in the week. We still hadn't seen each other since before Christmas.

Later we found out that the ER cardio was in partnership with the cardio who had given Sandy the drug, etc. The cardio doctor who wasn't even at the hospital during the ordeal was the one who filled out the paperwork and lied on the report saying she had had previous heart attacks! He stated there was no need for an autopsy. He never even got to do the sonogram on her. Also turns out the drug he told her to take should not have been given to anyone with diabetes as it could cause a sudden drop in BP. The family paid for an autopsy and her heart was healthy with no sign of any heart attacks ever! The family filed a malpractice suit.
And it is still pending.

It hurts me that just when she found love and happiness it ended so abruptly. If ever there was a person who deserved to live to a ripe old age in sweet contentment,is was Sandy.

Sandy once sent me an email with a quote from one of the Winnie the Pooh characters. To paraphrase it: If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 99 because I couldn't live without you. Well, my dearest friend, I love you and wouldn't want you to experience this pain. As difficult as it is, I'll carry the broken heart until we meet again.

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MnSnow Posted 7 Feb 2010 , 11:52pm
post #5 of 6

What a beautiful friend you were. You and Sandy had something very special. I have the same relationship with my best friend, who has heart issues and at age 36 had bypass surgey to correct a birth defect.

Your story made me cry and relate to your feelings. I would be so lost without my best friend. I'm crying with you.

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LaBellaFlor Posted 8 Feb 2010 , 3:36am
post #6 of 6

I admire your srength. You are making it every day. I have no answer to your question, cause I don't know what I would do. But I truly admire your strength. Yuor still living, day to day.

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