I have the wireless card, for a laptop. I do not live far from Kakladi and will be happy to drop it off. If she has a laptop. I am sure I can highjack some internet access for her I do not live that far either from 46526. If she or some will give me her address in a PM I will take it to her and see if she needs anything else. Hth Sherry Hester in South Bend.

I also know that if she has internet access there is a phone service that you buy for about 50 dollars a year and it is run through the internet. I can't think of the name of it but it was on Oprah not long ago on one of those cost savings shows. Does anybody remember that name? This could be another option

I know that Kakeladi will only have a desk top since her husband will be taking the laptop when he leaves.

I think we for sure have enough people to pay for internet and a possible phone line also.

I tried checking out a few places today but ran into the same problem as xstitcher.

Hallow3--thanks so much for being able and willing to go and help her out since you live so close. It makes it more difficult to do with being farther away right now.

I will be more than happy to go and check on her. If she needs something done, I will "talk" my husband into going over with me to do some little things for her if need be. We both work but I think we can make arrangements somehow. He is a handyman at least to do small stuff.
Comcast has a promotional service were she can get internet for 30 a month.

hallow3 I think I heard of that phone service thing being from Radio Shack. I'll try to find it.

Deb

This is wonderful, and I hope she can be set up with phone and internet. However, from her other post, she said that she will be living on something like $400 a month. What I would like to suggest, (if Kakeladi approves), would be that any donations (or as I think of it in my head -- payment for a one recipe cookbook, aka wasc) are not necessarily tied to the internet access. Right now, an hour with a lawyer might be far more valuable to her than internet access, especially if access to a lawyer means her final settlement will be better. I'm not the one setting this up, so I'm just throwing this out. You may find that you end up with enough money to pay for 5 years of internet right now, but maybe what would serve Kakeladi better would be 1 year of internet and then let her decide what her most urgent needs are.

And may I also say that it is great to see all the technological wizards offering to help with the technical side!

Lynne, Have you talked with a lawyer yet? If not, I will try and call one for you and see if we can't get an appointment set up for you. If you can't drive, I will take off work and pick you up and we will go together. I have been divorce twice (so I know what you are going through) You need help and your husband can not do this too you as much as he thinks he can bullly you into thinking he can. Please let us know. and if you need anything, please PM me and I will do all that I can to help you. Warriors live on and destroy the weak. So let's get this started and trample this guy. With much care and prayers to you. Sherry

sign me up too...plus she can have my magic jack, i'm not using it anymore...it is 19.95 a year...theres still a few months on it.

are we gonna do a paypal account for her?

I'm having a very bad morning......a major panic attack I really would appreciate any prayers you might be able to spare.
I haven't had one in months.......but I guess w/all the turmoil I'm going thru it was bound to happen.

I have been unable to think thru this ordeal. It is almost impossible for me to believe it is really happening and that I really have to protect myself. I keep thinking things will work out somehow and all w/be right w/the world.
I had a talk w/my oldest daughter last night. She is divorced, lives alone, barely holding on to her job (in the travel industry) so she cannot help me at all.
The other daughter is married, rather well set, a career gal - no kids. I havne't heard from her except for a one line acknowledgment of my information to both of them. DD #1 said she tried to talk to DD #2 on the phone but #2 slammed down the phone on her at some point. So I have that stress to worry about also

Lynne, I'm so sorry to hear that, but your main concern right now needs to be you. It's an adjustment that your daughters will get used to eventually, but for now please focus on getting yourself straightened out.

Take a deep breath and know that we are all here for you when you need to vent and you will always have our support and prayers.

I think the first step for you should be to contact your own attorney and get some advice from him/her. Usually the first consultation is free.

Try to have a good day!
God Bless You!
Love, Deb

Lynne I have thought about you everyday since your post. Rest assured you are in my thought and prayers everyday. Being on your own is definitely going to be a huge adjustment for you, you've been with him for a long time I'd say all if not most of your adult life considering it's been almost 1/2 a century. I still can't believe he would do this to you.

I'm sure it's also going to be a huge adjustment for your daughters. If they were unaware that there were any issues in your marriage then this may have come as a shock to them and DD#2 just might need some time to come to terms with it herself. Just take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get yourself straightened out as Deb said and please go and see a lawyer to see where you stand. After spending 49+years with him you deserve a lot more then being left destitute.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and if I can help you in anyway at all please do not hesitate to let me know.


Parm

kakeladi...i'll be praying for you, i couldn't find the original post about what happened, but i'm getting the gist of it.

God said He'd "be with us in trouble"...i been on my own 25 years now, and He really will....He's done too many miracles for me to even list...i know how scary it can be....Jesus said to take one day ay a time, that's what gets me thru it even now, just see about getting thru this day, and take tomorrow when it comes.

i know you already know this, bit it says "fear not" in the bible ALOT.

sometimes we have to take it by faith not to be afraid, knowing that He is taking care of things behind the scenes.

can i tell just one of the things He did for me?...one time things were really getting dire a few years ago.....i went to the mailbox, there was a 4 year old check, from when i worked at albertsons for 400.00, they said i never cashed...me forget to cash a check???uh, i don't think so....i could go on and on...but i won't, just know that He really does got your back.

