I would first tell her your exact price on the order that she wants, then I would offer to teach her the basics so that she can make them herself. If she has 3 kids, she will need cake and cupcakes for the other two later on. I learned to bake and decorate because I couldn't afford to spend what the prices were for the cakes I wanted.
Ok....from an ex-military woman, and a previous single mother....FIRST, findout just what your DH has said...
It's not typical for a soldier to just lay out her financial info for anyone. My guess, is that she knows you do cakes. She asked him how much you usually charge for X, Y, and Z. He says.."I have no idea, why?" She tells him about the party she'd like to have and the school and the whole thing...I don't think she's trying to "get over on you", but your DH is already feeling sorry for her (I'd bet). I'd make sure he hasn't made it seem that you will have no problem meeting her needs. She probably has NO CLUE how much it costs to do a cake like what she described to him...nor does he..LOL
If it were me, I'd quote her my price for what she described. I don't want to do either of two things: 1. Make her feel horrible by my knowing all about her finances and feel like I'm throwing charity at her. 2. Give her the idea that my prices are flexible based on financial status...that can get around...quick!
When I see the look on her face, guage her reaction to my price...I'd make my next move based on that. Is she aghast? rude? does she immediately expect me to allow her some type of discount? Her reaction would have just as much to do with my decision as anything else. If she's truly just a single Mom trying to do her best...and isn't "expecting" eveyone else owes her something because of "her" mistakes....then, my heart would probably lead me to bless that hard working woman to the best of my ability....as a gift...from my heart. If I get the feeling she's the latter description...I'd leave it at that...she can be upset if she likes.
A blessing you give to someone else is just as much a blessing on you....if you feel cursed by it, then it isn't a blessing for anyone. I've given things to some less fortunate friends in my lifetime....and I can tell you, that the ones who didn't "ask"...who do the best they can with what they've got...that I just felt called to do something for....those were the true blessings..because that call came from God...it wasn't my decision at all....
Good luck to you...I hope it all turns out well.
I think I read she told your Hubby she wanted to "SEE" what it would cost. So show her.
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1. your going rate
2. Option 2 if she supplied a blank cake (where she gets it is up to her)
If she made the cakes and cupcakes herself that could save a lot of money and time!
Definitely deal directly w/ her and let DH off the hook. Good luck.
I learned this great lesson from my dear aunt-never judge anyone's pocketbook! Give her your price and let her decide. She just may say ok without hesitation. You just never know what people want to spend their money on.
I have read the first 2 pages of posts and decided I wanted to chime in....My DH and I always go big for the kids birthdays...sometimes it throws us into a money slump for a few weeks..but because the kids do not ask and ask all year long for things we figure this is the least we can do for them. I can also honestly say I bought a cake for my DD's slumber party 2 years ago that cost me 80.00 for a 2 layer 10" round that was decorated with the most beautiful stand up daisies and it was delicious....we couldn't really afford it but...and MAYBE this mom who is single and the father isn't near WANTS to go all out for her DD's birthday cake. What I would do in your situation Gabby is just quote her the price and if she doesn't feel she can afford it she will go somewhere else that she can afford (Wal-Mart , Costco). They know we are in this to make something out of it, and we all know we DON'T make enough for our time. I like the idea of her trying to make it herself.....with or without your help...I sure wish I would of made all of my kids birthday cakes now...I would of saved us TONS of money AND would be more accomplished LOL.
I am all for helping our troops out, believe me I strongly support them....but times are rough for everybody right now and it is sooooo hard to give things cheaper when we know we have to pay dearly for things ourselves.
Good luck to you and hope you find comfort in any decision you make about this!
Hi y'all, WOW, thank yo so much for the response and support, I really appreciate it! 
I also wanted to appologize if I offened any "single Mom", really, it wasn't my intention, I think my OP didn't come out the way I intended it to (reading it again...) 
so really, I feel like I need to say sorry! 
Now back to the cake and cupcakes, well I followed the advice received... I told DH to tell her that I would charge $60 ($1 per serving) and to also tell her that my regular price is $2.50 per serving of buttercream, if anyone asked her. I explained to DH that I didn't want to offend her by assuming she coudn't pay... (I also told DH not to tell her that, DH can be a klutz sometimes 
) I'm pretty sure she is naive about how much time and $ goes into cake decorating and she just wanted something nice for less than a super store...
Also, just wanted to add, the reason I won't do it for free or as a gift is because if I do it for her, I know everybody else that works for DH will expect the same... I don't want that to happen.
So, I haven't heard back from DH, depening on what he says, I will ask him for her phone number so I can talk to her and explain the situation and if she can't do the $60 then I can also offer I would help her if she gets everything we need or if she decides to buy the cake from Walmart. And I'll tell her to keep it between ourselves.
We are also a military family, and I know what it is to live with only one income and being a lower rank (when we just got married he was an E-4) we had our son when he was an E-5, so I've been there as well, it was hard and we lived on a budget BUT we made it!
Anyway, thanks again for everything, I really appreciate it!! 
It may well be that she doesn't know how to bake a cake so it never entered her mind. Lots of kids nowadays don't know how to cook let alone bake... just another thought....
Well it might just be time for her to learn? I mean they draw how-to pictures ON THE BOX...
Not to sound un-sympathetic, quite the contrary, I'm a single mother myself with no child support and I take pride in my self reliance and resourcefullness. Of course we want to indulge our children with the niceties they deserve, but i get realllllly fed up with women who play the "single mom" card as a badge of entitlement.
No, I couldn't afford "boutique" clothes for my babies so I refined my sewing and needlework skills to make them or I did without.
Likewise, I knew that I could not afford $80 birthday cakes for my children so until I learned, they got boxed cakes with canned icing and never knew what they were missing, they had CAKE.
Point is, I never took advantage of anyone, expected any special deals and was always grateful for the blessings that did come my way. Afterall, we all make choices that bring us to where we are, why should anyone else have to pay for those choices?
If you really want to help this girl, teach her to do it herself, she will gain self confidence that will take her a long way and earn her some respect rather than being the object of pity.
Just my 2 cents since I've been on both sides of this issue~
Rose
Hi, well, just another quick update... I spoke with the girl and she was pretty honest with me, so this is what we are doing... she is buying the cake and cupcakes else where and she will bring them over tomorrow and we will decorate them together, I will help her with the edible image and stuff... Oh and she also said that she did not want to bake! Thank God everything went well and no feelings were hurt! Thanks everybody!
That's great that it worked out that way and you are able to help her out.
I am glad it worked out for you Gaby!!
Have fun teaching her the basics!!
Ronni
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