Gotta vent...usually I feel like a lucky lucky woman to have my husband, but this morning I'm ready to trade him in. He's been in a weird mood all week, probably just tired or whatever, but I have no sympathy whatsoever. He's working a 40 hour week, then comes home and plops down on the chair. I'm working a 45 hour week, then coming home and fixing dinner, taking care of the kids and making cakes. He gets home a lot later than I do, so there's only so much he can do to help out, but he can certainly do something. But the kicker...this morning he woke me up an hour before I had to get up for work, knowing that I didn't get to bed until 1:30 this morning because of baking and working on a gp topper for a cake. Why did he wake me? His lighter (we're smokers, no comments on that, please) is dead. 'Do we have any more?' I don't know. 'Well, do you have any matches or anything? What am I supposed to do?'
WHAT? He doesn't realize that there are plenty of stores on his way to work and these magical places SELL lighters? He has to wake me up to ask me a stupid question like that? I finally gave him my lighter so he would go away and leave me alone. So now in addition to getting myself and the kids ready and dropping the kids at daycare, I have to stop at the store on my way to work this morning. Why isn't he capable of coming up with these simple solutions on his own? I am a mother to 2 little kids, I have no interest in mothering him. He's a grown man, for gosh sakes! All the time it's like this....my family expects me to solve all their little problems. Usually I feel gratified and appreciated, but sometimes I'm just ready to turn in the Superwoman cape.
another example, since I'm on a roll now... the other day, I asked him to please help me out and get the kids' stuff ready for daycare. They need some $ for the drink machine, but he said, "I don't have any cash" and sat back down. Honey, I have some money in my wallet. "Oh I didn't know where to look." Well, you certainly knew where to look when you needed some cash the other day and you took it from my wallet!
If the phone rings, he will sit right where he is and say...the phone's ringing, it must be for you, no one calls me. And WON'T get off his butt to answer it!
Please don't misunderstand, he's really a good guy (mostly), but I think he's in serious need of an attitude adjustment this week. I don't know who he thinks he's married to that this crap is acceptable. I know I sound petty, but these little things add up and Lord knows I've got enough stress in my life without having to micromanage him.
I just needed to get all that off my chest. Breathing now...
I always find it amazing how a man suddenly gets helpless at home ("I've never done that before!") but when he's with the guys or at work, that excuse never surfaces.
Being an old married lady, some things you just have to take a stand. Phone rings and he doens't answer it? Let it ring. Caller ID, voicemail and Star-69 don't make it life or death anymore. If it's important, they'll call back.
I used to ask "What do you want for dinner?" He'd reply, "Whatever you want." I'd reply, Well, I dont' want anything, so that's what we're having" and I'd sit down and watch tv all night, too. Or I flat out tell 'em, "I dont feel like cooking, so you guys are on your own." There is NO law that says if YOU are hungry, then *I* have to make it. Have small kids? They LUV cereal for dinner! 
My husband used to get up before me .... and he'd wake me up just to talk while he sat on the side of the bed putting his shoes on! Until one day he asked me a question and I said, with my eyes still closed, "My alarm doesnt go off for another 45 minutes ..... ask me then." He got all pissy but he stopped waking me up.
I could go on for DAYS on this topic!!
Thanks Debi, it's nice to know I'm not being unreasonable here. We had the dinner debate too, I'd ask what he wanted and he'd say, "surprise me" My response, "Surprise, I'm not cooking." I always have something in the house for the kids, and if not, they adore frozen pizza. I don't usually let him get away with this crap, but it's been a ridiculously stressful week and I really don't have the energy to deal with his baloney and frankly, I don't think I should have to. He knows I've got a lot going on, he should be man enough to step up and pick up the slack. I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to hear more on the subject tonight.
My hubby has been like that since we got married. He didnt used to be so lazy, we used to play sports together and go on walks and go to the park and ride bikes. We dont do any of that anymore. He doesnt want to move from in front of his computer from Friday when he gets home from work until Sunday night.
He will occasionally reload the dishwasher or throw a new load of laundry, but he wont tell me about the laundry and I have to rewash 3 days later cause its stinky in the bottom of the washer. He never dries clothes and he never puts them away. Same with the dishes, he will throw them in there, but he wont unload when they are done they just sit there waiting for me.
