Cheap, Ungrateful Bridezilla! Venting!

Decorating By ShabbyChic_Confections Updated 9 Sep 2006 , 8:17pm by sueco

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ShabbyChic_Confections Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 3:46pm
post #1 of 39

About 6 or 8 months ago my SIL told me her SIL will be getting married and I offered myself to make the cake, thinking that she would have a small wedding, later on I found out that she had 200 guest!!
I was ok with it, just thinking that I shouldn't have say anything about making the cake for free.
Just last month my SIL ask my husband, her brother, if it would be possible that he would marry them, he is a Priest at our church, she said that they were having a hard time finding someone to marry them and that they were asked for at least $500 for the ceremony, our church doesn't charge a penny for anything, so he agreed to do it also because he knows the bride since she was 5 yeasr old, even though we don't have a relashionship with her.
My DH thells my SIL that if they want to be marry by our church it would be a good idea if they come at least to one service so they can see how our church is, they didn't. About 3 weeks ago my DH asked me if it was ok to invite them for dinner, he didn't know the groom and tought it would be nice to get to know him before the wedding day and also to talk about the details of the ceremony.
The came over I made dinner for them and my SIL came with her husband, he is the brother of the bride. We ate and talked about anything, since they were not bringing up the subject my DH starts the conversation about the weddind and tryies to explain a little bit about our church and what we believe, wouldn't you be intrested to know who is going to marry you?? He wasn't even finished talking when she says that they must go beacuse they have people waiting for them at their apartment. I just couln't believe it!! How rude!!
The following week she calls and leaves a message saying that the rehearsal dinner was at 7 pm that friday, but then she corrects herslef and says " I mean the wedding rehearsal"! (that was my first hint that we where not going to be included in the dinner)
Last friday was the rehearsal, and my DH works nights, he left our home thursday at 11:00 pm, and he was back from work friday at 4:30 pm, he just had time to take a shower and change, beacuse we had to drive for 1 hour to the place. By the way she knew that my DH was without any sleep beacuse her brither caller her in the way back from work and told her that they were just coming back, they work in the same place and they carpool since they have to drive 72 miles to work!
Once we get there, thet rehearsal takes about an hour, I asked her we she wanted the cake, that way I knew where to place it.
She starts gathering the wedding party and tells them to go and have a seat at the lounge/bar at the country club, then she comes and with a sweet oice says to us: " Thanks for coming, you are free to go, we are going to watch the slide show that we prepared for the wedding, you can stay if you want". I just could not believe it!!! you are free to go??? are we your employees?? How rude!! she didn't even offer my DH some water, poor thing more than 24 up and she dares to discard the person that is going to marry her??
I was so upset, first beacuse I felt we were being used and second because many brides today all they care is about the dress, the cake, the party, they don't really think how serious it is, you can't just ask for God's blessing and act like is the last think you need to worry about, people today have their values all mixed up!! Sorry if I offended anyone here that's not my intention.
But the more I think about it, the more agravated I get!! She is the worst bridezilla I ever met, so cheap, rude, low class!!
After that my DH, my 2 girls and me went to dinner, my poor DH was so tired and hungry and betwen one thing and another we made it home at 11:30, he was up for 29 hours!!!
Let me tell you that yesterday was the wedding and my DH did a great job, his words were beatiful, we didn't saty longer at the reception, just right after they cut the cake we left. (I wanted to make sure the cake tasted good icon_razz.gif ), everyone loved it and at the end that's all it matters, we did what we were supossed to do and with the best intentions.
But I just was horrified on how this little girl behaved, I just needed to vent, sorry I dump this on you guys, but I'm sure that some of you can relate to this.

Lesson learned: No more free cakes!!! icon_twisted.gif

38 replies
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Kiddiekakes Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 3:52pm
post #2 of 39

Your right!! All that mattered was the cake was good and your hubby was great!! Lesson learned!!

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Lenette Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:06pm
post #3 of 39

WOW! That is truly rude and ungracious (is that a word? LOL!). Her lack of manners is appalling! I agree with you, people's priorities are all screwed up. All of these people worried about the wedding and rececption, things that are for show. Maybe if more thought and consideration was put into the marriage and the commitment there would be fewer divorces. No offense to anyone who is divorced, not slamming you. We often times don't know til we get there, KWIM. icon_wink.gif Many of the young people getting married aren't looking beyond the day, that is what is upsetting.

