OK so heres this story...
I make cakes for all of my friends on their birthdays. I usually put alot of thought into it, time, and energy and my friends are always really impressed and happy about it. BUT....
A friend of mine is turning 26 at the end of the month and is throwing a HUGE party... spending over a thousand dollars... its a prom theme and we are all supposed to get fancy and junk... ANYWAYS

he calls me and asks if i was planning to make him a cake, i say yes because i was, and then he begins to tell me exactly how he wants it, the colors, the designs... he wants it THREE TIERS OR MORE etc etc. At first i was okay talkin to him but the more he demanded the more i was getting frustrated and frustrated and GRR!
I dont know if i am wrong, but i feel like, i do this as a gift for people. It is no longer a gift if he is demanding certain things for it, and i never do more then maybe 2 tiers, if that, as a gift. Is it wrong for me to be annoyed by this? Isnt he acting more like a client then a friend who i may or may not make a cake for as a present? He was just so demanding about how he wanted it! ahh!! the more i think about it, the more frustrated i get... sorrryyyy!!

So I was thinking... what if i make the bottom tier cake and the top two styrofoam dummies? I think that would be alot easier and less time consuming but be more of a medium ground? I mean he isnt paying me for ANY of it. Do you think that would be wrong? Does anyone have any tips on combining dummy tiers with cake tiers?

I just dont know if I should make the cake i would have made for him, or do the three tier cake he wants, or do the dummy/real cake one? Any ideas or opinions would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Thanks guys!

I don't think your wrong for getting frustrated. If you're thinking about doing dummies, make sure the cakes feed everyone invited. I think it's a good idea. I'm curious to knowing the exact design he wants and for how many people.

How insanely rude to make demands when the cake is a gift!! I think you are perfectly justified in telling this ill-mannered pinhead (sorry, I know he's your friend) that since the cake is a gift, the design is at your discretion. If he demands anything specific, then he's a customer and must pay. PERIOD. NO NEGOTIATING.

I'm just shocked that a so-called "friend" would try to take advantage of you like this. Please don't let him. HE'S the one who should be embarrassed by this situation, not you. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

What does he think? That you throw together a cake during the commercials? This may be a good time to educate him. What business is he in? How would he feel if a 'friend' demanded his time and money on their terms?

Wow. I had no idea I felt so strongly about this. Good luck to you! I hope you come out of this feeling satisfied and not taken for a fool.

Well I have to agree with Diane. I make cakes, desserts, etc. for the ppl I work with on their bdays. They don't choose, it's what I feel like making for them and no one complains, except this one guy. My very first fondant cake and he goes on and on about how it is like tire tread, right in front of me. (We all think he has a mental disease, just not sure which one). Anywho, he no longer gets anything on his bday. That showed everyone else, that if they demand or complain, they get nothing. And that is the way it should be if you are volunteering.

Man, this turned out to be longer than I thought. Sorry.

How close a friend is he?

Can you say something like: I've been thinking about your cake. I was going to make one X size. Seeing as you want it so much bigger with a lot more details than I usually do, I'm going to need $X towards the extra costs involved.

The nerve of the guy!

Suzanne x

You have every right to be annoyed. It's a GIFT. Do you, on your birthday, tell everyone what they should give you? People can politely suggest that they like certain things but just because he likes something doesn't mean you have to give it to him. I'd like a commercial grade kitchen, but that doesn't mean I'm going to get it! As my mama always used to say: it doesn't hurt you to want! Also, it's his 26th birthday, it's not a milestone or anything like that!

That said, talk to your friend. It's going to feel uncomfortable, but it will work out for the best. Tell him about your idea for his cake, the difference from the cake he wants, and ask him what he wants to do. If he wants to pay for the huge extravagant cake, cut him a deal (but not too good, you don't want to end up paying for the ingredients and time and consider it a gift). If he doesn't have any budget for the cake, suggest the cake dummy idea.