I work 2 jobs, at the bakery early in the morning and then at a community college in the evenings. I take care of my kids during the day, including all the picking up and dropping off, and when they are in school (one is in kindergarten and the other in preschool) I manage to get enough time to run to walmart, run to the grocery store, and do the other misc. errands that I need to.
My house is always cleaned by me, and I still mange to find time on the weekends (I work every other Saturday at the college) to mow my parents 4 acres of lawn and our yard on alternating weekends. Most of the time I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I work my butt off to do it all. I am finally getting the balls to go back to college (2 classes this semester) and I am wondering how I am going to manage. In fact this perspective of my life makes me want to sit down and just cry.
My husband is a nice guy, just lazy. I guess I need a guy who will do me a little more pampering...
My Dh was like that in the beginning. Never helped with our baby, always sat and played video games. His excuse was that he worked all day and was too tired to help me out. I was tired too. I had been up all night with an extremely fussy baby and all I asked was to get maybe an hour nap. An hour nap! I could not breastfeed so all he had to do is mix up her formula and put it in the bottle warmer and presto baby had her food.
So one day from lack of sleep and being overly stressed, I pack his bags, and sat them on the front lawn. I put a sign that said; I am not your momma. You can come back home when you grow up and accept the responsibilities that you have. He got his things and tried going to his mother's house. She wouldn't let him in. THat is when he grew up and now he is a different person and when he starts to going back to the way he was before all I have to tell him is that I am packing your bags and your mother agrees. That settles it. He is off the couch ready and willing to help.
Sometimes us as women have to just lay down the law. Most men ex[ect to have us baby them as their mother's did. I will not baby mine anymore.
My husband is incapable of moving anything to find something else, if it isn't in front I have to go find it for him.
My big pet peeve that he does lately is if I want him to come help or whatever he tells me to wait until he's done but he gets upset if I don't quit cooking dinner to go look at a gun online.
He doesnt want to move from in front of his computer from Friday when he gets home from work until Sunday night.
OMG!! Do I know where you're coming from!! My DH is in front of his computer playing this stupid EVE game every waking moment outside of work. He's always been a computer geek, but this game really ticks me off cause it costs money too!! I swear the patterns or something they display must have some addictive properties to it. To me, this game looks so boring, but whatever. I used to think good, at least he's out of my way and won't bug me, but my DD and I almost feel like I'm a single parent! When they were doing some maintenance upgrades on this game one evening, I realised that we don't even have anything to talk about anymore! Now that's getting bad, I'm just used to doing things on my own with the kids and stuff. Talk about throwing a tantrum if I force him to do something!! Sheesh!!! It's hard to not let snide comments come out in front of the kids either. I tell my DS, that's not what to do to be a good husband!!
just fyi i heard on the john tesh radio show the other morning that most people get divorced over lots of *little things* versus one or two major problems...these *little things* will eat away at you if you don't let him know how much it p*sses you off!!! 
My big pet peeve that he does lately is if I want him to come help or whatever he tells me to wait until he's done but he gets upset if I don't quit cooking dinner to go look at a gun online.
LOL...my husband is doing that too. He says Obama will pass some new law and he won't be able to buy a better gun for work. He's obsessed with shopping for one...but I took him to Cabelas and said buy one already...and he didn't because he's still thinking about it. It didn't take me that long to pick one, I went to the store and looked, went home and called around and bought it the next day at the cheapest place. In his case the only thing he'd have to add to that is checking to be sure they make a duty holster for it, but instead he has to read a million reviews and watch youtube videos of people using it, then he says he's still not sure.
Here's my pet peeve with my husband. Every time I bring his dinner to him on the couch, he says, "Oh, I would have gotten up to get that." He says that every single night but every night I feed the kids, then bring him his plate. So he must know it's on its way.
And being helpless...well, after I broke my leg he was cooking for everyone...for about three days and then he rented me a wheelchair so I would be able to get into the kitchen and cook. And he kept telling me I should be happy he loved me so much that he wanted me to be able to get into the kitchen and cook the things he likes.
I know when it started with my husband...when I was pregnant with my second kid, he decided to work two jobs and have me stay home. So he worked two jobs for a few months, but after that he decided it worked better having me home all the time even when he only worked one job. So we have less money than we're used to and I have less help with the housework.