Back to the original post-you and your DH did your best and fulfilled your responsibilities. The rest is on them. icon_rolleyes.gif
And definitely no free cakes if not for a loved one! thumbs_up.gif

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KlyKat Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:14pm
post #4 of 39

Well, first let me say you are a much bigger and better women than I am. thumbs_up.gif I would have went off icon_mad.gif

I say that but being a Christian I'm sure I would have handled it. The bride was completely WRONG in every sense ofthe situation. Did she or the groom evern "thank you" for what all you and your DH did for them? The $$ you saved them? The time and effort it would have taken for them to find a cake decorator, pick out a cake, tastings etc... Not to mention what your DH did for them. I assume these are not religious, church attending people? Only my assumpution!! They weren't even interested in hearing what your DH had to say. Goodness, the nerve of poeple.

And what makes it worse, she (bride) probably hasn't even had a second thought about the whole thing.

Just know that you are the better person for it and keep up the good work. And I agree, no more freebies icon_razz.gif K'ly^,,^

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lpino Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:15pm
post #5 of 39

I can't believe the way she behaved and after you guys did what you did (the wedding and the cake! and for free!!!). Imagine her wedding without those two things?!??!???!!!! You guys did the right thing and it 's nice to know there are people like you out there. I hope you learned your lesson and won't offer any more free cakes unless is someone really special to you!

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karateka Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:20pm
post #6 of 39

un frikkin believable. icon_eek.gif

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Bethroze Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:34pm
post #7 of 39

Whether or not a church charges for a couple using it for their wedding, there is the offering of a gratuity or thank you. Here in Middle Ga, I have heard anywhere from $50 to $100. That is even when using your own Minister. A pretty card, a check, invites to all dinners, and a good firm handshake. If she doesn't have faith behind her, couldn't she at least look up her manners.

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MommiesMunchies Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:35pm
post #8 of 39

In my experience a pastor usually asks to meet the couple for a few counseling sessions before they marry them. Perhaps that is one of the reasons no other pastor would marry them. I agree w/ you that so many brides dwell on the cake the dress & most importantly the RING instead of the most important thing which is the marriage.

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debsuewoo Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:48pm
post #9 of 39

WEll, if she treats a man of God that way, I wonder how she is going to treat her husband? I don't see this marriage lasting too long.

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CakeDiva73 Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 4:49pm
post #10 of 39
Originally Posted by karateka

un frikkin believable. icon_eek.gif


I think you and your husband sound like such generous and kind people and I would have been livid and unable to keep my mout shut - truly....

What a tacky woman she is.... what comes around, goes around. icon_lol.gif

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bakedandiced Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 6:13pm
post #11 of 39

Bless your heart for being so generous, you and your hubby. The bridezilla will get hers one day!!! and this time she'll have to pay for the cake.

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imartsy Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 6:32pm
post #12 of 39

People DO have their priorities screwed up - I completely agree. I wish my husband and I had been able to attend more counseling sessions but the only ones offered were very expensive - we went to some at another HUGE church that had a LOT of people in it and no one really wanted to talk or share so it kinda sucked..... didn't learn much there..... but we still did meet w/ the minister and talked with him a litlte bit so he had something personal to say about us at the wedding..... we didn't get married in a church b/c I feel closer to God outside and wanted an outdoor wedding - but we still paid the minister to come - and of course he was included in the dinner.... I think we invited him to the rehersal but it was basically a "come whenever - there's food" rehersal dinner - we had so many people from out of town arriving at so many different times - anyway I don't think he came but we DID invite him......

I just can't believe how rude and stupid some people are - they should have been falling all over you thanking you for helping w/ the cake and allowing them to get married at your church..... speaking of that, were they religious? I know a lot of churches won't let you get married if you don't belong to the church as a member - or at least if you aren't baptized (or initiated in some way) as a part of that religion.....

The only thing you can do is pray to God that the girl learns some manners and that HE is a big part of their marriage b/c w/out HIM - their marriage sounds like it will be quite shaky..... I mean the groom didn't thank you or make any offers either, did he? So he is really just as rude as she is.....

NO FREE CAKES! EVER! icon_smile.gif

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CakeDiva73 Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 6:37pm
post #13 of 39
Originally Posted by imartsy

NO FREE CAKES! EVER! icon_smile.gif

Is that your motto? If so, pleeeeease tell me your secrets for not getting roped into free cake by your friends, family, neighbors, etc....

I heard someone else who said the first words out of their mouth after someone mentions a cake is "What's your budget?"

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playingwithsugar Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 6:53pm
post #14 of 39

Did you say something to your SIL about what transpired? If yes, what did she have to say about it? You need to contact her and tell her that, as much as you love her, you will never do a cake for that side of her family again, and explain why.