((((((((((((kakeladi))))))))))

kakeladi

I am so sorry you're having such a bad day. You are entitled to a "panic attack" now and then.

I'm sure your daugher will come around. she is confused and conflicted and trying to process it all. Just try and keep the lines of communication open.

any chance your other daughter can move in with you and share expenses? Just a thought.

Never been married, therefore never divorced but seen it enough to suggest 2 things:

find some support system. church, community, there are always divorce groups you can join. you'll hear from others going thru the same thing and a great place to vent. do not isolate yourself.

don't agree to anything without proper counsel. You are entitled to certain things and rights. don't sign them away. call legal aid if you need.

Best of Luck

Big Giant Hug

Count me in too!

Kakeladi, I suggest you take what you can (for instance the lap top) and hide it away from the house. Anything that will make your life easier take now before it is gone. He has probably been planning this for a long time and if so he could possibly have money hidden. Do some snooping and find out if he has a safe deposit box or even a post office box that you don't know about. If he had any idea that you might fight for more he could make it look like there was a lot less to fight over so snoop around. Try and keep your chin up. Sounds like he doesn't expect you to stand up for what is yours. He is the one leaving the marriage not you so he is the one in the wrong. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I realize that there are laws about how the assets of a marriage should be divided. I am not saying to flout the laws. However, if my husband come home from work and announced that he had decided to leave me, here are some things that I would do:

1) Drain the accounts. I'm not saying steal the money or necessarily hide the money. It should be listed as assets of the marriage. However, I would want it in MY bank account under MY control, not his, ESPECIALLY if there is a mistress involved. I know someone who got divorced and although she was entitled to half the assets and got a judgement for half the assets, he basically sold everything at fire sale prices (farm equipment, home), and although she was entitled to so many tens of thousands of dollars, she never got a penny from him because he did not have any cash and he never worked a real job again. If I had any lead up time, I would try to have a hidden cash reserve of at least a couple hundred bucks. This step would be easy for me because I am the one who does all the banking so I have internet access to our accounts and he has no clue.

2) Get copies of documents -- bank statements, investment statements, loans, credit cards, titles, deeds, life insurance, home insurance, tax returns, business statements, warranties on appliances -- anything remotely financial. And if possible, I would get the old statements too, because maybe looking at the old bank statements you might find money that has gone out and it could be a clue that there is a hidden account somewhere. Or is he has spent a lot on the mistress, maybe it can be argued that those monies that he spent need to be counted as part of his settlement, because clearly they weren't spent for the benefit of the marriage.
I would also consider the gloves to be off and have no qualms about going through private correspondence to look for clues about hidden assets. An article I read (and I am mostly taking their ideas here), said to consider getting a professional to make copies of the hard drive of your computer/lap top.

3) If I did not have my own chequing account and credit card, I would get those opened. Then I would close any joint accounts so he can't run up the balance to punish you. Wait a minute -- first, see number 4. Note, closing accounts, especially if they are carrying a balance, is going to affect your credit score, so you have to weigh that against the fact that an open card invites disaster. I don't know if a credit card company would be willing to freeze an account if there was a divorce pending.

4) Get as much personal stuff as I could before the assets are divided -- need a new suit for work? Get it now. Even a haircut or pair of shoes or whatever. If you get it before you are seperated, then it comes out of the joint funds. I wouldn't run up the cards just to spite him, but I would certainly try to take care of as many necessities as I could -- a years worth of toothbrushes for the me and the kids, or even toilet paper, especially because I would be on a much tighter budget than he would be.

5) Pension credits and retirement funds are also part of the marital assets.

Be firm and hard to protect yourself, but I would try to avoid nastiness (-- my husband is a hunter with several trophy buck mounts. One day he told me a story, no idea if it's true, about some guy going through an acrimonious divorce. Told his wife he was coming to get his mount. Gets there and she hands him a box. "Where's my mount" he asks. "In the box," she replies, and in the box is his mount, antlers sawed into tiny pieces. -- Now this, to me, is pretty funny and would probably be satisfying, but it sure wouldn't help my credibility in front of any judge or mediator).

Try not to agree to any settlement until you have spoken to a lawyer or accountant. Women tend to settle for less than they are entitled to because they just want to be finished with the process. And if you HAVE verbally told him yes to some settlement, it is OKAY to tell him, sorry, changed my mind, I'll be seeing a lawyer. I think in the other post you mentioned something about liabilities or debts. If there is nothing worth fighting over, fine, but I would not take my cheating husband's word for it that my best interest would be leave him with all the debt and just walk away with nothing.

I just saw this post and I am willing to help in whatever way I can. I will keep looking for updates.

I do not know the whole back story but I read in here that the cell may be getting turned off...I can donate to the internet or the cell phone or whatever. Let me know where the help is needed.

