Why can't we have opinions without being opinionated?

So many threads have been locked recently, because some of us CCers do not hesitate to post mean/rude comments.

Sometimes the threads sound like pre-schoolers squabbling. Definitely not like mature adults.

We all come here to share and learn. We should keep it at that, and not make vicious comments or accusations about others people's motives or skill levels.


Let's be nice!
Karen

Another thought on this. Look at the number of replies to a post versus the number of views. We all need to keep our actions in mind. As with everything in life our actions affect others. Are there some spectacular artists out there that are just to shy to share their work for fear of recriminations? Are there some newbies that continue to just be lurkers for fear of becoming a target. Lets walk in each others shoes, sneakers, crocs, whatever prior to posting.
Each and every day I begin with the Prayer for the "Lord to please tame my tongue". (which by the way is not original on my part. I got it from Dr. Joyce Myers.)

I agree, I try to keep in mind "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" a simple idea but so hard to follow.

I agree wholeheartedly! It amazes me how cakes can be so controversial. I recently had a thread that I started get locked due to squabbling. I started to feel guilty for starting the thread, but really the original post was nothing to cause friction. I hope that everyone (myself included) can work on having a helpful spirit and not be so quick to criticize or start an argument. I love CC and there are so many talented people and so many things to learn here.

I guess I have not seen any of these "bad" posts. I have tried posting to those that have questions and that I have a possible answer. I myself have a sharp tongue so I limit myself to answering things that I know. I have a hard time with so many females in one place because of the "cattiness" that always comes out. I was raised with too many males so am not used to all of this type of talk. I pray that we all can help and get along on this site. CC is awsome so lets keep nagativity away.

I'm wholeheartedly in agreement here! Although, I just had a "vent" in a previous post regarding the trans fat ban in NYC ( ) but it wasn't toward any one in particular...and certainly not toward my CC friends! But, I agree...this is a GREAT community...let's keep it that way!!

I have seen that happen on so many forums and I just don't understand it. Four people in a room might have 6 techniques for doing a certain type of decoarting, that doesn't make any one of them right or wrong. It just means here are my ideas, they worked for me if you would like to try them. I know on panel discussion on television, when a group gets into a heated discussion and everyone is talking at the same time, yelling to be heard I change the channel. And that is what people will do on a forum, if there is a constant feeling of discord in the air they will eventually leave. I have seen more than one forum fold because of this and then it is not available to those who simply want a friendly place to visit where they can share their love of the art and learn from others.

I agree with everyone!! I lurked for a long time before I dared to post. It seems like there are those who have to turn a simple conversation into a debate. We all know that we aren't going to agree on everything, but why even post on a subject if you are deadset against it? I guess maybe some people don't have such an outlet in real life, but I come here for piece of mind, not to stress further. I agree that if you can't add constructively to a post, just don't post it! I think that is why Wilton screen it's posts. You never see aruing there, but I have seen it countless times here. I love CC and the ability to post and immediately get answers. I hope it stays that way!! All in all, it still is a great forum. Mostly everyone is wonderful, so helpful, and quick to give you a response when you really need it. The good far outweighs the bad.

Please read what Heath has to say on this link


http://www.cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-48682-.html

Well said! We all need to think twice before posting something that might hurt someones feelings....MYSELF INCLUDED!!!!!! I think a lot of times things are said innocently in good humor and then when you look back at some of the things that were typed your like oh...that really doesn't sound that nice. Most of the time I don't think things are meant to be malicious. Everyone is great on here! I think we also need to take into account that most of us on here are women that PMS ONCE A MONTH!!!!! lol. So, at times we are bound to be a little more sensitive or "catty" than others. With 60,000 members there are bound to be some disagreements And that's okay as long as they are resolved and all that mushy stuff. Thanks to everyone for sharing your wonderful ideas, techniques, recipes and inspirations!!!!! Please forgive me if I've ever offended any of you.

I am amazed to see how passionate people are about their cakes.

For me, Yes, I truly enjoy decorating cakes, but other things in my life are far more important to me- my family and my peace of mind!

I have a little card in my wallet that says,

"Please Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff,
And nudge me when I've said enough!"

I preview my posts before I make them to make sure that I do not inadvertently hurt anyone's feelings.

Karen

I agree....I wanted to leave a similar comment about this matter on a really "catty" post that was going on yesterday....But thought twice because everyone was a "little" upset on there.

Sometimes I too get afraid to post something or respond because I'm afraid something I typed may be misinterpreted into something totally different than what I intended to say. I think we should just take this site for what it is...a fun website where we can all learn and discuss what we love...Cake decorating. I agree with everyone else....If you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all!! That's something we teach our children....we need to remember this ourselves too!

I always hear women say that they would much rather be around guys, but look at this great community of women! I know there are a few guys out here but it is definitely, mostly women and aside from a few mean posts, everyone is so great and supportive. I love coming here and looking at all the cakes and posts and learning new things, and feeling the support that I can't get anywhere else. And besides, with the millions and millions of people in the world, people are bound to have the same ideas for cakes and that will lead to duplicates and some people might not even notice!

I think we should also take into account how hard it is to express our personality in "writting" as we would in person. Let's not be so quick to judge. Some things said one way can take on a new meaning to someone else. With so many people coming from different backgrounds and all we should give each other some slack. When I first joined CC I felt fortunate to have found a place where everyone here was eager to help. Out here in the real world it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to do anything that doesnt benefit them in some way.

To be honest with you, I think some people like the annononimity of the boards so they can be foul and mean without people knowing who they really are. Of course, I can't point fingers because I don't know who and what too well these days, but I'm hoping it isn't catching!

