Need Help From All You Mom's - Getting Rid Of The Binky

Lounge By janelwaters Updated 30 Sep 2008 , 11:24am by janelwaters

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 12:26am
post #1 of 35

Ok - so yesterday was my daughter's 2nd birthday and the pediatrician said that we needed to ditch the pacifier by then. I waited until the last minute - tonight....

so I have been telling her for 2 days that she is a big girl and she didn't need her "Mi" anymore and that we were going to give them to the Binky Fairy to take to the babies (supernanny). So we went and picked up all her "Mis" and put then in a bag and then we went out and put them in the mailbox.

She has been in bed sreaming for 25 straight minutes - and I mean SCREAMING. When do I go back in there? Do I let her scream it out?? when she stops how do I know she didn't stop breathing? How long will this go on?? did I do this the right way??

HELP ME!! I feel like such a bad parent, but I KNOW its time to get rid of them!!

34 replies
tchrmom Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tchrmom Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 12:53am
post #2 of 35

You are NOT a bad mommy. I got very lucky. My son got a cold, refused the pacifier and we just never gave it back.

If she goes on to sleep, I bet you can go in and make sure she is breathing. (I know my son can be dangled by the ankles at that point without waking up.) And have many times gone in to check-- just to be sure, just for me.

I hope this works out. My thought is this: if she goes to sleep- DON"T GIVE ONE BACK. The worst will probably be over. Keep reinforcing every single "big girl" thing she does. Let her talk about it if she wants to.

Good luck.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 1:07am
post #3 of 35

She has gone to on and off crying now.

I'm not the give in kind of parent - my husband is! As far as I'm concerned those stupid Binky's are GONE!

will it be like this every time I try to put her down for a nap/bed???

My dh works nights (gets home at about 9am) - I told him to stop and get her some M&Ms from the binky fairy and put them in the mailbox, so after she gets up we can "check the mail" and the binky's will be gone and her suprise will be there.

This SUX! I wish she had never gotten hooked on the binky!!

tchrmom Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tchrmom Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 1:38am
post #4 of 35

I do get it. And you are smart not to backtrack. I doubt she will do this every time for very long, and I believe that each time will be shorter and less awful. That's how behavior modification works, and this is a similar situation. It gets worse before it gets better, but not usually for long. Hang in there. It is so hard to hear your baby unhappy, whether its something like this or something they earned or something totally not their fault. I know if I have to punish my son, it breaks my heart if he cries-- even if he is being totally unreasonable, and totally deserved the consequences. I don't cave but it is so hard. And even if it's for their own good.

Hang in there.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 1:50am
post #5 of 35

Ok....fingers crossed!! She is ASLEEP! Hopefully she will stay that way!

As soon as this mountain is climbed - its on to potty training - any ideas???????? haha!

tchrmom Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tchrmom Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 2:14am
post #6 of 35

I was not so lucky on that one. It took awhile, partly, I think, because we waited too long. Now is a good time to start with her. My son took awhile, and I felt trapped in the house for 3-4 weeks. After that, there were a few problems, but it wasn't too long before there were few accidents-- only what I called "political statements", mostly when he was mad at me or feeling defiant.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 2:56am
post #7 of 35

I think next week we are going to start on the Naked Method. I just hope it works!! and quickly.

She is already showing that she wants to, and I know that she knows what to do etc.... But its a whole other story trying to get her to actually DO IT!

I can't even imagine the amount of money that we will save by not buying diapers and pull ups!

tchrmom Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tchrmom Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 10:10am
post #8 of 35

That is SO nice. Put it in her college fund. icon_smile.gif I have some friends who actually did that.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 11:57am
post #9 of 35

That is so smart!!

Well - we made it through the night, once she was asleep she stayed asleep all night long!!

We will have to see how nap time goes.

Thank you so much, It was so nice to have someone to tell me I wasn't a bad mom and just "talk me down"!

Thank you thank you thank you!!

MichelleM77 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
MichelleM77 Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 12:36pm
post #10 of 35

We were lucky with the binky thing. Put it in a box and said it was going to the binky fairy and that was that. I found it not too long ago in a box of baby things. I save everything! Ha!