No matter how many responses you get from your post, it is going to eat at you until you do something about it. And since your SIL got you into that situation, it behooves you to put the responsibility for it on her.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

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Cindy_Gl Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:13pm
post #15 of 39

Sorry that "bridezilla" took advantage of you and your husband. Please learn from it and don't allow anyone else to do that to either of you again.

My daughter is getting married this Sat. and I think she is a "bridezilla" lol, but after reading your encounter, I may have to rethink...she might just be a bride under lots of stress.

Our pastor of our church is traveling an hour to perform the ceremony in a church that is not our denomination, and he is cutting short his family vacation to be at the rehearsal. The grooms parents are paying the church rental of 500.00. and we are paying our pastor $500.00 for his services, and of course him and his wife are invited to the rehearsal dinner, any other way is extremely RUDE and tacky.

I hope you don't ever have to associate with her again. She used you and your DH.


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MaisieBake Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:19pm
post #16 of 39

pleeeeease tell me your secrets for not getting roped into free cake by your friends, family, neighbors, etc....

I heard someone else who said the first words out of their mouth after someone mentions a cake is "What's your budget?"

You've answered your own question.

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playingwithsugar Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:22pm
post #17 of 39

It's like drugs -- just say "NO!". You need to treat doing cakes for friends and family exactly the same way you do a client. Even though you might not charge them as much for your work, the deposit must be paid at the time of order, and the balance must be paid by two weeks before the event, or there will be no dessert that night.

I do not charge my family for my cakes, but friends do pay, or they are out of luck.


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mariamom Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:38pm
post #18 of 39

WOW!!! What a great Christian you are. Remember that your rewards will come in heaven. I just attended the best outdoor free weekend concert in the country this weekend and know that you are a blessing to all those around you, even those who don't know it!! I agree to talk it over with your SIL to get it off your chest and make certain that doesn't happen again. God Bless you for being so generous!!

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cakesbyamym Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:45pm
post #19 of 39

Vicky, if nothing else, just chalk it up to a learning experience. If I had been that bride, I'd have gone above and beyond to thank you and your DH for your time, money, the use of the church, free cake, etc. People need to understand that a simple thank you goes a long way. When you invest time, money and your own sweat into something, the least that they could have done was to offer you a thank you in appreciation.

I also agree that yes, a wedding is a big deal, but it's not the be-all-end-all. My DH and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary on 9/12. No matter what could have/did go wrong on our wedding day, the most important thing to me was that we were MARRIED. The little bumps and imperfections are what will give you the biggest laughs in years to come. I was so grateful to God for sending this wonderful man, my best friend, into my life that the cake, the dress, everything else, took a back seat. Not that I didn't plan like a little crazed woman, but in the end, we just wanted to be married.

God bless you and your DH for your kindness and thoughtfulness. Rest easy at night knowing that you were charitable and gave from the heart. From now free cakes, though. LOL. I learned that the hard way, too. I have also been on the receiving end of doing a wedding cake for FREE without receiving a simple thank you. You will be blessed for your kindness. icon_smile.gif


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ShabbyChic_Confections Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:52pm
post #20 of 39

I don't think she is religous, he "says" he is, when they came over for dinner they mentoined that they have been going to a church for about a 8 weeks, we did ask ourselves with my DH why they didn't ask the priest at their church to marry them?? Money maybe??
They never came to our church and we don't charge or turn people down if they don't belong to our congregation, God's blessing is something that you just can put a price on it or deny. No, they didn't make any offering towards the church either and I didn't say anything to my SIL, I just don't wan't to cause any friction with her, I really love her and I will try just to say no. My DH perhaps says he would mention it to his sister because he says that it was also her responsability to make sure that we were treated nice since is her husband's family.
Thank you so much for all of you words, I wasn't sure about venting, because I tought that maybe I was over reacting... I gues I wasn't, right?

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cakesbykitty Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 7:53pm
post #21 of 39

i apologize i didn't take the time to read all the other replies so I'm sure all this has been said but.... I am just flabbergasted! I am a Christian, I believe in treating others as you want to be treated and as Jesus treats us... now, WITH THAT BEING SAID: while reading this i just kept waiting to hear what secret ingredient you were going to put in the cake batter! LOL! exlax? alum? garlic? I know, I am going to hell now, LOL, but holy mackrel... what a rude person!

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fmcmulle Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 8:06pm
post #22 of 39

I don't know this person but I feel like I need to apologize for her. I can not believe she took advantage of you this way. I wonder how she would have felt if the cake didn't make it to the reception. You are a much better person than I and I applaud you!!!

