Hey all,
Just wanted to share something that happened tonight that made me feel kind of sad. I guess I'm looking for some of my fellow decorators to tell me that I'm not a petty jerk for being upset about this...

Okay, here it is in a nutshell. Every year, I throw a party for my grandmother to celebrate her birthday. Family comes in from all over the country and I always do the cake. I look forward to this all year and think months ahead to what kind of cake I'm going to do.

Anyway, I spoke to my mother tonight who told me that my brother had ordered some "beautifully decorated" cupcakes for my grandmother's party. One of his former students is trying to start up a vegan cupcake business.

I feel like a real jerk that this has upset me so much. I hate that I feel so petty. I just feel like the cake has been my gig. I look forward to presenting my grandmother with a lovely cake for her birthday.

Anyway, folks, please don't blast me if you think I'm being jerky here. I didn't share my feelings with anyone except my hubby who let me cry on his shoulder for a minute or two. There is nothing I can do except be gracious about the cupcakes that are being brought in to the party I've planned. I'll display them and I'm sure they'll be enjoyed.

Thanks for reading..
Cindy

Ummm... I would bring my own cake. What's wrong with a little variety? Your party, you planned it.... Maybe brother thought he was taking a load off your mind?

It's not being petty!! For years you have been doing this and everyone in your family knows it.If it is what your grandmother wants then be gracious and let the cupcakes come.Your borther may just be trying to get a kick start on his students business but he really should have asked you first especially if you host the party.If you do host the party every year which I think you do from what I can gather from the post then I may have politley called your brother and said "It's my party and I make the cake decisions...Unless or until you host.... then I get the say about the cake !!

Back off Brother..I'm the cake Queen!! HA!HA!

I don't blame you one bit for how you're feeling!! Could you say something to your mother, along the lines of..."I was looking forward to making the cake, so we'll have cake AND cupcakes this year!"
Frankly, I think your brother is stepping on your toes, if you're the one throwing the party and you always make the cake. There's no need whatsoever for you to feel like a jerk!!
If it were me, I'd be gracious about the cupcakes...and I would also make the cake I'd planned. Guests can appreciate and enjoy them both. And maybe in the future, family members might be more sensitive to the fact that the cake IS your gig!

I don't think your being a jerk & I'm sorry you were disregarded for something that you hold as a tradition. I'll tell you who I do think is kind of a jerk. Your brother for not being considerate & asking you if it was okay to try something different this year for your Grandmother. I also think your mother was a little inconsiderate too for not saying something to your brother about you usually making the cake. Thats just my opinion, I'm sort of a traditionalist on family traditions, and I think my feelings would be hurt too.

i agree with the previous post, if you are in charge of planning the party you should go ahead and make your cake!!! Let your guest choose from the two for dessert!! Good Luck and Let us know what your decide to do!!

Bring the cake!! I'm sure others besides your grandmother looks forward to your wonderful creations!!

i think that if have been making your grandmother's cakes for her birthday for the past couple of years then there is nothing wrong with giving her a beautiful personal sized cake as a gift. maybe if you explained to those who cared to make an issue of it that it was a tradition that the two of you shared and you are not trying to outshine new guys vegan cupcakes. just my opinion...

is anyone else's mouth watering from saying that??? maybe if you held the vowels a little longer...veeeeeegaaan cuuupcaakeees... maybe i just haven't had any good ones yet..or maybe i'm just mean.

No, I don't think you're being petty. You throw the party and you provide the cake, every year. I think your brother overstepped boundaries. It's great that he wants to help out a former student but he should have talked with you first.

Besides, although they may be good, I don't want vegan cupcakes. Give me the REAL thing! Please don't blast me, I'm not blasting vegan but cupcakes...vegan...just don't mix to me.

Oh I'd be desperately hurt too, so no...I don't think you're being jerky! Also, that said, I know that some have mentioned needing an acquired pallet for vegan baked goods. I recently made a cake for a friend's son, and while I thought it had a nice flavor, it had a little bit of a different taste to it too. So there may be some that aren't really wanting to have those cupcakes and woudl prefer to have your cake there as well.