I adore my husband but there are days I'd like to smack him upside the head with something cast iron! He's usually pretty good about helping but my pet peeve is when he'll hide out in the garage or our bedroom (playing solitaire) while I'm doing whatever needs to be done. It's especially lovely when he's said yes to his family coming over (or staying over!) Guess who gets to be the happy hostess and mediary between all his bickering siblings? Well, used to be me but last time I told him it was his family and while I didn't mind helping he needed to get out of the garage and come deal with all of them or I was going to a hotel until they left. He would get to cook and care for everyone by himself. He's been so much better about it since then!
I've decided I'm getting old and curmudgeonly!
The other one that irks me is not getting a straight answer, even if it's "I don't know!" I'll ask what time he'll be home but instead of telling me I get a dissertation on what all he has to do yet. He does that with a lot of things too. I don't think he's trying to be deceitful or anything, he just doesn't want to get into trouble later if he said something specific. But when he does it with every stinking thing it gets annoying and I still don't know what the heck is going on. So now I just tell him he didn't answer the question and repeat it. If it do it enough times he eventually tells me what I want to know. I've raised four toddlers Mister! I can deal with you!
All that said, I'm sure he occasionally wants to smack me too! lol
It's so nice to know I'm not the only one with a DH who needs a foot up his a$$ on occasion. He's contrite today... I'm not one to keep my feelings to myself and I told him that I wanted to smother him this morning. He tries, he really does, but he's just got these lazy tendencies. Every few months I have to jerk a knot in him to keep him on the right path. His mother was a truly wonderful woman, but he was spoiled rotten...never had to lift a finger around the house. We've been married for 13 years and I'm still trying to teach him how to properly clean the house. I keep telling him I can't possibly die before him, otherwise he & the kids would just live in filth.
Anyway, I'm still irritated, but he's off for the weekend now and I have tons of work to do, so he's at my beck & call now unless he wants to make a permanent home on my sh$t list. Thanks for listening to me gripe!!
I always find it amazing how a man suddenly gets helpless at home ("I've never done that before!") but when he's with the guys or at work, that excuse never surfaces.
Being an old married lady, some things you just have to take a stand. Phone rings and he doens't answer it? Let it ring. Caller ID, voicemail and Star-69 don't make it life or death anymore. If it's important, they'll call back.
I used to ask "What do you want for dinner?" He'd reply, "Whatever you want." I'd reply, Well, I dont' want anything, so that's what we're having" and I'd sit down and watch tv all night, too. ...
Amen to that Indydebi. My husband can't answer the phone, can't boil water. It's amazing that he can even dress himself. Oh, he can design any mechanical apparatus and go to the gym every other day. Sometimes I get so sick of him. I truly feel like I have 4 children. The other day he kept nagging me that some toy was on the floor and that I needed to pick it up. I had had enough. I told him that unless he was an invalid he should bend his as* over and pick it up himself. Then I stormed out. I can't even tell you how many times my husband has made the freudian slip calling me "mom."
I'll ask what time he'll be home but instead of telling me I get a dissertation on what all he has to do yet.
I kinda borrowed this from Dr. Phil, but when anyone does that to me, I tell them, "That's fascinating, but how about answering MY question now?" (Come on, now! I'm a pro at going around the bush and behind the outhouse to NOT answer a question! Don't screw around with The Master! 
)
just have to inject...
and as for those husbands sitting forever in front of the computer to play (fill in name of game)....
AHEM....
and how is that any different than us on here?!?!?!?!?! -- the CC addicts! (what is it some have called it??? our cake porn???)
pot calling kettle black!
Ah, Doug, it works well in our house! I'm downstairs on my laptop and he's upstairs in the computer room. We email each other!! I'll hear him yell, "DEBI!! EMAIL!!" I check email, respond, and yell "I ANSWERED IT!"
Old people .... communicating. It's a beautiful thing!
Ah, Doug, it works well in our house! I'm downstairs on my laptop and he's upstairs in the computer room. We email each other!! I'll hear him yell, "DEBI!! EMAIL!!" I check email, respond, and yell "I ANSWERED IT!"
Old people .... communicating. It's a beautiful thing!
as an "aged one" (ok 56)....
yep, old people communicating the old way -- email.
now you have to --> TWEET!
(oh perish the thought of CC becoming that! --- can you image the posts if only 140 character limit!)
He doesnt want to move from in front of his computer from Friday when he gets home from work until Sunday night.
