so... my boyfriend's mom... her b-day is today. and long story short we have been together for a while (4+) years, and since i started getting better at cake decorating people have started to notice. earlier this week my bf asked me if i was going to do a cake for her b-day and i said "no", and he said "why? why not?" and i explained "i'm too tired, and i dont want to present my cakes that way.... free to anyone, and everyone i know", and he says "you know she'll be expecting one since you made her one last year, but since youre tired i understand", and i said "yeah i know she might be expecting one, but thats the thing... i dont want people expecting that from me all the time, it takes time and its $$". he was fine with it, and it wasnt a big deal.
fast forward to yesterday, i call his sister and ask.... "we need to make reservations for a restaurant, do you guys know where you want to go?", and they dont know where they want to take her. nothing annoys me more than INDECISIVE PEOPLE. his whole family is like that. its annoying. they wait till the last minute. 
so anyway..... i just got a call right now from his sister asking me to make reservations for dinner (last minute), and then the question comes...."did you make her a cake??" i say "no!", her response.... "oh.... (silence)... were you going to make her one?" .....silence on my end..... "UMM NO! it takes me like 2 days to make, and i didnt have time this week".... silence on her end..... then she says " oh.... okay... bc we just thought you would make her one, and __ (his other sister) thought of asking you to make her one!", and i say ".... yeah... no.... i dont think i can do that in 4HOURS!!... maybe you guys should buy her one!", and she says.... "oh... okay (still kinda stunned) bye."
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!! that is soo annoying. you know.... that gets me so angry.... the fact that they expect that from me. and its not like they offered to pay me. i am no doormat, and i may not be pro yet.... but thats my dream, and i will not let anyone try and push to do a cake for free. that takes time, and money, and i especially dont like doing things for people that aren't grateful for things. just thought i would share. has that ever happened to anyone of you guys? how do you guys handle?
Hmm, well I always do my family b-day cakes as gifts. If they get a cake they don't get anything else from me. I don't mind doing theirs because that is the one time I get to really pick what I want to do.
My general rule with my family and they know it, is that if I offer to do the cake, then it is free. If they ask me to do a cake, then they pay for it.
I know you said that you felt like the BFs sisters expected it and didn't appreciate it, but you never said he's mother's feelings. Is she thankful or does she just blow it off? Since it is her bday I would have gone off her feelings not the sisters.
My personaly feelings, please feel free to disagree, is that if you pretty much knew they were expecting one and you weren't in the mood to do one, then I would have said something earlier about it. You knew earlier in the week you weren't doing it, and I, personally would have said something then. That away they had time to make other arrangments or what not.
And if you want to go from being free to them paying for it, even if you just start off with supplies, you have to tell them. If you just don't make cakes any more they probably won't understand it is because you feel they all expect a cake, and a free cake at that.
Well.......... I give my family their cakes for free.But if they want a cake for someone else then they have to pay , or if I dont have time I say no. Now...............I do this for a living ,so if I dont get asked I get pissed 
Sorry to disagree here, but if it were for DH's mom, I wouldn't dream of charging her (or any one else in the family) for it. I made his sister's wedding and groom's cakes for free. I didn't feel like a doormat... I was glad to do it. Yea it takes money, but not very much for a small party cake. I think the sisters should have asked a lot earlier, hope the party went well anyway.
NVP, I'm proud of you. You are establishing the rules from the git-go and not allowing family to take advantage. There are too many threads on here from cake decorators who are stressed out because they don't know how to say no to family members who are taking advantage of them.
It is rude for someone to ASSUME you are making the cake. I don't think it is required of you to let anyone know in advance "I'm not making the cake this year!!" I mean, if I make a cake for a friend or family member, that does NOT contract me to make them a free cake every single year.
If they "thought' you were making the cake, THEY should have confirmed it with YOU that you were...... you have no obligation to confirm to them that you AREN'T.
I'm with ya, sista!! 
hmmm. I don't think you should feel like a dormat but rather special that they think that highly of your cakes that they were hoping you would do one. I guess I feel diffrent because this is his mom - hopefully your future MIL and I would never ever dream of charging my mom or my DH's mom for a cake. They are given with love.
If money is really tight maybe you could of made a small 6 inch special just for her.
I'm also with you on this one. Indydebi is right. They shouldn't expect you to do it and you shouldn't have to tell them you aren't doing it. If anyone should be responsible for making sure she had a cake it was your BF or his sisters. Why didn't he make sure his mother had a cake or why didn't he check with the sisters?
Once you give a cake away you are leaving yourself wide open for someone to think that is how it is always going to be. I just ran into that with a friend when she insisted I do her daughter's wedding cake. I told her I would be glad to. A week went by and I finally realized she thought I was doing it for free. When her daughter came by to show me what she wanted, I mentioned to her how much it would be. The look of surprise on her face was obvious. Her mother emailed me the next day and said, "I don't know if A***** told you to go ahead with the cake or not but go ahead. I can't pay you until July 12 (6 days after the wedding). I actually didn't get paid until the 15th but I did finally get paid. To top it all off, they didn't ask me until 2 weeks before the wedding. I guess because I brought cakes to pot lucks, she assumed that I did it for fun.