I agree that your brother probably was trying to help out, I doubt (although you know him better) that he would intentionally try to cheap shot you...he's trying to help out his student too. Good luck, I'm sure your grandma will LOVE whatever you come up with this year. : D

Keyshia

If you are the host its up to you. If its a family sponsored event then your brother and mother have input. But depending on how many people are attending, a few vegan cupcakes may not be enough. I'd still do the cake and let it be the centerpeice of the party. Make the invites and decorations and flowers revolve around the cake, then when your brother shows up with his garbanzo bean cuppies...you'll be the star.
No offense intended to the vegans out there I'm exaggerating to make a point.

THanks for the replies, guys..
Knowing my brother, it didn't occur to him that he'd be stepping on my toes. Just wanted to help out his friend..but when my mom was telling me how delicious these vegan cupcakes are (bearing in mind, not even one vegan will be in attendance at said party, but whatever) and how beautifully decorated they are.. i was like, "Why is he doing that?". I mean, the long and short of it is that I don't want anyone else's creation to take away from mine, and I hate that I feel that way. Its crazy!

The fact that I received this phone call immediately after talking to another family member who wanted to add different food items to the menu because what I've planned isn't special enough for my grandmother. What I felt like saying is that I do it the way I do it because our grandmother doesn't care what kind of food we serve, she cares that we are all together for her day. I should have said, if you don't like what's been planned, then do it your d*mn self!! I've got 4 children, I don't need this aggravation! But I told her we'd happily have whatever she wanted.

I think I may be having a bad night. Thank you for listening to me vent
You guys rock..
Cindy

Just wanted to make one more point. I have no intention of NOT doing the cake for my grandmother. She loves my cakes and I enjoy doing them too much to not do one for her!! If you look in my photos, you'll see the one I did for her last year..its 3 or 4 tiers (can't remember which) with crystals shooting out the top..

I pretty much do the whole party, from choosing the decorations and theme to paying for most everything.. (well, except for the vegan cupcakes!! ha!), set up, and cleaning up.

It's your party. You are entitled to vent. We are good listeners. I must say though, that your grandmother would probably be really disappointed without YOUR cake. As others have said, the cupcakes can be there for those who want them, but I'm sure many will be expecting and looking forward to YOUR cake. Go for it girl! Tradition!

I agree with the other posts. You are not wrong for how you feel. I would be hurt too. I would still do my cake. It is your home and what is a birthday party without a beautiful birthday cake. And your Grandmother may wonder why you didn't do the cake. After all it is VEG cupcakes, that doesn't take the place of a birthday cake in my opinion.

Oh, NO, you aren't being a jerk...I don't think you are being even a little bit hyper sensitive about this. I hate it when this kind of thing happens to me. I also don't think your brother was doing anything other than trying to help out someone's new business venture. Those cuppies may indeed be "beautifully decorated", but what if they taste terrible !
I'm so glad to see that you will, of course, continue the sweet tradition of baking a spectacularly decorated and wickedly delicious birthday cake for your lucky grandmother!
Hope tomorrow is a joyous day for you .

Hey kjt, we share a birthday..happy belated!! And thanks for your post..

In threads where the question is "Am I being petty for having my feelings hurt because I'm not doing the cake?", I tend to go with "Yes ... yes, you are."

But not in this case.

In this case, it's YOUR party that YOU are throwing and YOU are paying for. As a proper courtesy, your brother should have at LEAST contacted you to find out if it's ok for him to bring SOME cupcakes IN ADDITION to your cake.

I work by the golden rule ... those with the gold, make the rules. When your brother pays and organizes the whole party, then he can decide who is making the cake.

Not everybody cares for vegan recipes/tastes. I am not knocking it so please don't get on a soapbox. I would still make the cake for the ones that don't enjoy the cupcakes. AND still go all out on the design.

