Is There A Way Out????

Lounge By jovigirl Updated 2 Oct 2008 , 4:33pm by margaretb

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jovigirl Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 5:11pm
post #1 of 12

Thank you for taking the time to read this...
I'm just so frustrated with my life right now, I wish I could see the light at the end of this dark, dark, dark tunnel....
I have 3 girls ages 6,2 & 2months & after having my 2nd girl we decided that I would stay home & do daycare as it was pointless for me to go back to work just to pay a daycare...
This is something everyone has always told me to do, as they say I'm "soo good with kids" I really didn't want to do this but I really had no choice... Sure enough after 2 years I'm really tired of this... I can't get a normal job mon-fri 9-5 as daycare for 3 would require me winning the lottery.... I really want to stay home with my kids but we need the second income... It would be ideal to find a job starting at 6pm once my hubby gets home that paid decent or even work from home making a little more without the extra children...
I even tried buying a lottery tix but that didn't work icon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

i'll be better just needed to vent icon_rolleyes.gif


11 replies
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stephaniescakenj Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 6:11pm
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I know the feeling. I have a 5 yr old, 3 yrd old and 1 yr old. I took 3 months maternity leave after my first child, after that I found a job working from home doing admin/book keeping type work about 20 hours a week. It was stressful but I made time for work at night and during nap time. After my third child was born it became increasingly difficult to get anything done and for the last 10 months I have completely hated my life. It's nice to be home with the kids, but having to also work at home is just killing me. I can't concentrate and I end up putting my kids in front of the TV rather than actually spending quality time with me. I always questioned what was better for them, being home with me and glued to the TV or constantly being told to hush or putting them in daycare where they would get more attention and more activity. I finally had to make the decision to quit my job and just stay home with them full time, I'm leaving my job at the end of October. we still haven't figured out how we're going to pay the bills but trust me when I say, working from home isn't all that great. I don't do cakes for profit, I only make them for friends but I'm hoping I might be able to start that up on the side for a little extra cash. I haven't figured out the whole legalization thing yet though so it will be awhile. Have you thought about what some of your hobbies are besides cake? making jewelry seems to be a big thing lately, maybe you can do something from home like that and sell them at a local flea market? You could take the kids with you to something like that. Other than that, maybe you could get a job at a grocery store or even look for a teen to help you with the kids. Maybe someone that's going to college if you have one nearby that needs flexible hours and then you could find a job that you can do from home. Try looking up virtual assistant. My FIL has one and she works remotely for him and gets paid quite alot so it will likely cover the cost of the sitter.

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peg818 Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 7:41pm
post #3 of 12

well, i can sympathize with what you are going through. Have you thought of going in to health care. Nursing Homes are always looking for good reliable nurse's aids. Most have flexible hours and at least around here seem to be getting more flexible.

Hands on isn't you, try the kitchen or activity departments, most run a night shift that doesn't seem to go past 8pm. The other thing is a night receptionist, answer telephones do some typing and get home early. Don't narrow yourself to just one thing, you need to think outside the box, many industries have flex hours for a working parent.

The other thing is weekends or the days your husband has off, then your children will have the best of the two of you, yes it will take sacrifices on both your parts, but we do what we have to do.

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Deb_ Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 10:07pm
post #4 of 12

Dear TX, and the other posters too,

I too went through this although now my kids are all in College. I'm a hairstylist, so I was able to work at night when my DH got home. I didn't make a huge amount of money, but I'll tell you it did a world of good for my "mental well being". It is very hard to be at home all day with little ones, and to have no adult interaction outside of your house.

I highly recommend going to work when your DH's get home. Even if it's just at Michael's, or Starbuck's or whatever, you will feel a lot happier just having a change of scenery. We love our children, but we also need to have a break from them once in a while.

Just know that these years will FLY by for you, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but, I can't believe how fast they went by. My Mom used to tell me when I was having a bad day with the kids "Debbie, these are the best years of your life, you have your kids with you and you know they're safe". Now that my kids are away at school I realize how right she was, I lay awake at night wondering if they're safe in their dorm or out driving around somewhere. icon_cry.gif

I guess once your'e a Mom always a Mom icon_wink.gif

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sweetness_221 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 5:02am
post #5 of 12

I am actually going through this right now myself. I have 3 DD's. They are 9, 4 1/2, and almost 3. I stopped working when I had my second DD. It would have just cost way too much for daycare. At that time, we adjusted our finances and it was possible for me to stay home with no problem. It was rough in the beginning but soon got the hang of not having both incomes. Now since the economy is in the dumps and everything from food to gas cost a whole lot more then it used to, I've now decided that it's time for me to get a part time job. I have a job interview tomorrow morning for Target. It's a cashier job (they didn't offer me the bakery job that I applied for), but it's a job. Even if I make $400-$500 extra a month that would help so much. I actually applied to work evenings and weekends, but now my MIL offered to watch my girls during the day so I can work from like 8-12 or 1:00. My DH actually doesn't want me to work. He's been so negative about me getting a job. He says "I don't know why you are bothering, with the overtime I make it would cover any money that you would make" or "You know you're not going to make that much." I just think he doesn't want his evening schedule disrupted. If I work from 6-10 then I wouldn't be home to deal with the kids when he gets home from work. He would have to do it. I would rather not have to worry about our finances then to have him get his panties all in a bunch about having to deal with the kids. Don't get me wrong he loves his kids and is a great father, but he was brought up "old fashioned". His mother never worked and his father didn't want her to. I was brought up the same way. My mother did hair out of our basement so she could stay home with me and my sister.