Of course he didn't sleep through the night until he was about 4. We did basically what you did with your daughter screaming. I think they call it the Ferber Method after some pediatrician or something. Well boy did my son scream! I made the mistake of rocking him to sleep from day one. So when he got too big to rock, I would have to stand there and rub his back until he fell asleep....or I fell asleep, whichever happened first! He did not want to go to sleep by himself. I walked in every few minutes and assured him that he would be okay, laid him back down, and then walked out. Slowly increased the amount of time between going in to comfort him. Eventually it worked, but I spent my evenings sitting on the floor outside his bedroom practically crying as hard as he was because I felt like a bad mom. I was living at home with my parents at the time and mom reassured me that I was not a bad parent, that I was doing it to help him, and that it would be okay. Thanks to mom I made it through because otherwise I would have given in after the first round!

Hopefully today it will be a little easier, or a piece of cake! icon_smile.gif

Someday we will take him to St. Augustine (where we spent our honeymoon) because we did all the kids things while we were there! Alligator farm, lighthouse, old fort. He is 11 now and would love it there! How is the weather? I'm freezing here in Ohio! icon_smile.gif

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 12:51pm
post #11 of 35

The weather is PERFECT - highs in the high 80's low 90's . He would totally love st augustine now - so much to do - Ripley's Believe it Or Not, the Fountain of Youth, the old jail, just walking around downtown is fun! And lets not forget THE BEACH!!

BTW - I was born in Canton - my whole family (grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins) still live there and Massillion.

I heard you guys got some bad weather from Ike!

I am totally dreading naptime - the first thing she said this morning was "Mi" - damn it!

michellenj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
michellenj Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 2:54pm
post #12 of 35

Be glad it's just a binky. My dd sucks her thumb at the age of 5 1/2 and I have been trying to stop her for years! The ped told me to get the bad tasting nail polish, AND SHE LIKES THE TASTE OF IT! I had the ped talk to her w/ no results, I've had her dentist talk to her w/ no results, dh and I have both talked to her until we were blue in the face....she just sneaks around and sucks it.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 5:04pm
post #13 of 35

thumb sucking is the reason that I let her have the binky in the first place. I KNOW all to well how hard it is to stop sucking the thumb - being a thumb sucker until I was 8!

My parents tried everything too - the worst part was that I wanted to quit but i would suck my thumb in my sleep and I would be so mad at myself when I woke was terrible.

I'm glad that I can just take the binky away and not have to cut her thumb off - JK!!! haha!

I wish you the best of luck with the thumb and I wish I had some wise words to help you - but I really don't! I'm so sorry!

michellenj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
michellenj Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 5:23pm
post #14 of 35

Do you remember why you stopped sucking your thumb? Was it a conscious decision, or did you just forget about it?

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 5:32pm
post #15 of 35

I just remember not wanted to suck my thumb anymore - but it was always after I fell asleep that I would wake up with my thumb in my mouth - finally my mom got me a pair of thing cotton gloves that fit pretty snug - I wore those for a couple nights and the habit was broken!

But I remember being really frustrated when I would suck and not notice it or wake up with my thumb in my mouth.

So - I just put her down for her nap and i can hear her in there talking - at least she's not screaming!! I really hope she falls asleep!

ladyellam Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
ladyellam Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 5:53pm
post #16 of 35

I know how hard it was to break my son's pacifier habit. It took 2 weeks and for almost a year, he would look at them in the store like an old lover looking at his first love. I promise it gets better.

For the potty training, I used a "special pee pee candle". My kids love blowing out candles, so I bought a special looking candle(I think at the dollar store). I told them if they pee in the potty then we sing the pee pee in the potty song and they get to blow out the candle. 1 light for pee and 2 for poo. Stickers didn't work and neither did candy-go figure.


myslady Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
myslady Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 6:56pm
post #17 of 35

About the binky you could remind her that the binky fairy gave her a treat if she asks about it and telling her she is a big girl now and she doesn't need it.

As far as potty training, my sister woke my oldest nephew up in the morning and took him to the bathroom and waited until he went.

For the second nephew I told him on his 2nd birthday he was a big boy now and couldn't wear pull ups anymore, only big boy underwear and he has been potty trained since that day.

Hope either one of these solutions help.

ziggytarheel Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
ziggytarheel Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 6:59pm
post #18 of 35

For the thumbsucking thing....I think you have to find what works with your child. My niece was still sucking her thumb at age four, until she visited the dentist. The dentist walked in the room and said, "I can tell you suck your thumb by the shape of your mouth." She thought thumb sucking was her secret and she surely didn't want her friends to know she did it. She walked out of the dentist's office a non-thumbsucker forever more. icon_smile.gif

My son sucked his index finger, but only when holding his special blanket. The blanket stayed in his bed, so it wasn't a big deal, but he was starting to get a little old. So, on his baby cousin's first birthday, we "all decided" that a great present would be his blanket. He really thought long and hard about it and decided that he was a big boy and she needed it more than he did. No more finger sucking.

