I usually am quite good at holding myself together, I'm a bit of a control freak, so even crying is a loss of control that I can't stand. Lately little things have been going wrong, building up until I'm almost a person I don't even recognize, with terrible mood swings and a worse temper. Tonight I started crying (over nothing!) and literally couldn't stop. Even after the emotional sobbing bit was over, I just laid in the bed with tears rolling out of my eyes. I feel like that little bit of thread that was holding me together has broken and I don't have the energy to pull it back together. I don't want to even think about getting out of bed tomorrow, let alone going to work and doing the regular busy mom things.
Sorry for the vent, but for me it is so shameful to lose control so badly and to admit such an awful helplessness, I just can't talk to anyone IRL about it. Especially since there's nothing really wrong. I'm just worn out and all used up.
As always thanks to my CC friends for listening. Getting it out helps a little.
Oh, here is a hug coming your way! I hope that you get to feeling better. I tend to hold things in myself and let them out when no one is around. Sometimes I go to my basement, where my kitchen is, and just think about things and cry. It can be hard to handle and deal with things sometimes. I wish you a happier day tommorow. 
I am sorry you cracked. Keeping a strong outside can kill your insides. not everything is within your control.
I can highly recommend talking to your doctor, especially about the mood swings. Mine prescribed a medication that changed my life. Some times it isn't your fault that things are out of control.
Thank you so much for the kind thoughts.
I do think that a major part of my mood swings is caused by medication - I'm on four different kinds right now for back pain. One of them is an antidepressent that supposedly targets nerve pain, but I can't help but wonder what an antidepressent does to you if you're not depressed already? I'm seeing my doctor next week to see what else we can do because I am not myself at all lately.
(((((HUGS))))) ... I know you're in a lot of physical pain right now, and that can really wear you down after awhile. Also, I have read that pain meds can make you moody and depressed, so I'll bet that has something to do with it, too. Hang in there ... I hope you're feeling better soon!!!
Here's another (((((HUG)))))) for you. Hope things get better for you soon!
My baby started kindergarten Wed. and I am a mess. He went to Pre-K last year but only for 2 1/2 hours. Kindergarten is all day and I am so lost. We have been together practically 24/7 for the past 5 years. I hope I get used to it soon.
I'm hearing you loud and clear. I've been going through something very similar to what your describing. I broke down and went to the doctor. He put me on cymbalta that seems to be working already for me. I'm also taking ambian to help me sleep. Great if you want to actually feel rested in the morning. The cymbalta which is an antidepressant I've been on for about 3 weeks now and I find myself laughing a little more and cracking more jokes like I used to. I also am not feeling as worn down and achy as I used to. That was depressing in and of itself. If I can help or if you need a shoulder, just pm me or email me. [email protected]
Amy
I've been there and done that and I'm sure there are a lot of people that can relate to your situation. I wonder how combinations of different drugs effect our bodies/moods. Maybe changing your meds will help. Sometimes they (doctors) have to try a few different ones to finally get the right mix. Hang in there.
I could have written your post, but I think I have narrowed mine down to hormonal imbalances since my "episodes" as my husband and I so lovingly call them happen anywhere from a week to a few day before I start my period thru the week of. From what I have been researching I could be periomenopausal (I'm only 3
and I can't be miserable for 2 weeks out of every month. I won't bore you with all of the symptom details. It's really scary because the rest of the month I am great and everything seems normal.
I actually haven't been myself since I had my second child 2 years ago. I went thru Lexapro and counseling and seemed to be doing good and then this past March it started spiraling out of control again, but only during the above time frame. I am going to an endocronoligist on Monday to see if we can narrow some things down. My husband went with me to my primary doctor to give his side of my personality and that's when the dr suggested the specialist.
I will tell you though that mixing 4 different drugs could be having a huge impact on your psyche. If you haven't looked into more alternative methods such as a chiropractor/kineselogist, accupuncture, cranial sacral massage, etc you may want to. I'm going to the Dr Monday to see if I can get a more definite answer of the origins of my problem and then going a more natural treatment approach because for me I just don't like all the information on anti-depressants, hormone replacement, etc. And for me I did not like being on Lexapro at all and at this point I'm not willing to try other brands because - and this is only my opinion - I don't believe many doctors truly try to find the root cause of problems. They prescribe a drug and if that doesn't work they are quick to try something else. And remember - most doctors do make money some way some how on the drugs they are prescribing. Stepping down from my soapbox.
In short, there is always a place for modern medical science as many alternative practitioners will tell you, but take everything with a grain of salt (from both sides) and do your own research to make informed choices.
I hope you are feeling better soon. I always tell my oldest daughter that sometimes a girl just has to cry even if you seemingly have no reason. Unfortunately it's sometimes hard to take my own advice and be "out of control" because like you I tend to be a control freak and want everything to be just so. Good luck to you!
I forgot to say Happy Birthday by the way 
. Hope you had a better day today.
Thank you again to everyone. I've been feeling a little better, still on edge, but at least I'm holding it together. I have two doctor's appointments in the next 2 weeks and expect to schedule surgery for my back so I can get off all the meds. I think that's got to be what a major part of the problem is. I've been on something or other (powerful pain killers for the most part) since last fall and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
Thanks again for all the responses, it is so good to be a part of this community.
hi sweety, i know things will get better for you once you see the doctor and your meds are reduced and what not but also know that some times it just feels good to cry and let it all out. its just your bodys way of saying out with old and in with the new. its like starting a new day. thats the way i look at it anyway. hope this helps a little.
btw happy birthday!
Well now DH (and i DO NOT mean "dear" hubby...) has decided to turn on me. We had a big fight tonight because I asked him not to play a stinkin' video game...well I won't go into all the details, but it wasn't pretty. I'm sick and tired of trying to explain to him how bad I'm feeling, physically and emotionally. You'd think he'd notice that I'm not myself and crying at the drop of a hat and maybe dig deep to provide a little support and understanding, but no dice. He only knows how hard it is to live with me, he doesn't think about how hard it is to BE me. I'm hanging in there until my dr. appt by sheer force of will and the comfort I get from you wonderful ladies. Thanks for being there for me when my own husband isn't.
Sometimes a girl's just gotta cry and "reset" things, ya know? You're only human.
My mom is in horrible pain with her neck and back. Last yr. she went to a specialist at Johns Hopkins and they implanted a device that has a remote control to it, and she can crank it up and down depending on her pain. Occasionally she has to wear a special belt to recharge the battery. It's not perfect, but it does help her.
Thanks again to all of you who gave me some much needed support. I went to the doctor this week and found out what happened to me. One of the meds I am on is an anti-convulsant (targets nerve pain, it's for my back) Well, I had run out and my insurance wouldn't refill it for four days, they said it was too soon to refill. My doctor was out of town, so they couldn't get it straightened out. As soon as I got back on the meds, I started feeling better. I talked to my doctor about it and he said you CANNOT stop taking that medicine cold turkey (I take 6 pills a day), he said you have to stop gradually. Stopping suddenly can cause psychotic behavior and seizures. So I'm glad to know what caused it, and I'm thanking God that nothing more serious happened, because my doctor scared the heck out of me...I had no idea how dangerous it was!
Thanks again to everyone who 'talked me down'. It's a wonderful feeling to be myself again.
Shelly,
Sorry I missed this before now. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. I know how it can be with a husband that just doesn't understand that you don't feel well and just don't feel like yourself. It makes having good friends elsewhere even more important.
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