Cake Ethics!! Help!!!!!!!

Decorating By DeliciousCreations Updated 15 Aug 2007 , 7:16pm by Maria071

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DeliciousCreations Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:03pm
post #1 of 25

Hello, I am having a dilema. My sister is getting married this friday, she is not having a big wedding. Just the ceremony at the court and then dinner at their fav restaurant. She was not expecting a cake but secretly I have been working on one as a surprise. I was gonna deliver it to the restaurant so when they would walk in it would surprise them. I have been making butterflies and ordered the gumpaste flowers and leaves. I have all I need to make it. Well the grooms aunt decided to buy them one!! But it is a Publix cake!!! For those who don't have one in their state, it's a Supermarket!!!! I was really excited about this, but now I don't know what to do?? The lady is taking it to their home and i was always planning on taking mine to the restaurant. Should I make it anyways and take it to the restaurant or would that be rude??? I really wanted my sister to have a beautiful tiered cake not a sheet cake for her wedding?? Help??

24 replies
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JoAnnB Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:05pm
post #2 of 25

First, call the restaurant and make sure they will allow the cake. Many have rules requiring a licensed operator to provide all food served in the restaurant.

then, I would go ahead and take the cake. It is a nice surprise gift. They can save the purchased cake for 'later'.

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Doug Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:09pm
post #3 of 25

ditto to call restaurant

and since when can someone else stop you from giving the gift you want to gift.

and even if the restaurant won't allow....

find some other place to give it to them..

and I've got enough chutzpah to go ahead and call the aunt and tell her to back off the cake is already taken care of.

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johnniekake Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:10pm
post #4 of 25

It's your SISTER.................bring the cake!!!

Im from Florida......I know what a Publix cake is......YUCK!!

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Doug Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:22pm
post #5 of 25

one more thought --- having had an aunt who was the pushy type, trying to tell you your business.

-----

it is the aunt who is being UNETHICAL

how dare she think that she outranks you, the sister, and has the right to bring the cake.

tell her to butt out and mind her manners

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DeliciousCreations Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:44pm
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Thanks sooooo much for the great advice!! I already called the restaurant and they allow it!!! All the awsome advise really gave me the push I needed to go forward and do it!! Thank you!!!!!!

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melysa Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:54pm
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i just wanted to suggest that you could tell the family members that you are planning on taking care of the cake, and to keep it a secret...just in case any one else had worried about it and decided to "provide" one, that way everyone knows its taken care of and no toes will be stepped on.

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dydemus Posted 14 Aug 2007 , 11:55pm
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I don't think we can assume the aunt is pushy. She may have just been trying to do something that needed to be done. It sounds like there was no communication about the cake between family members. We get so upset when people assume we're (CCers) are going to bring a cake, and then upset when someone else wants to do it. Come on now! She was probably trying to be helpful, and not everyone is a cake connoiseur, so Publix may have been the best she knew of.

But how could they not want a cake from you? If the aunt's cake is going to the house, then yours would be perfect for the intimate setting at the restaurant. And can you ever have too many/too much cake icon_smile.gif?

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Doug Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 12:00am
post #9 of 25

when the aunt made the decision to bring the cake without first asking the immediate family members, in this case the sister about any cake plans on part of immediate family..

that's when she became pushy.

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indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 12:15am
post #10 of 25

I think we all have an aunt or a relative like that.

My very favorite aunt in the entire world (god luv her!) is the pushiest woman I know. When my sister died last march, it was my aunt (my mother's sister) who was trying to tell everyone where to sit and what order they had to sit in, etc. (There were 5 siblings, with spouses, so most of us sat in the 2nd row and she was telling us we should have abandoned our spouses and children and all sat in the 1st row. I'm thinking, "You know .... my dead sister really doesn't care where we all sit! And we all want to be with our spouse/children at a time like this!")

But I luv her ........ anyway! icon_wink.gif

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dydemus Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 12:17am
post #11 of 25

Well, it just goes to show we need to communicate better and be slow to take offense. Hopefully best intentions were present.

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leta Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 4:46am
post #12 of 25

Sounds like the Aunt had the same idea. It seems to me she didn't know about the other cake (of course, it's a secret) and felt the same way as you did. If you would have spoken up at the moment you found out and told her your plan, she may have been able to cancel the other cake. (possibly still can) No sense in her spending money unnecessarily-even for a Publix cake. Maybe she would have wanted to help you with your ingredients cost, or has a georgeous cake plate or stand to display it. To me it doesn't sound like she intended to step on toes, unless I misunderstood.

