It sounds like your husband has ADD. People(like me) with ADD have real trouble getting things done. (trust me on this one! LOL) It's not that we are lazy or are intentionally not doing things. Time just gets away from us. Oh I'll do it in a minute. Meanwhile..... People with ADD also have trouble with depression. It can be very frustrating to have it so you go through bouts of depression.
One thing that really helps me not procrastinate is medicine. Ever since I have been on Ritilan I get a lot more done. It makes me feel like doing things rather than procrastinate.
I really good book to read is Delivered From Distraction by Dr. Hallowell (maybe misspelled) He has ADD himself and writes books that are easy to read not that boring. He talks about what add is and how it effects you and your relationships and what to do about it. It was very helpful to me when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
I'm not saying this is a cure all but it may take things in the right direction.
HTH
Jen...
Jen...
People can change but only if they want to change and it is on thier own..
No one will change because someone else wants them to.
AND if for some reason they squeeze themselves into the others persons idea or concept of the person they should be, they always, always come bursting out. They do resurrect the old person and sometimes it is for the better but most times it is for the worse.
I sincerely hope anyone living with another person in marraige or the like is happy truely deeply happy. Life is too short to presiouc to live in utter misery. No one can make you happy you really have to make yourself happy. You can i hope you have a great big honkin' piece of happy today 
PS sorry about all the typos my little one sits in my lap while I look at cakes. She loves it.
I agree with Mellormom....my 20 yr. old daughter was diagnosed with ADD when she was 18. She is a completely different person when she takes her meds (focalin) than when she skips them. You cannot have a constructive conversation with her when she skips the medication. Like your husband, she lived in a state of squaller (sp?) She didn't know how to begin a simple task, like bring your dirty laundry downstairs for me.
People that don't have a personal experience with ADD, think it's a "madeup" disorder. It's not. My only regret is we didn't have her evaluated a long time ago, I think her high school career would have been a lot less stressful. Her life is completely different and better now.....she describes it as "her head feels so much clearer", she can "concentrate on her tasks and actually complete them." Learning disorders are sometimes connected with ADD, which Karema you mentioned your husband had a learning disorder.
Now, first I want to get up and give my husband of 26 yrs a huge kiss because I feel like the luckiest woman around. Here's some advice from an old married gal, you can take it or leave it.
1. If your husband is not earning enough to support his family and is unable for some reason to get a better paying job, maybe it's time for you to get a job at night when he can watch the kids. It will do you some good to get out of the house and for him to see what you deal with all day.
Cakes can be done during the day. If the cake money is not enough to pay your bills it's time to get another job that will cover them.
2. If you want the house to be kept clean and for the chores to be done, you need to set the standard. You mentioned that you're messy too and don't like to clean up. If you don't work outside of the home, and I know this will not be a popular statement with some, but, than the household chores and deligating them are your responsibility. I'm not saying that he can expect you to clean up after him, but, if you mess it you should clean it. Same goes for him. When I was home with my kids and worked nights, I took care of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, plus made cakes, took care of the kids and cut hair at night. My husband got the kids ready for bed and cleaned up after dinner and took care of the outside stuff. Of course, he made a hell of a lot more than $250 a wk., but he also worked 60 hrs.
3. Both of you sound immature and in need of counselling. Do it for your kids sake, since you say you love your husband than it sounds like you should at least give your marriage a chance.
4. When you start realizing that a marriage is NOT always going to be 50/50, you'll be a hell of a lot happier. Sometimes you give a little more and other times you take a little more. There should not be any score keeping.
5. Go to therapy together, and than talk about having your husband evaluated for ADD.
6. Sit down with your husband with your budget and expectations written down and ask him to do the same, than compare the 2. You guys are not going to be able to raise your 2 children and pay your bills on your current income, that is waaaay below poverty level. I don't know how you put food on the table never mind pay the rent/mortgage and other bills.
7. Hopefully, you have family or friends that you can talk to and get emotional support from, that is a huge comfort and I encourage you to do that.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I truly am concerned and worried for you because your post sounded so desperate. I pray that things will look up for you, but you need to be proactive and not just reactive. Take the initiative and make a therapy appointment for this week.