I am sorry this is happening to you Kakeladi, but I think you can see that there are many more good people in this world than bad.

Count me in, I would be honored to help in any way I can!

Major Update:
I came home from Bible study this a.m. to find he has set up my computer on high speed internet w/verizon Can you say God is good ?

Please, I am having a very hard time accepting some of your suggestions. Just reading them upsets me. It all sounds sooooooo hard-nosed and heartless Remember this is a person I have spent more than 3/4 of my life loving! And yes, there is still a flicker of love left.

I had a long talk w/a few of the ladies at my church today. There will be help thru the church....I just don't want to be greedy and step on toes grabbing any & all offers.
As for my DD......we live thousands of miles apart.....I'm in IN they are in CA.
For anyone still wanting to help I have a PayPay account. I would rather not post it on here......if you want info pm me.

aw sweetheart

I'm so glad to hear from you, was getting worried.

Glad to hear you're out getting some support (both spiritual and emotional).

Of course you still love him, you've shared a family together and sorry if everyone upset you. Just don't want you to be mistreated.



Hugs

You might as well go ahead and post that paypal account otherwise your going to be bombarded with notifications in your PM box.
I'm sure that no one is thinking of you as being greedy. We've all been jumping at the chance to help out a fellow CCer.

I'm so happy to hear you have verizon and a high speed internet connection now. I would still like to help out though since a divorce can be costly and you won't have much to live on.

I know this is a hard time for you, it's understandable after being together for so long that you still love him in some way. We just want to make sure your ok throughout the whole process.

I've never used Paypal before........could someone please tell me what I need to do to make a "donation" or how I can put money into it?

Thanks
Deb

Yes, let us know how. I have a paypal account and know how to pay for things I'm buying and have used it when I have sold things on ebay. but how do I transfer from my account to another?

Kakeladi, so glad to hear things are looking up a bit and you have people close by to support you. And remember, it isn't hard nosed to expect what is yours. I'm sure you would never leave him destitute but you shouldn't have that happen to you either. And do check into the retirement thing. If he has a pension your name is on it too. My husband can't get his without me signing the paper work and I can't get mine without him. That's how it should be, you worked together all those years to get to retirement age and one of you shouldn't have to try and live on social security alone while the other reaps all the benefits of your years of work (weather that was at home or out in the work force) Hang in there, try not to let our post upset you, I think we're just getting angry for you, and would hate to see a good person taken advantage of.

Oh Kakeladi-First I am so sorry! Your body and soul are so overwhelmed right now that a panic attack is completely natural.

I know you are upset by you 2nd daughter's response. I am sure that it is not out of not caring about you-she is most likely hurt and dismayed by her fathers horrendous behavior and just doesn't know how to behave. She is avoiding it and retreating into her own life, which I am sure makes it more difficult for you, because you NEED her.

I will definitely say prayers for you. I don't know how exactly, but I do know that God does have a way of making things work out. Even if it isn't in a way you can foresee or expect. Small comfort for large problems. ((((((hugs))))))))

Count me in, but someone needs to tell me what to do, as Ive never used Paypal before.

Dearest Kakeladi,

First Id like to say that I was saddened to read about your situation. We, as women, tend to put others before our own needs, even a departing husband whos decided that he needs to be somewhere else. Our love doesnt just stop when we are no longer loved by them, but continues on for much longer. Time will ease the pain, and eventually the sting will ease, and you will be able to breath again without crying out in pain. Time is a wonderful thing for broken hearts, it gives us a chance to heal, grow, and love again.

I know that its hard, but you really need to think of yourself now. He is making his own path, and you should think about yours. Please, please, please, take want is rightfully yours, no more and no less. And as time passes, and emotions lower in intensity, you will be glad that you made every effort to secure YOUR financial well-being.

God hears me when I pray, I dont know why as Im totally not worthy, but he does. I will be adding your name to my list when I pray each night asking him to carry you when you cant stand, to hold you when you need a hug, and to kiss away your tears.

Remember, when one door closes, God sometimes opens a very large, very wide, double door in its place. This has happen to me a few times.

Post that PayPal, babe, and I'm in.

My DH turned out to be a POS too (tho I wised up after just one year) so I feel ya.

I was just wondering if posting her paypal account on this thread would cause any problems. I would suggest either okaying it with Jackie/Heath or just go ahead and PM kakeladi for the info. I know that threads were deleted previously because of issues similar to this even though nothing was being sold in them. I don't want to have this thread disappearing too.

I thought of this when I read the post about getting copies of bank statements 'n such.

When my youngest sister was getting divorced, they had a savings account but it was in his name only. It functioned as "their" account, but her name wasn't on it. So she couldn't find out how much was in there and he wouldn't tell her (she was entitled to half).

I asked her about how much she thought was in there. She said probably not more than about $400. I told her to tell the court that she wanted half of the $5000 they had in savings. I told her, "He'll scream and holler about how you're trying to rip him off and he'll bring a copy of the bank statement to show the judge that there's "ONLY $400!!" in the account.

Sure enough, that's exactly (!) what happened!