My DH and I were throwing an end of summer pool party/cook out for our bible study group this past Sunday. One of my best friends birthday is today the 10th and so I thought we could invite them to the party and I could give her a present and recognize her birthday. It wasn't a birthday party for her, it was a party we were already having and thought she might enjoy coming.

Anyways I asked her if she and her husband wanted to come to our pool party. She said yes and asked what was being served. I told her hot dogs, chips, beans, desserts, and cokes. Yummy!! She wrote back "That's good but can you change the menu to hamburgers?" Uh........ Um, No, people have already volunteered to bring things and this is what we're having. Oh, ok she replies, well if anyone is making me a cake, I want yellow with chocolate frosting.

Now by this point I'm thinking well maybe I gave her the impression it was a party for her but I looked back at my emails and they were very clear, it's a party we're having and want to invite you.

So a few days go by and I make her a cake with chocolate frosting (the purse cake in my photos), just for her. We had the watermelon cake for the party and she had the purse cake. I'd never done either cake so they both took me a while. I also got her a necklace, a ring, some lotion, and a gift certificate for a manicure. (Which we were suppose to go get together on Saturday but she cancelled on me due to not having the money). Ok that will make a nice gift. Plus she's been having marital problems so I wanted to really make her feel special.


So they finally show up an hour and a half late (glad the party wasn't for her) and we sing happy birthday and I give her her cake and presents.
Sorry this is so long and thanks for sticking it out with me, here's what I've been leading up to.

They go to leave and I tell her not to forget her cake and she tells me "Oh, I'm on a diet and can't have cake so I'm not taking it with me!" WHAT??????????

Her husband was appalled and told her to take it and she argued with him in front of everyone. So I politely said that was ok I'm sure I'd find someone who would love to have this work of love and walked away.

My DH felt so bad for me and asked if he could take it to work to share with everyone and called me earlier to tell me that it was all gone and everyone loved it. He's a sweetie.

Well thanks for letting me vent. It's the last time I'll make her a cake unless she's paying like $100 for it.
Some friends uh?

Oh my goodness! I can't believe that she asked for a certain flavor of cake, then said she wasn't taking it! People just amaze me sometimes. I'm really sorry, I know that hurt your feelings.

I made my best friend a birthday cake last weekend and although she said that she didn't need it, that she was on a diet - she gladly ate it because she knew just how much love I had put into it.

I really feel for you. Having your feelings hurt this way is really awful. Don't worry to much. You did this out of love, even if she didn't respond to it. Sometimes we have to give with out thanksgivings. Wish I could offer some advice. Just let it pass.

That really stinks! The trouble we go through sometimes for some people! Even if they are our friends!
Maybe because she is having a hard time she is not realizing how she is acting? Has she ever acted like this before?
again, sorry your friend hurt your feelings. Maybe you should ask her why she wanted a cake if she wouldn't eat it??!!! She may not have an answer if you put it like that and think next time how she acts towards you!

Your cake is lovely, she didn't deserve it.

My first response to the "can you change the menu to hamburgers?" would have been..."No, but when YOU host the next party, you could do it that way....Oh, and if it's no trouble, I'll need Diet Sugar Free Caffeine Free Cherry Vanilla Coke, gluten free hamburger buns, salt-free organic potato chips, and my kids are allergic to dairy products and wheat. And pets. Thanks!"

For a "friend" like that I'd have just given her whatever gifts you had for her at some point before her birthday. Then I would have made a point to NOT have the party in any way *about her*, except for a nice announcement at some point like "Hey everyone, by the way, it's WhatsHerName's birthday today." That way she knows you already splurged on her gifts, and she's just at a party that you're having.

Some people!

with friends like these, who needs enemies?



she sucks. you can tell her i said so




send me the cake next time. lol

Sorry to hear about the so called "friend", but they are the worst.

However, just a little story. Had my aunts B-Day party at my house yeasterday, because she wanted a party "just like my mom's".

Made three different cheesecakes (will post the pics later when I get home). They were excellent.

She says during the dessert time, you know what dessert I really like, the one with the cake layered with the jello, whipped topping and chocolate drizzled over the top.