OMG!! Do I know where you're coming from!! My DH is in front of his computer playing this stupid EVE game every waking moment outside of work. He's always been a computer geek, but this game really ticks me off cause it costs money too!! I swear the patterns or something they display must have some addictive properties to it. To me, this game looks so boring, but whatever. I used to think good, at least he's out of my way and won't bug me, but my DD and I almost feel like I'm a single parent! When they were doing some maintenance upgrades on this game one evening, I realised that we don't even have anything to talk about anymore! Now that's getting bad, I'm just used to doing things on my own with the kids and stuff. Talk about throwing a tantrum if I force him to do something!! Sheesh!!! It's hard to not let snide comments come out in front of the kids either. I tell my DS, that's not what to do to be a good husband!!
Mine plays EVE TOO!! It just drives me crazy that he nevers wants to do ANYTHING anymore.
just have to inject...
and as for those husbands sitting forever in front of the computer to play (fill in name of game)....
AHEM....
and how is that any different than us on here?!?!?!?!?! -- the CC addicts! (what is it some have called it??? our cake porn???)
pot calling kettle black!
Doug, I might use my computer at home 2-3 times a month. I post when I am bored at work (thats why I only post between 4 and 8pm central time 
). When I am at home, I am cleaning, cooking, or chasing after 2 small children and 1 big one.
I decided last night that my husband isn't just helpless, he's a big baby.
In a little over two weeks I'm going to my mom's with the boys for a couple weeks so I asked him if he needed me to show him how to feed our newest pet. He thinks that I should bring the pet with us so he doesn't have to touch it once a freaking week. It's a baby snake that my 6 year old handles without supervision so I think a 31 year old man can manage for a couple weeks.
If I was taking the Suburban I wouldn't mind quite so much since it won't be so crowded but I'm taking the car. Other than enough stuff for the boys and I for a couple weeks I am bringing a big bag of clothes that my youngest has outgrown and I promised my grandma that I'd bring the boys' regalia so she can see them in it. I'm also going to have to save room for an extra kid and his stuff for the last 1.5 hours because I'm picking up my nephew.
If it's sunny it will also severly limit my freedom to stop for meals or to shop on the way down or back because I'll have an animal in the car.
What gets me is that he doesn't mind the iguana who is more work and requires more work to feed more often but he won't touch an animal that's much smaller and far less likely to bite him (the iguana doesn't like him).
I am so glad I found this thread!!! Similar things going on in my house this weekend. DH on computer since I got home from my full time day job yesterday with DGD in tow. Didn't get to visit with her last weekend as we were out of town at my niece's wedding, taking a 7 tier wedding cake with us. That was quite a weekend and I am ready for a weekend of complete veg out.
DH was tiffed that we weren't going somewhere yesterday evening. He'll get over it as I put a ham in the oven to bake for supper. He stays on the computer the rest of the evening and is no help with DGD's bath or anything, so by the time she is asleep, I have fallen asleep beside her on the bed. Phone rings and DH comes to wake me up to answer the phone...gggrrrrr. So now it's 10 pm Friday evening and I had an unintentional nap, so of course I am wide awake until about 12:30 Sat am. We decide to all get up when DGD wakes up and go to the farmer's market (usually about 6:30 am when she sits up and says "it's morning grandma". So I roll over and tell DH that she's awake. Let's get up and get going before it gets hot. Does he hear me? NO. 2 1/2 hours later he stumbles into the LR and says "I thought you were going to wake me up" grumble, grumble. I tell him I did, he says no you didn't and that does it. I am officially pissed and don't want to go anywhere in a confined space with him, and he doesn't understand why I am upset. Married 20 years and he still doesn't get it 
I cook lunch and he wants to know what my plans are for the afternoon. Still doesn't get it that I am pissed. I try to explain from my perspective and he just doesn't understand. So he goes and cuts the grass at the office for my day job and comes back, and guess what??? he's back on the computer. Bet he stays there until Sunday morning when the DGD goes home. And then Sunday is "his" day to go and do what he wants to do..solo. I don't begrudge him a day to himself, it's just that I need some time to myself without everything I do all the time as part of "my time".
I got a real laugh about the mark on Indydebi's leg from her laptop. I get marks on my lef (indentions really) and my DGD thinks that there is something wrong with grandma and that the marks won't go away...lol.