I am one of those newbies both to CC and to internet forums, who 'lurked' for a long time before making a post. One of the first posts I made was an answer to a question posted by someone else. I answered based on my experience and in effort to help another decorator who faced an issue I had sucessfully dealt with in the past.
Shortly thereafter, another member basically riped me apart for my suggestion. I was MORTIFIED!! I never expected something like that, and truly, was hurt. I still follow the forum topics on a daily (hourly ) basis, but since then my posts have been few, and far between, for fear of repeating that experience. I can't imagine doing that to someone else!
You can disagree with something someone has said without being nasty! Perhaps we all need to think a moment, and re-read what we have written a time or two before being so quick to 'dis' someone else. No one has all the answers, and no one is perfect.

See Karen,
I'm definately not trying to be mean. But, in your opinion you think this thread helps everyone get over this. But, I really think that it just rehashes everything and brings up bad feelings. It's kind of like heartburn, if you get my drift. I know your not trying to be mean or hurtful. But, your are coming off very judgemental and critical. I know that's not your intention but, neither was anyone elses to be hurtful.
And for those that prefer hanging around men( who wouldn't rather be with a hunk ) maybe you should start carpentry or mechanics. I'm sure there is a sight out there for that

I am also a newbie that "lurked" for months before ever posting. In fact, yesterday was the first time I posted any of my pics. After I posted them I ran into a couple topics that went "bad" even though I don't think that was the intent of the original poster. Nonetheless, I had to check my cakes pics and make sure I wasn't the one they were referring to even though I know my cakes are nothing compared to everyone elses on here. I almost deleted my pics and went back into "lurking". lol

Then I decided that 99% of the people on here seem so warm and friendly that I decided to stay. I've learned so much from here that it would be nice to actually get involved rather than stay hidden.

So, I want to say thanks to everyone who shares their ideas, pics and instructions because it helps all of us out so much and means so much to us that you are willing to share.

I only make cakes for my family and I'm sure they would thank you all too, expecially my little girls!

I have not really come across any mean and nasty posts....but if we are discussing techniques, products, etc....how can that get mean and nasty??

And for those who are afraid to post a comment for fear that it might offend someone.........go ahead and post! Somebody, somewhere is always going to be offended! You can't please everyone all the time. If it's NOT YOUR INTENTION to offend then go ahead and post.

There are just some people that thrive on drama and/or making a mountain out of a mole hill and/or being mean and rude. To those people I say, "Get over it".

As for the opinion that a large group of women can become 'catty'...I agree........but not because they are female. I beleive it's all about maturity and personalities. My hubby belongs to several forums that are mostly made up of men. You should read some of their posts!! Men can be "catty", too. I used to officiate football and let me tell you......I witnessed alot of mean, rude, nasty, back stabbing, immature, catty behaviors among all the other MALE officials!!

I think it boils down to being mature and ignoring those who are not.....Maybe if no one comments on the rude posts made by someone, then maybe that person will get the hit and go away. They will realize that CCer's are not going to give them the time of day and they will hopefully go and join another group where people will enable them to be rude and immature.

HA HA That's so funny LilBlacksheep. I would love to do carpentry, but I don't want to show my husband up. lol. jk. Actually, I'm afraid of the saw....shhh

I think that people will disagree on things, as with everything in life. It's just how you come across that rubs people the wrong way. While there are some people just looking for a good cheap shot, others are not trying to be difficult, they are just trying to make a point. And it's hard when all you have to go by are the words on the screen. You really can't be sure what tone the person in taking sometimes.

There are alot of personalities on this forum, and as hard as we try, we won't always get along. Just like family. People won't agree on everything, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

Angie

My husband belongs to a couple politcal forums and a game forum and let me tell you, men tell it like it is. They will say, "you are an idiot" and the guy will retort "right back at ya" in much more heated sometimes. They don't TRY to pretend that they get along with people they don't like. They don't sugar coat their feelings or tip toe around an issue.

Women, on the other hand, have a tendency to be nice upfront and back stab from behind. Or "pretend" to like everyone and that everything is sweet when really they have the same emotions guys have.

It's hard to say which I prefer - would I rather have my husband say, "This is getting boring" or a girlfriend giving me a blank stare and then telling everyone on the block how bored she was the next day. Both smart and sometimes I want the "pretend to be nice" and sometimes I want the "give it to me straight".

I tend to not sugar coat, but I also watch my tongue, if that makes any sense. But I refuse to "play" with phonies and boy, are there a lot of phonies (men and women) out there - including my MIL LOL!

Melissa - the no nonsense CCer!

I'm glad I ran across this post after what happened yesterday. It made me feel better to read some of these. I am a newbie and a "lurker", I just love looking at everyone's pictures and reading everyone's ideas and suggestions. I haven't posted any pictures of my cakes and as of yesterday I became a little leery of doing that simply because i am not creative and have used this website and so many others to get ideas-I do let my friends know that I got ideas from some really neat websites with talented decorators as I am so NOT creative. I do love reading these posts everyday, you all are so helpful and willing to just pass on what you have learned-for a "newbie" that's priceless!

It is so hard to tell HOW someone is meaning for something to come across thru typing since we can't hear their tone. I sometimes look at some of my posts here and emails to people and think wow, I hope that didn't sound rude. I tend to get to the point and say what I'm thinking...sometimes without thinking about how it may come across. My fingers sometimes get ahead of my brain, so I know so many others do, lol.

i agree aswell.

About a week ago I wrote an innocent statement about the {Me Generation} on a thread that actually shut the thread down from the comments made thereafter.

I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but boy-oh-boy I certainly rattled some people and did I ever feel sullied after reading their statements.

Now I double quessed whether I should post on any thread including this one.

What a shame.............

Editied to add - Welcome aboard Newbies, please don't let us seasoned members scare you off!