Now after I have made a turtle cheesecake, a brownie on the bottom cheesecake and a classic cheesecake with the cherries on the top. She wanted a sand blasted torte with some store bought pound cake and cool whip, go figure.

So I get it. Ungrateful A** people.

wow at first i was going to say maybe she didn't want to make it seem that bad by saying she was on a diet, but the fact that she argued with her husband in front of you about it is crazy. Some people are so ungrateful. The only time i said no to a cake was when I was living in south carolina and was in philly for a couple of weeks and my mil made one for my son and husband for their belated b-days (same day) but we said we couldn't take it b/c we had a 10drive in front of us with a packed car. Thats a vali excuse not b/c she 's ona diet how ungrateful..

Thank you for all of your kind words and support. I love being able to come here and vent. I am planning on asking her why she requested a certain kind of cake but then didn't take it so I'll keep you informed. She is an x model who put on weight after getting married and is trying to get back into modeling so she tends to have the attitude of it's all about her all the time. She is pretty flaky and cancels on me at the last minute often and for her to actually show up yesterday was surprising. However, she's never been just plain rude and unthankful towards me. It showed me though, to make an effort to show others my thankfulness when they do something for me. And like you said on here, sometimes we give even without receiving the thanks in return. I love to give, and will continue to do so but not to those who really hurt my heart.

Are you sure shes a friend ??? And maybe she thought you should of been giving a party for her? (not that you should ) I would wait and let her be the one the make the next contact .. I sure wouldnt call her ! Or is she the type that likes every one to think she is important. ( kinda like, OK here I am ) Maybe she felt like she was in second place to what the party was about ! And doesent like that ?? Just a few thoughts !!!

HI.. I just wanted to add, your cakes look very nice ! It was her lose that she didnt take it home.

Update:
So we served hot dogs yesterday (now mind you, she's on a diet) and she had 3 hot dogs, chips and baked beans and said she wished she had room for another hot dog as they are so good. Ok, hot dogs aren't as fattening as cake....

Whatever, anyways she just posted a bulletin on her myspace (that she knows I read) and one of the questions, I kid you not, was "Do you eat hot dogs?" Her response................. NO gross, I don't like hot dogs at all.

What in the world is going on? I'm sorry I don't like pigs feet at all but I think I'll go ahead and eat 3 hooves. I know it's rude to not eat what's served at a party but to eat 3 and claim they are so good and then write that they are gross?

Honestly I think she was upset that I didn't throw her a birthday party and this is how she's showing me so.

Your cake looks great. Sorry that happened to you! I think sometimes we take our friends for granted by thinking it does not matter how we treat them because "they are my friend, they won't get their feelings hurt". But clearly, she is wrong. I know it sucks, but laugh it off because letting yourself be upset for too long won't make her "get it". Just know that you are CLEARLY the better friend!!, and she should feel lucky to call you her best friend!!!!

Boy that is hurtful! I dropped a friend for similar reasons, nothing to do w/cake but she did not appeciate my time and energy. Your Pom is beautiful, I have her twin! Mine is the same size and color as well.

I know how you feel. I go through stuff like this with my in-laws all the time! As a matter of fact I keep telling my mother-in-law that I still have her birthday cake in my freezer waiting to be defrosted and decorated....SINCE JUNE!! She kept telling me once her daughter buys the house 20 minutes from me and DH she was going to have everyone over and have a cake for all the birthdays we haven't really been celebrating (going all the way back to May - my husband's). She always seems to forget that me and my hubby just have a little cake after dinner in our home and if they're nearby they can come over for coffee and cake, but we don't celebrate like the rest of his family. In my family we stop having parties when the person reaches 16, until the "big" ones begin (ya know 50, 65, etc.).

Well, when I asked her and my sister-in-law about that "one big catch up party" I was told no, some other time. Yet about three weeks ago or so when we had lunch at the new house, she and my father-in-law had bought a CCC at ShopRite for all the birthdays. Huh?! I was so annoyed.

