Please Tell Me It Is Going To Get Better (Long)
Decorating By tame Updated 4 Sep 2007 , 6:10am by diane
My best friend and her ex-husband bought a house together when she was 18. She's now almost 41 and is still paying on it. She has finally gotten the previous owner's mortgage paid off last month and is now finishing off the mortgage they took to buy it. She was young and didn't know any better lol..
Anyway the mortgage company will not take his name off the house even though they haven't been together for over 12 years. He's now in prison and his current wife has left him, he's with another woman now, and is going to need a place to live, car to drive, and everything when he gets out of jail, she's so afraid he's going to try to take the house from her and her car. The car she has is in his name and his soon to be ex-wifes name, it was bought for my friend's daughter, and then the daughter gave it to the mom because she didn't want it... so the mom and step dad make the payments on it and have restrictions on where they can drive it because of the STEP mom's mother seeing them and raising hell lol......
But anyway the mortgage company told her "since you've been late on your mortgage for a little while, once you make ON TIME payments for 12 months straight, we will remove his name from the deed" they never removed it. She's not been late on her mortgage since her husband changed jobs and got better pay and stuff.... her ex has stated to them he doesn't want to be on the house anymore, the judge ordered her ownership of the house for the children in the divorce and the mortgage company still won't take him off....
The worst thing is you may have to buy him out in order to get him off the house 
That's what she's scared of is having to buy him out but the house isn't even worth what they paid for it.... it was recently appraised and that's when they told her "You send us $751.00 and your mortgage will be paid off and your current mortgage payment will be $150.00 a month for the next 19 months." ... well needless to say she paid the 751 and is happy her mortgage is so low now lol
Again.... good luck!!!!
Anyway the mortgage company will not take his name off the house even though they haven't been together for over 12 years.
This is why you get an attorney. Of COURSE the mortgage companies don't want to take his name off! Then they only have ONE person to try to collect from in lieu of TWO people they can get money from! IT's strictly CYA on THEIR part.
My ex filed bankruptcy. That means, regardless of what the divorce decree said, I had to pay ALL the bills. If his name is on the account, then the creditor is obligated to report my on-time payments in BOTH names. He filed bankruptcy but his credit report would ALSO reflect "paid as agreed". One place told me, "We'll leave his name on it, just in case." Just in case of what???? 
HE FILED BANKRUPTCY ON THEM! They could NEVER contact him for payment!!!
Get. An. Attorney. Now. Legal Aid is available. DO IT!!
ladies
I have an attorney, yet she costing me arm and a leg. Right now we are at a stand still. He did want half equity in the house at first Yet later he did tell me if i did not request spousal support he would not seek interest in the house . Please don't think I have not been worry about that either.
The loan is in my name but his name is on the deed. I would just have to see what happens in court. All this just seems like a nightmare and I just be glad when its over with.
Tame, he left you, your daughter and the house. He is intitled to nothing except to keep insur. on your daughter, and pay spousal/child support as well as all out of pocket med. expenses. The mortgage co. may not take his name off the note, however, it will be in legal documents that he has no claim to it at all. Make sure you have everything documented of everything he does. This is very important.
I am so proud of you and how you are handling this. You are such a strong woman who your daughter as well is proud of, or will be when she's old enough to understand. I hate that you are sort of without family as you could sure use them now. I wish I was near you because I would be right there with you doing what I could to help you and your little girl. This is a VERY challenging time for you, but we see a strong woman who through God's help and grace, you ARE making it.
We are all here for you.
Amy
Yet later he did tell me if i did not request spousal support he would not seek interest in the house .
What a freakin' slime ball! He's negotiating the welfare of his child for house equity. He has actually put a dollar value on what he thinks of his child. 
Even tho' it's called "spousal" support in lieu of "child" support, he's still a slime ball .... because bottom line is that everything you earn is for your child.
You are SO better off without him!
indydebi
I guess you can image now how i feel..He has said and did some things that has hurt me to my heart but I try not to focuse on those things. It is still a kind of a shock to me 17 years and you change overnight. Everything you just said I have already said it to , Yet I just can't think about it right now. I can't keep letting his words and actions countiune to have hold on me if I do I would truly ( and amost did) fall apart. I blame him for everything I am going thru, but i realize that me blaming him is not going to change things. I want again to say that I hate him but god said that you should not hate a person so I will still just say that I just hate the state that he left me in. I am ready as you had said for closure, I am just kind of scared because I don't know what my future has to hold god knows I have a lot on my plate.
Yet later he did tell me if i did not request spousal support he would not seek interest in the house .
What a freakin' slime ball! He's negotiating the welfare of his child for house equity. He has actually put a dollar value on what he thinks of his child.
Even tho' it's called "spousal" support in lieu of "child" support, he's still a slime ball .... because bottom line is that everything you earn is for your child. You are SO better off without him!
Made me giggle... it does make us feel better to lash out, but I stopped myself shy of calling that on him...maybe he is, maybe he isn't... but what he is, Tame, as far as you need be concerned, is out of the picture, and that is where your focus needs to be. The emotional issues alone can be difficult to sort out let alone the physical needs being cared for. That is why we have attorneys... they are supposed to steer us away from the emotional baggage and focus us to real needs and an equitable split. Maybe you should go for a social assistance legal support, and drop the money sucking one...plug all the holes you can as you will have to run tight going thru this...the saying is: If God took you to it, s/he'll take you through it." Is he wanting any kind of visitation with the child? etc.. all of these issues need to be sorted out by non-partisans that are not in judgement of the people in the issue and can see clearly.
So, really, I'm just wanting to own up to being a member of the seventeen year club. My first marriage ended after seventeen years as well. It was not such a struggle as we both realized we had spent the best of what we had to give each other and it had taken a lot out of us. Sometimes you just need to move on in order to grow some some more and that is what we did. Now I'm coming up on seventeen years in my second marriage and there are days when I wonder if it is some kind of magic number lol...well, I suppose it is... my first grandchild was born on the 17th (07). So maybe that is just the time for new beginnings. Whatever the future holds, we are always prepared for it...we have to be because when it does hit, it is in our now and that is always what we have on our plate to deal with. Trust and faith are a good recipe to see us through.
I hope your days become lighter Tame, as you wade through the muck of it, but I will guarantee you, your soul will grow in leaps and bounds as you do if you allow it to. Don't let fear and anxst get in the way of that. One thing I made sure of when I seperated from my ex... I did not seperate from his family...it did not become a war... they became my family all those years ago and remain so to this day. (I just had his bother & wife stay over the other night in our spare room as they were on their way through town)... I expect if you had some good support from his family in the past, and you can get passed the resentment and anger, you might be able to keep a space for them too.... life is precious enough to hold on the whatever loves we can harbor in the midst of our storms.
Well, enough rambling...it's a holiday here and I'm making cake...practice for a wedding... trying out WASC cake without almond, a generic bulk cake mix, switched the water out for 2% milk, and doubling the vanilla using wedding vanilla... so far the texture looks great... dinnertime tasting should tell the rest lol... have a better day all.
christapaloma
Your points are well taken. I had wrote his family off too its going to take some time before I can if i do deal with them again. Then again they are not really dealing with us, not lately anyway. HIs mother use to seem me a lot of cake orders to try to help me out but since this divorce thing has started everyone wants to stay clear.
Well, I guess when it's right...hard stuff it is...but they are your daughter's family too and she will need a good support system.
I hope you will keep the doors open for her.
In the meantime... be well.
My prayers are with you.
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