dkelly thanks for your advice. I have done some of what you have said. By all means I dont like having to always clean up but I will do it because it has to be done. It's not my favorite thing but I do enjoy the results. I dont expect my house to be spotless and I've accepted that. I just need help sometimes. I cant cook all the meals, clean the whole house, do all the laundry, take him back and forth to work, take my daughter back and forth to school, and then turn around still take care of my son and keep the schcedule of his speech therapy, my daughters dance classes, bake for my business and get my kids ready for bed and school while he just takes it easy. I'm not saying that the house being messy is his fault. I want him to take one task and just help. He used to come home and get the kids ready for bed or clean up after dinner and I would do what ever he didnt do. Than I was able to go to bed with him or watch a show with him. I just want him to do stuff that he said he will do. If he says he will take the laundry downstairs for me because of my back I expect him to do it. The laundry will sit there for 2 weeks and I can ask him over and over. He just will say ok I will. That is not me being unreasonable. You also mentioned that your husband took care of the outside and my husband wont do that either. So now what? I did have a job working a lot of nights and it was a nightmare. My husband needed the car to work so I took him to work, got my daughter from school, got his sister to watch my kids, she took me to work then fed the kids then went and got him from work. Then he took her home brought me the car at work then I took him home and went back to work. You can imagine the amount we were using in gas every week. We were spending about 300 in gas a week and that was my whole check plus some. So me working did not work for us. I also had to pay is sister to watch the kids and she fed herself and her kids with my food during the week so I ended up buying more groceries. That did not work at all! If I work at night when do I sleep? I have a two year old that is not going to let me sleep during the day. I dont know. We have tried counceling and I think that we need to address his ADD and he needs to get some help for that seriously. Also he needs to respect that I'm making money doing my business and paying the bills that he can't. I'm staying up for two days in a row just to bake to make money. While he cant do more than 10 hours at work then come home and crash. I expect more and I deserve more. Period. I take alot and I want some from him. He has to agree to do something. At least take care of the lawn and hedges. That is a once a week thing. Come on! I just want him to give a little. That is so small. Thanks for your advice and I wish we could afford counciling or medication but he doesnt have health insurance and his job doesnt offer it for 6 months. oh well I will continue to pray and see what happens.
just knowing he has ADD can really help. There are a lot of websites dedicated to people with ADD and they are free.
You can also try limiting sugar. Sugar causes a chemical imbalance in the brain so some people get depressed when they have to much. (my brothers friend was in a severe depression. He wouldn't even leave the house. He cut out sugar and with in three days was no longer depressed. He went on the Atkins diet but just cutting sugar would work too.) Also cutting sugar helps you focus better. (my father in law has ADD too and he focuses a lot better when he cuts back on the sugar. According to him. I notice a difference too. Not a huge difference but every little bit helps! )
When you finally to get insurance most of the medicines for ADD and Depression have generics and they don't cost much. (Walmart is $4 for generics)
HTH! I feel for you! I know it must be so tough!!! Don't give up yet! But if in the end it doesn't work at least you know that you gave it your all. 
What ever you decide you know that your CCers stand by you!
Jen...
Hi Karema,
I completely understand your frustration with your husband. You ask him to do something, he says he will, and than he doesn't. This is what we went through with my daughter before her ADD diagnosis. I couldn't really understand why she couldn't or wouldn't complete a simple chore. We went to counseling after her diagnosis, to better understand the disorder and it really helped. There are some good websites also if you just do a google search for ADD.
I think when you read about ADD, it will really make you feel better in a way, because there is a reason why your husband behaves the way he does, and there is help out there.
Please don't think that I was suggesting that he should not help you at all, I truly believe his ADD is the main problem and it's causing all these other issues.
Also, I didn't mean that you should work over night.....I meant if you could get a part time job when he gets home, say from 5 to 9pm, than he could care for the kids alone for a change and maybe he'd understand what your days are like. Getting out of the house for a few hours will really give you a different perspective.
I really hope that once the medical insurance is available, that he will go to be evaluated. It has made a HUGE difference in our daughter's life and in our entire family's life. Her behavior before was really putting a huge strain on my relationship with her and my husband.
There are also support groups for people with ADD, and they are free, maybe you could check to see if there are any in your area.
I know you feel like you are at your wits end.........try not to burn yourself out. Things will get better for you all, please take care of yourself and know that we are all here just a computer away.
God Bless,
Debbie
So I spoke to dh and we had some heart to heart talks. He agreed that he hasnt been fully functioning and needs help. He is going to the doctor tomorrow to start the process of looking into a diagnosis. We have also start going back to church and praying at night before bed. We take sometime to read our bible and a couples book then we spend some time talking about our feelings and what is going on. We did have a minor set back when he took too much money out of the bank by accident and caused 7 checks to bounce. I couldnt figure out how he was not paying attention and hit the wrong button. Now we have so many over the limit fees and no money to pay bills. He also agreed that he would quit his job because he really doesnt like it and was trying to stick it out. I pray that things will start to look up soon. As far as the house goes I have stopped complaining so much because I realize he needs help just making it through the day. I do what I can do each day and dont worry about the rest. I make sure dishes are washed bathroom is clean and living room is clean, and dining room of course. Everything else can wait until we get it together. Keep praying for us. Thanks for being here for me.
Hi Karema,
Good luck to you guys, I know things will get better and I'll keep you in my prayers.
My DD had a lot of overdraft fees last summer because of a mistake she made in her figures. She phoned the bank and worked out a compromise with them, they credited her half, $110 approx., of the fees. A lot of banks will do this if you just explain that there was an honest mistake.
It doesn't hurt to try.
Debbie
I explained to the bank that it was a mistake and he put the money right back in. They only gave us $70 back and we had over 200 in fees. Oh well. I tried. This is the kind of stuff that annoys the heck out of me. He didnt even bother calling the bank and it was his mistake and his account. I ended up calling to get us the 70 back. This is why I stay frustrated at him. His mistake but I stress about it and try to fix it while he sits back and mope because he made a mistake. ARGHHHHHH! 
He did go to a counselor and she said that he is depressed and that is why he is having all these problems. So I dont think they are focusing on the ADD. I dont know what to do anymore!
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