Need To Vent A Little...very Long, Sorry!
Decorating By valora387 Updated 8 Aug 2007 , 7:31am by KittyPTerror
Sometimes we forget that our Elders come from a different mind set than we do.
My mother was one that NEVER displayed anything we gave her and we gave her some amazing things.
I find this is very common in the Depression Age folks. They grew up with less than nothing, so they were conditioned to put everything up "for good".
My 1st MIL was such a person. She had 3 kids. One year, she told us 3 things she wanted (WANTED!) for Christmas. Easy, right? We each bought one thing ... from the list of things she WANTED! What did she do with them? She put them in her storage room to save "for good".
When she passed away, the room was full of items still in the package that she never got to use or enjoy.
Sometimes we forget that our Elders come from a different mind set than we do.
My mother was one that NEVER displayed anything we gave her and we gave her some amazing things.
I find this is very common in the Depression Age folks. They grew up with less than nothing, so they were conditioned to put everything up "for good".
My 1st MIL was such a person. She had 3 kids. One year, she told us 3 things she wanted (WANTED!) for Christmas. Easy, right? We each bought one thing ... from the list of things she WANTED! What did she do with them? She put them in her storage room to save "for good".
When she passed away, the room was full of items still in the package that she never got to use or enjoy.
Now that is the saddest thing I've heard in a long while, when we put my mom in the nursing home, my sister scored big time, she took EVERYTHING my mother had.
How sad for her ( my sister that she was such a grabber ) but, I have my memories and she can't take those.
Ahhh, indydebi, the world needs both of us I think - keeps a good balance! I probably don't stand up for myself with family enough because I just hate all the drama - enough of it happens without me. Outside my family I don't take too much crap from people.
I am glad you made a cake for your MIL, I just hope that she tells you someday just how much she really does appreciate you! With a couple older family members I have, they complain and seem ungrateful over everything. I think it is because of how they were brought up, not being able to express feelings openly. This is something I see in every generation in my family right up to my mother, who is a little better than my grandmother and so on. I am making sure I break that cycle with my kids - they know exactly how I feel (they are sick of me everyday!) LOL.(((((((HUG))))))))) I also agree with indydebi about depression in elderly - it can make them do some pretty odd and inconsiderate things.
I just wanted to post and let everyone know how things ended up. I made the two cakes and took them over to the in-laws' house. My MIL had also made a cake for my BIL (her cakes are sad... they would make CC'ers weep in sorrow for their sad cake states). She never even acknowledged the cake that I made for her, and wouldn't come to the table at first when we were going to sing Happy Birthday to her and my BIL. She finally came in, we sang, and when it came time to give people cake, they had a choice of the strawberry one, the chocolate one, or the one that she made. No one picked her cake, and it upset her. When we left, she and my father in law told people they were going to put the left-overs of the cake that I made onto my front porch while we were out, because they didn't need our cake. 
They didn't do this, but they did give both of the cakes (and my cake plates!) to my husband's other brother. My BIL who I made the cake for didn't even get to have a second piece because they gave his cake away, they didn't want it in their house! How crazy is that?
That is the LAST time that I will go out of my way to make her a cake. I just don't need this kind of aggravation in my life. Oh, well, lesson learned.
((((HUGS))))) It's hard being the bigger person. You did really well. At least you finally got an acknowledgment for your cake(not the one you would have liked) but at least you know where you stand for future birthdays. That must be relaxing knowing you don't have to make that extra cake each year.
Leigh 
wow.. thats crazy (how she acted). Sounds like the rest of the family was greatful that you made the cakes though right? since no one ate hers. Im just sorry for you that there isnt better relations 
No one needs that kind of stress and tension..... Hope you have a great time tonight!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You now know what you will do for the future. And so does your husband I hope. You don't deserve that, no one does.
She will have to live with what she has done, and what's more, everyone else now knows what she really is.
You just go on and make the greatest creations that you can for everyone else, and let her watch. I'd even act like it doesn't even bother you what she did. That'll show her even more that you are a bigger person than she is.
Smile, and know that your husband is yours, and he supports you. That's what really matters!
Again, so sorry this happened. Sometimes it would be nice if you could choose your relatives wouldn't it??
Sounds like there may be issues much deeper than cake going on. Relatives can be a pain, no doubt about that...but could she have some mental issues (change of life) or other worries. I have had 2 MIL in my life, first one was an angel, second one from hell. She hurt my feelings too many times to count, when she passed away we went through her things (she saved EVERYTHING) I read her writings when she was in school, her many little notebooks of daily happenings ect. I then come to the understanding that living through so many decades and life in general can make a person sour, resentful and downright mean when in fact they didn't start out that way. I have to overlook so many things with my own mother as well for the same reason. Life is too short to be upset with this cake incident and believe me whoever told you about them giving the cakes to older brother will in turn be telling your inlaws how you complain about them....an the beat goes on. By the way, I am a MIL to 3 DIL and 2 of them tell me I am more of a mother than their own..I learmed some life's lessons on what and what not to do in giving advice or opinions when not asked for them. I hope you find your way with this woman.
Helen
Wow! that's sad that even your kind gesture was understood as a shot across the bow! I have to say that's the worst cake to make--the one you resent agreeing to. Sounds like your being out of town the previous weekend was no accident or coincidence--that the honest fact is that you didn't want to celebrate with MIL. I hope you feel free to admit that and let it go at that. Decide what you will or won't do and let DH do the explaining. They know how to deal with their mothers and don't read meaning into every word (like I can tend to do--though your situation--she really did mean what she said).
Even with a negative outcome, I hope you feel liberated.
I'm going to play Devil's advocate here. Maybe it was a matter of her feeling you were trying to out do her?
Maybe she wanted to make her son a cake to share with her family?
Remember, that before he was your hubby he was her son first!
It sounds to me like she feels threatened, put out, or like you're trying to steal her thunder?
Some people, especially older one's do NOT know how to express their feelings and it comes across as cold and angry.
Maybe this is the time to invite her over for a cup of coffee and a little talk.
Take it from me, you don't have to kiss her butt, but keep peace in the family, in the long run life is to short to put a rift in the family over cake!
.... you don't have to kiss her butt, but keep peace in the family, in the long run life is to short to put a rift in the family over cake!
You're right .... life is too short to argue over cake, and MIL needs to realize this. MIL should get over it.
Leave it on the porch>????? Oh come on! She's dealing with a nut job here!
I don't let the nuts run the asylum in my life.
My method has kept peace in the family for over 20 years. I have low tolerance for people who allow themselves to be run over .... especially by someone who would leave a cake on a porch to prove a point!
Remember, that before he was your hubby he was her son first!
It was for her BIL....
You know, what a baby. You really have to pity someone who has made it so far in life and still acts like that. You've put a lot of work into becoming a wonderful cake artist, and she hasn't. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe if she put years of her life in to learning how to make beautiful, delicious cakes, her cakes would be appealing, too. I'm sure she has talents in other areas, but it sounds like she is jealous of your skills. I'm so grateful that I don't have to deal with that.
Next year, I think you should just not make a cake and then if she says anything about it, (which it sounds like she will because she has to have something to complain about) just sweetly say that you know she likes to make cakes, too, and you wanted to give her a chance to show off. Or, you could say that you would have made her a cake, but you don't have any more cake plates...Wonder where they could have gotten off to...?
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%