Diane
MVP- I agree with you. It should not be assumed that because you are the decorator in the family that you will do everyones cakes without discussion. I had that problem with my office.
When I first began working at my present job I had only been decoration for a couple of years so I used them as guinea pigs when I would practice different techniques. When the fall came I was expected to bring in cakes for free. 
I had to politely and respectfully tell them i don't get the ingredients for free and set them straight really quick. 
I've now been there 13 years and I have them trained 
If I do a cake for free as a gift it is my decision, not someone else deciding for me.
Stick to your principles and you will be successful.
I totally agree with indydebi and you, of course! NO ONE has the right to assume you are making a cake. Big deal, you made a cake last year, did you give her a gift certificate entitling her to a birthday cake every year for the rest of her life?
They are just being selfish. They assumed that you would make a cake and never asked your intentions. It is not your responsibilty to make THEIR mother a b-day cake! Even if this was your MIL, they should still ask, and at least offer to help with expenses.
Yes, you have been dating him for 4+ years, and yes, he might someday be your DH. All the more reason to establish parameters now, before they rope you into free cakes for every family member's special event for the next 50 years!
Kathi
thank you for everyones opinions, actually i had bought her a present aleady, and i knew this week i would be working 50 hrs at work this week, so to me the cake would be deadly, plus i have a child. i guess if i wasnt going to get her anything of course the cake would have been her present, but its THE FACT that they think i just lounge all day. None of his sisters work. so they think i just lay down all day. its the fact that they expected that from me when they dont have the slightest idea how long it takes, and how hard i work during the week. i mean i guess i should have been more detailed, but i was just soo mad. thanks for letting me rant =)
I agree with you and understand what you are saying. I have a similar thread going about friends! ugh. Anyway, I agree that they should NOT have assumed that you were going to make the cake without first checking with you! It does make you feel a bit run over. I don't think I've been around family recently to make cakes, but the time my step mom had me make a cake for my cousin (she's like my real mom though), she paid me...she's the one that told me to get into cake decorating before I was even ANY good! I wasn't even decent back then and that cake looked horrible, but they paid me $40 for it!
I don't mind doing cakes for family for free, but I like to volunteer to do them, not have them ASSUME that I am going to do them. That's the difference. 
Best of luck!
It's kind of like if everyone had dinner and then said, "Well, we didn't bring any money because you picked up the check last year, and so we just assumed you'd do it again." I think it takes away from the special-ness of the gift (whether it's cake or anything else) when it becomes expected. Plus, it's just rude.
Sorry to disagree here, but if it were for DH's mom, I wouldn't dream of charging her (or any one else in the family) for it. I made his sister's wedding and groom's cakes for free. I didn't feel like a doormat... I was glad to do it. Yea it takes money, but not very much for a small party cake. I think the sisters should have asked a lot earlier, hope the party went well anyway.
I get that too, i wouldn't have had a problem if they came to me and asked if i could make a cake for her but its the ASSumming that gets to me. I have inlaws kinda like that too. its just the way that family works. No it doesnt take much effort to go and make a simple cake but its the attitude towards it that makes the difference. She's part of the family not the maid.
And if you also expected to buy a present and go out to dinner too the cash adds up.
I have to share that I'm so proud to have a hubby that gets this! I was sharing this story with him and he reminded me that he used to take food into his office to share with co-workers ..... cheeseballs, cookies, brownies, etc...... and one day he noticed that no one else brought in any snacks, no one offered to help pay for the items. It really hit him when they started asking him when he was bringing in one of Debi's cheeseballs!
He came home and said, "no more". They know it takes money and time to make those and they are now expecting it. So he stopped taking stuff in. Then one day a co-worker asked him "how much" it would cost for a cheeseball! And he gave her a price..... and she paid it.
You just gotta train your family and friends!
I also have the policy that family members get cakes for free, but I get to do whatever I want. They can have some input within reason (like if I'm making a cake for my cousin's 5 yr old she can tell me what the child likes, etc.) However, if family members ask for something specific, they must pay for the materials and give me at least 7 days notice. Non-family must pay regardless.
I agree with not doing one if you don't want to (and it does get irritating when people assume things)....
BUT... I also think it would help to educate people about what we all do. Most people don't know how much time (or money, for that matter) we spend doing the planning, shopping, baking, assembling, decorating, etc.. Hours and hours of time, even for the small cakes!
I wouldn't get mad at the sisters or anything - they probably just don't understand.... maybe just let them know, "when I bake a cake....even a small one, it takes a lot of hours to do all of the things that need to be done", so that maybe they will understand a little better where you are coming from.
Some people don't give a cr*p, and will want free stuff no matter what you do...... but this is for those who truly don't understand!