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debsuewoo Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 8:19pm
post #23 of 39
Originally Posted by alaskanmom

i apologize i didn't take the time to read all the other replies so I'm sure all this has been said but.... I am just flabbergasted! I am a Christian, I believe in treating others as you want to be treated and as Jesus treats us... now, WITH THAT BEING SAID: while reading this i just kept waiting to hear what secret ingredient you were going to put in the cake batter! LOL! exlax? alum? garlic? I know, I am going to hell now, LOL, but holy mackrel... what a rude person!

Shoot, even Jesus had a sense of humor!!!


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Gingoodies Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 9:22pm
post #24 of 39

It is a sad commentary on the young people today.. These girls get caught up in wanting this elaborate affair. The dress.. the cake.. the venue... the hoopla!! They are totally oblivious to the true meaning of the day. It sounds to me like they did not get married in "their own" church because they did not want to pay the $500. I feel your SIL was trying to do her best to help her brother. You and your husband will find your own reward for your kindness to this couple. I can only hope they "GROW UP" sometime soon! icon_surprised.gificon_rolleyes.gif

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mkolmar Posted 5 Sep 2006 , 10:30pm
post #25 of 39

this story explains why she was having such a problem finding someone to marry them, no one wanted to! Your SIL should know what happened, this was just unexceptable. I just turned 19 when I married my DH 9 years ago and would never dream of doing something like this. You and your DH must be amazing people to put up with such horrid people.

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ShabbyChic_Confections Posted 6 Sep 2006 , 2:00am
post #26 of 39

At least is over now!

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knoxcop1 Posted 6 Sep 2006 , 11:15am
post #27 of 39

Ummm... icon_surprised.gifthumbsdown.gif

Yeah. My husband and I were married in the Bishop's apartment. He was very old, and ready to retire. His poor little wife was almost blind, and barely getting around. It was a Monday afternoon. We had never met them before that day. We could tell when we walked up to the set of apartments that they were far from being comfortable.

My Mother was our witness, and she gave me her wedding ring. After he went through a special prayer service, and very lengthy beautiful vows, we stood with them and talked (and listened) for about an hour. I absolutely have NEVER heard another set of vows like he gave us that day.

The year was 1986. My mother handed them a $100 bill, DH gave them another. I gave the Bishop's wife my three red roses that I'd bought earlier that morning at the local grocery floral dep't.

A week later, I mailed them a picture of all of us together, and a thank-you card. As I said earlier--it was not a "wedding" per se, or anything fancy. But they were gracious enough to have us in their home and marry us there.

If this bride had been blessed with any couth at all, she would have considered the clergy (your husband) part of the entire rehearsal, dinner, etc. She would have fallen all over herself thanking you and praising you for the beautiful cake.

Even if she wanted her wedding to be "intimate," (Gobs, I hate that expression!) the one sealing the vows is the most important one there!

She's just eat up with dumba$$, if you ask me.

I'm glad your cake went well, and hopefully by now you and husband have both somewhat recovered from the wrath of bridezilla!


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coolmom Posted 6 Sep 2006 , 1:15pm
post #28 of 39

After my own wedding, and now planning my sister's wedding, I can't believe that anyone could be that rude!!! Even people with no manners or etiquette at all usually pull out some sort of decorum when it comes to weddings. As far as I'm concerned, every person that has any hand in the wedding AT ALL should be included in the rehearsal dinner. This includes spouses. Also, if at all possible, out of town guests should be included in this dinner as well. The mere fact that she didn't even seem to care that she was being rude is what would make me mad. What is a rehearsal dinner for if it's not for the people who just rehearsed???? Well, with all that said, you handled yourself wonderfully in this situation. Hopefully she will think of you and your husband and your wonderful attitudes sometime down the road and learn something from you. (Here's hoping, right?)

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annlou Posted 6 Sep 2006 , 1:35pm
post #29 of 39

When my daughter got married we not only included the minister and his wife but also the church piano player and his wife in the rehersal dinner and the reception. Just remember the One who counts has seen your generousity and remembers and may use that to plant a seed.

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christeena Posted 6 Sep 2006 , 1:35pm
post #30 of 39

My step-daughter got married this past week-end! I spent weeks making hand-made invitations. NO THANKS from the girl. I made the wedding cake, which guests said was pretty and tasted awesome. NO THANKS from the girl. To his credit, the groom, told me the cake was exactly what they had envisioned and it tasted great. I guess that was his way of saying thanks. Are those two words so hard to say these days?? I just don't get it!
A little gratitude goes along way!

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