My Step daughter's 9th birthday is quickly approaching. She is just like one of my own daughters since I have been in her life since she was a year old. Her Mom always buys her other children's cakes from me and is very willing to pay full price. She wants a cake for 35 people for my step daughter's birthday party, do I charge her?
The only problem I have is that she (the mother) expects us to have a party for her too and I will be making a cake for her then as well...I want to be fair but am a little bitter because my DH and I feel that two large parties is more than any kid needs (we wanted to just do a small family supper for our side). We also approached the mother about having a party together but she just said "I told Annie that she gets two parties because her parents are not together" - and we wonder why the kid has developed such an attitude about the situation? What do you think? 
Thanks...
I feel that if she is JUST LIKE one of your daughters then I would make both cakes for free.
My grandson just turned five. His Mom asked me to make a cake for a party up to her grandmas and I had a party here BOTH in the same day.
I asked his Mom to help me with the first one. She doesn't know how to decorate and I'm new too but I asked her to help just to spend some time with her. We did the first party cake the day before and I did the second one that morning. You can see them in my photos.
I see no problem with two parties after all it is THEIR day. 
Susie
I'll put on my counseling hat here. An ex wife should not have say so in what kind of party you and your husband give the child. My guess is, you, not hubby, will be the one throwing the party. For his ex wife to have that control over your behavior is not good.
Also, think about this. Do her other kids get two parties? I struggled with these same types of questions. Our two oldest are my step daughters. They would have two Christmas's, two birthdays, two everythings. But our son, their brother, doesn't. Since they were growing up in the same household, that just didn't seem right to us. Our decision was to do a little more for him. BUT, we always talked about it with the girls. We told them that they had presents coming in from two sets of parents (and twice as many grandparents!), and that we needed to balance things out somewhat.
I think the thing to do is sit down with your hubby and decide what the two of YOU think is appropriate for his daughter. If he wants her to have the two big parties, then charge her for the cake. Your "cake gift" will be at YOUR party. If he thinks one small and one big party, and you WANT to make her a nice cake for the big party, then do it.
It's tough being a step mom. I always felt the "real" mom and dad should ultimately be "in charge" of the choices for their child. But, when those choices will include or affect you, your ideas and opinions should be part of the decision as well. Especially where your husband is concerned.
I think vickster made some good points. I too am a step-mom, and the decisions that come with a blended family can be tough. My hubby and I have two kids together and each have two kids a piece from previous marriages...yes, we have six kids. 
Your step-daughter's mom may not have meant any ill will by telling her daughter she would have two parties. But it really wasn't her place to make that decision, and your DH may want to consider discussing it with her. I wouldn't let her dictate you hosting another big party, if it's not what you want. It should be your DH's decision with your input. I learned the hard way that ex-spouses should never make decisions for your family. After 10 years under our belt as step-parents, our ex-spouses and we have our "big" parties together. In the past if I had a big party and didn't invite my ex, he would take our son or daughter to a nice dinner. The kids seemed to appreciate spending quality time with dad much more than a big party. As for the cake, I would just ask the mom to purchase the ingredients since you have two cakes to make. She should be happy with the discounted price. If you give her a freebie, she may expect it for her other children in the future.
Thanks for all of your replies...my main problem with the second birthday party is that her mom is having all her friends there - but it is not fair to the friends (mostly the friend's parents) to have a second party with all the kids...so at my house that means just her sisters here for kids and the rest adults. I just can not seem to explain to the child and her mother why renting a pool/party room or something just doesn't make sense when its 95% adults attending. They both think we are being unfair by doing so for our other girls when we are the ones hosting the kid party. We all get along and we offered to share the expense of the kid party - but she is determined that we need to have two because she belongs to two households...
I do try to stay out of the decision making, but I was curious how to handle the cake situation. I am more than happy to make her a cake but just wasn't sure if there is a good way to go about the second cake for the second party. Like I said, she always had paid full price for the other two kids and I wouldn't mind doing a cake for my step daugther - but also don't want be taken advantage of...
No, I wouldn't charge.
But, you and DH need to discuss what kind of party you will have for StepD. Just because the mother expects you to have a large party, you and DH should do what is best for your situation. (I can picture Judge Judy telling this to mom....it's none of your business.) The truth is, it really isn't.
- but she is determined that we need to have two because she belongs to two households...
I don't think so. Belonging to two households does NOT justify having two big parties. One party with friends and then a family party would be just fine. That's how we always did it with my husband kids.
Looks like we were typing at the same time when I responded to your initial message.
So you and DH will be at this party also? Hmm, if you're sharing the cost of one large party then that is enough. DH needs to get mom on the same page. I don't know if I'm understanding correctly but mom doesn't need to be involved in what you and DH do.
No, we will not be at this big party, we offered to share the expense and have the party together, but no one would accept that.
My DH just has a hard time, our SD is very over the top about everything and is making a huge deal, and obviously the mom doesn't help this situation. Coming to a happy medium with the mom is hard to do, she needs to be in the right mood. Trust me, she doesn't tell us what to do, but we still hear about it for way too long.
We decided to have family over at the house and DH is taking the girls to an arcade type place where SD likes to go before that.
As for the cake, well, since I am making a cake for her the weekend before, I will do it for cost for the mom. I think she will be ok with that...
This turned into a "how to deal with an ex" thread more than "should I charge for a cake" thread! LOL!
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