I'm with Indy on this one, I usually think that people are too easily offended when they're not slobbered all over for doing the cake.

HOWEVER, if you're planning the party then you get to decide what gets served. Especially with the precedent of you having made the cake for years.

Just out of curiosity, was it presented to you as "You shouldn't make the cake because the cupcakes will be there," or just "There will be extra cupcakes there." It sounds like you don't think that your brother wanted to offend you, he's just using that Y chromosome that prevents men from seeing the big picture when they have a specific goal in mind. Does he think this is going to be a selling opportunity for his friend? I don't get the logic...

Make that cake, and serve the cupcakes too...Which will be eaten first, I wonder ?

I know my brother was only trying to help out a friend by purchasing some of her cupcakes for our shindig. He is a nice guy..plus, I think he has a little crush on this girl..
I guess now that I've been able to sleep on it, I don't feel as upset, but I do still feel a little stung. It was hard for me when I found out last night because it made me feel so petty and I knew I couldn't say anything to any of the parties involved. My hubby didn't understand. I tried using the analogy of this..if my brother's band was playing at the party, would he appreciate it if I hired another musician to play at the party, too??

Oh well, the show must go on!! Thank you for all of your support on this..
I'll act graciously when presented with the cupcakes for the dessert table. I may even taste one as my mom went on about how "absolutely delicious" they were..pfft.

I'm sorry but your brother was totally out of line, especially if this is something you do every year. He knew what he was doing, I don't buy the "he was only trying to help a friend" explaination at all.

Have you spoken with your brother since learning of this? He can cancel the order or keep it and eat the cupcakes himself. I also think it was really crappy of your mom to gush over these cupcakes to you.

My family gets mad if I don't do the cake. They are totally loyal to me where that is concerned, even if they think another cake is better they NEVER even hint at that. They totally support me 110%. I just don't understand a sibling or parent that would blatantly disrespect you in this manner.

I am so sorry this happened to you...can you uninvite them...LOL!

No sugar, you aren't being petty. I would also be crushed in this situation. I am also the lucky sister of a sometimes inconsiderate brother and the daughter of a sometimes inconsiderate mother, so you are not alone here.

If it were me, I would bake grandma one of your beautiful cakes and when brother shows up, take the cupcakes, give him a smile and say "thank you so much, you really shouldn't have."

To me, knowing that you always throw the party and make the cake and then doing something like this is a slap in the face, but that's how I feel, my opinion and if that makes me a petty b**ch, so be it.

I'm sorry you are hurt. Being treated in a thoughtless manner by strangers is one thing, but when it comes to those you hold most dear, well that just plain sucks.

Don't let this ruin your party. After all, it's only a few store-bought cupcakes, I am sure your gorgeous cake will steal the show!

I would bring the cake anyway. My reason? I have had vegan cupcakes before. Some were really good, most were not. Dry, sandy, hard to swallow. Unless you, yourself, have sampled the wares, don't take the chance that they will be enjoyed.

Theresa

seeing how old your grandmother is turning i don't think she would appriciate vegan cupcakes as much as others (growing up in the times she has i'm sure that's not what she would expect to eat) is there anyway to possibly match your cake to the cupcakes a bit so they look like they go together a bit? i would be crushed too that no one in my family is seeing the obvious- you plan, excecute and cleanup the party (a huge one too) and no one respects what you are taking on. with a hubbie and 4 kids i would maybe let someone else take over next year and see how smoothly it goes (not as easy as it seems huh?-is that mean?) my point make your cake and don't worry about anyone

What's wrong with having 2 types of cake? Some people may not like the vegan cupcakes but everyone will like your scrumptious dessert because they have had it in the past and are probably expecting it.

You (the OP) seem to have come to some peace with the cupcake situation. I'm glad your brother is just a bit clueless.

I would be more upset over the other family member who had the nerve to ask you to change your menu. I would just tell them, "I'll remove you from the guest list...you can eat at home."