You know, DH and I could probably communicate by email or winpop, but I'd have to teach him how to use them and that would lead to another round of "discussion", so better leave that alone. We're only 1 wall apart so verbal communication will have to suffice 
Thanks for sharing your life with me today. I'm not alone and I feel so much better. 
Edited to add: I forgot to tell you what the DGD is doing while I am "talking" to ya'll: she is vacuuming with the dustbuster I bought at Christmas time. She thinks it's her personal vacuum and she goes around vacuuming everything in site. Gotta get this on video before she outgrows it. Just had to share that with ya'll. I love it.
What is bad is when your kids start learning dad is a lazy @#$.
I have four and not one of them go to dad for anything.
We have a bi-level home and my kitchen is upstairs while my bedroom is downstairs. I kid you not my husband will be in the kitchen and my kids will come downstairs to my room and ask me for a drink. I will be taking a nap and my kids will wake me up to ask me something simple my husband could answer. They just don't depend on him for anything, except playing video games or shooting hoops....because he is one huge 6'4" overgrown child.
I told my kids I am going to start saying no to everything so they will start going to dad.
And of course since I stay at home and he works his big time 40 hours I should do everything.
He is in for a rude awakening, because I have been looking for a job since my youngest will be starting school in the fall.
[quote="Texas_Rose"]
Here's my pet peeve with my husband. Every time I bring his dinner to him on the couch, he says, "Oh, I would have gotten up to get that." He says that every single night but every night I feed the kids, then bring him his plate. So he must know it's on its way..
Out of everything that's been said about this so far, THIS is the real truth! If we just do everything for people, they'll expect it and won't make the effort to do it for themselves.
We think about training pets, but people are trained to do certain things all the time. If you don't speak up and tell him that he has to get more on the ball he'll just continue on his merry slacker way.
I always say that the "Y" chromosome stands for the "Why??WHY???Why??!?!?!" I mutter as I try to figure out why my husband does certain things.
New gripe about my husband: listening skills.
My husband loves to go to farm auctions to buy tools and junk, he'll skip a day at work to attend those. He NEVER wants to go to household auctions and I'm not about to drag a 6 and 10 year old boys there alone.
I want a hutch in my dining room.
A couple days ago I mentioned to him that there was an estate auction I wanted to go to on Saturday.
So Saturday we did yard work, he was doing stuff where I COULDN'T have left the boys with him, and his parents went to the auction and came home with a nice buffet/hutch for $25.
Today he claimed that I didn't tell him I wanted to go.
I don't have many issues with the DH. He picks up after himself, does the dishes on occasion, shops with me and does all the laundry. But, I was most mad at him last summer. School was out and I was re-staining the back deck before the worst of the St. Louis heat hit. Now, in one corner of the deck was a 5 gallon jug of used peanut oil and our turkey fryer....that had been on the deck since Thanksgiving.....7 months before. For months I'd be asking him to get rid of the oil and clean and put the fryer back in the garage. He's the one bought the fryer, loves the fryer and insists on using it. I HATE cleaning up oil. I made that very VERY clear when he proudly brought the turkey fryer home. But, I'm not his mom. I'd reminded a few times and he hadn't done it. For the 3 days I'd been staining he'd come out every day and said he was going to take care of it.
So, I've stained the deck stairs and all the railings and slats and most of the deck floor. Fryer is still sitting there. I open the slider and say the fryer and oil get cleaned and put away or I'm pitching them off the deck and he can deal with it when he mowed. He comes out, funnel in hand....pours the oil back in the plastic jug it came in (that had also been sitting on the deck for 7 months). He carries the fryer into the bathroom and scrubs it and puts it away. He comes out and picks up the jug of NASTY oil, walks 5 feet and the jug breaks into pieces. I guess sitting outside wasn't that great for it, eh????? Five gallons of old, used turkey fryer oil cover most of the deck, splash all over the sliding and pours down the stairs. It pours all over the firewood we store UNDER the deck! The only part of the deck oil didn't get all over was the part I hadn't stained yet! We scrubbed, used degreaser and scrubbed some more. What a horrible mess!
Fast forward a few months when I have mold growing all over my deck. Ugh! Nothing I can do to fix it. I've sanded, used Kilz. We have to replace most of the wood.
I haven't ONCE said "I told you so!"....been hard though!
Jodie
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