As for your situation, I would just apply to get an evening/weekend job. People are hiring like crazy for the Christmas season right now.

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Deb_ Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 12:02pm
post #6 of 12

Dear Sweetness221,

GOOD LUCK with your job interview, I hope you get it. icon_smile.gif I know how you feel, I didn't make a hell of a lot doing hair at night 20 yrs. ago, but it paid the grocery and gas bill back then and it made me feel good. Our upbringings sound so similar, my mom stayed home with all 8 of us kids and my dad broke his back to support us. I was the youngest and when I got into High school, my mom got a part time job for the first time in her entire marriage. She LOVED working and it was the best thing she ever did, it sort of liberated her I think.

Tell your husband that you need to do this for your "mental well being" too, not just for the extra money. We were so broke when our kids were little that when we watch the old Birthday party videos, I had the same ugly green plaid pants on 4 years in a row! icon_cry.gif But, the cake was always great icon_lol.gif !

Believe me it will get easier when your kids are all old enough to be in school all day, and you can work a little more during the day. That's great that your MIL offered to watch them for you. I never had that with my MIL in PA, and my mom was a dialysis patient for 12 yrs before she died and was just too sick to babysit.

Again, good luck today I hope you get the job!
Deb icon_smile.gif

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jovigirl Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 12:42pm
post #7 of 12

Thank you everyone for listening.....
I was having a really bad day yesterday (mondays are never good...)
one of the kids I watch has a mom (single mom) that works really weird hours mostly evenings and weekends being the earliest she gets picked up is 8pm (not very often) But I figured if I get a job I would let her know & help her figure something out. So I put my name out there thinking ok christmas is coming someone will hire me, but not 1 call yet... i've been honest on my resume so they see that I haven't worked for about 2 years now & my last few jobs were office related.... so I'm I not smart enough to cash people out or put products on a shelf???
On another note after dinner last night my dh cleared the table took all 4 kids & told me to go relax... So I went to read my chicken soup book then had a nice long warm bath, very much needed icon_rolleyes.gif

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Deb_ Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 4:50pm
post #8 of 12
Originally Posted by jovigirl

On another note after dinner last night my dh cleared the table took all 4 kids & told me to go relax... So I went to read my chicken soup book then had a nice long warm bath, very much needed icon_rolleyes.gif

Great, you deserve it!

Good luck with the job search, I'll say a prayer that one of them will call you soon.

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sweettoothmom Posted 1 Oct 2008 , 8:56pm
post #9 of 12

Dear TX,
I am also at home all day with my children. It helps me to have set time to myself. Everyone in the "working world" gets at least 2 15 minute breaks every day RIGHT??? Well I work a 12 plus hour day sometimes so I think that deserves an hour long break every day to myself. After supper I take an hour to myself. My hubby bathes the kids and then puts them to bed. I sometimes go for a drive or go to the store and just walk around. Sometimes i take a long bubble bath. Or sometimes I just go to bed early (this one is rare). The one thing you have to know is your contributions to your family are important and valuable. AND SO ARE YOU!
Reward yourself with an entire Saturday to yourself. Go to the spa if you can or a museum or take a decorating class at the craft store. Just do something for you without the children. You are investing in yourself and you are worth it.
It will make you a better mom too. BONUS! thumbs_up.gif

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jovigirl Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 12:38pm
post #10 of 12

I was just reading these posts again & was wondering who TX was? Then I couldn't see any postee named TX icon_confused.gif Then I realized I ended my original post with Tx that is ment for Thanx or thanks icon_lol.gif
My name is Monica or otherwise know as Jovigirl thumbs_up.gif
You are all an inspiration to me, thank you all again for listening thumbs_up.gif

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sweettoothmom Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 4:30pm
post #11 of 12

Oh Monica!!!! That is really too funny! I cant believe that we all mistook your name to be TX.

It gave me a good giggle. icon_smile.gif

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margaretb Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 4:33pm
post #12 of 12

I am another one who would like to have some kind of income but I also have preschool children AND I live out of town, so the first hour I worked would pay for the gas to make the trip, the next couple hours would pay for the babysitter, the next hour would be the taxes, the next hour... hmmm, so much for that. Well, maybe I could work when DH is home. Oh wait, that would only work if I worked after the kids were all in bed and sound asleep, so maybe I could work at the convenience store -- start at 9, store closes at 12, probably some cleaning to do, home by 1:30 or so, up at 6 .... nope, that's not going to work for me either.

Stupid food safety regulations that don't allow me to sell cakes.

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