Please Give Me Some Advise....

Lounge By Momkiksbutt Updated 28 Sep 2008 , 3:52am by Deb_

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Mike1394 Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 9:57am
post #31 of 36

What I'm going to say is not meant to let him off the hook. Sex is one of the things that is very hard to talk about. Maybe something is missing in that area, and he just doesn't know how to approach the subject. Has it become boring? You don't have to answer that LOLOL icon_biggrin.gif Things in that area can go very stale quickly. Find some of them sites that both of you can look at together.

Mike

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Momkiksbutt Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 9:34pm
post #32 of 36

Nope, not that I know of. Fact is that we have it when he wants it. His way, his time...we talked all about it the same night I confronted him. I talked to him about several things in that area, including how he needs to be more considerate of my needs. Most guys aren't when it comes to sex, of their partners needs, they are mainly there for their own self gratification.

I've noticed lately, and he admits it too, that he is "in the mood" mostly anymore after he has been looking at this crap. Again...I went through this with my ex...this is not fair to me, and it is warped.

I need to know that I am the one that he wants and desires and has those feelings for. Not that he can't get in the mood unless he is looking at someone else... icon_sad.gificon_mad.gif

Believe me, I've been over every single aspect of this in my mind, and I've talked to him about mostly all of it.

What bothers me here is that he stated that it wasn't him, but since I don't trust him I wasn't likely to believe him anyways, so it doesn't matter what he says. All I'm asking for is the truth. We both know it is him....what is the point in lying about it now???

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Mike1394 Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 10:33pm
post #33 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momkiksbutt

Nope, not that I know of. Fact is that we have it when he wants it. His way, his time...we talked all about it the same night I confronted him. I talked to him about several things in that area, including how he needs to be more considerate of my needs. Most guys aren't when it comes to sex, of their partners needs, they are mainly there for their own self gratification.

I've noticed lately, and he admits it too, that he is "in the mood" mostly anymore after he has been looking at this crap. Again...I went through this with my ex...this is not fair to me, and it is warped.

I need to know that I am the one that he wants and desires and has those feelings for. Not that he can't get in the mood unless he is looking at someone else... icon_sad.gificon_mad.gif






Believe me, I've been over every single aspect of this in my mind, and I've talked to him about mostly all of it.

What bothers me here is that he stated that it wasn't him, but since I don't trust him I wasn't likely to believe him anyways, so it doesn't matter what he says. All I'm asking for is the truth. We both know it is him....what is the point in lying about it now???





Yeah that sucks. It doesn't matter what you do at least have enough stuff about ya not to lie about it. Wish I could help.

Mike

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dailey Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 11:14pm
post #34 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

What I'm going to say is not meant to let him off the hook. Sex is one of the things that is very hard to talk about. Maybe something is missing in that area, and he just doesn't know how to approach the subject. Has it become boring? You don't have to answer that LOLOL icon_biggrin.gif Things in that area can go very stale quickly. Find some of them sites that both of you can look at together.

Mike





ugh...spoken like a true man, lol!

seriously though, why is it men always make excuses for themselves and shift the blame on the women?? even if things *were* stale, that doesn't give him the right to disrespect his wife and lie to her face. and i *definitely* don't agree with looking at sites together, unless of course, that's what you're into (which it doesn't sound like from everything the op has written so far). i mean, why should she have to compromise her morals just to please him...

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Mike1394 Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 12:32am
post #35 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by dailey

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

What I'm going to say is not meant to let him off the hook. Sex is one of the things that is very hard to talk about. Maybe something is missing in that area, and he just doesn't know how to approach the subject. Has it become boring? You don't have to answer that LOLOL icon_biggrin.gif Things in that area can go very stale quickly. Find some of them sites that both of you can look at together.

Mike




ugh...spoken like a true man, lol!

seriously though, why is it men always make excuses for themselves and shift the blame on the women?? even if things *were* stale, that doesn't give him the right to disrespect his wife and lie to her face. and i *definitely* don't agree with looking at sites together, unless of course, that's what you're into (which it doesn't sound like from everything the op has written so far). i mean, why should she have to compromise her morals just to please him...




I think the lying is the issue. Which it should be, and that is leading to other issues. If he would just step up, and come clean about it, I bet other things would improve greatly also. A good sex life is hard to achieve if other areas of the relationship aren't working. Lying about it just makes it worse.

Why is it always a "men", or "women" issue. Men do this, women do this. Sorry folks this is a people issue. Not all men make excuses. Steroetypes don't work for anyone.

Mike

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Deb_ Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 3:52am
post #36 of 36

This is an addiction...........he just can't stop because somebody is telling him to. It's like alcoholism, drugs, and any other addiction. He needs help and he's obviously not ready to get that help since he's still lying to you.

I don't think this is just the normal guy/girl checking out some raunchy sites for fun, he obviously does it all the time and than lies about it. He knows how hurt you feel when he does it and he still does it anyway....that tells me he's addicted.
By lying about this it just breaks all the trust between the two of you and you should explain that to him. Ask him how he expects your relationship to continue when you can't trust him enough to not lie to you. If he lies about this what else is he lying about?

I can't tell you what to do....but if this were my marriage I would call a therapist today and set up the first available appointment for the both of us. I know I couldn't live with a liar. If he doesn't attend the therapy appointment that should give you your answer about weather or not he intends to work towards a better relationship and marriage without deceit and lies.

Good luck and yes put locks on your pc and laptop.

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