Finally, I've never worked with cake dummies before, but I would imagine that you could use dummies for the top tiers (since dummies are lighter than cake) and just stack them the way you do regular tiered cakes... then have the cake taken into the kitchen away from the guests to be cut and nobody will be any the wiser...

thanks everyone! im glad you all are justifying my annoyance. the thing with this guy is, well, hes a queen. And if you have ever dealt with a queenie gay man, you would know that they are rather difficult to deal with sometimes. I mean i love him but yeah. I think im just gonna do the cake dummies and if he has a problem with it then he wont ever get a presetn from me again!

Duff's rule - he'll do his friends' cakes for free if he has complete control - if they want some say, they must pay - I think it's a good rule. You should explain the cost of the cake that he's asking for - many people don't seem to know that home made items cost money! Good luck.

I feel for you, Lindsey. Good luck with that one!

If the cake is a gift - the recipient can choose the theme & color scheme, but everything else is up to me.

Lindsey please repeat after me... seriously read outloud what I am tying. It works.

If I offer to make it, it is a gift and my design. If you ask for specifics you are a customer and pay.

ok, you said it and it sounds good. This time let's say it a bit louder.

If I offer to make it, it is a gift and my design. If you ask for specifics you are a customer and pay.

That sounded great but let's put some oomph into it.

If I offer to make it, it is a gift and my design. If you ask for specifics you are a customer and pay.

That sounded great but one more time with feeling... (lol I just heard BonJovi in my head on that one! LOL)

If I offer to make it, it is a gift and my design. If you ask for specifics you are a customer and pay.

That sounded great! Now believe in this motto.

I know how difficult it is to have to put this to use when reality hits you in the face and it's just not words on a message board. The first few times I felt horrible. I know my friends did too.

They need to respect you and your cakes as a gift.

When someone tries to dictate how they want their gift I do a "whoa wait... are you doing this to everyone? Do you think I'm going to give you an ugly gift?"

Some friends just will never get "it". They think a cake regardless of how you do it is quick and simple. Some friends will want something for nothing. These friends frustrate you to no end and will eventually get "it" after a few no's. They won't like it but they will get it.

Then you have the friends who appereciate what you do, the effort you put in it and will respect you for it. These friends make it worth it.


As for this friend, wow I don't know how to approach it. I would probably be a big sissy and do it for him but say something like "from here on out I get creative control when it's a gift because doing it this way really took the fun and element of surprising you out of it for me." That lays the ground work for next time. Best of luck with this one.

i am having the same problem right now!!! why do friends do that??? and why are they so ungrateful and bossy??? i feel better knowing that i am not alone...i guess everyone has one of these friends!!! i avoided her for a long time....(only cause i knew it was coming....) but answered the phone on a fluke......hahaahhahahahahaha
i have learned to not stress....i can do what i can do....and if you want more.....it will cost this much!!!!!! i don't have money....and even baking a small cake is expensive!!!! so that is what i tell them.....and for the most part they all understand...and wouldn't think about asking me to do it for free....but then there are those that just make me nucking futs!!!!!!!
good luck....and do whats in your heart!!! if he doesn't see that, then he doesn't deserve a gift from you!!!!!!!

I still say you need to talk to him. He's your friend, you obviously have an affection for him, so talking things out is the only option. Do you want this to fester and boil under the surface until you just explode with rage one day!??! Not that I would have had that happen... It's just a coincidence that I haven't called or purposefully spoken to my oldest friend (since we were 5!!!) since her Wedding-from-Hell... she was the original Bridezilla!!!!

Ok, so here's how to deal with a queen: Tell him this is what you're going to do. Tell him that if he wants more, he'll have to chip in. If he throws a fit, tell him to find himself another baker for the cake. Yes, he's your friend, but that does not mean that you have to be used and abused. Stay calm but firm. Don't let him make you feel intimidated or guilty because you don't have the time or money to make a J-Lo wedding cake duplicate!!!!

Debi's suggested conversation:

"Look, Queenie, here's the deal. I traditionally make a cake for my friends. That cake usually serves ___ people. I am more than happy to make THAT cake for you free of charge, like I usually do. I am in no position to be able to do a banquet size wedding-type cake for you for that many people for free.

So here's what you're getting for free. Now .... tell me about the cake you want to ORDER and the price range you want to spend."

(And I have queenie friends, too. You just have to slap them silly sometimes!)