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Verina Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 7:51am
post #13 of 25

I agree SHE'S YOUR SISTER. You go ahead and surprise her. She deserves it and so do you!

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novacaine24 Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 8:09am
post #14 of 25

Your sister will always remember that you surprised her with a special cake on her special day - don't let anybody take that away from you!

The aunt may have the best of intentions, and if so, she will appreciate your thoughtfulness towards your sister AND her nephew.

Make her something unforgettable...

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SScakes Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 8:34am
post #15 of 25

What a nice thoughful gesture.....

I'm sure it is going to turn out beautiful.

Everything of the best.

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CoutureCake Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 5:58pm
post #16 of 25

I think you're in a double-bind here. I think a call to the aunt needs to be placed so that the order can be cancelled asap with the note that it's a surprise and you've already worked it out with the restaurant but just heard that she had ordered one from Publix. If she still wants to do the cake for the apres' party, fine, but that you've got one lined up already with the restaurant for the dinner itself..

I agree, if you want to go by "rank and file" the Sister of the bride wins over aunt of the groom unless she's baking the cake as well... Homemade wins out over chain store ANY day! (except for a friend of my Ma's who has dogs that she wipes after and doesn't wash her hands, but that is a TOTALLY different issue!)...

Good luck with everything!

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Doug Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:02pm
post #17 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoutureCake

I agree, if you want to go by "rank and file" the Sister of the bride wins over aunt of the groom unless she's baking the cake as well... Homemade wins out over chain store ANY day!




call me a die-hard traditionalist about wedding etiquette ....but even if the groom's aunt were to be baking as well.

sister of bride still trumps aunt of groom

immediate family vs. extended family.....not mention bride's side vs. groom's side.

about the only exception I'd make ---

if the aunt were Colette Peters or Bronwen Webber or some such.

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monkee73 Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:09pm
post #18 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoutureCake

I think you're in a double-bind here. I think a call to the aunt needs to be placed so that the order can be cancelled asap with the note that it's a surprise and you've already worked it out with the restaurant but just heard that she had ordered one from Publix. If she still wants to do the cake for the apres' party, fine, but that you've got one lined up already with the restaurant for the dinner itself..




I agree with the "call to the aunt"..

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alimonkey Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:12pm
post #19 of 25

Does the aunt know you're baking a cake for them? If it's really a secret then there are no hard feelings I'm sure. Just let her know you've got the cake covered and that it's a secret.

On the other hand, if she knows you're doing one and she's getting a nasty Publix cake anyway, stronger words are called for. icon_mad.gif

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bcortez01 Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:13pm
post #20 of 25

I agree w/everyone. CALL the AUNT!!! Tell her you've been working really hard, for days now! To make YOUR Sisters cake SPECIAL.

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FromScratch Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:21pm
post #21 of 25

I agree.. bring the cake. Do call the aunt and tell her that you heard she ordered a cake but you have it all taken care of so she should cancel the order. Tell her that her gesture is very kind and you appreciate the thought she put into it (I know.. how much thought goes into a grocery store cake, but she DID try to make a nice gesture) but you have had this cake planned out as a suprise since before they even thought about getting married. Tell her if she'd like she can still have her cake for the party at home if she wants, but you wanted her to know that you will have a cake at the restaurant so if she wanted to she could grab another dessert if she wanted to.

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TOMAY Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 6:21pm
post #22 of 25

call the aunt cancel the cake and bring yours

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Maria071 Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 7:02pm
post #23 of 25

I don't see what the harm in having two cakes is. If the aunt ordered a cake (omg she didn't make it *gasp*) and you made one both of you had your hearts in the right place. I don't think you have any place telling her she can't give the couple the gift she wants to give and I don't think you should have to sacrafice your gift either.

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CoutureCake Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 7:08pm
post #24 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria071

I don't see what the harm in having two cakes is. If the aunt ordered a cake (omg she didn't make it *gasp*) and you made one both of you had your hearts in the right place. I don't think you have any place telling her she can't give the couple the gift she wants to give and I don't think you should have to sacrafice your gift either.




The primary reason for calling the aunt is so that SHE isn't surprised when she sees the cake at the restaurant. In other words, being a diplomat...

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Maria071 Posted 15 Aug 2007 , 7:16pm
post #25 of 25
Quote:
Quote:

The primary reason for calling the aunt is so that SHE isn't surprised when she sees the cake at the restaurant. In other words, being a diplomat...




Yes and I agree it would be nice but several on the board have suggested that the aunt be told NOT to bring her cake, I find that really rude.

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