I'm not sure I did the best thing, but my daughter took a pacifier well. I read that 7 months was a good time to take it away and so I did with no problems. However, she is now 22 and must always chew gum or bite on something. So, she blames me for not enough time with her paci. icon_smile.gif

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 7:03pm
post #19 of 35

I reminded her this morning that we mailed the "mi"s to the binky fairy to give to the babies and that she wasn't a baby anymore so she didn't need the binky. I said "big girls don't need Mis, Mis are for babies".

She just screamed for like an hour and finally fell asleep! Hopefully tonight won't be so bad! I almost cracked this afternoon!

I think we are going to start the potty training on Sunday. i have 2 cakes for this weekend and i don't want to neglect either the cakes or dd and I think I would neglect both trying to potty train her this week.

koolaidstains Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
koolaidstains Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 7:25pm
post #20 of 35

Mine were/are all thumb suckers. I couldn't even get them to take a paci. While it's nice when they're little because they always have their thumb, it's hard when they're older. Not all of those bad tasting nail polish things are the same! I found one and I wish I remembered the name, but it worked WAY better. I found it with the nail polish stuff and the label was yellow. It not only tasted nasty, it stayed on better than the other ones which seemed to wear off too fast.

mkolmar Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
mkolmar Posted 17 Sep 2008 , 9:14pm
post #21 of 35

Your such a good mommy to be concerned for her. Some parents just let the kids keep screaming and could care less.
My 2nd child at 10 months walked to the trash and threw all his paci's away.
I was surprised because he did it on his own free will. Now my 2 year old daughter was upset that she was still on a paci and her little brother wasn't so a month later she finally broke the habit. (It was a long month for me though--she didn't break away from it so easily as her brother.)
My child #4 who is now 3 sucks his thumb. He has no desire to quit. He'll probably be in college and still sucking his thumb icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 12:16am
post #22 of 35

ok - so this afternoon's nap - no so good! She cried for about and hour and only slept for about 45 mins. Not a very good ratio.

Second night and she is SCREAMING!! Its killing me! I really want to go and check on her, but I know if I do she will only cry worse!

She sounds like she is being beaten! I think I need a Zanex!

koolaidstains Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
koolaidstains Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:19am
post #23 of 35

I think it's okay to go in when she's screaming and here's what I would do (if I had the forethought and was supermom that day LOL)... go in, give her a big hug and say,"I know giving up your binky was hard for you and it's okay to be upset about it. I'm very proud of you for giving your binkies to the binky fairy and I know that you can get through the nights and your naps without it. It's okay if it takes you some time to get used to it and it's okay to be sad. Mommy loves you no matter what." Give her another big hug and kiss and say goodnight and leave.

Now, the reason I say all that (LOL) is because I'm in therapy now and learning a lot and realizing how important it is to validate your child's feelings. Telling her it's okay to be sad does not mean you're giving in, it doesn't mean she's getting them back and it doesn't mean you're going to stay in her room til she falls asleep. You are simply letting her know that her feelings are valid (and they are!).

My kids are 10, 9, 7, and 5 and my 10 year old has a lot of problems with emotions, my 9 year old some too. I'm realizing I spent a lot of time basically telling them they can't be angry or sad (not in those words, but by my other words and actions).

I think it would be totally appropriate to go in at intervals if she's still screaming and just give her a hug and tell her you love her and say goodnight. You can extend the time between visits as you go on and say less as you go on. At 2 she's still a baby in many ways. If she were 3 or 4, my advice might be different, but at 2 she really needs to know she can count on you, but that she can also count on herself. So, if you reassure her without giving in and staying with her, you'll help her learn to cope instead of her just wearing herself out by crying.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:29am
post #24 of 35

she finally fell asleep about 30 to 45 minutes after she started screaming - which was better thank last nights hour plus.

I will have to keep your advice in mind tomorrow during her afternoon nap. I just didn't want to drag out her crying fits. but I totally hear what you are saying.

i went in to check on her after she finally quit crying and she was so cute laying on her pillow (new) cuddling with her baby doll - she had even covered herself up with the blanket. It was so sweet.

cakesbycathy Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cakesbycathy Posted 19 Sep 2008 , 1:35pm
post #25 of 35

Speaking from experience...
You may want to postpone the potty training for a few weeks until DD is definitely past the point of wanting the binky. One thing at a time.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 19 Sep 2008 , 1:43pm
post #26 of 35

Thats what I had planned on, but she keeps asking to pee pee on the potty. I put her on when she asks, but we really aren't pushing her yet.