As for the cake not being taken by the birthday girl........my in-laws do that to me too. My hubby's aunt did that with the cake I made for her birthday last year which we brought to the annual puppet show that DH's cousin has every year in Dec. at the cottage in Central Park, NYC. This cake made us late and it was for enough for everyone attending this puppet show (a 13" bottom tier and an 8" top tier Italian Cream Cake. It's in my photos: http://www.cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=gallery&file=displayimage&pid=89271). Well someone decided since there were other desserts (i.e. cookies) we shouldn't have the cake there, so we told his aunt to take it (we'd carry it to her car since it was heavy) and she said, "Oh no, that's okay. You take it." I wanted to throw it in the garbage right in front of her. She lives in Brooklyn in the apartment of my m-i-l and f-i-l's house and we live in NJ. So after leaving, we went to my DH's cousin's house (also in NJ) and some of the people from their puppet show also went to their house and we split the cake. I told her to make sure she gave a big piece to her aunt and half of what I brought home I threw out because it was just too much cake (already had another cake at home!).

So trust me, I know how irritating it is to deal with these insensitive social clods! You have my sympathy and I don't think she deserves to have you as a friend. She obviously doesn't know and/or care about the time and effort you put into her cake!!

(Sorry this was so long, but I feel frustrated for you!)

Ok, just read your update......sorry, she is just plain rude!!! Maybe since she put on weight she feels bad about her self and in some sick way, being nasty to you and making you feel bad makes her feel better about herself?!? Still..TOTALLY unacceptable!!

You know what? This person is NOT your friend.

One day I realised that I didn't need acquaintances... real friends don't treat you like that! Real friends would have loved to take the cake home. If she really was on a diet... then how can she eat hamburgers??? You don't need this girl in your life to bring you down. Don't waste any more of your precious time with her... Don't call her, and if she calls you, she better apologise... But be cold and let this 'friendship' die a natural death. You should have thrown the cake in her face !!!

Just out of curiosity, how did she react to the wonderful gifts that you gave her? Hopefully, she was a bit more appreciative.

Did you say the party was for your Bible study group? I assume you are a Christian. What did Christ do when He was rejected? Christ is giving you an opportunity to show love to those that are difficult to love. Remember you are the Light of the world and the salt of the earth!! Cheers

I agree that she is not a friend. I have very few friends, because I have a low tolerance of people like her, but they are great friends!

I took in one friend in years ago that was in a bad relationship. Basically gave her the shirt off my back, stood up for her when others would talk about her... I guess they knew her better than me. She ended up stabbing me in the back. It REALLY hurt me and I never really got over it. Though I am a firm beleiver in Karma... she is maybe 34 years old and had a heart attack a few weeks ago.

She is NOT your FRIEND ! Move on. You dont need friends like her ! Where do you have time in your busy life for people to treat you sooo RUDE !! Great cakes too) BY THE WAY !

Well, I've read all the posts, and believe me, most of us have been in your shoes at one time or another, whether it be friends or family. I feel your pain, I truly do, because it has happend to me. I'm not suggesting you do the same, but I confronted the person and her spouse flat out - I had to say what was all pent up inside of me, and I felt that they should hear it, since it was their actions/words that made me sick for 2 weeks over the whole thing. So, I did - I told them both exactly how I felt about the matter, and how inconsiderate they both were, she of my feelings, and him for not controlling his spouse in a public place. This was by no means over cake, but a gesture my husband and I made to them by taking them out to a nice dinner, which somehow, got way off track. Anyway, I told them both I didn't want their phone calls, e mails, etc. any longer, because I had been sucked dry by both of them for years - you can guess this wasn't the first time. I deleted them off my MySpace, I changed my e mail address, I changed my cell phone number. Luckily, we don't live in the same town, so we don't even have to run into each other anymore. People like this will suck the life right out of you, and you sound like such a nice and giving person, that even after awhile, you won't be - and it will be because of people like her. Her husband should have least done the decent thing and apologized to you, accepted the cake on her behalf and drug her *** home. I remember I had to practically drag my husband to the parking lot after our dinner, so a brawl wouldn't happen, and we'd both end up in jail.

Cut her loose - you'll be at peace when you do. SHE doesn't deserve YOU!! ((((((HUGS))))))!!!