I am also so proud of you....I am TIRED of being stepped on by my family and some friends...My mil bad mouths my cakes but then when she has a dinner or something she wants me to bring one!!!!! I quit bringing cakes after Fathers Day. Stick to your guns girlie!!!
update: so yesterday we go to dinner with the whole entire family.... and OMG!!!! ..... am i happy i didnt make the cake. So we get there right and the rest of the sisters are acting sarcastic, and asking around "where is the cake? did someone get a cake?" looking at me assuming i would answer or something, and one of his other sisters says " oh we had to go get her a cake last minute, and when we brought it here, the waitor took it in the fridge", and they give me this look.... like trying to rub it in my face. I wish i could explain it more, but i knew they were trying to make me feel uncomfortable. and i did notice the sarcasm, and i wish you all were there. but anyway... she liked the present i got her.
Oh I wish I HAD been there to watch! Being the calm, cool, and proper person that I am (it's ok to laugh, everyone!) when they said they "HAD to get her one last minute", I probably would have looked really surprised and said, "You mean NONE of you remembered to get a cake for YOUR OWN mother's birthday????" 
But then .... I tend to be the B-witch of the group! 
oh indydebi that is too funny, i would have probably said that too, agree with you NVP i would have done everything the same i used to give my family their cakes for free when i started out, but you have to be the one to offer they just should not assume its free, one of my relatives the first year i gave her a cake she asked for two and she asked for two flavors, fillings, picture, i let her step on me these were not easy cakes for a beginner, then for a housewarming again i let her my fault, then for her sons 2nd birthday free, finally i got mad and the following year when she called i told her regular price she cancelled the cake because she said she could not afford that and bought one from a grocery store well that was the last time she ever got one from the store she left it on the counter and it melted, this year she kept calling ordering two because it was a combined birthday, i told her regular price she said okay i let her think she had to pay all the way up until she picked them up so she would not take advantage of me (they were free because she helped me sell cookies at her work for valentines) i don't mind doing things for family within reason but don't call me and say you want a 4 layer cake with 3 different fillings, and all the bells and whistles then assume its free.
I know how you feel. My friends must think that I bake in my sleep or something! I hear this everywhere I go "what happened to my cake" or "where is my cake". I get so sick and tired of it. You just have to set the rules as Debi said. Let them know what the deal is going to be. I have 3 god children so their mom expects a cake for their birthdays, that's fine with me. When we have family functions, people assume I'm going to bring the cake. That's not always good for me and if it's not, I just let them know. Don't be afraid to tell them, especially when you start making cakes that you get paid for. You have to make those a priority and the free ones kind of go to the side.
NVP, good for you for standing your ground. i have similar problems, with my own mother. she comes in friday night and says "your grandmother's birthday is on sunday, so you can bake her cake tomorrow..... oh and by the way, you can bring it to her too!" i made the mistake of being a good granddaughter (i'm not at all close with my grandmother) and baked her bday cakes for a couple of years without being asked to, and then people started ASSuming. i cannot say no to my mother. i had to run to my big brother and ask him to tell mom no! i'm a coward, i know. i would do almost anything for my mom. but she is so unsupportive of me pursuing this as a career (someday, a long time from now, i hope). she doesn't seem to have any trouble asking for free cakes (i wouldn't take her money anyway), but when i have a paying job, she tells me to stop doing it.
nevermind those ungrateful college students i supervise at work. rarely do i ever get a thank you for all the free baked goodies i bring in. i swore that i would not bring anymore free stuff ever again, except for my boss's birthday.
boy, that felt good. only the great ppl at CC would understand...
cakekrayzie, that has to be a record for the longest sentence I've ever seen!
I thought the same thing! I proofread for our local paper sometimes and I thought I had seen some long sentences. Too funny cakekrazie! You made my morning!
Diane
I bake cakes for free for immediate family only.
For a couple of special friends I have done there wedding cakes for nothing but have made sure they understood it was to be considered my gift to them. 
I send cakes into my DBF work all the time and use them as my 'test dummies' .
Recently he came home with a spreadsheet for me and said these are all the birthdays we celebrate at work, and you WILL be paid for each and everyone of them.
So have been baking my little heart out, he recently came home and said that the CEO told him. 'we should be paying Cheryl for the cakes, they are not cheap to make you know'.
He replied: 'we are paying her for all the birthday cakes, the others she is happy to send in for free to get feedback on textures and flavours. 
But even my DBF had no idea how expensive it can be until I made him come shopping with me for ingredients for a 2 tier fruit cake, icing with Satin Ice etc. He has kept all the reciepts for me at my request. I asked him, have you worked out how much I have spent on this project yet?
Once he added it up, his reply: 
he had no idea until then. Now he is busy working on a spreadsheet for me
(He thinks he is brilliant coming up with the idea of a spreadsheet......... he is a financial analyst.) Bless his dear heart. (not telling him I got one off here)
When I was telling a girlfriend this story and that I had cracked the $200 mark just in ingredients............ her reply................. Is that all? 
I thought that pretty rude as I made her a 3 tier fruit cake for her wedding renewal in March!
So from now on............. she gets charged full price!!!!
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