She went to bed great last night - she only cried (and just cried, no screaming) for 10 mins and then she was out. She did have some nightmares last night, but all in all she did GREAT last night.

We still haven't had a decent nap! I am hoping that today will be better on the nap front since she went to sleep last night so well - cross your fingers!!

She hasn't asked for her "mi" since that first morning.....

Thank you all so much for all of your support and advice! You have no idea what it means to me to have someone just say - "Its ok, I understand!"

jules06 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
jules06 Posted 20 Sep 2008 , 10:40am
post #27 of 35

Luckily none of my 5 kids sucked their thumbs or had dummies but it has taken a while to wean my nearly 3 yr old daughter off her bedtime bottle ( she knows I'm a softie !! icon_biggrin.gif ) I had been watering down the milk & recently it's just been more of a security blanket for her.......2 days ago she just threw it into the bin,all by herself !! She does ask about it sometimes but I just remind her that she threw it away & she's happy with that icon_smile.gif So am I !

...sorry to hijack !! Now, it's toilet training time icon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif

banba Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
banba Posted 21 Sep 2008 , 7:02pm
post #28 of 35

This is how I did it on both of mine for bottles and pacifiers and it worked all times.

Wait until they get a stuffy head cold when they can't breath while sucking. Mine were like this for a few nights and I just removed the bottle or pacifier and two days later when they were better they just never really looked for them.

When they did we told them that they disappeared when they got better and that was that, nobody knew where they went.

They totally forgot about them after about 2 nights!

margaretb Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
margaretb Posted 24 Sep 2008 , 3:34am
post #29 of 35

I hope things have gotten better and better for you. I'm impressed with your fortitude. I am way too soft and wouldn't have been able to do it.

My oldest son LOVED his soother. He would carry around 2 or 3 with him all the time. Yes, it squished his teeth in, but once he gave it up, they went back quite quickly. Anyway, the soother didn't bother me, it was the comments people made to him that bothered me. As if it is helpful for a total stranger to try to make him feel ashamed. There was one older lady in our playgroup association who would see the "flaws" in the other children and go on and on about how great she had taken care of it in her granddaughter (yes, granddaughter, because from what I hear her daughter is totally messed up.. hmmm). After I started saying the soother doesn't bother me, but people are so rude about it when it isn't any of their business, she eventually got the hint. Anyway, when he was about three, we decided that he would only have his soother in the van or at home, because people were so rude about it. Good enough. Then we started to talk about how he would be a big boy and have to be done with his soothers on his birthday. And then one day he threw them in the garbage. Every once in a while he would find another one that had been stuck in a toy or box or something, then he would give it a suck and throw it out.

My next oldest was never that crazy about his soother, but he wouldn't give up his bottle. We finally got rid of it after the last dentist appointment. I said the dentist said the bottle was bad for his teeth, and we stopped using it. He was a little upset for a night or two, but mostly took to it like a trooper. I suppose it also helped that he finally sleeps through the night. All my kids have been night wakers until they were threeish.

I guess I just want to put that in there for the parents who are like me and want to just wait. I'm the same with the potty training -- my oldest was fully potty trained at 3 1/2, and my current 3 1/2 year old could be fully potty trained if he decided he wanted to be, but he hasn't yet, and I am not going to make a battle out of it. I figure my kids are smart, funny, helpful and loving, so if they are late with the soother or the potty, that is a small trade off for such great kids.

janelwaters Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
janelwaters Posted 24 Sep 2008 , 3:57am
post #30 of 35

Thank you so much for the compliment - it has been difficult and we have gone a couple nights without sleep. (like last night) and naps have been few and far between!!

However, tonight we changed her crib to a big girl bed, I thought it hard to tell her what a big girl she is and then put her to bed in a crib.

The binky bothered me - she has been on a strict regiment of binky in bed only for at least 4 months and before that it was car or bed for almost a year.

She did so good tonight with her big girl bed - my husband put her down and she got up and came out in the living room 3 times and on the last time, she came out and then went a put herself back to bed!! She is just so precious!!

I am a firm believer in the fact that one parenting style DOES NOT fit all! I just knew that she would never be the kind to just thow out her binkies, it was a now or later situation - at one point I was going to have to go through the drama of the binky!!

We have completely abandoned the potty training!!!

Quote by @%username% on %date%